Addressing the Problem?
I know my mother is trying to be helpful in getting the information for me about what I need to finish my degrees. I know this. She got information on money and what credits I'm missing--information which I could easily get by myself. However she completely misunderstands the problem.
The problem, realistically, isn't what classes are being offered. Its not even money (though that is an issue, too).
The problem is that when I am put in a room full of people I panic, lose focus, hyperventilate, and possibly either scream or pass out. This is the real issue. I flunked out of last semester because I became so incredibly frozen in terror I couldn't leave my room anymore. I have frequent recurring nightmares of being at school. My room was perfectly safe, so living on campus wasn't the issue either (except when it came to food. I didn't eat because I couldn't get to food and you cannot be off the meal plan, unfortunately). The issue was FREAKING CLASSES. The issue was that I couldn't answer my phone, read emails, walk across campus, and sit in classes without being in pain and panic. THAT IS THE PROBLEM. What I need to do to finish this degree isn't focus, it isn't money, it isn't information. I am excellent with information.
What I need to finish school is to not be overwhelmed constantly, cry a lot, hide, freeze, and be unable to focus.
I barely can handle work, where I spend the majority of my day *alone* and only a few hours with maybe a grand total of *five* people in the same room. How does she think I fare in a room with twenty to forty strangers especially on a campus where you can't hide?
I am very intelligent. My issue has never been classes. It has always been dealing with the environment. Changing the classes won't do anything about that. Taking *fewer* classes isn't going to change anything. And this is just frustrating to me and frightening me and stressing me out which is why I don't do anything.
Why is it when ever I try to explain this no one understands it? No one ever seems to be listening to the problem. They see me function what they perceive as "fine" within a very limited space, so they expect that I am exaggerating the issue. But I'm not. I'm just good at hiding things until I can get back into private so that I can try and work things out.
But I just end up to exhausted to try and deal with reality.
Excuse me, I need a good cry now.
The problem, realistically, isn't what classes are being offered. Its not even money (though that is an issue, too).
The problem is that when I am put in a room full of people I panic, lose focus, hyperventilate, and possibly either scream or pass out. This is the real issue. I flunked out of last semester because I became so incredibly frozen in terror I couldn't leave my room anymore. I have frequent recurring nightmares of being at school. My room was perfectly safe, so living on campus wasn't the issue either (except when it came to food. I didn't eat because I couldn't get to food and you cannot be off the meal plan, unfortunately). The issue was FREAKING CLASSES. The issue was that I couldn't answer my phone, read emails, walk across campus, and sit in classes without being in pain and panic. THAT IS THE PROBLEM. What I need to do to finish this degree isn't focus, it isn't money, it isn't information. I am excellent with information.
What I need to finish school is to not be overwhelmed constantly, cry a lot, hide, freeze, and be unable to focus.
I barely can handle work, where I spend the majority of my day *alone* and only a few hours with maybe a grand total of *five* people in the same room. How does she think I fare in a room with twenty to forty strangers especially on a campus where you can't hide?
I am very intelligent. My issue has never been classes. It has always been dealing with the environment. Changing the classes won't do anything about that. Taking *fewer* classes isn't going to change anything. And this is just frustrating to me and frightening me and stressing me out which is why I don't do anything.
Why is it when ever I try to explain this no one understands it? No one ever seems to be listening to the problem. They see me function what they perceive as "fine" within a very limited space, so they expect that I am exaggerating the issue. But I'm not. I'm just good at hiding things until I can get back into private so that I can try and work things out.
But I just end up to exhausted to try and deal with reality.
Excuse me, I need a good cry now.