Weight Loss - The Beginning
I've decided to use LJ as a weight loss journal. This is a journey I don't ever want to forget. I never ever want to forget what it feels like to be 221 pounds. Once I get all this weight off, I want to remind myself daily (if needed) of what it's like to be fat.
How I Got Here:
And by "here", I mean to 221 pounds. If you had told me 10 years ago that I would one day weigh 221 pounds, I would've laughed, and then I would've punched you in the face. I used to weigh 140 pounds. I am 5'8". I was thinner than almost all of my friends, yet at the time I was always wishing to lose a few. God, if I knew then - you get the picture. Anyway, at the ripe old age of 20, I got pregnant with my daughter, Mackenzie. I gained about 45 pounds with the pregnancy. We used to go out to eat every Sunday night. The dinner guests would consist of me, Joe, Joe's brother, Robbie, and Robbie's friend, Chris. We would all order. I would be the first to finish every bite on my plate, and then whatever the boys didn't eat, well I ate it. I was a bottomless pit. Anyway, as Jenny McCarthy says, I was hoping that I would have a 45 pound baby. She was 8 pounds. But, by the time I came out of the hospital I had actually lost about half of what I gained (you lose a lot of blood and fluid in the process of giving birth). My mom came to visit a few days after Mac was born and the first thing she said is "Oh my God, you're so skinny". I must have looked at her like she had 3 heads. But then again, she wasn't seeing me naked. My stomach looked like a deflated balloon that had been put through a tiller. Anyway, some of the weight came off. Then I went on the depo shot, and I gained a few. Whatever. A couple of years went by and I gradually got bigger and bigger, eventually getting to 184 - the weight that I was when I was 9 months pregnant. Then, in 2003 I found out that I was pregnant again. Once again, I gained about 45 pounds. After I got out of the hospital with Kegan, I didn't even bother to weigh myself. I knew that the number would be over 200 pounds, and I did not want to know what it was. Anyway, that was 3 and a half years ago, and I'm pretty sure that 221 was what I weighed when I was 9 months pregnant. Anyway, after years and years and years of self-hatred and depression over my weight, I decided that enough was enough. It was finally time to ACTUALLY do something about it. I realized that I would remain fat forever unless I changed it. I had a choice to continue blaming pregnancy for my being fat, or to take my life into MY hands and change what I didn't like. I chose the latter. I thought I had made that same choice many times, but the reality is, I wasn't prepared to really work hard for it. I chose to take shortcuts, which in the short term would offer great weight loss, really quickly, but of course, it all came back on. The biggest change that I've noticed this time around is I don't hate myself when I look in the mirror. Instead, I count my blessings that I am alive, with a body that is working. And, my body will forever be a testament to those 18 months that I spent with babies inside of me, nourishing them so that they were born healthy and happy. The stretch marks that are left will serve as a reminder of that wonderful time when life was growing inside. I also put up a picture of myself when I was 140 pounds. I believe I have lost that person forever, when in reality she is there - just under a bit of fluff. I have always believed that I could NEVER be back to 140 pounds. Now I realize that's my own choice. And while 140 pounds isn't my ultimate goal, I know I could reach it if I choose it. So, now the work begins...
So, back in February, I decided to start doing Weight Watchers. I had tried lots of other things including (but not limited to): starvation, fasting, hoodia sprays, Bontril weight loss pills, Lucille Roberts, Tae-Bo, reading Dr. Phil's book, and East Shore Health and Racquet Club. So, Weight Watchers really wasn't that big of a stretch. I wanted to learn how to eat properly and to learn how much I should be eating daily, since I was really no good at counting calories, and I wasn't really sure how many calories I needed to be eating, anyway. So, WW worked well when I followed the plan. I would lose a couple pounds a week. Then, we went on vacation. WW pretty much went out the window for about a month. However, I noticed that I was just naturally picking healthier things to eat (in general). With WW I probably lost about 9 pounds in 3 weeks or so. So, I decided to pick it back up. The things that I had learned about eating, calorie intake and exercise in those first 3 weeks enabled me to continue the weight loss journey without continuously checking in with WW. Now, I eat 1200 calories a day, and work out 3 to 4 times a week for 45 minutes each.
Since I've started, I've lost a total of 18.5 pounds. Yes, it has taken me a long time, but I haven't really done it 100% since February. Honestly, the whole month of July was a wash because we went on vacation again. I thought that going on vacation with a bunch of health nuts would mean we would eat healthy meals and exercise pretty much daily. WRONG. Apparently my entire family has no self control - JUST LIKE ME!!! I was actually kind of glad to see that my 2 (thin) brothers actually let loose with the eating, too.
Anyway, so here we are. I am at 202.5 as of Tuesday, August 28th. I am soooooooooo friggin eager to reach that HUGE 199 mark! I seriously will throw myself some kind of party. I actually have reached 199 maybe a little over a year ago, but it was VERY short lived, and I reached it by taking some serious diet pills (the ones that give you spontaneous heart attacks). So, this time, when 199 comes, I know that I am there purely because of me - not through any kind of shortcut.
