(no subject)
Why, when I speak to Keren, does she sound fine? Why am I sobbing when nothing is set in stone? Nothing has been determined yet. She does have cancer. That is one indisputable fact. It has definitely spread to 1 lymph node. That's it. Nobody has set that Keren is going to die from this. Nobody has given her a time limit on life. Nobody knows whether she's going to survive this or not. I know this. I absolutely cannot do this. Not from here. I can't have another day like this. It isn't fair to anybody here. I made them all as miserable as I was today. Now that I've spoken to Keren, and she sounds fine after having her breast cut open today, I am sitting in my bed, sort of watching Grey's Anatomy, and sobbing like an insane person. I just can't stop. Life has gone on since she told me. Christmas Eve. Now I can't stop sobbing. I need to be with my friend. I cannot function here knowing what is going on up there. Moving away from NY, for the first time, seems like a big, fat fucking mistake. I should be there for her. She's always been there for me