FORBIDDEN LOVE
some stories are meant to be epics. some stories create myths. some remain legends till the end and some survive the onslaught of time.
and then there are some stories which are short lived maybe but it does not mean they are any less filled with love.
this is the story of marc callahan , this is the story of isabelle dawson , this is the story of james mcdean
and this is a story of an unending love .
a love which was never recognized by the world. a love which remained forbidden...
a love which refused to die ... even after death
part 1
Marc and belle were a happy couple. he was a surgeon . she was a painter living in their own haven on outskirts of the city.
they had met at a art gallery where belle's painting were being showcased. the tall lanky blonde doctor fell in love with the painting first. he fantasized about the hands which created that unique piece for days.. and eventually mastered up the courage to seek out the artist . the dark unassuming belle was not what he had expected .. but he asked her out on a date anyway ...
that night in December.. changed it all ... the long walk in the snow drenched street ended up in a longer walk down the aisle ...
they had known each other for only 6 months.
part 2
the 6 months of their courtship had been the happiest days of their lives. they learnt to come out of their comfort zone. they brought spontaneity in their relationship, a thing they never believed they had. the hassles of day to day life, the fast pace and the cut throat competition ... they wanted to get away from the madding crowd..
they brought a surreal melodrama in their otherwise mundane life style ...
their marriage was nothing but a reflection of that.
they kept the mystery alive even after marriage. there were times when they felt like strangers ...
but suddenly he would smile ... and everything would dissolve around them ... the smile lighting up the barn ... or she would hold him tightly in her arms... a sure sign of her vulnerability ... the enigma would seem almost as necessary as openness to them ...
late in the night she would get up .. and move with a clumsy grace towards her studio ... to recreate something on the canvass ... refusing to let him see it until it was done ...
it will turn out to be just a tree drawn in deep shadows ... but mesmerizing the onlooker nonetheless...
she was no Michael Angelo ... her art was not 21st renaissance ... a simple work .. reflecting who she was... and Marc was ready to fall in love with her every day like that ....
part 3
the days seemed to fly ... like a breeze ... at times life seemed to stand still ... both at the same time..
Marc and belle knew how idiosyncratic it was ..so very contradictory .. they marveled at this fact .. oh how many quiet afternoons they spent together looking at the sunset .. musing at the simplicity of their lives... yet so extraordinary ...
the salty smell of the sea .. the chill of its water.. nights that seemed years long ... the stars which promised them gaiety and the security of each other's arms ... a future together...
nothing out of the box ... nothing unusual ... dreams that were quite realistic..
for them it was part of a dream within a dream ... where nothing was real .. nothing was an illusion !!!!!
part 4
belle died as she had lived ... always living on the edge taking risks.. always enveloping herself with her very own security blanket .. her belief in destiny and togetherness ... it had made her go out with marc ..it had made her to says yes when he proposed.. even when she knew virtually nothing about him .. he remained an enigma .. she kept up the facade ....
she died just like she lived.. without making a mess..without a fuss.. but leaving a long lists of questions unanswered ... and a mystery
at 29 she died peacefully in her sleep ... still smiling at a quiet Joke with god ... 3 days short of her 30th birthday ...
part 5
Marc did not know how he felt about her death ...
should he miss her quiet company ?
cry his eyes out ? what was it he was suppose to feel ? how could he define what was going through his mind ?
a hollowness that swallowed him every single waking hour ?
or the fantasies he had in his sleep ? standing on the edge of the creek .. waters splashing underneath .. just one step away from belle ? it was not easy .. no not indeed ...
he went about his business just the same .. like he had done everyday before her death .. he ate his breakfast on time.. saw his patients.. operated on them successfully ... reassured their family ... all the while avoiding the pitiful gaze of his neighbors... he shut himself in his study after work .. refused to see anyone ... and spent hours at the beach .. reminiscent of the past ... brooding over a future they will never have... his neighbors approved his silent mourning .. his grace in handling grief ... no one having a slightest clue .. it was not Marc standing there ... just a hollow shell ..masquerading as human ...
part 6
James mcdean wanted to wait for belle to return from Paris .. she was on a art scholarship to Louvre museum .. a course that was to last 4 semesters and 2 years of their lives .. but belle was obdurate ... adamant ... long distance relationships never worked.. she argued.. at one point they would begin to suspect each other.. and besides she was going to Paris.. the most romantic city in the world .... so ....
it was better to part their ways on good terms... so that they could recall memories of their relationship with a fondness...
it was a relationship ... no doubt about that ... not like the one she had with Marc..
