What’s Love Got to Do With It? - (J2, R)
amypond45
Title: What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Author: amypond45
Rating: R
Pairing: eventual J2, temporary Jensen/Matt, temporary Jared/JDM, Jared/Genevieve (in the past), Jared/Sandy (in the past), various men/Jensen (in the past)
Tags/Warnings: Jared and Jensen date other people, jealousy, no infidelity
Summary: Jared and Jensen have been friends and roommates for years. But when Jensen moves to another city, Jared misses his best friend too much. But moving in with him in Austin is just the beginning of a discovery process that might lead to a shift in their relationship that neither one saw coming.
Read It On A03 or Below the Cut
A/N: Written as a Christmas thank-you gift for my long-time beta jdl71 from her prompt: Jared and Jensen have been friends and roommates for years. But it isn’t until one of them dates another guy that jealousy leads to a revelation about their true feelings for each other.
//**//**//
JENSEN:
Jensen’s got a crush on his best friend.
That’s all it is, he tells himself. It’s no big deal. Doesn’t interfere with their friendship in the least. Besides. Jared’s straight. He likes small, curvy brunettes. Jensen had watched him date Sandy, then move through a series of girls before finding Genevieve. When that ended, Jensen never doubted that there’d be another girl, at some point.
Offering his place for Jared to crash was supposed to be temporary. Jared was new in Austin and looking for an apartment. Jensen offered to let him stay until he found one.
That was six months ago.
//**//**//
Jared and Jensen had been friends for years, of course, and even roommates right after Jared graduated from University of Texas, Dallas. Jensen rented a house with three other guys back then while he finished his graduate degree in physical therapy. Taking in one more was super easy, and Jared spent the summer of 2004 sleeping on a cot in the dining room. At the end of the summer, Jared landed his first job at a prestigious engineering firm and moved in with Sandy.
Jensen tried not to miss having him around all the time, but it wasn’t easy. The two friends still hung out whenever their schedules allowed, usually at the Johnson House, so named after the man whose name was left on the mailbox when they moved in. More often than not, Jensen’s roommates Chad, Christian, and Steve would join them. They played video games, guitars, watched football and basketball games, threw a football around in the backyard, played basketball in the driveway.
When Jared broke up with Sandy, it seemed natural for him to move back into the Johnson house. Jared brought a series of girls home to hang out with the housemates, but it wasn’t until he brought Genevieve Cortese home that Jensen could see something serious in Jared’s future. Jared and Genevieve were all over each other, talked only to each other when the other guys weren’t around, and couldn’t be separated when they were.
Jensen did his best to ignore the little voice of jealousy in his head, the little prickling knot of resentment in his chest at the way Genevieve dominated Jared’s attention. But he could feel his face frowning involuntarily. Sometimes he had to leave the room, just to catch his breath and control his emotions.
Jensen was almost relieved when he was offered a job at a clinic in Austin, even before he finished his degree. He made all of his roommates promise to visit often, used a realtor to find an apartment near the clinic, and headed out for his new career the day after graduation in the spring of 2005.
Within a few months, Jensen was so lonely he almost gave up. Moving back to Dallas wouldn’t be admitting defeat, he told himself. After all, he’d given it a year back when he graduated high school and left for Hollywood. He’d promised himself (and his parents) that if nothing good happened in a year, he’d come back to Dallas and go to college. UT Dallas had agreed to defer his admission, so he didn’t even need to reapply.
Striking out on his own again, this time for the great job offer in Austin, had been different. This time, instead of moving and then finding a job, he got the job before moving. It was a great job, good pay, opportunities to move up, and a beautiful apartment with a view and three bedrooms. He liked his co-workers, liked his apartment.
But he missed his friends and family. Sure, he was busy and successful at his chosen career, but the loneliness was excruciating. He began to put feelers out to clinics in Dallas, eager to move back home, hoping to find a job closer to the people who meant the most to him. He forced himself to believe that Jared was only one of the people he missed, but he knew he was kidding himself.
Then Jared called. He’d just broken up with Genevieve and had a job offer in Austin if he could start Monday. Could he move in with Jensen temporarily?
In mid-January 2006, Jared moved in.
//**//**//
At first, having Jared all to himself seemed almost too good to be true. Jensen kept expecting the other shoe to drop. He kept expecting to come home and find that Jared had moved out or had a new girlfriend.
But as the months go by without either of those things happening, Jensen begins to relax and enjoy himself. The two friends hit it off, just as they did for all those years in Dallas, only now it’s just the two of them. Within the first month they fall into a comfortable routine, hanging out together after work just like they did in the old days at the Johnson House, doing all the things they did there. But now it’s just them, every night, every weekend. They never get tired of each other’s company, spend every waking hour when they’re not working with each other. They walk in synch and finish each other’s sentences. Their personalities perfectly complement each other: Jared’s an out-going extrovert, while Jensen’s a more reserved introvert. They fit perfectly into each other’s lives, like puzzle pieces. At work, Jensen thinks about Jared all day, talks about him with his coworkers until one day it occurs to him that they must think Jared’s more than just a roommate.
Which is when Jensen starts to worry. By that time they’ve been living together for six months, it’s summer in Austin so they spend all their free time on the water or inside where it’s air-conditioned, and Jensen’s crush on Jared is beginning to bother him. What if his feelings for Jared drive Jared away? He’s done a pretty good job of hiding his true feelings so far, but what if he messes up? What if they start drinking one night and something happens? Jensen would never do anything to ruin their friendship. It’s too important to him.
But what if he does something stupid?
Maybe he’s too obsessed with Jared. Maybe he enjoys spending time with him a little too much. Jensen understands that he’s basically pining for the kid, but his self-doubt makes him start to think that nothing good could come of it. He’s bound to screw up, and then Jared will find out and leave him.
Jensen decides that he needs to ease up, stop spending every free moment alone with Jared. He needs to find an outlet for some of his excess affection so he doesn’t keep piling it all on Jared. He needs to spend time with other people.
He needs to get laid.
Jensen’s openly gay but has never found the right guy for anything long-term. He keeps his love life under wraps, for the most part, only going in for random hook-ups and one-night stands. In the past, he told himself he didn’t need the complication of a love-affair. His career and school kept him busy, and he had his friends for a social life. He was fine being alone.
Now that Jared’s living with him, he refrains from going out to bars just because he’d rather spend time with Jared. Jared fulfills all of Jensen’s emotional needs.
But six months into their arrangement, Jensen thinks maybe he needs to find somebody to take his mind off Jared, to ease his laser focus on the younger man at the very least. Besides. A man has sexual needs. It’s stupid for Jensen to withdraw completely from dating just because he’s afraid of his feelings for his roommate.
One day, at the gym he goes to regularly after work, he meets attractive, outgoing Matt Cohen, who asks him out on the spot. The guy’s timing couldn’t be better, since Jensen’s in the middle of another one of his self-doubting quandaries about his feelings for Jared, so he accepts.
“Just let me call my roommate to let him know,” he tells Matt after he’s showered and changed.
“No problem,” Jared assures him on the phone, after a surprised pause that almost sounds like disappointment. “I’ll just order a pizza.”
“I might not be home tonight,” Jensen tells him.
“Okay.” Jared definitely sounds disappointed, although he masks it by being his usual sunny self. Jensen knows him, knows all his tricks and moods. He can tell that Jared will miss seeing him tonight.
That alone should be enough to convince Jensen he’s doing the right thing, going out to dinner with Matt, dancing with him, then going home with him to his apartment. They have vigorous, athletic sex, and it’s almost good, except for the fact that Jensen can’t stop thinking about Jared, wondering how it would feel if it were Jared’s big hands on him, Jared’s sweet little mouth kissing him, Jared’s huge cock filling him up more completely than he’s ever been filled before.
When he gets home the next morning, Jared’s recovered from his disappointment but can’t contain his curiosity.
“What’s he like? Can I meet him? You want to bring him over for dinner tonight? I can cook for all of us. We can watch the game together.”
Jensen chuckles, shaking his head as he pours himself a cup of coffee from the pot Jared made.
“We’re just getting to know each other,” he says. “I’m not ready to have him over yet.”
But within the month, he brings Matt home to meet the roommate. Jensen can read the confusion on Jared’s face as he shakes Matt’s hand. Matt isn’t what Jared expected, apparently.
They’ve already had dinner, and Matt doesn’t like baseball, so Jensen and Matt retire to Jensen’s bedroom. The sex is getting better. Jensen almost doesn’t think about Jared when they’re fucking.
Almost.
//**//**//
JARED:
It’s been three weeks.
Three weeks of Jensen going out every weekend with Matt, or Matt coming over late in the evening on a Friday or Saturday, looking for one thing. From Jensen. Having loud, wall-banging sex in Jensen’s bedroom.
Three weeks of Matt leaving in the morning, before breakfast.
Three weeks of Jensen coming into the kitchen after Matt leaves, looking sad.
Finally, Jared confronts Matt on his way out one morning. He has to. It’s driving him crazy not to say anything.
“What the hell’s wrong with you?” Jared knows he’s being an ass, but he can’t help himself. “Can’t you see how unhappy you make him?”
Matt’s vacuous blue eyes widen. “What are you talking about? We’re great together. Right, Jenny?”
He slings an arm around Jensen’s neck, pulling him close. Jensen flinches, but Matt doesn’t notice.
“He hates being called ‘Jenny’,” Jared growls, low and protective. “If you took the time to get to know him better, you’d know that.”
“Hey, the sex is great,” Matt insists, slapping Jensen on the butt. “Right, babe?”
He gives Jensen a quick peck on the cheek as Jared seethes, not even daring to speak. He’s too angry.
“Anyway, gotta go,” Matt chirps cheerfully. “See you tonight.”
It’s Saturday, so Jensen isn’t working. Matt works as a trainer at the gym, which is where they met. Jensen and Matt have been getting together on Friday and Saturday nights, like clockwork. Jared can hear what they’re up to in the bedroom. They’re energetic and athletic about it.
But Jensen isn’t happy. Jared can tell.
When Jensen heads into the kitchen for coffee, Jared follows.
“I don’t know why you put up with that idiot,” Jared says.
Jensen shrugs. “Like he said. The sex is great.”
“Sex isn’t everything,” Jared counters, accepting the cup of coffee that Jensen pours before he pours his own.
“True,” Jensen agrees. “But it’s enough, for now.”
Jared huffs out a breath. “Why do I not believe you?”
Jensen takes a sip of his coffee and shrugs. “I don’t know. Why don’t you believe me?”
“Because you seem so unhappy when he’s here,” Jared accuses. “You seemed super uncomfortable just now. In fact, every time he’s here you seem uncomfortable. And he’s just totally clueless!”
Jensen breaks eggs into the pan, shakes his head as he starts scrambling them.
“You’re delusional,” he mutters.
Jared puts two slices of whole wheat bread in the toaster. “I don’t think so.”
Jensen grins, clearly pleased with himself, which makes Jared shake his head again as he opens the refrigerator to retrieve orange juice and cheddar cheese.
