learning to be happy
for the first time in my life it all makes sense. chris said something today that like clicked to me. she told me that i want someone to be my everything... and she's right. I want someone that i can give the world to and that can give the world back to me, in equal perfect harmony. I also realized that she isn't that person, she can't be and i don't really want her to be. i guess i never really thought of it like that, but it's true. I was so fixed on trying to change myself so we could work that i completely missed the point. Its not about changing myself to fix us, its about changing the way i behave so that i can finally be happy. And i still want to be in a relationship but i need to wait till i find someone that works the same way that i do. Everything happens for a reason. Everyone meets someone for a reason. I was wrong about why she entered my life the way she did. I'm a firm believer in everyone entering your life has a purpose. but i get it now. she's here to teach me that i need to be happy with myself before i can be happy with another person. She's here to show me that i NEED to change before i do something to really fuck up my life. I thought she was here to make me happy and to help me change but it's not about that. I need to learn how to make myself happy, which is the whole point. so i'm gonna start with a list...
THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
-playing guitar and learning new songs
-going to white parties with camp friends... haha like old times on shabbat plus free champane and minus the campers
-my new bamboo plant that i named Charolette
-not having to straighten my hair anymore haha... i did kinda miss my jew hair
-new episodes of degrassi on the N
-my new belt... it's an irish thing ;-) (for all u milldale ppl)
-MOVING OUT OF MY PARENTS HOUSE! into a neiborhood surrounded by old friends and new friends... (i do miss hanging out with my d.c.'s haha, we have so much time to frolick through the streets of century!)
-NO MORE MILDALE! i repeat NO. MORE. MILLDALE... sorry, but it was a rough end of the summer lol
-my lime green croc's
-KNOWING THAT I FINALLY HAVE SOME REALISTIC DIRECTION IN MY LIFE... aka knowing finally what i wanna do when i grow up and it doesn't involve being in school the rest of my life :-)
-being outside in nature
-the color green
-singing in harmony with dinah (and sara)
-making crafts
-getting homemade presents
-making someone's day
-making kids smile
-folk dancing
-blasting music really loud in my car
-blasting music really loud in my car and singing at the top of my lungs with my friends
-casey
-disney movies
-dinah, ben and chris
-spooning
-getting high
-reminising with out friends
-having a good cry and getting everything out
-going on adventures
-climbing things lol (trees, mountians...)
-playing lacrosse, which i relaly really miss
-getting comments and messages on myspace hahaha wow it's SO addicting
ill add to the list later, but for now i need to go shower so i can be clean... last night we all thought it would be a good idea to rub wax all over our skin so we wouldn't get bug bites and this one girl ally had it all over her fingers and rubbed it on my arm and we got into this huge wax fight and i stink and im so waxey still and gross haha. PLUS it didn't even work and i have a million bug bites...
last six feet under tonight... im excited... yet sad that i got into the show so late
THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
-playing guitar and learning new songs
-going to white parties with camp friends... haha like old times on shabbat plus free champane and minus the campers
-my new bamboo plant that i named Charolette
-not having to straighten my hair anymore haha... i did kinda miss my jew hair
-new episodes of degrassi on the N
-my new belt... it's an irish thing ;-) (for all u milldale ppl)
-MOVING OUT OF MY PARENTS HOUSE! into a neiborhood surrounded by old friends and new friends... (i do miss hanging out with my d.c.'s haha, we have so much time to frolick through the streets of century!)
-NO MORE MILDALE! i repeat NO. MORE. MILLDALE... sorry, but it was a rough end of the summer lol
-my lime green croc's
-KNOWING THAT I FINALLY HAVE SOME REALISTIC DIRECTION IN MY LIFE... aka knowing finally what i wanna do when i grow up and it doesn't involve being in school the rest of my life :-)
-being outside in nature
-the color green
-singing in harmony with dinah (and sara)
-making crafts
-getting homemade presents
-making someone's day
-making kids smile
-folk dancing
-blasting music really loud in my car
-blasting music really loud in my car and singing at the top of my lungs with my friends
-casey
-disney movies
-dinah, ben and chris
-spooning
-getting high
-reminising with out friends
-having a good cry and getting everything out
-going on adventures
-climbing things lol (trees, mountians...)
-playing lacrosse, which i relaly really miss
-getting comments and messages on myspace hahaha wow it's SO addicting
ill add to the list later, but for now i need to go shower so i can be clean... last night we all thought it would be a good idea to rub wax all over our skin so we wouldn't get bug bites and this one girl ally had it all over her fingers and rubbed it on my arm and we got into this huge wax fight and i stink and im so waxey still and gross haha. PLUS it didn't even work and i have a million bug bites...
last six feet under tonight... im excited... yet sad that i got into the show so late