James felt like a boss-am friend to her... she could share her deepest secret and most embarrassing memories with him ...
when they made love it seemed like a game ... giggling and laughing like two adolescent school kids .. they had shared everything but her make up ... which James simply refused to put on even playfully !!!!
it was heartbreaking for James to see her walk away from him ... towards another continent without a second glance.. which was not surprising... belle never second guessed herself ... not when she decided to date the destitute scotch immigrant against the wishes of her mother.. not no when she decided to call it off ... she loved him a ferocity ... a childish innocence ...
she left him with the brutality of her youth ...
part 7
it was a long time ago ... James never saw her again ... she disappeared into the abyss of his subconscious .. a sharp ticking pain in his chest was the only reminder of her existence in his life...
maybe it was fate .. maybe it was meant to be.. he was being transferred to London ..
what made him to call her number he could not fathom ... maybe he wanted to hear her voice one last time before he left the country forever.. there was nothing in it to hold him anyway ....
unlike Marc he reacted immediately when her mother told him about belle's death ...
he decided to console the grieving husband of the woman .. they both loved..
thats when he took the journey that was to change his life irrevocably ... !!!!
part 8
it was a dull winter afternoon when the stranger arrived at the callahan household... it was already dark .. it hid the long shadows cast by the man who knocked quietly at the elegant home on the ivies street ...
the house keeper .. elderly and evidently foreign answered the door and ushered him in ... informing him the master was not home yet ... he could wait in the study if he liked...
James quietly accepted her offer ... perching on an old fashioned arm chair in a big wooden study ... he looked at the fire burning in the fire place.. waiting for the man who was lucky enough to have belle in his life.. yet unlucky to see her leave.. just like he had.. years and years ago ..
that created a unseen bond with him .. James felt it .. without wanting to.. without meaning to ...
part 9
Marc was too tired to argue with his elderly housekeeper ... she knew very well he did not want to see anyone .. but one could send a visitor away on a dreadful evening like that she protested ... so he gave in .. dreading the meeting with the unknown stranger ....
part 10
James immediately stood up as the door opened and Marc walked in ... he was not quite what James had expected ... in fact he did not know what to expect at all ... Marc was good looking in his own conventional way ... unlike James who was blonde with Slavic features ... taking after his mother ...
James immediately felt a pang of regret ..
how was he suppose to introduce himself ?
as belle's friend ?
or former lover ?
it was not the best time to mention that .. but anything short of truth would mean debasing the memory of belle ...
Marc made it easy for him ... he took his hands shook it and said
" we share the same grief "
James did not know what to say .. or how Marc had discovered the truth ... he did not realize it was all but evident in his eyes.. that he was hurting .. and it was not just platonic.. he was still in love with belle.. even after death ...
Marc felt the same bond too .. again without wanting to .. without meaning to !!!!!
part 11
Marc was not sure how he knew this .. how he knew the man standing in front of him had once loved belle like he had.. known her ... James... the name belle never mentioned ... but looking at those clear blue eyes... and it was evident ... it held the same mystery .. the same playful secrecy belle had ...
Marc was too smart not to notice this unreal ..uncanny similarity ...
there was something about James... not exactly sexual .. something that was appealing ... that brought belle close to him .. she had it too ... Marc felt that magnetism ... that brought them together..maybe years ago ? he did not know ...
but it would be difficult to break free ... he was treading down a dangerous path .. and he knew it ..
but he could not stop it ...
part 12
it was a crazy night ... the thunderstorms seemed to wreck the place ... and it was almost inconceivable to think of driving so late in the night .. it was partly because of this reason Marc asked james to stay the night ...
its not that they were really very comfortable with each other...
a doomed silence had accompanied them once they had introduced themselves..