“Anyway, it doesn’t matter,” Jensen insists as Jared grates cheese, shoulders up next to Jensen so he can sprinkle the shredded cheese over the nearly cooked eggs. “Matt and me are just convenient, that’s all. We can call it off whenever. No big deal.”
The toaster pops and Jared grabs the hot toast. He spreads each slice with a thin coating of not-butter from a yellow tub as Jensen retrieves two plates from the cupboard and scoops the cheesy eggs onto the plates.
“Well, I don’t like it,” Jared mutters as he adds the buttered toast to the plates.
They move seamlessly around each other to the kitchen table, balancing plates, utensils, coffee and juice. It’s so easy and practiced, they barely notice. Jared feels more comfortable with Jensen than he’s ever felt with anybody, has done since the first day they met, working together as volunteers at the local food pantry at the college in Dallas where Jensen was a senior and Jared was a freshman.
Moving in together had been a no-brainer. Living with his best friend was easy, comfortable, normal.
Now, watching Jensen chow down on his eggs and toast, Jared wonders for the first time if maybe moving in together had been a mistake. Maybe they’ve become too close. Too exclusive. Maybe Jared’s interest in and concern for Jensen is becoming a problem.
Jensen notices the look of doubt on Jared’s face and stops eating.
“What?”
Jared looks down at his plate, struggling to hide the flush of embarrassment he knows Jensen can see.
“Nothing,” he mutters, angry at himself for letting his feelings for Jensen get in the way of their friendship in any way.
He needs to stop being so invested in his best friend’s love life.
He needs to get laid.
//**//**
Once he makes the decision, it’s easier than Jared would’ve thought possible. Instead of staying home on Friday night, listening to Jensen and Matt fucking each other’s brains out, Jared goes out to the closest gay bar, where he gets hit on almost as soon as he walks through the door.
Jeffrey Dean Morgan is tall, dimpled, and older than anyone Jared’s ever been with before.
They take to each other immediately.
“My God, you’re big,” Jeff crows.
They go to Jeff’s place, and Jeff sucks him off before spreading him open and fucking him, slow and steady. Jared’s never been fucked so thoroughly. He usually prefers to top, usually likes it rough. But Jeff really knows what he’s doing and Jared learns a few things.
When Jared gets home the next morning, Matt’s already gone, and Jensen’s in the kitchen.
“Where were you last night?”
Jared shrugs. “Out.”
He pulls a container of yogurt from the refrigerator, pours himself a cup of coffee. He glances at Jensen’s empty plate of eggs and toast as he sits down opposite at the kitchen table with his yogurt and coffee.
“Yeah, I noticed,” Jensen says, huffing out a chuckle as he blinks at Jared. He sounds nervous.
“It’s probably nothing,” Jared confides. “I met a guy. We went back to his place. Maybe it’ll be something.”
Jensen coughs. “A guy?” He sputters. “I thought you. I mean, I thought.”
Jared looks up, surprised. He’s never made a secret of his sexual identity. It hadn’t occurred to him that Jensen thought he was straight.
But now that he thinks about it, Jensen’s only ever seen Jared with women, and the topic just never came up, so.
“I’m bi,” he says, not that it isn’t obvious now. “Sorry if I led you to believe otherwise.”
Jensen’s stares for a moment, big green eyes wide. Then he shakes his head as if to clear it and ducks his chin down as he takes a sip of his coffee
“No, no, that’s fine,” he insists. “Doesn’t matter.”
Jared frowns, perplexed. Jensen’s gay. He can’t possibly object to Jared being interested in guys. So why does he seem so perturbed all of a sudden? Why the reddened cheeks and refusal to look Jared in the eye?
//**//**
JENSEN
So Jared’s into guys.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that, right? It doesn’t mean Jared could ever. I mean, there’s no way Jared might.
Stop.
Jared’s his friend. His best friend. His roommate. The guy Jensen’s had a secret crush on since the day they met. The guy Jensen pines for, whether he would ever admit that or not, even to himself, out loud.
This doesn’t change that. Does it? Of course not. Even though he’s bi and he knows Jensen’s gay, Jared’s obviously not into him like that. Jared thinks of Jensen as his friend, maybe even his best friend, although Jared has a lot of friends, so Jensen would never presume. But they’re roommates because they get along so well, and Jensen would never do anything to threaten that relationship.
Finding out that Jared’s bi doesn’t change a thing.
But it does make Jensen question his own perceptions. When they first met in college, Jared was dating a girl, so Jensen assumed he was straight. When Jared graduated college and moved into the Johnson House, he was between girlfriends, but then he started dating Sandy, moved in with her. They became briefly engaged just before they broke up and Jared moved back into the Johnson House. Jensen watched Jared date a lot of girls before he got together with Genevieve, and Jensen figured that was it. At that point, he fully expected to be asked to be Jared’s best man when he tied the knot with Genevieve. They seemed like such a sure thing. He was genuinely surprised when Jared called to let him know they had broken up and he was moving to Austin.
When Jensen offered to let Jared move into his place, Jensen assumed it would be a temporary thing, until Jared got back on his feet with another girl. When that didn’t happen after a few months went by, Jensen still assumed it would happen one day. Jensen himself needed to stop pining for something he couldn’t have.
Matt Cohen was supposed to help with that. He was supposed to take Jensen’s mind off Jared, distract him so he wouldn’t think about Jared in that way.
And at first, it worked. His relationship with Matt was predictable, with no strings attached. Jensen liked the routine, liked Matt not wanting more than sex out of their time together. Overall, Jensen appreciated Matt because their relationship was uncomplicated.
Unfortunately, after a couple of weeks, his time with Matt began to have the exact opposite effect on Jensen’s feelings for Jared from what he had hoped. Instead of thinking less about Jared, Jensen discovered that his relationship with Matt cast a stronger spotlight on the ways he loved Jared more. In fact, despite the fact that he could never have the kind of relationship he wanted with Jared, Jensen couldn’t deny the fact that he loved him. Jared was sensitive and kind-hearted in a way Matt could never be because he was simply too shallow. Jared was smart and interesting, funny and fun-loving, while Matt was a slug and boring as hell.
In fact, being with Matt made Jensen face the fact that Jared was everything he could ever hope for in a relationship, minus the sex.
Now, a month into his relationship with Matt, Jensen faces the undeniable fact that he’s more in love with Jared than ever. But just because Jared’s bi doesn’t mean he looks at Jensen in that way. As far as Jensen can tell, Jared sees him as a good friend, nothing more, just like he always did, back when Jensen thought he was straight.
“So, why don’t you ask him over?” Jensen finds himself saying out loud.
“Huh?” Jared looks up from his yogurt, wide-eyed and clueless.
“Your guy,” Jensen clarifies. “The dude from the bar.”
Jared huffs out an amused laugh. “We barely know each other,” he protests. “I’m not sure he even wants to see me again.”
Something about the blush that creeps across Jared’s sharp cheekbones makes Jensen doubt that. He’s not ready for the hot rush of jealousy that follows.
“Well, when you’re ready, I’d like to meet him,” Jensen says, trying not to grit his teeth and failing. His jaw aches. He can feel Jared looking at him, reading his expression with something like surprise.
“Hey, hey, it’s no big deal,” Jared assures him. “Really. I mean, I guess it’s fine if you want to meet him, but I don’t even know if I’m going to see him again, so. Seriously. It’s not a big deal.”
Jensen puts his hands up for Jared to stop. He tries not to growl protectively.
“I hear you. I’m just saying, if you see him again, I’d like to meet him.”
Jared stares at him for a moment, considering, but when Jensen raises his eyebrows, Jared’s face collapses into a dimpled grin. Maybe the blush on his cheeks and nose gets a little darker.
“Okay, sure.”
That went well, Jensen thinks.
//**//**//
JARED:
Later that week, when Jared introduces Jensen to Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Jensen looks like he’s going to be sick. His face pales so that his freckles stand out starkly across his nose, and his eyes get wide and frightened.
His hand shakes when he sticks it out to shake Jeff’s hand.
“Nice to meet you,” he says as Jeff takes his hand. “Excuse me.”
Jensen bolts out of the apartment’s entryway, down the hall to the bathroom, where he shuts the door so firmly it’s almost a slam.
“Huh.” Jeff comments as Jared shakes his head.
“I’m sorry, man,” he says. “He’s usually not like that. I mean, he’s shy with new people, but not that shy. Usually.”
In the car on the way to dinner, Jeff says, “Good-looking guy. Have you two ever -- “
“Oh God, no,” Jared says, shaking his head vigorously. “I’m not his type. We’re just good friends. Best friends, really. He’s a great guy.”
“Hmmm,” Jeff hums. “Something tells me you wish it was more than that.”
Jared’s shocked. He’s never thought about Jensen that way, at least not since he first decided he wasn’t Jensen’s type. Of course Jensen’s gorgeous. Anybody and everybody can see that. But most people don’t get to see what a good friend he is, too. Most people don’t know how funny and smart and loyal he is, how sensitive and kind. Jared isn’t merely attracted to Jensen, although he’d be blind not to be. He genuinely loves the guy.
Jared shakes his head. “I don’t, not really,” he says. “I mean, I wouldn’t refuse, if he ever showed any interest, but he never has, and I’m incredibly grateful for his friendship. He’s really special.”
“Well, I might be seeing things, but I think his reaction to me tonight might’ve had something to do with how he feels about you,” Jeff says.
“What are you talking about? He doesn’t have any feelings for me,” Jared insists. “Other than friendly, protective feelings, maybe.”
Jeff tilts his head skeptically, but says nothing.
//**//**//
They end the evening back at Jeff’s place, so Jared doesn’t get a chance to ask Jensen what’s wrong until the next morning, after Jeff serves him a delicious breakfast and he’s back at the apartment he shares with Jensen.
Jensen shakes his head, staring persistently at his newspaper as he sips his morning coffee.
“Something I ate,” he mumbles.
Jared frowns but decides to leave it. He can tell Jensen doesn’t want to talk about it, and he’s a good friend, so he drops it.
“You know, Jeff’s a pretty good guy,” Jared comments as he pours himself a cup of coffee. “You’d like him, if you got to know him.”
“Huh.” Jensen keeps his eyes on his paper.
“Yeah. I was thinking maybe we could ask him over? Like on Sunday afternoon? Beer and pizza? He loves the Cowboys.” He takes a sip of his coffee. “What do you think?”
Jensen glances up, then keeps his eyes on his paper as he speaks.
“Do I have to listen to you two having sex?”
“What? No!” Jared’s taken aback. “We keep it at his place, since he doesn’t have a roommate. Unlike you and Matt.”
He adds that last part because he’s feeling indignant at Jensen’s assumption. Jared really is more considerate than that.
Jensen stares at his paper another long moment, but Jared can tell he’s not actually reading it. Jared waits, watching Jensen’s jaw clench, watching him fold the paper and look up, narrowing his eyes.
“Okay,” he agrees with a nod. “Sunday afternoon. Just the three of us.”
