its only this fucked up.
I start realizing all this living is just dying
and if these are my friends, if this is my home,
if this is how i spend my nights, how I communicate, and demonstrate a love of life.
My eyes roll into the back of my head, if these are the last words that I've ever said
No I'm not ready to die just yet.
This has been such a great weekend...well, except for today...I really wanted to chill with my friends, but no one really wants to. I also hate being ignored, but thats ok...some people just do it without noticing how they make other people feel.
So yeah...friday was sorta shitty for me. I was being really dumb and expecting too much out of someone and it was totally unfair for me to expect anything at all, it was especially unfair for me to get mad about it. But I know that any one of my old friends...the ones I grew up with wouldn't let me walk home at 3:30 in the morning. but that was my own choice. I just really didnt feel good and I wanted to go home really bad. It made me realize how fucked it is that I never see them anymore, and that I depend on this one boy to make me feel good about myself. I feel pretty stupid. I miss my friends.
Saturday was great, I went to the Art and Soul festival with jeremy and luda and we met up with tristan, jon, and a bunch of other people and had a blast. We saw Against Me! it was one of the best shows they've put on in a really really long time. We got a free HIV test...totally clean!! haha woooo! anyways, that was just a good day. then I went to the movies with anna to see balls of fury, it wasnt that good....definitely not worth 10.25.
Yesterday I went out to Pinecrest with Jarrod, jill, jeremy, dc, little danny, and billy. We had so much fun, it took a while to get out there, but once we found parking the day began...we hiked over to a little cove where we bbq-ed and swam and sun bathed on some rocks and then me, dc, lb, and ward went to the cliff jumps. The boys jumped, I sunbathed on a big ass rock hella high up on the cliffs...it was so cool, it had suuuch a nice view. Especially the semi hot guys who were jumping along with my friends...well, they only jumped like, twice, but they did some gnarly jumps from really high up. we got home sorta late cuz jarrod's car was having trouble, so we didnt end up going to mike's party. I was so tired I just passed out.
Today I tried to hang out with Ward, but he just sorta ignored me haha, thats ok, though...Im not really sure how to interact with him sometimes...one day he'll be really flirty and the next totally ignore me...its weird, but I try not to mind too much. I mean, I still sort of have feelings for him, but its a waste of time trying to get with someone who doesn't want to be with you, so yeah, Im over it. I hope. It's been a long time, I mean, it didnt even take me this long to get over dorsey...but then again...dorsey was a douche bag. I just wish I could find a guy who treated me well for once that I was actually attracted to. but yeah, Im just glad that with all the shit I've pulled Jarrod is still willing to be my friend. anyways...I think Im going to zac's bbq, but I got some errands to run...so I should get ready to go...
and if these are my friends, if this is my home,
if this is how i spend my nights, how I communicate, and demonstrate a love of life.
My eyes roll into the back of my head, if these are the last words that I've ever said
No I'm not ready to die just yet.
This has been such a great weekend...well, except for today...I really wanted to chill with my friends, but no one really wants to. I also hate being ignored, but thats ok...some people just do it without noticing how they make other people feel.
So yeah...friday was sorta shitty for me. I was being really dumb and expecting too much out of someone and it was totally unfair for me to expect anything at all, it was especially unfair for me to get mad about it. But I know that any one of my old friends...the ones I grew up with wouldn't let me walk home at 3:30 in the morning. but that was my own choice. I just really didnt feel good and I wanted to go home really bad. It made me realize how fucked it is that I never see them anymore, and that I depend on this one boy to make me feel good about myself. I feel pretty stupid. I miss my friends.
Saturday was great, I went to the Art and Soul festival with jeremy and luda and we met up with tristan, jon, and a bunch of other people and had a blast. We saw Against Me! it was one of the best shows they've put on in a really really long time. We got a free HIV test...totally clean!! haha woooo! anyways, that was just a good day. then I went to the movies with anna to see balls of fury, it wasnt that good....definitely not worth 10.25.
Yesterday I went out to Pinecrest with Jarrod, jill, jeremy, dc, little danny, and billy. We had so much fun, it took a while to get out there, but once we found parking the day began...we hiked over to a little cove where we bbq-ed and swam and sun bathed on some rocks and then me, dc, lb, and ward went to the cliff jumps. The boys jumped, I sunbathed on a big ass rock hella high up on the cliffs...it was so cool, it had suuuch a nice view. Especially the semi hot guys who were jumping along with my friends...well, they only jumped like, twice, but they did some gnarly jumps from really high up. we got home sorta late cuz jarrod's car was having trouble, so we didnt end up going to mike's party. I was so tired I just passed out.
Today I tried to hang out with Ward, but he just sorta ignored me haha, thats ok, though...Im not really sure how to interact with him sometimes...one day he'll be really flirty and the next totally ignore me...its weird, but I try not to mind too much. I mean, I still sort of have feelings for him, but its a waste of time trying to get with someone who doesn't want to be with you, so yeah, Im over it. I hope. It's been a long time, I mean, it didnt even take me this long to get over dorsey...but then again...dorsey was a douche bag. I just wish I could find a guy who treated me well for once that I was actually attracted to. but yeah, Im just glad that with all the shit I've pulled Jarrod is still willing to be my friend. anyways...I think Im going to zac's bbq, but I got some errands to run...so I should get ready to go...