Marc did not know where to begin ... James unable to find words ... to express himself ... oratory never been his strong point ...
somehow silence gave them enough opportunity to study each other ...
not merely to judge .. but to see what the other had which belle had found so attractive...
they reminisced with a absurd perversity ...
a night stay in Marc's house was not what James had in mind... he could have driven away .. thunderstorm or not ... but he could not refuse... not out of politeness ... but something he could not himself fathom ... an odd feeling ... that he ought to run away when he had the chance .. but he must stay till the end ... what ever it was !!!!!!
part 13
the morning brought more grave news for James ... the thunder storm had blocked all the roads .. he had no way of leaving the house even if he wanted to ...
not that he particularly did ... he could not sleep well last night ... after tossing and turning in an unfamiliar bed for hours he had fallen into an uneasy slumber ... where he had began to dream ...
a beach ... he was walking on the golden sands ... into the sunset. alone .. towards something ... he felt it .. but he could not see ... suddenly the dream changed .. an ashen faced belle appeared crying out .. maybe for help ?
he tried to reach out to her .. and suddenly it dissolved into an emptiness.. and he had woken up in cold sweat to a colder and gloomier morning !!!!!
part 14
for Marc it was a bizarre experience .
he could see the intensity that drove belle towards james .. once upon a time .. but he could actually see the softer side .. a vulnerability that he had seen in belle.. they were so similar in some odd ways...
it was almost funny to watch him ... his taste in food .. the tunes on his ipod ... it reminded him of something .. half forgotten ... something hidden away in the corners of mind.. valuable .. but painful ...
yes in some very weird ways.. belle lived on in james' persona.. and it scared Marc ...
to be continued
part 15
james knew what marc was doing .. he was trying to recreate something that was not quite there .. he was trying to make him a surrogate of belle ... he was aware how familiar he was with belle's life ..her temper ..he was the key to all that ... and in some ways he was himself so absurdly like her.... he could not help but notice they even had the same dimple on their chin.. same lilt in their voices..
he was aware what peril was putting himself to .. being remaining so dangerously close in proximity of Marc...
he did not need to stay a day longer but marc had insisted ... and he could not say no ...
it was weird ..he was surprised to find himself using the term dangerous so many times int past few days...
there was nothing menacing about marc ... he was an attractive fellow
.. not unassuming. .. but he was not the dark stranger who reeked of danger ...
but somehow he felt the danger was very close to him .. it was closing in on him like a surreal impossibility ... a shooting pain up and down his chest ... a hollowness inside ... and a desire to see it through ...
he was determined to see where the danger lay .. and he was going to find out why ... and for that ..he was willing to take any risk possible... anything at all ...
after all .. death comes only at the end !!!!!
part 16
it was as if it was meant to be ..
they grew closer as it can be...
no one knew how this happened or when or why
it became as part of their reality ...
every morn james would decide to leave .. and pack his things in a blurred hurry .. then ...
he would look around in his guest room and stop in his tracks.. and trace his steps back to the dressing table.. he would slowly pick up the things scattered there... marc's ... and smell the shaving lotion ... left intentionally ...
all this happened beyond their dreams .. comprehension .. something no one could foresee
James would always remember their first ...
it was a few weeks after belle's funeral...
Marc needed to be alone .. and James unwilling to let him be...
maybe it was the air .. the darkness or the gloom ...
the study too menacing ? Marc had leaned forward ... to say something.. which never left his lips that night ...
it was an impulse maybe ?