//**//**//
Sunday afternoon is definitely a little weird. Jeff is loud and friendly, as usual. Jensen is quiet and reserved, which is also usual, but Jared can’t help trying to overanalyze it. Jensen sits in the arm chair, leaving the couch for Jeff and Jared, which is fine except there’s plenty of room for all three of them on the couch. Jared feels Jensen’s eyes on him, on them, several times during the afternoon, although every time he looks up Jensen looks away quickly so there’s no way to call him on it without calling attention to Jensen being weird.
Is it the whole public display of affection thing? Jared wonders. Although he and Jeff aren’t being openly affectionate with each other. They’re just being two guys watching a game. Cheers, fist-bumps, even a chest-bump or two do not constitute obvious PDA.
Besides, now that Jared thinks about it, he was much more affectionate publicly with Genevieve back at the Johnson House.
Come to think of it, Jensen did leave the room a few times back then, when Jared was being a little too intimate with Genevieve in front of everybody.
So PDA makes Jensen uncomfortable, that’s all. Noted. Well, at least he’s not leaving the room this time. At least Jared and Jeff don’t act the way Jared and Genevieve did towards each other.
Jeff’s just a regular guy who enjoys doing regular guy stuff. He keeps the intimacy in the bedroom, and Jared’s fine with that.
It’s pretty obvious when they leave together that they’re headed to Jeff’s place for a night of sex, leaving Jensen to himself. Of course, Jensen’s already had plenty of sexy times with Matt on his regular Friday and Saturday nights this particular weekend, so Jared doesn’t exactly feel sorry for him.
Nevertheless, he can’t miss the way Jensen bites his bottom lip as they get up to leave. He can’t help noticing Jensen’s frown, the way his dimples pop at the corners of his mouth in that way that make him look profoundly disapproving.
“He’s in love with you,” Jeff says confidently after a healthy round of sex later that night, when they’re lying together in bed, sated and relaxed. “Anybody with half a brain can see it.”
“No way,” Jared insists, as horrified as he was the first time Jeff mentioned this. “We’re best buddies. Six years now.”
“Pretty sure that ship has sailed,” Jeff says with a laugh. “Whatever’s going on between you two, it ain’t friendship.”
Jared bristles. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Jensen’s my friend. My best friend. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him.”
“Except admit how you really feel about him.” Jeff smirks.
“He doesn’t need to know that.” Jared flushes.
“Pretty sure he does,” Jeff counters. “Pretty sure that’s the source of his misery, since you obviously can’t see it. He’s doing his best to carry on without you.”
“Without me?” Jared’s flummoxed. “He has me. Always will.”
Jeff shakes his head. “Not the way he wants.”
Jared huffs out a disbelieving laugh.
“There’s just no way,” he insists, shaking his head. “We’ve been friends for years. I would’ve known if he felt that way.”
Jeff props himself up on one elbow, looks down into Jared’s face, amused and fond.
“You might think you know him, kid, but I could see what was happening this afternoon, and I’m telling you, he’s in love with you. You two could be together, if you’d just tell him how you feel.” He shakes his head. “Believe me, I’ve seen this before. You get to be my age, you’ve seen it all.”
Jared shifts uncomfortably, a terrible thought making its way to the front of his brain.
“I’m not trying to use you to get to Jensen,” he insists. “Really, I’m not. I hope you don’t think that.”
“Never occurred to me,” Jeff admits.
Jared sighs with relief. “Besides. Jensen’s got a boyfriend of his own.”
Jeff shrugs. “I bet he doesn’t love him. Bet he’s just a weekend fuck-toy who doesn’t even care about him.”
Jared’s shocked. “How do you know that?”
“Because he loves you, Jared,” Jeff says patiently, like he’s speaking to a child. “You’re the one he really wants.”
Jared frowns. “If that’s true, why didn’t he say so? I mean, we’ve known each other for more than six years, man. Why keep that kind of thing to himself, if it’s true?”
“Hey, don’t look at me,” Jeff says. “You’re the one who’s been pining away for him for how many years now?”
Jared thinks back to when he first met Jensen, how he flirted with him, teased him and made him blush. But Jared was involved with someone, and as soon as Jensen knew that, he stopped responding to Jared’s flirting.
When Jensen left for Austin, Jared was destitute. Genevieve just wasn’t adequate compensation for Jared missing Jensen like a piece of himself had been cut off.
“I drove my poor girlfriend insane,” he admits to Jeff. “When she broke up with me she said it was because I couldn’t go a single day without talking about Jensen. She said I thought more about him than I did about her.”
Jeff rolls his eyes. “Even she could see it,” he notes dryly.
“Maybe, but the point is, I would never do anything to jeopardize our friendship,” Jared insists. “If Jensen feels the same way about me as I do about him, he’s been doing a damn fine job of hiding it.”
“Well, he thought you were straight, didn’t he?” Jeff shrugs. “I mean, did you ever tell him you played for his team? Before you started dating me, I mean.”
Jared thinks back.
Jared had known Jensen was gay from the day he met him, and when Jensen rebuffed his flirtations Jared just assumed he wasn’t Jensen’s type.
But what if the reason Jensen stopped responding to his flirtations was because he thought Jared was straight? And involved with a girl? Which, okay, technically, he was involved with a girl when he met Jensen, but only briefly. But then there was Katie, and Selena, and Megan. And senior year Jared met Sandy and they moved in together when he got his first job.
Oh.
Jared shakes his head. “It’s just not possible,” he insists. “I would’ve known. Or he would’ve told me. Or we would’ve messed up and confessed our feelings for each other.”
Jeff shrugs. “Or maybe Jensen’s just that good at hiding his feelings,” he suggests. “Guy missed his calling as an actor, if you ask me.”
Jared sits up, frowning. “Jensen was an actor,” he says, realization dawning. “In junior high and high school. He even made a go of it in Hollywood for a year between high school and college.”
“There you go then,” Jeff says. “Kid’s got the skill set to hide a lifetime of pining, much less six years.”
Jared shakes his head. “But I’m with you now. Jensen can’t think I’m straight. Not anymore, at least.”
“No, now he’s just being a gentleman,” Jeff says. He folds his arms behind his head and lays back, grinning up at Jared. “You should propose a threesome.”
Jared chokes on his own spit. “A what?”
“You, me, and him. He might go for it. Sometimes the quiet ones do.”
Jared flushes with embarrassment. “I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that,” he says.
Jeff shrugs. “Suit yourself. Could be hot, though. Could be a real ice-breaker, too.”
Jared rolls his eyes. “I think I’ll just try talking to him first.”
“Good idea,” Jeff nods. “Talk first, then threesome.”
Jared huffs out a laugh, then gets serious again.
“If the talking gets me what I want, then that means I won’t be seeing you anymore, at least not like this.”
Jeff rolls over, reaching up to pull Jared’s face down to kiss him. “Then I guess we better make the most of it while it lasts, huh?”
Jared tries not to think about Jensen as he and Jeff go another round, but it’s not easy. Jeff’s words fill Jared with anticipation. Hope. He’s got butterflies in his stomach at the thought of his impending conversation with Jensen, and he can’t help feeling more than a little sorry for himself at the thought that he’s been so badly misreading Jensen all these years.
He can’t wait to try to set things right.
He’s already planning a romantic evening with Jensen before the night is done.
//**//**//
JENSEN
He can’t do this.
Jared’s boyfriend is gorgeous. Older. Just Jensen’s type, usually, or at least in the past. It used to be so easy to find guys like Jeff, when Jensen was younger. Older guys who wanted to take care of Jensen, pamper him and keep him safe. Taller, stronger guys who stood in for the father Jensen never had.
Before he met Jared, Jensen had plenty of those kind of men in his life.
Jared was the first younger man Jensen had ever found attractive, and that was probably because he was so tall. Of course, when he realized Jared was straight, Jensen took him right off the eligible boyfriend material list. As he watched Jared grow into exactly the kind of tall, broad-shouldered, well-built, take-charge man Jensen found most attractive, Jensen kept Jared on his “just friends” list, where he belonged.
Until now.
Now, watching Jared and Jeff together, Jensen’s overwhelmed with regret. How could he have been so stupid? How did he not see that Jared liked guys? Now that Jensen knows, he remembers Jared commenting on good-looking guys on TV and out in public for years, but Jensen had thought nothing of it. Jensen assumed Jared was admiring other men who kept themselves in good shape, purely platonically. Jared was competitive about his body, since he took such pride in working out and staying in shape. Again, Jensen didn’t think that Jared’s admiration of physical fitness in other men indicated any sexual interest whatsoever.
Jensen’s always prided himself on being fairly intuitive, where other people were concerned. He might be an introvert, but that didn’t mean he didn’t like people. And he really liked Jared.
He thought he knew Jared. Now, in the course of a few days, he’s discovered how little he really knew about his long-time friend, and that fact shakes him to the core. Just meeting Jeff Morgan had made him physically ill. Now he can’t stop thinking about Jared and Jeff in bed together.
Being in love with Jared was torture before he knew that Jared liked guys. Now that he knows he does, not to mention that Jared has the same taste in men that Jensen does, Jensen’s an emotional wreck.
It’s not like Jensen ever thought he’d have a shot with Jared. Really, it isn’t. Finding out he’s not Jared’s type shouldn’t be so devastating. If anything, Jensen’s more of an idiot for harboring the stupid fantasy that Jared might ever be attracted to him. Obviously, Jensen knows he’s attractive, just not to the one person that matters.
One thing he knows now, though. He can’t keep pretending he’s doing anything he wants to be doing with Matt.
Matt never answers his phone and ignores his texts, so Jensen confronts him at the gym the next day to tell him not to bother to come by Friday night. Or Saturday. Or ever.
Matt behaves in his typically boorish, clueless way, disbelieving Jensen’s attempts to let him down gently, so Jensen finally spells it out in no uncertain terms.
“We’re done, Matt. I don’t want to see you again. It’s over.”
“Was it something I said? Do we need to find a different night?”
Jensen shakes his head. “Nope, and nope. It’s just over, Matt. Done.”
Matt frowns, still confused. “Did you meet somebody new?”
“Nobody new,” Jensen assures him. At least he doesn’t have to lie. “I just realized this isn’t something I want anymore.”
“Come on, Jenny, let me make it right,” Matt insists. “Tell me what I need to do to fix this. I promise, I’ll do whatever it takes.”
Jensen sighs. He almost feels sorry for the guy. It’s not like Matt isn’t attractive. He’ll find somebody else. He’s never made a single effort to really get to know Jensen, but that’s probably because he can’t. He’s not sensitive or intuitive, doesn’t seem to know how to coax Jensen out of his shell and make him comfortable enough to share himself.
And although at first Jensen thought that was what he wanted, now he knows he can’t ever be satisfied with less than what he dreams about having with Jared.
What he already has with Jared, in fact, minus the sexual intimacy. And Jared’s right: sex isn’t everything. It’s important, sure, but it’s not the most important thing in a relationship. Not by a long shot.
