Eeep
It's already mid-August, and I haven't gone camping yet. I haven't taken any pictures, written any stories, or painted any pictures. I've danced a few times, slept a whole lot, ate relatively well, questioned my reality regularly, and had to put a lot of material in perspective. Actually, scratch that. I haven't put the final efforts in the whole perspective thing yet.
This is the third place I've lived this year, 2011, and I dearly hope it lasts. My room is 10'x10' and I own a queen sized bed. It's been two weeks or so, and I still haven't settled on a set-up yet. I've moved my bed three or four times already, trying to gather as much information as possible.
Dogs across the forest are yowling with the sounds of an ambulance across town.
Enthusiasm is something I yearn for, inspiration something I seek. Today I feel weak and lethargic, my dopamine levels have dropped. I feel alone and lost, with dreams bigger than this country. I feel disliked and discarded, displaced and disastrous.... Where is home? WHAT is home?
At least that keyboard finally sold, at least I have my dreams. At least I know where I want to head, but the vehicle and path remain elusive. At least I have the determination to make this right.
Do I go to Korea? Do I go to New Mexico? Do I find an internship here in Washington? Do I find more schooling? Do I help Kieran build his business? Do I create my own? Do I return to Wisconsin? Do I find a normal paying wage slave job?
Even day to day stuff: do I spend more time writing? Do I go inside and research the post-partum phase to aid Katy's knowledge base, to help her feel prepared and nurtured? Do I make vegan lasagna? Do I call my mom? Do I buy shelves? Do I learn about the pelvis? Do I research magic the gathering, learn about cards to beef up my deck? Do I do legal research for Kieran? Do I let my cat claw my stomach as she makes her biscuits? Do I finish eating my curry?
Ok. Yes. Anyway. I want/need a creative outlet. I need my room, my space to turn into my personal sanctuary. I need to find the energy to create a personal sanctuary. I need the inspiration, dammit!
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