James had brushed them with his own ... Marc ... was startled... but he reciprocated ... kissed back with
a childish intensity ..
he remembered how his lips swelled up after the heist ... cause it was a heist ... his own heart was stolen forever ...
he did not know what Marc really felt ...
was he some sort of substitute for the one Marc had lost ?
a surrogate of belle ?
he was sure of that .. it was eating him away ...
each day he would try to pack his things and leave .. but something in him always held him back ...
when they kissed .. when they loved it did not matter at all ...
he stayed in spite of knowing he should not...
part 17
Marc knew what he was getting himself into ... he was falling for belle all over again .. was not he ?
was not James just like her.. with all his sensitivity and vulnerability ?
he could not be possibly falling for James..
he kept telling himself..
oh yes ..it was belle .. its always been her .. James just reminded him of her ..thats all there is to it ...
and he must end this travesty ... he must not let James believe it was anything else.. he need not get hurt ... he had had enough pain already .. but why did he care .. ? Marc kept asking himself ... and could not find a plausible answer !!!!
every time James would attempt to leave .. he would in fact find a way to sabotage it....
leaving his after shave lotion on his dressing table was a pretty effective trick ...
he knew what drew belle towards him .. once upon a time .... in some perverse way .. it was going to make James stay too
...
it was turning into a sickening obsession with Marc.. he was fixated with james' similarity with belle.. he wanted to unravel the mystery behind her.. was not he ?
was he just trying to know the unknown through James ?
maybe the methods were not too pious or respectable... not in the least .. he felt he was leading him ...
but he could not stop ... he had to go on ...
part 18
James knew belle was gone .. and there was nothing to stop him from leaving .. but something always held him back .. he never denied it .. he was in love .. deeply madly.. irrevocably and perhaps.. painfully .. he felt it in his heart .. that all kisses and sweet nothings.. the silences and stares he shared with Marc .. it meant different things to them ...
it did not matter how convincing it felt when Marc kissed him each night.. away from the prying eyes of the onlookers...
he knew Marc was always kissing belle.. trying to find her in him ...
the moonlight ..the darkness ... the night ... and all the other witnesses could easily testify ..if only they had a voice ...
they did not need to .. he was not a fool ... but then maybe he was ...
????
he stayed .. a bit too long ?
trying to capture as many moments as possible.. knowing it was not his to take ?
he had to leave.. he must .. but before that he must feed him greed ... to be with him .. a few more days ... to have a few more painful memories ..to last a life time ?
james knew this was perhaps the end ...
he would not be able to love anyone again ... nor would marc.. marc was forever belle's ..
he could hear the clock chime... and it was almost time to go ..
part 19
Marc had no idea what was going through james' head .. he might have realized he was just deluding himself ... it was not merely a fixation with belle ... it was something else..
had it been under normal circumstances..he would have cringed at the thought..
he would have denied loving another man ... he was not homophobic.. but then it was not easy ..
but things were different here .... he was not denying his sexuality .. he was deluding himself into believing he was still in love with his dead wife... he was .. no doubt ..
but love was more than that ... it was beyond our control.. beyond marc's control ... he could only lie.. he could attempt to hide.. it would come out eventually ...
unfortunately he was unaware of that ..
he was also unaware of james' broken heart ...
he was unaware that the following morning would there would be one less plate at the table..
the usual songs played on the music player wont be heard anymore.. the sunset will the same .. ..
the study will not be filled with the scent .. scent he had grown accustomed to ...
he was unaware while he was still reminiscing .. James was silently walking away ..into the darkness away from him .. still hurting ...
part 20
James left that night .. unaware that Marc had fallen for him ... he walked away before he could get more hurt ... his memories were enough ... he walked in the darkness.. the same on form where he had once come..so oddly poetic ... so painfully so ...
while he was fading in the darkness ... Marc had finally come to terms with his own growing feelings for him ... he meant to tell him the following morning.. a tomorrow which never came ...
days passed a blurred haze for both of them .. sometimes the time stood still ...
they would walk the mile ... carrying their own baggage ... mistakes made in life...
there was not a sunset ending for them .. the bliss of togetherness..
they would mourn the death of belle separably ...
she was dead .. her love was not .. but she was the reason they came together .. and why they parted...
they mourned over her ... over a love lost ...
