(no subject)
I've been thinking a lot about my online self. Part of me wants to lock down more of my journal; to default to f-locked. Part of me wants to be more open, to post more, to participate more. But then that little inner voice kicks in, and tells me that I shouldn't be "that person" - the one who just randomly - and unwantedly - jumps in on journals and starts conversing with people; that no one really wants to hear from me and what do I really have to contribute anyway? I think I'm struggling a little bit because while I want to make new friends I'm possibly more socially awkward online than I am IRL, and while I make acquaintances easily I rarely make new, close friends. And I don't know if this is really the case or just my experience, but I have a hard time making LJ friends when I start in a new fandom. Yes, SGA, I'm looking at you. I made Buffy friends fairly easily; I made SPN friends even easier (although sometimes it helps if you beta for a ton of people early in the run of the show ;)) but I can't seem to actually connect to anyone in the SGA fandom. And, like I said, I don't want to bother people so I don't put myself out there as much as I could. But this does apply to even people who I am already online acquaintances with. I don't comment nearly as often as I would like to, because I'm afraid of being the weird girl that sort of appears out of nowhere and acts like she's all BFF with you. I start to comment and then stop, open tabs and close them, over and over. This doesn't apply to everyone, obviously - some of you I know IRL; some of you have always made me feel welcome and wanted.
Meh. Maybe I'm just melancholy. It snowed today; first time there was enough to stay on the ground for more than 15 seconds. It'll probably melt tomorrow, but there's still a smattering of it around.
Meh. Maybe I'm just melancholy. It snowed today; first time there was enough to stay on the ground for more than 15 seconds. It'll probably melt tomorrow, but there's still a smattering of it around.