Badness
This saturday was supposed to the the first proper session of the counselling course at No.5. However I had to pull out last week. As a result I am very sad indeed. I was really looking forward to it, but I finally realised that I was fooling myself into thinking that I would be able to cope with it. It would have been a full day nearly every weekend until the end of the summer - and I realised that after a week at work my ME just wouldn't let me do that. Especially as there are written assignments that have to be done each week as well. I just kept hoping that I would be well enough to complete it, however over the past month I haven't been well at all. I was just so looking forward to the course as it signified a step in the direction of where I want to end up career wise, and was something really positive for me to be doing. In not doing it I feel like I have gone back a step or two.
But, on the positive side of it all, when I told Lorraine (the volunteer coordinator at No.5) that I wasn't going to do the course she was really keen that I stay volunteering with them anyway. She was all worried that I would leave them! It made me feel much better as I am wanted and needed by them. And I can do some information work for them instead, and maybe become an infor worker which involves less time consuming training.
And what was really nice was that Adam turned up in Reading on saturday so instead of moping around feeling sorry for myself I got to have fun watching playing random Star Trek bored games (which I won - mwahahaha), going for a loverly walk in the sunshine and then getting the added bonus of Annemarie and Bruce dropping by to say hello to Adam.
It just sucks that my ME has stopped me doing what I want to yet again. I want to be healthy, and to be able to work full time, and therefore earn a decent wage and get out of debt. I hate this feeling of going round and round in circles dictated by my illness. I want to do the counselling course now - not this time next year. Aaaaarrrrgggghhhh!
I am sorry for venting at you all again - I promise I will make some cheery entries in here soon. Amyxx
But, on the positive side of it all, when I told Lorraine (the volunteer coordinator at No.5) that I wasn't going to do the course she was really keen that I stay volunteering with them anyway. She was all worried that I would leave them! It made me feel much better as I am wanted and needed by them. And I can do some information work for them instead, and maybe become an infor worker which involves less time consuming training.
And what was really nice was that Adam turned up in Reading on saturday so instead of moping around feeling sorry for myself I got to have fun watching playing random Star Trek bored games (which I won - mwahahaha), going for a loverly walk in the sunshine and then getting the added bonus of Annemarie and Bruce dropping by to say hello to Adam.
It just sucks that my ME has stopped me doing what I want to yet again. I want to be healthy, and to be able to work full time, and therefore earn a decent wage and get out of debt. I hate this feeling of going round and round in circles dictated by my illness. I want to do the counselling course now - not this time next year. Aaaaarrrrgggghhhh!
I am sorry for venting at you all again - I promise I will make some cheery entries in here soon. Amyxx