Jensen will take the nonromantic, nonsexual relationship he already has with Jared over this fling with Matt any day.
“No, Matt, it really isn’t you,” Jensen assures him. “We just can’t be together any more. The truth is, I don’t like myself when I’m with you, and that really doesn’t have anything to do with you at all.” Using a warm body for sex, just to prove that he can, isn’t really what he wants. Even Jared can see that.
Matt doesn’t get it. He tries getting handsy, and Jensen realizes he’ll probably end up socking the poor bastard in the face if he stays another minute, so he packs up and leaves.
Time to find a new gym.
//**//**//
When he gets home, Jared’s already there. He’s got dinner going, something that smells heavenly and probably took a couple of hours to prepare. The dining room table is set for two with the good china and candles.
Jared hands Jensen a tumblr of Jameson’s, neat. “We need to talk.”
A shot of fear rips through Jensen’s chest. He’s going to announce that he’s moving in with Jeff. Jensen’s so sure of it his hand starts to shake. He brings the glass to his lips just to have something to do. The whisky burns down his throat, blurs his vision.
“I broke up with Matt,” Jensen says, rushing to get the news out there before he has a chance to think.
Jared’s response is comical. His eyebrows go up, way up. His mouth drops open. He looks shocked but pleased but then like he’s trying to hide it with a loud laugh.
“Wow!”
“Yeah,” Jensen agrees with a nod. “It wasn’t working.”
“Well, that’s funny. I just broke up with Jeff.”
Now it’s Jensen’s turn to be shocked. “What?”
“Yeah, it’s a funny thing,” Jared says, lifting his glass to take a sip. “Turns out I’ve got feelings for somebody else. Jeff’s the one who noticed it, actually. I owe it to him for pointing it out.”
Jensen swallows thickly. Somebody else? Jared’s finally found a new girl, that’s it. That must be it. Should’ve seen that coming. Did see that coming. Been expecting it for a while now.
“Ah,” he says out loud. “Somebody else.”
Jensen takes a seat at the kitchen table, just because he’s not exactly steady on his feet at the moment, and he doesn’t want to drop the whisky. That would be awkward.
“Yeah.” Jared shifts his feet, shy all of a sudden. Then he rolls his shoulders and takes a deep breath. “It’s you, Jensen. I’m in love with you.”
Jensen glances at the whisky bottle on the counter. Jared’s already had a couple. Whatever’s coming out of his mouth right now can’t be trusted. Or maybe it took a little liquid courage to get those words out. Either way, Jensen treads carefully.
“You okay there, buddy? You need to sit down?”
Jared shakes his head, but he takes the offered seat, facing Jensen, their knees almost touching.
“I’ve been an idiot, maybe since forever,” Jared says. “Probably since the moment we first met, actually.”
Jensen huffs out a laugh. “What are you talking about, Jay, huh?”
“I’m in love with you, Jensen. Have been since the day we met.” Jared’s eyes are dark but earnest. He’s not joking. Jensen would know if he was joking.
“Why are you telling me this?” Jensen asks, genuinely curious.
“Because I figured you deserved to know,” Jared says. “I’ve been in denial all these years, pretending we were just friends and I was okay with that. And I was okay with that. Honest. But then you started dating Matt and I just couldn’t pretend anymore.”
Jensen licks his lips, shakes his head. “You sure had a funny way of showing it.” He huffs out a dry laugh. “I mean, Jeff Morgan? Wow.” He lets out a low whistle.
Jared blushes. “He reminded me of you, actually. I mean, not physically, maybe. But he’s a straight shooter. Never lies. Always lets me know exactly what he’s thinking. Perceptive. Intuitive. Just a good guy.”
“Oh yeah, that sounds just like me, all right.” Jensen ducks his head, embarrassed. “You know, Jared, I haven’t always been honest with you. Truth is.” He licks his lips, raises his head so he’s looking into Jared’s eyes. “You’ve always been such a good friend, man. The best.”
Jared huffs out a breath, looking away. “I knew it. I knew I wasn’t your type.” He shakes his head. “This is so stupid.”
For a moment, Jensen feels like he’s dodged a bullet. Maybe they won’t talk about it. Whatever it is. Their true feelings for each other, maybe? Okay, that. Sure.
Maybe they can just go back to being like they were. Best friends for life. Finishing each other’s sentences. Always having each other’s backs. Being on the same page every damn time. Always knowing what the other one’s thinking. Reading each other’s feelings except for the ones they both agree they shouldn’t talk about.
Checking in on the other one to make sure he’s not feeling like a putz. Not letting each other feel stupid for being honest.
“You’re exactly my type, actually,” Jensen says, surprising himself. “Except for how young you are, you’re just the type of guy I used to go for all the time. The Jeff Morgan type. Tall, strong, gorgeous, even the dimples, man. Somebody who could hold his own.” Jensen blushes and bites his lip, mutters, “Somebody who could hold me down.”
Jared’s eyes are wide, staring at him like he’s got two heads.
“You’re serious,” he says finally.
Jensen shrugs.
Jared frowns. “But Matt -- “
“Was supposed to help me take my mind off you,” Jensen finishes the sentence. “Didn’t work.”
Jared’s still staring, but now he leans forward and puts his big, warm hands on Jensen’s knees. His expression is hopeful. He’s got that whole puppy dog look going, the one he uses when he needs Jensen to agree with him and let him have what he wants.
The one Jensen can’t resist.
“So you -- “ Jared coaxes.
“Think about you all the time? Yeah,” Jensen answers. “Pretty much since the day we met. Back then, I thought you were just into girls, and I was fine with that. I was fine with just being friends. But since you brought Jeff Morgan home, I.” Jensen looks away, biting his lip, struggling with his emotions.
Jared’s big hand is suddenly on his cheek, gentle, making him jump. Jensen’s eyes go wide. A tear slides down his cheek, and Jared wipes it away with his long thumb.
“You what, Jensen?” Jared’s voice is soft, almost a whisper.
Jensen takes a breath. “I can’t keep pretending I don’t want something more from you, even if I can’t have it.”
There. He said it. Shaky and scared as all hell, but at least the words are finally out there.
Jared’s face relaxes into a dimpled smile, and Jensen startles again at how bright the room has suddenly become, like the sun just came out from behind a cloud.
“Oh, you can have it,” Jared assures him. “You can have all of it, if that’s really what you want.”
Jensen nods. He leans into Jared’s touch, just a little.
“It is, Jay. It really is.”
Jared’s gaze drops to Jensen’s mouth. He leans in, tilting his head. Jensen leans forward, parting his lips, eyes fluttering closed, meeting Jared halfway.
Jared moans as their lips touch. He sounds like a starving man who’s finally getting a little sustenance, and Jensen gets it. He really does. It feels like forever since he’s had this. Years. Probably never.
When Jared pulls back, it’s too soon. Jensen opens his eyes, gazes up at him expectantly
“I just want to be clear about one thing,” Jared says, voice cracked with emotion. “If we do this, it’s for keeps, right? No going back to being just friends if it doesn’t work out. I don’t think I could stand it.”
Jensen leans forward, till their foreheads are pressed together. He puts his hands over Jared’s big paws, still holding his face.
“It’s just us, Jared,” he murmurs. “Just like it’s always been. I promise. Best friends for life.”
Jared gasps, but Jensen can feel him caving. He’s wanted this too long not to give into it now. Jensen’s reminding him that their love for each other will weather even this long-suppressed desire and its consequences. Somehow, they’ll make it through.
He tilts his face back up to be kissed, and Jared obliges. Jared and Jensen kiss and kiss and kiss. They’re both ridiculously good at it, the careful presses, the clinging tugs, the teasing tongues. Jensen kisses Jared’s mouth like it’s part of his own, like Jared knows exactly how to make him want more, exactly how to give him what he wants most.
Maybe Jared kisses everybody like this, but Jensen wants to believe it’s just him. He wants to believe that Jared knows him so well that he knows exactly how to kiss Jensen so that his insides turn to mush and his skin catches fire.
They leave the dinner warming in the oven, too hot for each other to wait another moment, now that they’ve waited six years. In the bedroom, Jensen shows Jared exactly what he’s been wanting from him for all those years, and Jared gives it to him. It’s an intense relief for both of them.
Afterwards, they shower and change. Jared gets the amazing, cheesy pasta casserole he made out of the oven and they eat, relaxed and sated and easy with each other, just like always.
They hold hands and gaze at each other over the table, get worked up pretty damn fast and head back to the bedroom to take their time getting to know each other’s bodies.
“I can’t believe you hid this from me for so long,” Jared marvels afterwards, when Jensen’s curled up against him, cheek on Jared’s chest, one leg tucked between both of Jared’s and an arm across Jared’s waist, idly stroking the soft skin of his side.
Jensen hums. “I didn’t want to risk ruining our friendship,” he admits. “You’re too important to me, Jay.”
“Yeah, same,” Jared acknowledges. “But if I’d thought I had a chance in hell with you, I never would have waited.”
Jensen shrugs. “Maybe we needed to wait. Maybe we both needed to be sure of each other first.” He raises his head, looks into Jared’s eyes. “I want this to be forever, Jay, if you’re cool with that. I’ll be thirty next March and I’m ready to settle.”
“Oh hell yeah,” Jared assures him, squeezing him closer. He runs his free hand over the top of Jensen’s head and plants a kiss there. “Forever totally works for me.”
“Cool.”
//**//**//
JARED
Jared can’t believe his luck. Finding out Jensen wants him has been a revelation. Seeing him spread out on the bed beneath him is profoundly satisfying.
When he calls Jeff to thank him, to let him know that he talked to Jensen and it all worked out, Jeff laughs.
“Told you!” he crows. “Did he agree to the threesome yet?”
“He laughed when I mentioned it,” Jared says. “But we’re gonna take a raincheck, I think, at least for a while.”
“Well, you know how to reach me when you decide to go for it,” Jeff says, easy and confident. “I could show you boys a thing or two.”
“Oh, I know you could,” Jared says with a chuckle.
Nothing changes much, after that first night. Jared and Jensen are already roommates and best friends, so the addition of intimacy doesn’t really alter their dynamic much. If anything, they’re a little more handsy with each other, a little more physically affectionate outside the bedroom, but not really. There’s always been a casual intimacy between them. They just never realized it before.
Now that he thinks about it, Jared realizes that other people have always seen it. When he tells their old roommates in Dallas that he and Jensen are a couple now, every single one of them expresses their complete lack of surprise.
“Like we didn’t see that coming,” Chris says dryly.
“As if you two could ever be anything else but a couple,” Steve says.
“It’s about fuckin’ time,” Chad says. “Wondered when you’d come to your senses.”
“Everybody could see we were in love but us,” he tells Jensen. “How did we both manage to be such idiots?”
“Hold on there, cowboy.” Jensen rolls over on the bed, slides a hand down Jared’s chest, grasping his cock possessively. “You are a much bigger idiot than I.”
Jared closes his eyes, moans in pleasure as Jensen strokes his cock.
“Much bigger, anyway.”
