(no subject)
Well, I'm in portland, still reeling from a cold/flu/period that only the devil himself could have created. but i'm 90% recovered, and looking forward to portland antics... and there lies the rub
I don't think I'll have anyone to have portland antics with. i mean, i'm 21, on the friendly side, generous with my alcohol, and I have nowhere to spend new year's. Now don't go spreading this around, but i've never even been to a single new year's eve party. not once. i thought this would be my year since there are so many lovely people in portland that i feel lucky to have as friends, but as of yet no invites. no calls. maybe that's what i get for using facebook so much.
i guess it's just par for the course, really.... i mean, you have an absolutely horrible life experience, you leave, you recover, you come back, and you're different. but more importantly, you're the only person it happened to. evereyone else's life just keeps going, friends get closer and get to know one another, and you're simply not there. I've been very very lonely, and I miss having friends.
i mean, the whole point of taking a break from sam and my family and everything over this winter vacation was to be able to find myself again now that i'm happy/centered, and connect with the people at school that I really care about. but i think maybe it's too late. the world keeps spinning around and sometimes people get left behind. it's my own fault, i haven't exactly been miss social this semester, and i know that. i've been spending too much time with sam and i know that too. but hey, he loves me, and when you're not feeling very confident about the rest of your life it's nice to have something to depend on. we're not perfect, but we know what's wrong and we work on it, and that's enough.
you know, that whole half a semester i was gone, i think i got two phone calls from school. maybe five facebook messages. i thought people were just busy, i cut em slack. and i had a lot of other problems to worry about. maybe i should have been the one trying to keep in touch. oh well, spilled milk.
sorry to bore all of you with that tirade, but it's been building up for awhile and i don't really have anyone to talk to right now. but i guess if you're in portland and you wanna do something, look me up! i'm obviously free :) love to all
I don't think I'll have anyone to have portland antics with. i mean, i'm 21, on the friendly side, generous with my alcohol, and I have nowhere to spend new year's. Now don't go spreading this around, but i've never even been to a single new year's eve party. not once. i thought this would be my year since there are so many lovely people in portland that i feel lucky to have as friends, but as of yet no invites. no calls. maybe that's what i get for using facebook so much.
i guess it's just par for the course, really.... i mean, you have an absolutely horrible life experience, you leave, you recover, you come back, and you're different. but more importantly, you're the only person it happened to. evereyone else's life just keeps going, friends get closer and get to know one another, and you're simply not there. I've been very very lonely, and I miss having friends.
i mean, the whole point of taking a break from sam and my family and everything over this winter vacation was to be able to find myself again now that i'm happy/centered, and connect with the people at school that I really care about. but i think maybe it's too late. the world keeps spinning around and sometimes people get left behind. it's my own fault, i haven't exactly been miss social this semester, and i know that. i've been spending too much time with sam and i know that too. but hey, he loves me, and when you're not feeling very confident about the rest of your life it's nice to have something to depend on. we're not perfect, but we know what's wrong and we work on it, and that's enough.
you know, that whole half a semester i was gone, i think i got two phone calls from school. maybe five facebook messages. i thought people were just busy, i cut em slack. and i had a lot of other problems to worry about. maybe i should have been the one trying to keep in touch. oh well, spilled milk.
sorry to bore all of you with that tirade, but it's been building up for awhile and i don't really have anyone to talk to right now. but i guess if you're in portland and you wanna do something, look me up! i'm obviously free :) love to all