insecurity
So, I think insecurity is the theme of my life lately.
Im insecure about school, Im not doing so awesome in it right now and I dont know what Im going to do after...med school? PA school? PH school? I mean, those are 3 very different thinkgs that require me to do very different things right now to prepare for later and I cant prepare if I dont know what I wanna do so Im just really freaking out.
Im insecure about myself. Ive been trying really hard to lose weight...8lbs gone so far, but I think that its starting to make me realize my imperfections even more and to focus on them more. Im gonna keep losing weight because I want to be more healthy, Im just worried about keeping a good self image in mind and tryintg to keep my self esteem up. I've always had problems with weight and self esteem and they are just magnified when I need to think about eating and dieting and stuff all day long, it really takes a toll on me and I know that Jarrod is effected by it.
which brings me to my next insecurity. Im starting to feel insecure in my relationship. I know that we like each other, and I totally love his family and everything, but sometimes I feel our rough patches in the past creeping back up. As you most definitely know, we didnt do so hot over the last year and only recently did he make it official and ask me out, but all that hesitation and stuff just makes me feel like he just settled. and Im sure thats not the case, but I think too much and I worry myself about things that arent even happening. I dunno, I feel like the past is gonna catch up to us and its gonna end when Im not ready for it to and with school and a relationship and stuff going on outside of those things, I just havent been able to make much time for my friends and I know that when it ends Im going to be devastated and I'll have no one to turn to. I guess the only solution is to try to see my friends more and keep up those relationships somehow.
life is hard.
Im insecure about school, Im not doing so awesome in it right now and I dont know what Im going to do after...med school? PA school? PH school? I mean, those are 3 very different thinkgs that require me to do very different things right now to prepare for later and I cant prepare if I dont know what I wanna do so Im just really freaking out.
Im insecure about myself. Ive been trying really hard to lose weight...8lbs gone so far, but I think that its starting to make me realize my imperfections even more and to focus on them more. Im gonna keep losing weight because I want to be more healthy, Im just worried about keeping a good self image in mind and tryintg to keep my self esteem up. I've always had problems with weight and self esteem and they are just magnified when I need to think about eating and dieting and stuff all day long, it really takes a toll on me and I know that Jarrod is effected by it.
which brings me to my next insecurity. Im starting to feel insecure in my relationship. I know that we like each other, and I totally love his family and everything, but sometimes I feel our rough patches in the past creeping back up. As you most definitely know, we didnt do so hot over the last year and only recently did he make it official and ask me out, but all that hesitation and stuff just makes me feel like he just settled. and Im sure thats not the case, but I think too much and I worry myself about things that arent even happening. I dunno, I feel like the past is gonna catch up to us and its gonna end when Im not ready for it to and with school and a relationship and stuff going on outside of those things, I just havent been able to make much time for my friends and I know that when it ends Im going to be devastated and I'll have no one to turn to. I guess the only solution is to try to see my friends more and keep up those relationships somehow.
life is hard.