and i think we're all just a little bit too familiar with not getting what we really want

[amyisanerd]

so it's a new year. New years was fun, spent it with people i love a lot. but i go back to school tomorrow. don't get me wrong, i do want to go back, i miss people there a ton. but i just don't feel good there. i think getting my grades was a real reality check. I just don't feel like I'm supposed to be there. I love it there, i love my friends and the social aspect of it. But I just don't feel like I'm learning anything, or working towards anything. I just feel like i'm going through the motions of getting a degree. And I don't want to be at home. I don't want to just sit here and work. I would do that if i felt like i was working to get to something else. But I wouldn't even be doing that. I'm not passionate about anything. I don't have any particular talents. I have nothing that I would love to do for the rest of my life. so it's not even like I could come home and work towards something. because I can't. and I don't want to just come home and work. and just be that college drop out. but I don't feel like college is for me. and not just over reacting, but I have never been really good at school. and college is even worse than highschool was. I just don't feel like I should be there. it doesn't feel right.
I honestly just want to go. get up and leave this place. pittsburgh doesn't feel good, PA surely doesn't feel good. but then once i get to where ever it is i plan on going, what then. is it just going to be like here. I don't want to work, I don't want to go to school. so then what? who knows