the city has been filled with an air of new death...
to cover up the traces of old death that have been left here...
like a new paint job, white washed. two coats of primer, it takes a second to apply it evenly. first you cut in all the edges then feather in the middle with a roller. i told myself to watch myself becos with you i know i crash and burn so quickly. turning my insides into schrap metal leaving me unable to see or feel a single thing--not even pain anymore but ive been beyond that since i was sixteen, clumsy... shy. my fingers taste like bitterness, like medicine and i lose myself in walking sleep.
i just listened to one of my good friends songs...
it was was really sad, like my poems, like the cards i make upstairs. it kind of made me wanna call him and ask why. altho the answers for the all the questions i have already make perfect sense to me and i want to blame society. no one is left unscathed, unless they arent listening, even straight white men. we are in such funny times now. i can feel it. confussion and saddness, we're a wash with the sun in libra and eve tho nothing recognizable is actually wrong, everything feels wrong, barreling downhill, messy.
despite all of this and the planets crying...
which i will look into and let you know about soon--pinky sweear. i kind of love my new job. which is funny cos for me cos thats usually the very first thing to go. i started this new gig on monday zari set me up with it even tho she was at school/vacation all week, its funny cos the company is so small everyone obviously misses her and the inside jokes--like her thinking everything is cute. i'm working under the only female forman in the carpenters union in nyc. which if you couldnt guess it, is something incredibly special. her name is heather and yes, she's a dyke and i totally love her. she street harasses wimin during lunch on the occassion, not in a threathening way but still, when the guys say something a little more invasive to the ladies at the cornell medical research center he rips one into them. thats kind of having yr heart in the right place, which is nearly everything in a world of ignoring everything and they have to listen to her cos she's the boss--amazing. she wears sleeveless shirts on occassion and everyone makes comments about the gun show, you cant not.
went to go see the blow lastnite...
a show i had tickets for since forever, the last time she was gonna play the songs from paper television. it made me really miss dayna my aries show friend from forever and lifetimes ago who is a-sexual and says i always date nice girls--i thought that was such a sweet compliment. i was all the way up front (my spot) with cara and these two girls shoved there way all the way right next to us bumping into us and were apologetic. ended up they were incredibly friendly, sweet and cool kids who were fun enough to dance and talk with. if you forgot, no one dances in nyc, no one! their names were emily and sloane. i was drawing a fake tattoo on my arm during the really bad second opening band of boys and they thought it was funny me and cara were making fun as if we loved them like the beatles on ed sullivan. emily (leo) asked for a fake tattoo and upon thinking that these girls were way too nice to be from nyc i asked where they were from--they go to fucking purchase!! we all fucking freaked out, sloane (capricorn) even fucking majors in wimins studies. go figure the only other fun people there who are friendly make jokes and dance are from purchase too, so fucking typical. me and cara have made it a mission to seek them out (should take me like 5 minutes on myspace) so we can maybe stay with them during culture shock or something. together we created a dancing section at the show amongst friends and got the girls liquor cos they were only 20, so sweet. it feels good to know that good dykes are still coming out of my college, legacy.
like a new paint job, white washed. two coats of primer, it takes a second to apply it evenly. first you cut in all the edges then feather in the middle with a roller. i told myself to watch myself becos with you i know i crash and burn so quickly. turning my insides into schrap metal leaving me unable to see or feel a single thing--not even pain anymore but ive been beyond that since i was sixteen, clumsy... shy. my fingers taste like bitterness, like medicine and i lose myself in walking sleep.
i just listened to one of my good friends songs...
it was was really sad, like my poems, like the cards i make upstairs. it kind of made me wanna call him and ask why. altho the answers for the all the questions i have already make perfect sense to me and i want to blame society. no one is left unscathed, unless they arent listening, even straight white men. we are in such funny times now. i can feel it. confussion and saddness, we're a wash with the sun in libra and eve tho nothing recognizable is actually wrong, everything feels wrong, barreling downhill, messy.
despite all of this and the planets crying...
which i will look into and let you know about soon--pinky sweear. i kind of love my new job. which is funny cos for me cos thats usually the very first thing to go. i started this new gig on monday zari set me up with it even tho she was at school/vacation all week, its funny cos the company is so small everyone obviously misses her and the inside jokes--like her thinking everything is cute. i'm working under the only female forman in the carpenters union in nyc. which if you couldnt guess it, is something incredibly special. her name is heather and yes, she's a dyke and i totally love her. she street harasses wimin during lunch on the occassion, not in a threathening way but still, when the guys say something a little more invasive to the ladies at the cornell medical research center he rips one into them. thats kind of having yr heart in the right place, which is nearly everything in a world of ignoring everything and they have to listen to her cos she's the boss--amazing. she wears sleeveless shirts on occassion and everyone makes comments about the gun show, you cant not.
went to go see the blow lastnite...
a show i had tickets for since forever, the last time she was gonna play the songs from paper television. it made me really miss dayna my aries show friend from forever and lifetimes ago who is a-sexual and says i always date nice girls--i thought that was such a sweet compliment. i was all the way up front (my spot) with cara and these two girls shoved there way all the way right next to us bumping into us and were apologetic. ended up they were incredibly friendly, sweet and cool kids who were fun enough to dance and talk with. if you forgot, no one dances in nyc, no one! their names were emily and sloane. i was drawing a fake tattoo on my arm during the really bad second opening band of boys and they thought it was funny me and cara were making fun as if we loved them like the beatles on ed sullivan. emily (leo) asked for a fake tattoo and upon thinking that these girls were way too nice to be from nyc i asked where they were from--they go to fucking purchase!! we all fucking freaked out, sloane (capricorn) even fucking majors in wimins studies. go figure the only other fun people there who are friendly make jokes and dance are from purchase too, so fucking typical. me and cara have made it a mission to seek them out (should take me like 5 minutes on myspace) so we can maybe stay with them during culture shock or something. together we created a dancing section at the show amongst friends and got the girls liquor cos they were only 20, so sweet. it feels good to know that good dykes are still coming out of my college, legacy.