From the Desk of.....
So I have some time to just sit around and think...no job offer yet, and who knows when it's going to come along. So pardon me while I ramble off on some things and update you on what's beein going on in my life.
I just returned from a trip to LA LA land for some interviews. One that seemed promising, and two that were kinda meh. Yes, I just said meh. I keep trying..hoping that one day something will just hit me dead on and I'll be like..hmm, I probably should take this. But so far...i've been hitless. But at the same time that I'm anxious to get a job, the other half of me is scared to death. More this time about realistic things than what I wrote about in my last entry. Maybe I am afraid of committment, maybe making serious life-altering decisions scares the bejesus out of me. God the only hard thing I really had to do lately was choose what I wanted to eat. The last time I made a life-altering decision was when I had to choose a college. But THAT turned out ok. So maybe once I think about it, I'm not too bad at making hard decisions.
I think the thing that is really getting to me is rejection. Besides relationships, I've never really been rejected much. I got into all the colleges I applied to, worked on the shows I wanted to (maybe not at the capacity I wanted to to start off..but you gotta start somewhere). With rejection you begin to second guess yourself. Wonder what's wrong with you, why YOU weren't good enough for them, and wonder what you could change about yourself or what you do to be good enough for them.
I've gotten so used to being rejected in some form or another (with relationships) that sometimes when I find something that is good, I search really hard to find the negative because there HAS to be a negative...it's me. I thought that it would be easy breaking up with Chris at the end of the year because we came into the relationship knowing that it would be over come summer. And I tried really hard not to become to attached or let myself think that it could maybe turn into something more...but alas my helpless romantic mind thought otherwise. Well it was partially my part and partially bad communication on letting me know WHEN people were leaving....you prepare mentally for one time, and when that time suddenly changes it has you spinning around in circles, grasping for something to hold onto and right yourself again.
Is LA the place for me? Sometimes I don't know anymore. It's funny what 2 years does to your insight about a place. At times I love the area, and at other times I feel that I don't fit in. Is Philly or Chicago the place for me? I have no idea...I just don't have that gut feeling about anywhere anymore like I did when I chose IC as my 4 year home. Maybe it's because I've gotten so content with the lifestyle I'm leading right now that I don't want things to change. Granted Hazleton sucks and I need to get out...but there's just somethings that I want to stay for (some that I shouldn't have basing my decisions on, but who can tell my mind what to do).
At a time in my life where I should be excited for my unknown future, I'm scared to death. I want to move on, have an apartment of my own and decorate it in that east coast chic that is uniquely me, but moving on means growning up and I don't know if I'm ready for it. People tell me that I am..that I'm ready to be a PA, a big shot producer and kick some ass. And maybe I am...i just need that swift hit to get me moving.
Ugh..why do I feel so blah lately. It sucks..for those of you who know me well you know that I am a carefree, fun, and sometimes crazy person. And lately I've been letting the stress of finding a job get to me. In other news though...I visited the Kwik E Mart in Burbank while I was out there, at an amazing PINK doughnut, and just finished cleaning our bathroom at home. Like REALLY cleaning...like dusting, deep cleaning and organizing the medicine chest. Damn dining hall trained me too well...bored= clean, clean, and clean. So that's what I do.
But I'm gonna conclude with 50 things you might not know about me (yeah its gonna be a looooong post).
1. The street I live on is called Hollywood Blvd. and I live in the village (?) of Hollywood.
2. My house has a steep driveway that everyone hates backing down.
3. I loved sledding down the driveway during winters when I was younger. I'd be able to go all the way down and hit into the curb on the other side of the street.