belle stood up above the horizon .. sharing the pain .. their guardian angel ...
and then there are some stories which are short lived maybe but it does not mean they are any less filled with love.
this is the story of marc callahan , this is the story of isabelle dawson , this is the story of james mcdean
and this is a story of an unending love .
a love which was never recognized by the world. a love which remained forbidden...
a love which refused to die ... even after death
part 1
Marc and belle were a happy couple. he was a surgeon . she was a painter living in their own haven on outskirts of the city.
they had met at a art gallery where belle's painting were being showcased. the tall lanky blonde doctor fell in love with the painting first. he fantasized about the hands which created that unique piece for days.. and eventually mastered up the courage to seek out the artist . the dark unassuming belle was not what he had expected .. but he asked her out on a date anyway ...
that night in December.. changed it all ... the long walk in the snow drenched street ended up in a longer walk down the aisle ...
they had known each other for only 6 months.
part 2
the 6 months of their courtship had been the happiest days of their lives. they learnt to come out of their comfort zone. they brought spontaneity in their relationship, a thing they never believed they had. the hassles of day to day life, the fast pace and the cut throat competition ... they wanted to get away from the madding crowd..
they brought a surreal melodrama in their otherwise mundane life style ...
their marriage was nothing but a reflection of that.
they kept the mystery alive even after marriage. there were times when they felt like strangers ...
but suddenly he would smile ... and everything would dissolve around them ... the smile lighting up the barn ... or she would hold him tightly in her arms... a sure sign of her vulnerability ... the enigma would seem almost as necessary as openness to them ...
late in the night she would get up .. and move with a clumsy grace towards her studio ... to recreate something on the canvass ... refusing to let him see it until it was done ...
it will turn out to be just a tree drawn in deep shadows ... but mesmerizing the onlooker nonetheless...
she was no Michael Angelo ... her art was not 21st renaissance ... a simple work .. reflecting who she was... and Marc was ready to fall in love with her every day like that ....
part 3
the days seemed to fly ... like a breeze ... at times life seemed to stand still ... both at the same time..
Marc and belle knew how idiosyncratic it was ..so very contradictory .. they marveled at this fact .. oh how many quiet afternoons they spent together looking at the sunset .. musing at the simplicity of their lives... yet so extraordinary ...
the salty smell of the sea .. the chill of its water.. nights that seemed years long ... the stars which promised them gaiety and the security of each other's arms ... a future together...
nothing out of the box ... nothing unusual ... dreams that were quite realistic..
for them it was part of a dream within a dream ... where nothing was real .. nothing was an illusion !!!!!
part 4
belle died as she had lived ... always living on the edge taking risks.. always enveloping herself with her very own security blanket .. her belief in destiny and togetherness ... it had made her go out with marc ..it had made her to says yes when he proposed.. even when she knew virtually nothing about him .. he remained an enigma .. she kept up the facade ....
she died just like she lived.. without making a mess..without a fuss.. but leaving a long lists of questions unanswered ... and a mystery
at 29 she died peacefully in her sleep ... still smiling at a quiet Joke with god ... 3 days short of her 30th birthday ...
part 5
Marc did not know how he felt about her death ...
should he miss her quiet company ?
cry his eyes out ? what was it he was suppose to feel ? how could he define what was going through his mind ?
a hollowness that swallowed him every single waking hour ?
or the fantasies he had in his sleep ? standing on the edge of the creek .. waters splashing underneath .. just one step away from belle ? it was not easy .. no not indeed ...
he went about his business just the same .. like he had done everyday before her death .. he ate his breakfast on time.. saw his patients.. operated on them successfully ... reassured their family ... all the while avoiding the pitiful gaze of his neighbors... he shut himself in his study after work .. refused to see anyone ... and spent hours at the beach .. reminiscent of the past ... brooding over a future they will never have... his neighbors approved his silent mourning .. his grace in handling grief ... no one having a slightest clue .. it was not Marc standing there ... just a hollow shell ..masquerading as human ...
part 6
James mcdean wanted to wait for belle to return from Paris .. she was on a art scholarship to Louvre museum .. a course that was to last 4 semesters and 2 years of their lives .. but belle was obdurate ... adamant ... long distance relationships never worked.. she argued.. at one point they would begin to suspect each other.. and besides she was going to Paris.. the most romantic city in the world .... so ....
it was better to part their ways on good terms... so that they could recall memories of their relationship with a fondness...
it was a relationship ... no doubt about that ... not like the one she had with Marc..