Jensen chuckles.
fin
Title: What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Author: amypond45
Rating: R
Pairing: eventual J2, temporary Jensen/Matt, temporary Jared/JDM, Jared/Genevieve (in the past), Jared/Sandy (in the past), various men/Jensen (in the past)
Tags/Warnings: Jared and Jensen date other people, jealousy, no infidelity
Summary: Jared and Jensen have been friends and roommates for years. But when Jensen moves to another city, Jared misses his best friend too much. But moving in with him in Austin is just the beginning of a discovery process that might lead to a shift in their relationship that neither one saw coming.
Read It On A03 or Below the Cut
A/N: Written as a Christmas thank-you gift for my long-time beta jdl71 from her prompt: Jared and Jensen have been friends and roommates for years. But it isn’t until one of them dates another guy that jealousy leads to a revelation about their true feelings for each other.
//**//**//
JENSEN:
Jensen’s got a crush on his best friend.
That’s all it is, he tells himself. It’s no big deal. Doesn’t interfere with their friendship in the least. Besides. Jared’s straight. He likes small, curvy brunettes. Jensen had watched him date Sandy, then move through a series of girls before finding Genevieve. When that ended, Jensen never doubted that there’d be another girl, at some point.
Offering his place for Jared to crash was supposed to be temporary. Jared was new in Austin and looking for an apartment. Jensen offered to let him stay until he found one.
That was six months ago.
//**//**//
Jared and Jensen had been friends for years, of course, and even roommates right after Jared graduated from University of Texas, Dallas. Jensen rented a house with three other guys back then while he finished his graduate degree in physical therapy. Taking in one more was super easy, and Jared spent the summer of 2004 sleeping on a cot in the dining room. At the end of the summer, Jared landed his first job at a prestigious engineering firm and moved in with Sandy.
Jensen tried not to miss having him around all the time, but it wasn’t easy. The two friends still hung out whenever their schedules allowed, usually at the Johnson House, so named after the man whose name was left on the mailbox when they moved in. More often than not, Jensen’s roommates Chad, Christian, and Steve would join them. They played video games, guitars, watched football and basketball games, threw a football around in the backyard, played basketball in the driveway.
When Jared broke up with Sandy, it seemed natural for him to move back into the Johnson house. Jared brought a series of girls home to hang out with the housemates, but it wasn’t until he brought Genevieve Cortese home that Jensen could see something serious in Jared’s future. Jared and Genevieve were all over each other, talked only to each other when the other guys weren’t around, and couldn’t be separated when they were.
Jensen did his best to ignore the little voice of jealousy in his head, the little prickling knot of resentment in his chest at the way Genevieve dominated Jared’s attention. But he could feel his face frowning involuntarily. Sometimes he had to leave the room, just to catch his breath and control his emotions.
Jensen was almost relieved when he was offered a job at a clinic in Austin, even before he finished his degree. He made all of his roommates promise to visit often, used a realtor to find an apartment near the clinic, and headed out for his new career the day after graduation in the spring of 2005.
Within a few months, Jensen was so lonely he almost gave up. Moving back to Dallas wouldn’t be admitting defeat, he told himself. After all, he’d given it a year back when he graduated high school and left for Hollywood. He’d promised himself (and his parents) that if nothing good happened in a year, he’d come back to Dallas and go to college. UT Dallas had agreed to defer his admission, so he didn’t even need to reapply.
Striking out on his own again, this time for the great job offer in Austin, had been different. This time, instead of moving and then finding a job, he got the job before moving. It was a great job, good pay, opportunities to move up, and a beautiful apartment with a view and three bedrooms. He liked his co-workers, liked his apartment.
But he missed his friends and family. Sure, he was busy and successful at his chosen career, but the loneliness was excruciating. He began to put feelers out to clinics in Dallas, eager to move back home, hoping to find a job closer to the people who meant the most to him. He forced himself to believe that Jared was only one of the people he missed, but he knew he was kidding himself.
Then Jared called. He’d just broken up with Genevieve and had a job offer in Austin if he could start Monday. Could he move in with Jensen temporarily?
In mid-January 2006, Jared moved in.
//**//**//
At first, having Jared all to himself seemed almost too good to be true. Jensen kept expecting the other shoe to drop. He kept expecting to come home and find that Jared had moved out or had a new girlfriend.
But as the months go by without either of those things happening, Jensen begins to relax and enjoy himself. The two friends hit it off, just as they did for all those years in Dallas, only now it’s just the two of them. Within the first month they fall into a comfortable routine, hanging out together after work just like they did in the old days at the Johnson House, doing all the things they did there. But now it’s just them, every night, every weekend. They never get tired of each other’s company, spend every waking hour when they’re not working with each other. They walk in synch and finish each other’s sentences. Their personalities perfectly complement each other: Jared’s an out-going extrovert, while Jensen’s a more reserved introvert. They fit perfectly into each other’s lives, like puzzle pieces. At work, Jensen thinks about Jared all day, talks about him with his coworkers until one day it occurs to him that they must think Jared’s more than just a roommate.
Which is when Jensen starts to worry. By that time they’ve been living together for six months, it’s summer in Austin so they spend all their free time on the water or inside where it’s air-conditioned, and Jensen’s crush on Jared is beginning to bother him. What if his feelings for Jared drive Jared away? He’s done a pretty good job of hiding his true feelings so far, but what if he messes up? What if they start drinking one night and something happens? Jensen would never do anything to ruin their friendship. It’s too important to him.
But what if he does something stupid?
Maybe he’s too obsessed with Jared. Maybe he enjoys spending time with him a little too much. Jensen understands that he’s basically pining for the kid, but his self-doubt makes him start to think that nothing good could come of it. He’s bound to screw up, and then Jared will find out and leave him.
Jensen decides that he needs to ease up, stop spending every free moment alone with Jared. He needs to find an outlet for some of his excess affection so he doesn’t keep piling it all on Jared. He needs to spend time with other people.
He needs to get laid.
Jensen’s openly gay but has never found the right guy for anything long-term. He keeps his love life under wraps, for the most part, only going in for random hook-ups and one-night stands. In the past, he told himself he didn’t need the complication of a love-affair. His career and school kept him busy, and he had his friends for a social life. He was fine being alone.
Now that Jared’s living with him, he refrains from going out to bars just because he’d rather spend time with Jared. Jared fulfills all of Jensen’s emotional needs.
But six months into their arrangement, Jensen thinks maybe he needs to find somebody to take his mind off Jared, to ease his laser focus on the younger man at the very least. Besides. A man has sexual needs. It’s stupid for Jensen to withdraw completely from dating just because he’s afraid of his feelings for his roommate.
One day, at the gym he goes to regularly after work, he meets attractive, outgoing Matt Cohen, who asks him out on the spot. The guy’s timing couldn’t be better, since Jensen’s in the middle of another one of his self-doubting quandaries about his feelings for Jared, so he accepts.
“Just let me call my roommate to let him know,” he tells Matt after he’s showered and changed.
“No problem,” Jared assures him on the phone, after a surprised pause that almost sounds like disappointment. “I’ll just order a pizza.”
“I might not be home tonight,” Jensen tells him.
“Okay.” Jared definitely sounds disappointed, although he masks it by being his usual sunny self. Jensen knows him, knows all his tricks and moods. He can tell that Jared will miss seeing him tonight.
That alone should be enough to convince Jensen he’s doing the right thing, going out to dinner with Matt, dancing with him, then going home with him to his apartment. They have vigorous, athletic sex, and it’s almost good, except for the fact that Jensen can’t stop thinking about Jared, wondering how it would feel if it were Jared’s big hands on him, Jared’s sweet little mouth kissing him, Jared’s huge cock filling him up more completely than he’s ever been filled before.
When he gets home the next morning, Jared’s recovered from his disappointment but can’t contain his curiosity.
“What’s he like? Can I meet him? You want to bring him over for dinner tonight? I can cook for all of us. We can watch the game together.”
Jensen chuckles, shaking his head as he pours himself a cup of coffee from the pot Jared made.
“We’re just getting to know each other,” he says. “I’m not ready to have him over yet.”
But within the month, he brings Matt home to meet the roommate. Jensen can read the confusion on Jared’s face as he shakes Matt’s hand. Matt isn’t what Jared expected, apparently.
They’ve already had dinner, and Matt doesn’t like baseball, so Jensen and Matt retire to Jensen’s bedroom. The sex is getting better. Jensen almost doesn’t think about Jared when they’re fucking.
Almost.
//**//**//
JARED:
It’s been three weeks.
Three weeks of Jensen going out every weekend with Matt, or Matt coming over late in the evening on a Friday or Saturday, looking for one thing. From Jensen. Having loud, wall-banging sex in Jensen’s bedroom.
Three weeks of Matt leaving in the morning, before breakfast.
Three weeks of Jensen coming into the kitchen after Matt leaves, looking sad.
Finally, Jared confronts Matt on his way out one morning. He has to. It’s driving him crazy not to say anything.
“What the hell’s wrong with you?” Jared knows he’s being an ass, but he can’t help himself. “Can’t you see how unhappy you make him?”
Matt’s vacuous blue eyes widen. “What are you talking about? We’re great together. Right, Jenny?”
He slings an arm around Jensen’s neck, pulling him close. Jensen flinches, but Matt doesn’t notice.
“He hates being called ‘Jenny’,” Jared growls, low and protective. “If you took the time to get to know him better, you’d know that.”
“Hey, the sex is great,” Matt insists, slapping Jensen on the butt. “Right, babe?”
He gives Jensen a quick peck on the cheek as Jared seethes, not even daring to speak. He’s too angry.
“Anyway, gotta go,” Matt chirps cheerfully. “See you tonight.”
It’s Saturday, so Jensen isn’t working. Matt works as a trainer at the gym, which is where they met. Jensen and Matt have been getting together on Friday and Saturday nights, like clockwork. Jared can hear what they’re up to in the bedroom. They’re energetic and athletic about it.
But Jensen isn’t happy. Jared can tell.
When Jensen heads into the kitchen for coffee, Jared follows.
“I don’t know why you put up with that idiot,” Jared says.
Jensen shrugs. “Like he said. The sex is great.”
“Sex isn’t everything,” Jared counters, accepting the cup of coffee that Jensen pours before he pours his own.
“True,” Jensen agrees. “But it’s enough, for now.”
Jared huffs out a breath. “Why do I not believe you?”
Jensen takes a sip of his coffee and shrugs. “I don’t know. Why don’t you believe me?”
“Because you seem so unhappy when he’s here,” Jared accuses. “You seemed super uncomfortable just now. In fact, every time he’s here you seem uncomfortable. And he’s just totally clueless!”
Jensen breaks eggs into the pan, shakes his head as he starts scrambling them.
“You’re delusional,” he mutters.
Jared puts two slices of whole wheat bread in the toaster. “I don’t think so.”
Jensen grins, clearly pleased with himself, which makes Jared shake his head again as he opens the refrigerator to retrieve orange juice and cheddar cheese.
