I need to move out.
I am so tired of hearing about people getting married. I really am happy for my friends, but it is just surrounding me. I cringe every time I sign on Facebook and see that someone else I graduated with or went to high school with is now married or engaged. Maybe I am being a big baby, but I just feel like I am way behind everyone else. I don't even want to get married! It's just hard seeing how these other people are growing up and how I am still working at the shitty mall. I am not even in school and everyone I know has graduated or will be this year. I can't wait to get back in school.
Here's another confession...when I see someone from high school who I haven't seen in a while, I am almost embarrassed to tell them I have a baby. I am SO proud of Ethan, but if you knew me then or even when I got pregnant, you know I have never been THAT girl.
It goes like this..."Oh my god! I haven't seen you in forever! I'm engaged now! How have you been??"
"I'm good. I am not in school. I have a child out of wedlock. I have a shitty part time job. No, I'm not dating anyone. Yes, I still live at home. Of course, this isn't my wording, but this is what people pull out of the conversation.
"OOOOH...Well, is the father involved?" BY THE WAY...I fucking hate this question. I hate the wording. I hate the obvious intrusion into my personal business.
"He pays child support but he is a loser with no car so I have to drive up there weekly for Ethan to see him."
That's just a normal conversation for me...DAILY.
I guess I am just a little unhappy with where my life is right now. I am the only person who can change this and I know this. I guess that's why I am on the happy pills, so maybe I will get motivated to make a better life for Ethan and myself.
I have been questioning EVERYTHING lately. Sometimes I wonder if given the opportunity, if I would turn back time and do things differently. I love Ethan with all my heart so I don't want anyone to think this is all about him. I just wish I had been more prepared for him when he got here...more stable I guess. God, I am so disappointed with myself.
I will be 23 in less than 2 weeks. The only thing I have to show for it is my beautiful baby.
I need something unexpected and exciting to happen. I need to meet a boy. I need something to look forward to and be excited about...like a trip! I need a new job. I need to move out. I need to feel inspired again. I need my rash to go away. BLAH.
I had a blast last night. I went to dinner with Amanda for her birthday! It was so much fun!! Afterwards, Stacey and I went downtown to meet up with some people. We didn't stay long because I had to take Stacey by White Castle. She cracks me up. She later tried to eat a string on her shorts because she thought it was a french fry.
Well, I'm off to go pick up my bridesmaid dress for Emily's wedding. I think it's finally done being altered. I'm excited to see her all pretty in her dress today when she tries it on again. In a way, I'm ready to get this wedding over with. After June 23, I will have been in 3 weddings in a year span of time. AAAHH!
Ethan just pooped so I gotta go. I love you bye.
Here's another confession...when I see someone from high school who I haven't seen in a while, I am almost embarrassed to tell them I have a baby. I am SO proud of Ethan, but if you knew me then or even when I got pregnant, you know I have never been THAT girl.
It goes like this..."Oh my god! I haven't seen you in forever! I'm engaged now! How have you been??"
"I'm good. I am not in school. I have a child out of wedlock. I have a shitty part time job. No, I'm not dating anyone. Yes, I still live at home. Of course, this isn't my wording, but this is what people pull out of the conversation.
"OOOOH...Well, is the father involved?" BY THE WAY...I fucking hate this question. I hate the wording. I hate the obvious intrusion into my personal business.
"He pays child support but he is a loser with no car so I have to drive up there weekly for Ethan to see him."
That's just a normal conversation for me...DAILY.
I guess I am just a little unhappy with where my life is right now. I am the only person who can change this and I know this. I guess that's why I am on the happy pills, so maybe I will get motivated to make a better life for Ethan and myself.
I have been questioning EVERYTHING lately. Sometimes I wonder if given the opportunity, if I would turn back time and do things differently. I love Ethan with all my heart so I don't want anyone to think this is all about him. I just wish I had been more prepared for him when he got here...more stable I guess. God, I am so disappointed with myself.
I will be 23 in less than 2 weeks. The only thing I have to show for it is my beautiful baby.
I need something unexpected and exciting to happen. I need to meet a boy. I need something to look forward to and be excited about...like a trip! I need a new job. I need to move out. I need to feel inspired again. I need my rash to go away. BLAH.
I had a blast last night. I went to dinner with Amanda for her birthday! It was so much fun!! Afterwards, Stacey and I went downtown to meet up with some people. We didn't stay long because I had to take Stacey by White Castle. She cracks me up. She later tried to eat a string on her shorts because she thought it was a french fry.
Well, I'm off to go pick up my bridesmaid dress for Emily's wedding. I think it's finally done being altered. I'm excited to see her all pretty in her dress today when she tries it on again. In a way, I'm ready to get this wedding over with. After June 23, I will have been in 3 weddings in a year span of time. AAAHH!
Ethan just pooped so I gotta go. I love you bye.