James felt like a boss-am friend to her... she could share her deepest secret and most embarrassing memories with him ...
when they made love it seemed like a game ... giggling and laughing like two adolescent school kids .. they had shared everything but her make up ... which James simply refused to put on even playfully !!!!
it was heartbreaking for James to see her walk away from him ... towards another continent without a second glance.. which was not surprising... belle never second guessed herself ... not when she decided to date the destitute scotch immigrant against the wishes of her mother.. not no when she decided to call it off ... she loved him a ferocity ... a childish innocence ...
she left him with the brutality of her youth ...
part 7
it was a long time ago ... James never saw her again ... she disappeared into the abyss of his subconscious .. a sharp ticking pain in his chest was the only reminder of her existence in his life...
maybe it was fate .. maybe it was meant to be.. he was being transferred to London ..
what made him to call her number he could not fathom ... maybe he wanted to hear her voice one last time before he left the country forever.. there was nothing in it to hold him anyway ....
unlike Marc he reacted immediately when her mother told him about belle's death ...
he decided to console the grieving husband of the woman .. they both loved..
thats when he took the journey that was to change his life irrevocably ... !!!!
part 8
it was a dull winter afternoon when the stranger arrived at the callahan household... it was already dark .. it hid the long shadows cast by the man who knocked quietly at the elegant home on the ivies street ...
the house keeper .. elderly and evidently foreign answered the door and ushered him in ... informing him the master was not home yet ... he could wait in the study if he liked...
James quietly accepted her offer ... perching on an old fashioned arm chair in a big wooden study ... he looked at the fire burning in the fire place.. waiting for the man who was lucky enough to have belle in his life.. yet unlucky to see her leave.. just like he had.. years and years ago ..
that created a unseen bond with him .. James felt it .. without wanting to.. without meaning to ...
part 9
Marc was too tired to argue with his elderly housekeeper ... she knew very well he did not want to see anyone .. but one could send a visitor away on a dreadful evening like that she protested ... so he gave in .. dreading the meeting with the unknown stranger ....
part 10
James immediately stood up as the door opened and Marc walked in ... he was not quite what James had expected ... in fact he did not know what to expect at all ... Marc was good looking in his own conventional way ... unlike James who was blonde with Slavic features ... taking after his mother ...
James immediately felt a pang of regret ..
how was he suppose to introduce himself ?
as belle's friend ?
or former lover ?
it was not the best time to mention that .. but anything short of truth would mean debasing the memory of belle ...
Marc made it easy for him ... he took his hands shook it and said
" we share the same grief "
James did not know what to say .. or how Marc had discovered the truth ... he did not realize it was all but evident in his eyes.. that he was hurting .. and it was not just platonic.. he was still in love with belle.. even after death ...
Marc felt the same bond too .. again without wanting to .. without meaning to !!!!!
part 11
Marc was not sure how he knew this .. how he knew the man standing in front of him had once loved belle like he had.. known her ... James... the name belle never mentioned ... but looking at those clear blue eyes... and it was evident ... it held the same mystery .. the same playful secrecy belle had ...
Marc was too smart not to notice this unreal ..uncanny similarity ...
there was something about James... not exactly sexual .. something that was appealing ... that brought belle close to him .. she had it too ... Marc felt that magnetism ... that brought them together..maybe years ago ? he did not know ...
but it would be difficult to break free ... he was treading down a dangerous path .. and he knew it ..
but he could not stop it ...
part 12
it was a crazy night ... the thunderstorms seemed to wreck the place ... and it was almost inconceivable to think of driving so late in the night .. it was partly because of this reason Marc asked james to stay the night ...
its not that they were really very comfortable with each other...
a doomed silence had accompanied them once they had introduced themselves..