“Anyway, it doesn’t matter,” Jensen insists as Jared grates cheese, shoulders up next to Jensen so he can sprinkle the shredded cheese over the nearly cooked eggs. “Matt and me are just convenient, that’s all. We can call it off whenever. No big deal.”
The toaster pops and Jared grabs the hot toast. He spreads each slice with a thin coating of not-butter from a yellow tub as Jensen retrieves two plates from the cupboard and scoops the cheesy eggs onto the plates.
“Well, I don’t like it,” Jared mutters as he adds the buttered toast to the plates.
They move seamlessly around each other to the kitchen table, balancing plates, utensils, coffee and juice. It’s so easy and practiced, they barely notice. Jared feels more comfortable with Jensen than he’s ever felt with anybody, has done since the first day they met, working together as volunteers at the local food pantry at the college in Dallas where Jensen was a senior and Jared was a freshman.
Moving in together had been a no-brainer. Living with his best friend was easy, comfortable, normal.
Now, watching Jensen chow down on his eggs and toast, Jared wonders for the first time if maybe moving in together had been a mistake. Maybe they’ve become too close. Too exclusive. Maybe Jared’s interest in and concern for Jensen is becoming a problem.
Jensen notices the look of doubt on Jared’s face and stops eating.
“What?”
Jared looks down at his plate, struggling to hide the flush of embarrassment he knows Jensen can see.
“Nothing,” he mutters, angry at himself for letting his feelings for Jensen get in the way of their friendship in any way.
He needs to stop being so invested in his best friend’s love life.
He needs to get laid.
//**//**
Once he makes the decision, it’s easier than Jared would’ve thought possible. Instead of staying home on Friday night, listening to Jensen and Matt fucking each other’s brains out, Jared goes out to the closest gay bar, where he gets hit on almost as soon as he walks through the door.
Jeffrey Dean Morgan is tall, dimpled, and older than anyone Jared’s ever been with before.
They take to each other immediately.
“My God, you’re big,” Jeff crows.
They go to Jeff’s place, and Jeff sucks him off before spreading him open and fucking him, slow and steady. Jared’s never been fucked so thoroughly. He usually prefers to top, usually likes it rough. But Jeff really knows what he’s doing and Jared learns a few things.
When Jared gets home the next morning, Matt’s already gone, and Jensen’s in the kitchen.
“Where were you last night?”
Jared shrugs. “Out.”
He pulls a container of yogurt from the refrigerator, pours himself a cup of coffee. He glances at Jensen’s empty plate of eggs and toast as he sits down opposite at the kitchen table with his yogurt and coffee.
“Yeah, I noticed,” Jensen says, huffing out a chuckle as he blinks at Jared. He sounds nervous.
“It’s probably nothing,” Jared confides. “I met a guy. We went back to his place. Maybe it’ll be something.”
Jensen coughs. “A guy?” He sputters. “I thought you. I mean, I thought.”
Jared looks up, surprised. He’s never made a secret of his sexual identity. It hadn’t occurred to him that Jensen thought he was straight.
But now that he thinks about it, Jensen’s only ever seen Jared with women, and the topic just never came up, so.
“I’m bi,” he says, not that it isn’t obvious now. “Sorry if I led you to believe otherwise.”
Jensen’s stares for a moment, big green eyes wide. Then he shakes his head as if to clear it and ducks his chin down as he takes a sip of his coffee
“No, no, that’s fine,” he insists. “Doesn’t matter.”
Jared frowns, perplexed. Jensen’s gay. He can’t possibly object to Jared being interested in guys. So why does he seem so perturbed all of a sudden? Why the reddened cheeks and refusal to look Jared in the eye?
//**//**
JENSEN
So Jared’s into guys.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that, right? It doesn’t mean Jared could ever. I mean, there’s no way Jared might.
Stop.
Jared’s his friend. His best friend. His roommate. The guy Jensen’s had a secret crush on since the day they met. The guy Jensen pines for, whether he would ever admit that or not, even to himself, out loud.
This doesn’t change that. Does it? Of course not. Even though he’s bi and he knows Jensen’s gay, Jared’s obviously not into him like that. Jared thinks of Jensen as his friend, maybe even his best friend, although Jared has a lot of friends, so Jensen would never presume. But they’re roommates because they get along so well, and Jensen would never do anything to threaten that relationship.
Finding out that Jared’s bi doesn’t change a thing.
But it does make Jensen question his own perceptions. When they first met in college, Jared was dating a girl, so Jensen assumed he was straight. When Jared graduated college and moved into the Johnson House, he was between girlfriends, but then he started dating Sandy, moved in with her. They became briefly engaged just before they broke up and Jared moved back into the Johnson House. Jensen watched Jared date a lot of girls before he got together with Genevieve, and Jensen figured that was it. At that point, he fully expected to be asked to be Jared’s best man when he tied the knot with Genevieve. They seemed like such a sure thing. He was genuinely surprised when Jared called to let him know they had broken up and he was moving to Austin.
When Jensen offered to let Jared move into his place, Jensen assumed it would be a temporary thing, until Jared got back on his feet with another girl. When that didn’t happen after a few months went by, Jensen still assumed it would happen one day. Jensen himself needed to stop pining for something he couldn’t have.
Matt Cohen was supposed to help with that. He was supposed to take Jensen’s mind off Jared, distract him so he wouldn’t think about Jared in that way.
And at first, it worked. His relationship with Matt was predictable, with no strings attached. Jensen liked the routine, liked Matt not wanting more than sex out of their time together. Overall, Jensen appreciated Matt because their relationship was uncomplicated.
Unfortunately, after a couple of weeks, his time with Matt began to have the exact opposite effect on Jensen’s feelings for Jared from what he had hoped. Instead of thinking less about Jared, Jensen discovered that his relationship with Matt cast a stronger spotlight on the ways he loved Jared more. In fact, despite the fact that he could never have the kind of relationship he wanted with Jared, Jensen couldn’t deny the fact that he loved him. Jared was sensitive and kind-hearted in a way Matt could never be because he was simply too shallow. Jared was smart and interesting, funny and fun-loving, while Matt was a slug and boring as hell.
In fact, being with Matt made Jensen face the fact that Jared was everything he could ever hope for in a relationship, minus the sex.
Now, a month into his relationship with Matt, Jensen faces the undeniable fact that he’s more in love with Jared than ever. But just because Jared’s bi doesn’t mean he looks at Jensen in that way. As far as Jensen can tell, Jared sees him as a good friend, nothing more, just like he always did, back when Jensen thought he was straight.
“So, why don’t you ask him over?” Jensen finds himself saying out loud.
“Huh?” Jared looks up from his yogurt, wide-eyed and clueless.
“Your guy,” Jensen clarifies. “The dude from the bar.”
Jared huffs out an amused laugh. “We barely know each other,” he protests. “I’m not sure he even wants to see me again.”
Something about the blush that creeps across Jared’s sharp cheekbones makes Jensen doubt that. He’s not ready for the hot rush of jealousy that follows.
“Well, when you’re ready, I’d like to meet him,” Jensen says, trying not to grit his teeth and failing. His jaw aches. He can feel Jared looking at him, reading his expression with something like surprise.
“Hey, hey, it’s no big deal,” Jared assures him. “Really. I mean, I guess it’s fine if you want to meet him, but I don’t even know if I’m going to see him again, so. Seriously. It’s not a big deal.”
Jensen puts his hands up for Jared to stop. He tries not to growl protectively.
“I hear you. I’m just saying, if you see him again, I’d like to meet him.”
Jared stares at him for a moment, considering, but when Jensen raises his eyebrows, Jared’s face collapses into a dimpled grin. Maybe the blush on his cheeks and nose gets a little darker.
“Okay, sure.”
That went well, Jensen thinks.
//**//**//
JARED:
Later that week, when Jared introduces Jensen to Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Jensen looks like he’s going to be sick. His face pales so that his freckles stand out starkly across his nose, and his eyes get wide and frightened.
His hand shakes when he sticks it out to shake Jeff’s hand.
“Nice to meet you,” he says as Jeff takes his hand. “Excuse me.”
Jensen bolts out of the apartment’s entryway, down the hall to the bathroom, where he shuts the door so firmly it’s almost a slam.
“Huh.” Jeff comments as Jared shakes his head.
“I’m sorry, man,” he says. “He’s usually not like that. I mean, he’s shy with new people, but not that shy. Usually.”
In the car on the way to dinner, Jeff says, “Good-looking guy. Have you two ever -- “
“Oh God, no,” Jared says, shaking his head vigorously. “I’m not his type. We’re just good friends. Best friends, really. He’s a great guy.”
“Hmmm,” Jeff hums. “Something tells me you wish it was more than that.”
Jared’s shocked. He’s never thought about Jensen that way, at least not since he first decided he wasn’t Jensen’s type. Of course Jensen’s gorgeous. Anybody and everybody can see that. But most people don’t get to see what a good friend he is, too. Most people don’t know how funny and smart and loyal he is, how sensitive and kind. Jared isn’t merely attracted to Jensen, although he’d be blind not to be. He genuinely loves the guy.
Jared shakes his head. “I don’t, not really,” he says. “I mean, I wouldn’t refuse, if he ever showed any interest, but he never has, and I’m incredibly grateful for his friendship. He’s really special.”
“Well, I might be seeing things, but I think his reaction to me tonight might’ve had something to do with how he feels about you,” Jeff says.
“What are you talking about? He doesn’t have any feelings for me,” Jared insists. “Other than friendly, protective feelings, maybe.”
Jeff tilts his head skeptically, but says nothing.
//**//**//
They end the evening back at Jeff’s place, so Jared doesn’t get a chance to ask Jensen what’s wrong until the next morning, after Jeff serves him a delicious breakfast and he’s back at the apartment he shares with Jensen.
Jensen shakes his head, staring persistently at his newspaper as he sips his morning coffee.
“Something I ate,” he mumbles.
Jared frowns but decides to leave it. He can tell Jensen doesn’t want to talk about it, and he’s a good friend, so he drops it.
“You know, Jeff’s a pretty good guy,” Jared comments as he pours himself a cup of coffee. “You’d like him, if you got to know him.”
“Huh.” Jensen keeps his eyes on his paper.
“Yeah. I was thinking maybe we could ask him over? Like on Sunday afternoon? Beer and pizza? He loves the Cowboys.” He takes a sip of his coffee. “What do you think?”
Jensen glances up, then keeps his eyes on his paper as he speaks.
“Do I have to listen to you two having sex?”
“What? No!” Jared’s taken aback. “We keep it at his place, since he doesn’t have a roommate. Unlike you and Matt.”
He adds that last part because he’s feeling indignant at Jensen’s assumption. Jared really is more considerate than that.
Jensen stares at his paper another long moment, but Jared can tell he’s not actually reading it. Jared waits, watching Jensen’s jaw clench, watching him fold the paper and look up, narrowing his eyes.
“Okay,” he agrees with a nod. “Sunday afternoon. Just the three of us.”
