nightmare central
wow. last night i woke up spontaneously at around 2am when michael went to bed (also i had a full bladder). nimbus came in and was attacking the heck out of michael, he was just too hyper, so i got up and decided to play with him ... isis decided to come out to play with us as well. as far as i knew, they were still hissing at one another... and every once and a while when nimbus would accidently fall into isis, he would get up and hiss. meh. awwwww and when he was finished and exhausted, shortly after he passed out on the brown chair, isis threw herself next to him and just started cleaning herself. i think it might have been the first time because you should have SEEN the face nimbus gave her!!! haha, but he did not hiss or move. then this morning, i awake to find the two snuggly kittens curled up on the bed part of the cat tree. SUPER AWWWW!!
anyway. totally got distracted about what i was really posting about. after the kitties passed out, so did i. this has been the second night in a row that i've just woken up at 2am and couldn't go back to sleep right away without battling with some hardcore anxiety. what ended up calming myself enough to fall asleep last night was asking for some dreams. no real intention other than that... just show me what you need to.
and hot fucking damn. nightmare after nightmare after nightmare. although i feel pretty good this morning and none have any lasting effects... well when i first woke up... one of them i dreamt about michael dying of cancer, saying that i knew he would die young, but not this young... and when i woke up, he had already left for work and it took me a bit to realize this fact and almost started crying. it was weird. i have dreams of michael either leaving and never coming back or dying more than i feel is comfortable. c'est la vie. i'm sure it's some insecurity issue... losing everything that means something to me and then feeling like i could never go on beyond that. actually now that i look at it like that i sort of feel a purging of that thought pattern, because i know it's not true and i do not feel fear this morning thinking/writing about it. hahaha. i mean, i know that i have been living in the fear of "i just have no idea when he's going to be gone... don't get too attached, blah blah blah." totally sounds like that came out of left field, but inside i know there has been a sense of hesitation that even michael has been noticing and bam, the veil has been lifted.
actually what the fuck am i talking about. i have no idea. only time will tell. ;D
it's always so fun to be surprised with such intense dreams and then feel ok after them. god, last summer... holy moly!!! couldn't say the same then!!
anyway. totally got distracted about what i was really posting about. after the kitties passed out, so did i. this has been the second night in a row that i've just woken up at 2am and couldn't go back to sleep right away without battling with some hardcore anxiety. what ended up calming myself enough to fall asleep last night was asking for some dreams. no real intention other than that... just show me what you need to.
and hot fucking damn. nightmare after nightmare after nightmare. although i feel pretty good this morning and none have any lasting effects... well when i first woke up... one of them i dreamt about michael dying of cancer, saying that i knew he would die young, but not this young... and when i woke up, he had already left for work and it took me a bit to realize this fact and almost started crying. it was weird. i have dreams of michael either leaving and never coming back or dying more than i feel is comfortable. c'est la vie. i'm sure it's some insecurity issue... losing everything that means something to me and then feeling like i could never go on beyond that. actually now that i look at it like that i sort of feel a purging of that thought pattern, because i know it's not true and i do not feel fear this morning thinking/writing about it. hahaha. i mean, i know that i have been living in the fear of "i just have no idea when he's going to be gone... don't get too attached, blah blah blah." totally sounds like that came out of left field, but inside i know there has been a sense of hesitation that even michael has been noticing and bam, the veil has been lifted.
actually what the fuck am i talking about. i have no idea. only time will tell. ;D
it's always so fun to be surprised with such intense dreams and then feel ok after them. god, last summer... holy moly!!! couldn't say the same then!!