Marc did not know where to begin ... James unable to find words ... to express himself ... oratory never been his strong point ...
somehow silence gave them enough opportunity to study each other ...
not merely to judge .. but to see what the other had which belle had found so attractive...
they reminisced with a absurd perversity ...
a night stay in Marc's house was not what James had in mind... he could have driven away .. thunderstorm or not ... but he could not refuse... not out of politeness ... but something he could not himself fathom ... an odd feeling ... that he ought to run away when he had the chance .. but he must stay till the end ... what ever it was !!!!!!
part 13
the morning brought more grave news for James ... the thunder storm had blocked all the roads .. he had no way of leaving the house even if he wanted to ...
not that he particularly did ... he could not sleep well last night ... after tossing and turning in an unfamiliar bed for hours he had fallen into an uneasy slumber ... where he had began to dream ...
a beach ... he was walking on the golden sands ... into the sunset. alone .. towards something ... he felt it .. but he could not see ... suddenly the dream changed .. an ashen faced belle appeared crying out .. maybe for help ?
he tried to reach out to her .. and suddenly it dissolved into an emptiness.. and he had woken up in cold sweat to a colder and gloomier morning !!!!!
part 14
for Marc it was a bizarre experience .
he could see the intensity that drove belle towards james .. once upon a time .. but he could actually see the softer side .. a vulnerability that he had seen in belle.. they were so similar in some odd ways...
it was almost funny to watch him ... his taste in food .. the tunes on his ipod ... it reminded him of something .. half forgotten ... something hidden away in the corners of mind.. valuable .. but painful ...
yes in some very weird ways.. belle lived on in james' persona.. and it scared Marc ...
to be continued
part 15
james knew what marc was doing .. he was trying to recreate something that was not quite there .. he was trying to make him a surrogate of belle ... he was aware how familiar he was with belle's life ..her temper ..he was the key to all that ... and in some ways he was himself so absurdly like her.... he could not help but notice they even had the same dimple on their chin.. same lilt in their voices..
he was aware what peril was putting himself to .. being remaining so dangerously close in proximity of Marc...
he did not need to stay a day longer but marc had insisted ... and he could not say no ...
it was weird ..he was surprised to find himself using the term dangerous so many times int past few days...
there was nothing menacing about marc ... he was an attractive fellow
.. not unassuming. .. but he was not the dark stranger who reeked of danger ...
but somehow he felt the danger was very close to him .. it was closing in on him like a surreal impossibility ... a shooting pain up and down his chest ... a hollowness inside ... and a desire to see it through ...
he was determined to see where the danger lay .. and he was going to find out why ... and for that ..he was willing to take any risk possible... anything at all ...
after all .. death comes only at the end !!!!!
part 16
it was as if it was meant to be ..
they grew closer as it can be...
no one knew how this happened or when or why
it became as part of their reality ...
every morn james would decide to leave .. and pack his things in a blurred hurry .. then ...
he would look around in his guest room and stop in his tracks.. and trace his steps back to the dressing table.. he would slowly pick up the things scattered there... marc's ... and smell the shaving lotion ... left intentionally ...
all this happened beyond their dreams .. comprehension .. something no one could foresee
James would always remember their first ...
it was a few weeks after belle's funeral...
Marc needed to be alone .. and James unwilling to let him be...
maybe it was the air .. the darkness or the gloom ...
the study too menacing ? Marc had leaned forward ... to say something.. which never left his lips that night ...
it was an impulse maybe ?