//**//**//
Sunday afternoon is definitely a little weird. Jeff is loud and friendly, as usual. Jensen is quiet and reserved, which is also usual, but Jared can’t help trying to overanalyze it. Jensen sits in the arm chair, leaving the couch for Jeff and Jared, which is fine except there’s plenty of room for all three of them on the couch. Jared feels Jensen’s eyes on him, on them, several times during the afternoon, although every time he looks up Jensen looks away quickly so there’s no way to call him on it without calling attention to Jensen being weird.
Is it the whole public display of affection thing? Jared wonders. Although he and Jeff aren’t being openly affectionate with each other. They’re just being two guys watching a game. Cheers, fist-bumps, even a chest-bump or two do not constitute obvious PDA.
Besides, now that Jared thinks about it, he was much more affectionate publicly with Genevieve back at the Johnson House.
Come to think of it, Jensen did leave the room a few times back then, when Jared was being a little too intimate with Genevieve in front of everybody.
So PDA makes Jensen uncomfortable, that’s all. Noted. Well, at least he’s not leaving the room this time. At least Jared and Jeff don’t act the way Jared and Genevieve did towards each other.
Jeff’s just a regular guy who enjoys doing regular guy stuff. He keeps the intimacy in the bedroom, and Jared’s fine with that.
It’s pretty obvious when they leave together that they’re headed to Jeff’s place for a night of sex, leaving Jensen to himself. Of course, Jensen’s already had plenty of sexy times with Matt on his regular Friday and Saturday nights this particular weekend, so Jared doesn’t exactly feel sorry for him.
Nevertheless, he can’t miss the way Jensen bites his bottom lip as they get up to leave. He can’t help noticing Jensen’s frown, the way his dimples pop at the corners of his mouth in that way that make him look profoundly disapproving.
“He’s in love with you,” Jeff says confidently after a healthy round of sex later that night, when they’re lying together in bed, sated and relaxed. “Anybody with half a brain can see it.”
“No way,” Jared insists, as horrified as he was the first time Jeff mentioned this. “We’re best buddies. Six years now.”
“Pretty sure that ship has sailed,” Jeff says with a laugh. “Whatever’s going on between you two, it ain’t friendship.”
Jared bristles. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Jensen’s my friend. My best friend. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him.”
“Except admit how you really feel about him.” Jeff smirks.
“He doesn’t need to know that.” Jared flushes.
“Pretty sure he does,” Jeff counters. “Pretty sure that’s the source of his misery, since you obviously can’t see it. He’s doing his best to carry on without you.”
“Without me?” Jared’s flummoxed. “He has me. Always will.”
Jeff shakes his head. “Not the way he wants.”
Jared huffs out a disbelieving laugh.
“There’s just no way,” he insists, shaking his head. “We’ve been friends for years. I would’ve known if he felt that way.”
Jeff props himself up on one elbow, looks down into Jared’s face, amused and fond.
“You might think you know him, kid, but I could see what was happening this afternoon, and I’m telling you, he’s in love with you. You two could be together, if you’d just tell him how you feel.” He shakes his head. “Believe me, I’ve seen this before. You get to be my age, you’ve seen it all.”
Jared shifts uncomfortably, a terrible thought making its way to the front of his brain.
“I’m not trying to use you to get to Jensen,” he insists. “Really, I’m not. I hope you don’t think that.”
“Never occurred to me,” Jeff admits.
Jared sighs with relief. “Besides. Jensen’s got a boyfriend of his own.”
Jeff shrugs. “I bet he doesn’t love him. Bet he’s just a weekend fuck-toy who doesn’t even care about him.”
Jared’s shocked. “How do you know that?”
“Because he loves you, Jared,” Jeff says patiently, like he’s speaking to a child. “You’re the one he really wants.”
Jared frowns. “If that’s true, why didn’t he say so? I mean, we’ve known each other for more than six years, man. Why keep that kind of thing to himself, if it’s true?”
“Hey, don’t look at me,” Jeff says. “You’re the one who’s been pining away for him for how many years now?”
Jared thinks back to when he first met Jensen, how he flirted with him, teased him and made him blush. But Jared was involved with someone, and as soon as Jensen knew that, he stopped responding to Jared’s flirting.
When Jensen left for Austin, Jared was destitute. Genevieve just wasn’t adequate compensation for Jared missing Jensen like a piece of himself had been cut off.
“I drove my poor girlfriend insane,” he admits to Jeff. “When she broke up with me she said it was because I couldn’t go a single day without talking about Jensen. She said I thought more about him than I did about her.”
Jeff rolls his eyes. “Even she could see it,” he notes dryly.
“Maybe, but the point is, I would never do anything to jeopardize our friendship,” Jared insists. “If Jensen feels the same way about me as I do about him, he’s been doing a damn fine job of hiding it.”
“Well, he thought you were straight, didn’t he?” Jeff shrugs. “I mean, did you ever tell him you played for his team? Before you started dating me, I mean.”
Jared thinks back.
Jared had known Jensen was gay from the day he met him, and when Jensen rebuffed his flirtations Jared just assumed he wasn’t Jensen’s type.
But what if the reason Jensen stopped responding to his flirtations was because he thought Jared was straight? And involved with a girl? Which, okay, technically, he was involved with a girl when he met Jensen, but only briefly. But then there was Katie, and Selena, and Megan. And senior year Jared met Sandy and they moved in together when he got his first job.
Oh.
Jared shakes his head. “It’s just not possible,” he insists. “I would’ve known. Or he would’ve told me. Or we would’ve messed up and confessed our feelings for each other.”
Jeff shrugs. “Or maybe Jensen’s just that good at hiding his feelings,” he suggests. “Guy missed his calling as an actor, if you ask me.”
Jared sits up, frowning. “Jensen was an actor,” he says, realization dawning. “In junior high and high school. He even made a go of it in Hollywood for a year between high school and college.”
“There you go then,” Jeff says. “Kid’s got the skill set to hide a lifetime of pining, much less six years.”
Jared shakes his head. “But I’m with you now. Jensen can’t think I’m straight. Not anymore, at least.”
“No, now he’s just being a gentleman,” Jeff says. He folds his arms behind his head and lays back, grinning up at Jared. “You should propose a threesome.”
Jared chokes on his own spit. “A what?”
“You, me, and him. He might go for it. Sometimes the quiet ones do.”
Jared flushes with embarrassment. “I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that,” he says.
Jeff shrugs. “Suit yourself. Could be hot, though. Could be a real ice-breaker, too.”
Jared rolls his eyes. “I think I’ll just try talking to him first.”
“Good idea,” Jeff nods. “Talk first, then threesome.”
Jared huffs out a laugh, then gets serious again.
“If the talking gets me what I want, then that means I won’t be seeing you anymore, at least not like this.”
Jeff rolls over, reaching up to pull Jared’s face down to kiss him. “Then I guess we better make the most of it while it lasts, huh?”
Jared tries not to think about Jensen as he and Jeff go another round, but it’s not easy. Jeff’s words fill Jared with anticipation. Hope. He’s got butterflies in his stomach at the thought of his impending conversation with Jensen, and he can’t help feeling more than a little sorry for himself at the thought that he’s been so badly misreading Jensen all these years.
He can’t wait to try to set things right.
He’s already planning a romantic evening with Jensen before the night is done.
//**//**//
JENSEN
He can’t do this.
Jared’s boyfriend is gorgeous. Older. Just Jensen’s type, usually, or at least in the past. It used to be so easy to find guys like Jeff, when Jensen was younger. Older guys who wanted to take care of Jensen, pamper him and keep him safe. Taller, stronger guys who stood in for the father Jensen never had.
Before he met Jared, Jensen had plenty of those kind of men in his life.
Jared was the first younger man Jensen had ever found attractive, and that was probably because he was so tall. Of course, when he realized Jared was straight, Jensen took him right off the eligible boyfriend material list. As he watched Jared grow into exactly the kind of tall, broad-shouldered, well-built, take-charge man Jensen found most attractive, Jensen kept Jared on his “just friends” list, where he belonged.
Until now.
Now, watching Jared and Jeff together, Jensen’s overwhelmed with regret. How could he have been so stupid? How did he not see that Jared liked guys? Now that Jensen knows, he remembers Jared commenting on good-looking guys on TV and out in public for years, but Jensen had thought nothing of it. Jensen assumed Jared was admiring other men who kept themselves in good shape, purely platonically. Jared was competitive about his body, since he took such pride in working out and staying in shape. Again, Jensen didn’t think that Jared’s admiration of physical fitness in other men indicated any sexual interest whatsoever.
Jensen’s always prided himself on being fairly intuitive, where other people were concerned. He might be an introvert, but that didn’t mean he didn’t like people. And he really liked Jared.
He thought he knew Jared. Now, in the course of a few days, he’s discovered how little he really knew about his long-time friend, and that fact shakes him to the core. Just meeting Jeff Morgan had made him physically ill. Now he can’t stop thinking about Jared and Jeff in bed together.
Being in love with Jared was torture before he knew that Jared liked guys. Now that he knows he does, not to mention that Jared has the same taste in men that Jensen does, Jensen’s an emotional wreck.
It’s not like Jensen ever thought he’d have a shot with Jared. Really, it isn’t. Finding out he’s not Jared’s type shouldn’t be so devastating. If anything, Jensen’s more of an idiot for harboring the stupid fantasy that Jared might ever be attracted to him. Obviously, Jensen knows he’s attractive, just not to the one person that matters.
One thing he knows now, though. He can’t keep pretending he’s doing anything he wants to be doing with Matt.
Matt never answers his phone and ignores his texts, so Jensen confronts him at the gym the next day to tell him not to bother to come by Friday night. Or Saturday. Or ever.
Matt behaves in his typically boorish, clueless way, disbelieving Jensen’s attempts to let him down gently, so Jensen finally spells it out in no uncertain terms.
“We’re done, Matt. I don’t want to see you again. It’s over.”
“Was it something I said? Do we need to find a different night?”
Jensen shakes his head. “Nope, and nope. It’s just over, Matt. Done.”
Matt frowns, still confused. “Did you meet somebody new?”
“Nobody new,” Jensen assures him. At least he doesn’t have to lie. “I just realized this isn’t something I want anymore.”
“Come on, Jenny, let me make it right,” Matt insists. “Tell me what I need to do to fix this. I promise, I’ll do whatever it takes.”
Jensen sighs. He almost feels sorry for the guy. It’s not like Matt isn’t attractive. He’ll find somebody else. He’s never made a single effort to really get to know Jensen, but that’s probably because he can’t. He’s not sensitive or intuitive, doesn’t seem to know how to coax Jensen out of his shell and make him comfortable enough to share himself.
And although at first Jensen thought that was what he wanted, now he knows he can’t ever be satisfied with less than what he dreams about having with Jared.
What he already has with Jared, in fact, minus the sexual intimacy. And Jared’s right: sex isn’t everything. It’s important, sure, but it’s not the most important thing in a relationship. Not by a long shot.
Jensen will take the nonromantic, nonsexual relationship he already has with Jared over this fling with Matt any day.