I was actually hoping to reach that huge milestone next week (Tuesday), but I am having female issues, and that usually doesn't help me when it comes time to step on the scale. But, we'll see, anyway.
This should be an exciting ride, so stay tuned!
How I Got Here:
And by "here", I mean to 221 pounds. If you had told me 10 years ago that I would one day weigh 221 pounds, I would've laughed, and then I would've punched you in the face. I used to weigh 140 pounds. I am 5'8". I was thinner than almost all of my friends, yet at the time I was always wishing to lose a few. God, if I knew then - you get the picture. Anyway, at the ripe old age of 20, I got pregnant with my daughter, Mackenzie. I gained about 45 pounds with the pregnancy. We used to go out to eat every Sunday night. The dinner guests would consist of me, Joe, Joe's brother, Robbie, and Robbie's friend, Chris. We would all order. I would be the first to finish every bite on my plate, and then whatever the boys didn't eat, well I ate it. I was a bottomless pit. Anyway, as Jenny McCarthy says, I was hoping that I would have a 45 pound baby. She was 8 pounds. But, by the time I came out of the hospital I had actually lost about half of what I gained (you lose a lot of blood and fluid in the process of giving birth). My mom came to visit a few days after Mac was born and the first thing she said is "Oh my God, you're so skinny". I must have looked at her like she had 3 heads. But then again, she wasn't seeing me naked. My stomach looked like a deflated balloon that had been put through a tiller. Anyway, some of the weight came off. Then I went on the depo shot, and I gained a few. Whatever. A couple of years went by and I gradually got bigger and bigger, eventually getting to 184 - the weight that I was when I was 9 months pregnant. Then, in 2003 I found out that I was pregnant again. Once again, I gained about 45 pounds. After I got out of the hospital with Kegan, I didn't even bother to weigh myself. I knew that the number would be over 200 pounds, and I did not want to know what it was. Anyway, that was 3 and a half years ago, and I'm pretty sure that 221 was what I weighed when I was 9 months pregnant. Anyway, after years and years and years of self-hatred and depression over my weight, I decided that enough was enough. It was finally time to ACTUALLY do something about it. I realized that I would remain fat forever unless I changed it. I had a choice to continue blaming pregnancy for my being fat, or to take my life into MY hands and change what I didn't like. I chose the latter. I thought I had made that same choice many times, but the reality is, I wasn't prepared to really work hard for it. I chose to take shortcuts, which in the short term would offer great weight loss, really quickly, but of course, it all came back on. The biggest change that I've noticed this time around is I don't hate myself when I look in the mirror. Instead, I count my blessings that I am alive, with a body that is working. And, my body will forever be a testament to those 18 months that I spent with babies inside of me, nourishing them so that they were born healthy and happy. The stretch marks that are left will serve as a reminder of that wonderful time when life was growing inside. I also put up a picture of myself when I was 140 pounds. I believe I have lost that person forever, when in reality she is there - just under a bit of fluff. I have always believed that I could NEVER be back to 140 pounds. Now I realize that's my own choice. And while 140 pounds isn't my ultimate goal, I know I could reach it if I choose it. So, now the work begins...
So, back in February, I decided to start doing Weight Watchers. I had tried lots of other things including (but not limited to): starvation, fasting, hoodia sprays, Bontril weight loss pills, Lucille Roberts, Tae-Bo, reading Dr. Phil's book, and East Shore Health and Racquet Club. So, Weight Watchers really wasn't that big of a stretch. I wanted to learn how to eat properly and to learn how much I should be eating daily, since I was really no good at counting calories, and I wasn't really sure how many calories I needed to be eating, anyway. So, WW worked well when I followed the plan. I would lose a couple pounds a week. Then, we went on vacation. WW pretty much went out the window for about a month. However, I noticed that I was just naturally picking healthier things to eat (in general). With WW I probably lost about 9 pounds in 3 weeks or so. So, I decided to pick it back up. The things that I had learned about eating, calorie intake and exercise in those first 3 weeks enabled me to continue the weight loss journey without continuously checking in with WW. Now, I eat 1200 calories a day, and work out 3 to 4 times a week for 45 minutes each.
Since I've started, I've lost a total of 18.5 pounds. Yes, it has taken me a long time, but I haven't really done it 100% since February. Honestly, the whole month of July was a wash because we went on vacation again. I thought that going on vacation with a bunch of health nuts would mean we would eat healthy meals and exercise pretty much daily. WRONG. Apparently my entire family has no self control - JUST LIKE ME!!! I was actually kind of glad to see that my 2 (thin) brothers actually let loose with the eating, too.
Anyway, so here we are. I am at 202.5 as of Tuesday, August 28th. I am soooooooooo friggin eager to reach that HUGE 199 mark! I seriously will throw myself some kind of party. I actually have reached 199 maybe a little over a year ago, but it was VERY short lived, and I reached it by taking some serious diet pills (the ones that give you spontaneous heart attacks). So, this time, when 199 comes, I know that I am there purely because of me - not through any kind of shortcut.
I was actually hoping to reach that huge milestone next week (Tuesday), but I am having female issues, and that usually doesn't help me when it comes time to step on the scale. But, we'll see, anyway.
This should be an exciting ride, so stay tuned!