James had brushed them with his own ... Marc ... was startled... but he reciprocated ... kissed back with
a childish intensity ..
he remembered how his lips swelled up after the heist ... cause it was a heist ... his own heart was stolen forever ...
he did not know what Marc really felt ...
was he some sort of substitute for the one Marc had lost ?
a surrogate of belle ?
he was sure of that .. it was eating him away ...
each day he would try to pack his things and leave .. but something in him always held him back ...
when they kissed .. when they loved it did not matter at all ...
he stayed in spite of knowing he should not...
part 17
Marc knew what he was getting himself into ... he was falling for belle all over again .. was not he ?
was not James just like her.. with all his sensitivity and vulnerability ?
he could not be possibly falling for James..
he kept telling himself..
oh yes ..it was belle .. its always been her .. James just reminded him of her ..thats all there is to it ...
and he must end this travesty ... he must not let James believe it was anything else.. he need not get hurt ... he had had enough pain already .. but why did he care .. ? Marc kept asking himself ... and could not find a plausible answer !!!!
every time James would attempt to leave .. he would in fact find a way to sabotage it....
leaving his after shave lotion on his dressing table was a pretty effective trick ...
he knew what drew belle towards him .. once upon a time .... in some perverse way .. it was going to make James stay too
...
it was turning into a sickening obsession with Marc.. he was fixated with james' similarity with belle.. he wanted to unravel the mystery behind her.. was not he ?
was he just trying to know the unknown through James ?
maybe the methods were not too pious or respectable... not in the least .. he felt he was leading him ...
but he could not stop ... he had to go on ...
part 18
James knew belle was gone .. and there was nothing to stop him from leaving .. but something always held him back .. he never denied it .. he was in love .. deeply madly.. irrevocably and perhaps.. painfully .. he felt it in his heart .. that all kisses and sweet nothings.. the silences and stares he shared with Marc .. it meant different things to them ...
it did not matter how convincing it felt when Marc kissed him each night.. away from the prying eyes of the onlookers...
he knew Marc was always kissing belle.. trying to find her in him ...
the moonlight ..the darkness ... the night ... and all the other witnesses could easily testify ..if only they had a voice ...
they did not need to .. he was not a fool ... but then maybe he was ...
????
he stayed .. a bit too long ?
trying to capture as many moments as possible.. knowing it was not his to take ?
he had to leave.. he must .. but before that he must feed him greed ... to be with him .. a few more days ... to have a few more painful memories ..to last a life time ?
james knew this was perhaps the end ...
he would not be able to love anyone again ... nor would marc.. marc was forever belle's ..
he could hear the clock chime... and it was almost time to go ..
part 19
Marc had no idea what was going through james' head .. he might have realized he was just deluding himself ... it was not merely a fixation with belle ... it was something else..
had it been under normal circumstances..he would have cringed at the thought..
he would have denied loving another man ... he was not homophobic.. but then it was not easy ..
but things were different here .... he was not denying his sexuality .. he was deluding himself into believing he was still in love with his dead wife... he was .. no doubt ..
but love was more than that ... it was beyond our control.. beyond marc's control ... he could only lie.. he could attempt to hide.. it would come out eventually ...
unfortunately he was unaware of that ..
he was also unaware of james' broken heart ...
he was unaware that the following morning would there would be one less plate at the table..
the usual songs played on the music player wont be heard anymore.. the sunset will the same .. ..
the study will not be filled with the scent .. scent he had grown accustomed to ...
he was unaware while he was still reminiscing .. James was silently walking away ..into the darkness away from him .. still hurting ...
part 20
James left that night .. unaware that Marc had fallen for him ... he walked away before he could get more hurt ... his memories were enough ... he walked in the darkness.. the same on form where he had once come..so oddly poetic ... so painfully so ...
while he was fading in the darkness ... Marc had finally come to terms with his own growing feelings for him ... he meant to tell him the following morning.. a tomorrow which never came ...
days passed a blurred haze for both of them .. sometimes the time stood still ...
they would walk the mile ... carrying their own baggage ... mistakes made in life...
there was not a sunset ending for them .. the bliss of togetherness..
they would mourn the death of belle separably ...
she was dead .. her love was not .. but she was the reason they came together .. and why they parted...
they mourned over her ... over a love lost ...
belle stood up above the horizon .. sharing the pain .. their guardian angel ...