“No, Matt, it really isn’t you,” Jensen assures him. “We just can’t be together any more. The truth is, I don’t like myself when I’m with you, and that really doesn’t have anything to do with you at all.” Using a warm body for sex, just to prove that he can, isn’t really what he wants. Even Jared can see that.
Matt doesn’t get it. He tries getting handsy, and Jensen realizes he’ll probably end up socking the poor bastard in the face if he stays another minute, so he packs up and leaves.
Time to find a new gym.
//**//**//
When he gets home, Jared’s already there. He’s got dinner going, something that smells heavenly and probably took a couple of hours to prepare. The dining room table is set for two with the good china and candles.
Jared hands Jensen a tumblr of Jameson’s, neat. “We need to talk.”
A shot of fear rips through Jensen’s chest. He’s going to announce that he’s moving in with Jeff. Jensen’s so sure of it his hand starts to shake. He brings the glass to his lips just to have something to do. The whisky burns down his throat, blurs his vision.
“I broke up with Matt,” Jensen says, rushing to get the news out there before he has a chance to think.
Jared’s response is comical. His eyebrows go up, way up. His mouth drops open. He looks shocked but pleased but then like he’s trying to hide it with a loud laugh.
“Wow!”
“Yeah,” Jensen agrees with a nod. “It wasn’t working.”
“Well, that’s funny. I just broke up with Jeff.”
Now it’s Jensen’s turn to be shocked. “What?”
“Yeah, it’s a funny thing,” Jared says, lifting his glass to take a sip. “Turns out I’ve got feelings for somebody else. Jeff’s the one who noticed it, actually. I owe it to him for pointing it out.”
Jensen swallows thickly. Somebody else? Jared’s finally found a new girl, that’s it. That must be it. Should’ve seen that coming. Did see that coming. Been expecting it for a while now.
“Ah,” he says out loud. “Somebody else.”
Jensen takes a seat at the kitchen table, just because he’s not exactly steady on his feet at the moment, and he doesn’t want to drop the whisky. That would be awkward.
“Yeah.” Jared shifts his feet, shy all of a sudden. Then he rolls his shoulders and takes a deep breath. “It’s you, Jensen. I’m in love with you.”
Jensen glances at the whisky bottle on the counter. Jared’s already had a couple. Whatever’s coming out of his mouth right now can’t be trusted. Or maybe it took a little liquid courage to get those words out. Either way, Jensen treads carefully.
“You okay there, buddy? You need to sit down?”
Jared shakes his head, but he takes the offered seat, facing Jensen, their knees almost touching.
“I’ve been an idiot, maybe since forever,” Jared says. “Probably since the moment we first met, actually.”
Jensen huffs out a laugh. “What are you talking about, Jay, huh?”
“I’m in love with you, Jensen. Have been since the day we met.” Jared’s eyes are dark but earnest. He’s not joking. Jensen would know if he was joking.
“Why are you telling me this?” Jensen asks, genuinely curious.
“Because I figured you deserved to know,” Jared says. “I’ve been in denial all these years, pretending we were just friends and I was okay with that. And I was okay with that. Honest. But then you started dating Matt and I just couldn’t pretend anymore.”
Jensen licks his lips, shakes his head. “You sure had a funny way of showing it.” He huffs out a dry laugh. “I mean, Jeff Morgan? Wow.” He lets out a low whistle.
Jared blushes. “He reminded me of you, actually. I mean, not physically, maybe. But he’s a straight shooter. Never lies. Always lets me know exactly what he’s thinking. Perceptive. Intuitive. Just a good guy.”
“Oh yeah, that sounds just like me, all right.” Jensen ducks his head, embarrassed. “You know, Jared, I haven’t always been honest with you. Truth is.” He licks his lips, raises his head so he’s looking into Jared’s eyes. “You’ve always been such a good friend, man. The best.”
Jared huffs out a breath, looking away. “I knew it. I knew I wasn’t your type.” He shakes his head. “This is so stupid.”
For a moment, Jensen feels like he’s dodged a bullet. Maybe they won’t talk about it. Whatever it is. Their true feelings for each other, maybe? Okay, that. Sure.
Maybe they can just go back to being like they were. Best friends for life. Finishing each other’s sentences. Always having each other’s backs. Being on the same page every damn time. Always knowing what the other one’s thinking. Reading each other’s feelings except for the ones they both agree they shouldn’t talk about.
Checking in on the other one to make sure he’s not feeling like a putz. Not letting each other feel stupid for being honest.
“You’re exactly my type, actually,” Jensen says, surprising himself. “Except for how young you are, you’re just the type of guy I used to go for all the time. The Jeff Morgan type. Tall, strong, gorgeous, even the dimples, man. Somebody who could hold his own.” Jensen blushes and bites his lip, mutters, “Somebody who could hold me down.”
Jared’s eyes are wide, staring at him like he’s got two heads.
“You’re serious,” he says finally.
Jensen shrugs.
Jared frowns. “But Matt -- “
“Was supposed to help me take my mind off you,” Jensen finishes the sentence. “Didn’t work.”
Jared’s still staring, but now he leans forward and puts his big, warm hands on Jensen’s knees. His expression is hopeful. He’s got that whole puppy dog look going, the one he uses when he needs Jensen to agree with him and let him have what he wants.
The one Jensen can’t resist.
“So you -- “ Jared coaxes.
“Think about you all the time? Yeah,” Jensen answers. “Pretty much since the day we met. Back then, I thought you were just into girls, and I was fine with that. I was fine with just being friends. But since you brought Jeff Morgan home, I.” Jensen looks away, biting his lip, struggling with his emotions.
Jared’s big hand is suddenly on his cheek, gentle, making him jump. Jensen’s eyes go wide. A tear slides down his cheek, and Jared wipes it away with his long thumb.
“You what, Jensen?” Jared’s voice is soft, almost a whisper.
Jensen takes a breath. “I can’t keep pretending I don’t want something more from you, even if I can’t have it.”
There. He said it. Shaky and scared as all hell, but at least the words are finally out there.
Jared’s face relaxes into a dimpled smile, and Jensen startles again at how bright the room has suddenly become, like the sun just came out from behind a cloud.
“Oh, you can have it,” Jared assures him. “You can have all of it, if that’s really what you want.”
Jensen nods. He leans into Jared’s touch, just a little.
“It is, Jay. It really is.”
Jared’s gaze drops to Jensen’s mouth. He leans in, tilting his head. Jensen leans forward, parting his lips, eyes fluttering closed, meeting Jared halfway.
Jared moans as their lips touch. He sounds like a starving man who’s finally getting a little sustenance, and Jensen gets it. He really does. It feels like forever since he’s had this. Years. Probably never.
When Jared pulls back, it’s too soon. Jensen opens his eyes, gazes up at him expectantly
“I just want to be clear about one thing,” Jared says, voice cracked with emotion. “If we do this, it’s for keeps, right? No going back to being just friends if it doesn’t work out. I don’t think I could stand it.”
Jensen leans forward, till their foreheads are pressed together. He puts his hands over Jared’s big paws, still holding his face.
“It’s just us, Jared,” he murmurs. “Just like it’s always been. I promise. Best friends for life.”
Jared gasps, but Jensen can feel him caving. He’s wanted this too long not to give into it now. Jensen’s reminding him that their love for each other will weather even this long-suppressed desire and its consequences. Somehow, they’ll make it through.
He tilts his face back up to be kissed, and Jared obliges. Jared and Jensen kiss and kiss and kiss. They’re both ridiculously good at it, the careful presses, the clinging tugs, the teasing tongues. Jensen kisses Jared’s mouth like it’s part of his own, like Jared knows exactly how to make him want more, exactly how to give him what he wants most.
Maybe Jared kisses everybody like this, but Jensen wants to believe it’s just him. He wants to believe that Jared knows him so well that he knows exactly how to kiss Jensen so that his insides turn to mush and his skin catches fire.
They leave the dinner warming in the oven, too hot for each other to wait another moment, now that they’ve waited six years. In the bedroom, Jensen shows Jared exactly what he’s been wanting from him for all those years, and Jared gives it to him. It’s an intense relief for both of them.
Afterwards, they shower and change. Jared gets the amazing, cheesy pasta casserole he made out of the oven and they eat, relaxed and sated and easy with each other, just like always.
They hold hands and gaze at each other over the table, get worked up pretty damn fast and head back to the bedroom to take their time getting to know each other’s bodies.
“I can’t believe you hid this from me for so long,” Jared marvels afterwards, when Jensen’s curled up against him, cheek on Jared’s chest, one leg tucked between both of Jared’s and an arm across Jared’s waist, idly stroking the soft skin of his side.
Jensen hums. “I didn’t want to risk ruining our friendship,” he admits. “You’re too important to me, Jay.”
“Yeah, same,” Jared acknowledges. “But if I’d thought I had a chance in hell with you, I never would have waited.”
Jensen shrugs. “Maybe we needed to wait. Maybe we both needed to be sure of each other first.” He raises his head, looks into Jared’s eyes. “I want this to be forever, Jay, if you’re cool with that. I’ll be thirty next March and I’m ready to settle.”
“Oh hell yeah,” Jared assures him, squeezing him closer. He runs his free hand over the top of Jensen’s head and plants a kiss there. “Forever totally works for me.”
“Cool.”
//**//**//
JARED
Jared can’t believe his luck. Finding out Jensen wants him has been a revelation. Seeing him spread out on the bed beneath him is profoundly satisfying.
When he calls Jeff to thank him, to let him know that he talked to Jensen and it all worked out, Jeff laughs.
“Told you!” he crows. “Did he agree to the threesome yet?”
“He laughed when I mentioned it,” Jared says. “But we’re gonna take a raincheck, I think, at least for a while.”
“Well, you know how to reach me when you decide to go for it,” Jeff says, easy and confident. “I could show you boys a thing or two.”
“Oh, I know you could,” Jared says with a chuckle.
Nothing changes much, after that first night. Jared and Jensen are already roommates and best friends, so the addition of intimacy doesn’t really alter their dynamic much. If anything, they’re a little more handsy with each other, a little more physically affectionate outside the bedroom, but not really. There’s always been a casual intimacy between them. They just never realized it before.
Now that he thinks about it, Jared realizes that other people have always seen it. When he tells their old roommates in Dallas that he and Jensen are a couple now, every single one of them expresses their complete lack of surprise.
“Like we didn’t see that coming,” Chris says dryly.
“As if you two could ever be anything else but a couple,” Steve says.
“It’s about fuckin’ time,” Chad says. “Wondered when you’d come to your senses.”
“Everybody could see we were in love but us,” he tells Jensen. “How did we both manage to be such idiots?”
“Hold on there, cowboy.” Jensen rolls over on the bed, slides a hand down Jared’s chest, grasping his cock possessively. “You are a much bigger idiot than I.”
Jared closes his eyes, moans in pleasure as Jensen strokes his cock.
“Much bigger, anyway.”
Jensen chuckles.
fin