Different Kinds of Tears
Gosh, I am so bitchy. And weepy. And restless.
Today is the 1 week anniversary of Puggie going to Rainbow Bridge. I visited his grave and I was kind of at a loss for words. I talk to him of course which I found out I'm NOT crazy b/c EVERYONE I've talked to that's lost a baby talked to their's for a long time.
Tomorrow I have 2 family's showing up for kitty adoption. Since my printer isn't working, well, not hooked up, I can't print out another adoption contract. But Grandma is getting on me saying, "Just give them to them and never take them back. Don't tell them what to do and for God's sakes, don't tell them you'll take them back." Well, I WILL take them back if it comes down to a PTS or shelter situation. EVERYONE knows that.
Fucking shit man!!!!!!!!!!! NO ONE understands me.
Joe has taken on this "father" like approach and it ALL STARTED when he took my money and paid the electric bill off instead of spreading out what money we had over ALL the bills. And then complained when the cable got shut off.
Yeah, now my bills are thankfully to a zero balance (minus the phone which was shut off for 6 hours for being 14 hours late in payment -whuevah, and then turned back on immediately after my bitching) but that does NOT mean he can tell me NOT to handle MY kittens, tell me what I can and can not say to anyone and especially tell me what I can and can not DO.
We got in a 'fuck you' match today. Verbatum, this is how it went:
JOE: STOP HANDLING THE BABIES!
AMY: I'm not handling them even HALF as much as I did the other babies.
JOE: Well, quit it! You don't listen you fuckin moron.
AMY: Please do not resort to name calling.
JOE: (trots off to bed)
AMY: Joe, please do not call me names. I am not a moron. You tell me I'm not and then you call me one.
JOE: Quit acting like a bitch and I won't call you one.
AMY: Fuck you.
JOE: FUCK YOU!
AMY: Are you having anxiety?
JOE: Maybe.
AMY: If you're having anxiety, you can talk to me. You know I understand. There's no reason to get angry and start your name calling. I'm here if you need me, it's just anxiety and it will be ok.
And that was that.
I feel explosive inside and week physically and as though I can't communicate how explosive I feel.
Honestly, I don't like back to back's and that's what's going on tomorrow with the kitties. I'm weird about having people in my house that I don't know; mainly the 2nd set of people. The 1st set I feel fine with. Time restraints are NOT me.
And with Joe on my @ss, I don't need him telling me what I can and can not say.
So yeah, Abby was right in a sense that he doesn't let me have my own opinion SOMETIMES. There, I ate my humble pie. And it hurts my teeth.
I have a feeling she's sick. Ever since the divorce she's been so sickly and gets ill so easily. She's gotten this thing about her weight and I told her when she was in the 9th or 10th grade, "Look girl, you're a Scorpio. You have sex appeal and that's all you need babe."
What I don't like is how she was told about me. The cover ups. I didn't screw it up, she found a reason to push me away as she does everyone. She thinks I'm odd and has no empathy. I know that I'm weird, that's what I'm known for and everyone else accepts me as I am. It just is disheartening that my sister can't accept me.
So I retaliated in the way I know how and got her to say what she really thought of me, thus me pushing HER away.
But anyway, fuck it.
Today is the 1 week anniversary of Puggie going to Rainbow Bridge. I visited his grave and I was kind of at a loss for words. I talk to him of course which I found out I'm NOT crazy b/c EVERYONE I've talked to that's lost a baby talked to their's for a long time.
Tomorrow I have 2 family's showing up for kitty adoption. Since my printer isn't working, well, not hooked up, I can't print out another adoption contract. But Grandma is getting on me saying, "Just give them to them and never take them back. Don't tell them what to do and for God's sakes, don't tell them you'll take them back." Well, I WILL take them back if it comes down to a PTS or shelter situation. EVERYONE knows that.
Fucking shit man!!!!!!!!!!! NO ONE understands me.
Joe has taken on this "father" like approach and it ALL STARTED when he took my money and paid the electric bill off instead of spreading out what money we had over ALL the bills. And then complained when the cable got shut off.
Yeah, now my bills are thankfully to a zero balance (minus the phone which was shut off for 6 hours for being 14 hours late in payment -whuevah, and then turned back on immediately after my bitching) but that does NOT mean he can tell me NOT to handle MY kittens, tell me what I can and can not say to anyone and especially tell me what I can and can not DO.
We got in a 'fuck you' match today. Verbatum, this is how it went:
JOE: STOP HANDLING THE BABIES!
AMY: I'm not handling them even HALF as much as I did the other babies.
JOE: Well, quit it! You don't listen you fuckin moron.
AMY: Please do not resort to name calling.
JOE: (trots off to bed)
AMY: Joe, please do not call me names. I am not a moron. You tell me I'm not and then you call me one.
JOE: Quit acting like a bitch and I won't call you one.
AMY: Fuck you.
JOE: FUCK YOU!
AMY: Are you having anxiety?
JOE: Maybe.
AMY: If you're having anxiety, you can talk to me. You know I understand. There's no reason to get angry and start your name calling. I'm here if you need me, it's just anxiety and it will be ok.
And that was that.
I feel explosive inside and week physically and as though I can't communicate how explosive I feel.
Honestly, I don't like back to back's and that's what's going on tomorrow with the kitties. I'm weird about having people in my house that I don't know; mainly the 2nd set of people. The 1st set I feel fine with. Time restraints are NOT me.
And with Joe on my @ss, I don't need him telling me what I can and can not say.
So yeah, Abby was right in a sense that he doesn't let me have my own opinion SOMETIMES. There, I ate my humble pie. And it hurts my teeth.
I have a feeling she's sick. Ever since the divorce she's been so sickly and gets ill so easily. She's gotten this thing about her weight and I told her when she was in the 9th or 10th grade, "Look girl, you're a Scorpio. You have sex appeal and that's all you need babe."
What I don't like is how she was told about me. The cover ups. I didn't screw it up, she found a reason to push me away as she does everyone. She thinks I'm odd and has no empathy. I know that I'm weird, that's what I'm known for and everyone else accepts me as I am. It just is disheartening that my sister can't accept me.
So I retaliated in the way I know how and got her to say what she really thought of me, thus me pushing HER away.
But anyway, fuck it.