4. I have/had an obsession with the Backstreet Boys.
5. On that note: I've gone to 6 of their concerts- Philly, State College, Philly, Hershey, Scranton Cultural Center, Jimmy Kimmel Show (and i have a feeling I'm missing one somewhere)
6. I was a "band kid" in high school.
7. Marching band probably was the cause of me loving football so much.
8. I made district and regional honor band during my senior year. The most fun happened during regionals.
9. I love Pooh...I have a pooh bear from when I was born. Along with a Bee Pooh, and a baseball player Pooh.
10. My mom knew that Courtney and I would get along freshman year because she too had brought a Pooh to college.
11. I'm part Jewish....it's a long story but TRUE!
12. I can be OCD at times. I like things a certain way..don't mess with it!
13. Chris got me hooked on country while we were dating.
14. My favorite song at the moment: Wait for You-Eliot Yamin
15. I own two Macs, 2 iPods, and NO iphone :(
16. One of those iPods was a gift from my internship in LA as a going away present.
17. That same internship surprised me with a $200 check for working a shoot
18. I love Penn State Football...NO college team will ever replace them
19. I love picture frames....I buy them in bulk and then decide what pictures to put in them.
20. I graduated 10th in my class of about 600 in HS
21. I've been in a skit with Chris Farley's brother
22. That skit was seen on national TV, thanks Best Damn!
23. I have random transitions....Courtney can attest to that
24. I miss my grandmother the most...she was my personal confidant.
25. HALFWAY THERE!!! Livin' on a Prayer...one of my all-time favorite songs
26. I'd like to travel to Switzerland, Greece, and Italy
27. I'm very competitive
28. I've been to Disney World 5 times and Disneyland 3 times (Disneyland all in the same year and within 6 months)
29. I have 2 Olympians phone numbers in my cell phone
30. My friend Chris is the first person I know with an iPhone
31. One of my relatives is the manager (or something like that) for Billy Joel
32. Yet I have yet to see him in concert
33. I love frozen margaritas
34. My feet are a weird size...depending on what type of shoe it is I can be a 7-8.5!!!
35. I have a dent in my head
36. My first time gambling was just this year at Mohegan Sun
37. Although I used to call bingo games during high school and the first year or two of college
38. I don't like being told what to do
39. If I marry someone with the last name beginning in Y my intials will spell my frist name
40. I love burning candles...if I could afford to I'd buy a ton at Yankee Candle
41. I apparently have a twin in North or South Dakota
42. I've dressed like a guy ONCE in my life....yeah drag parties at Cornell
43. I've been attracted to guys with pretty eyes (usually blue with dark hair)
44. I enjoy when guys dress up...shirt and tie....I die (hehe I rhyme!)
45. Mechanical Bull rides...interesting..but haven't done it at Saddle Ranch yet
46. Been thisclose to many NASCAR drivers except for the one and only Dale Jr.
47. I reward my tv crews with baked goods....cake, cookies, brownies....
48. I'm sorta afraid of heights...balconies when I look down kinda scare me
49. I share a birthday with Pete Sampras
50. I also share it with the former center of our football team and my friend since freshman orientation
51. Because I couldn't stop....Chris and I are obsessed with the iPhone commericals
I just returned from a trip to LA LA land for some interviews. One that seemed promising, and two that were kinda meh. Yes, I just said meh. I keep trying..hoping that one day something will just hit me dead on and I'll be like..hmm, I probably should take this. But so far...i've been hitless. But at the same time that I'm anxious to get a job, the other half of me is scared to death. More this time about realistic things than what I wrote about in my last entry. Maybe I am afraid of committment, maybe making serious life-altering decisions scares the bejesus out of me. God the only hard thing I really had to do lately was choose what I wanted to eat. The last time I made a life-altering decision was when I had to choose a college. But THAT turned out ok. So maybe once I think about it, I'm not too bad at making hard decisions.
I think the thing that is really getting to me is rejection. Besides relationships, I've never really been rejected much. I got into all the colleges I applied to, worked on the shows I wanted to (maybe not at the capacity I wanted to to start off..but you gotta start somewhere). With rejection you begin to second guess yourself. Wonder what's wrong with you, why YOU weren't good enough for them, and wonder what you could change about yourself or what you do to be good enough for them.
I've gotten so used to being rejected in some form or another (with relationships) that sometimes when I find something that is good, I search really hard to find the negative because there HAS to be a negative...it's me. I thought that it would be easy breaking up with Chris at the end of the year because we came into the relationship knowing that it would be over come summer. And I tried really hard not to become to attached or let myself think that it could maybe turn into something more...but alas my helpless romantic mind thought otherwise. Well it was partially my part and partially bad communication on letting me know WHEN people were leaving....you prepare mentally for one time, and when that time suddenly changes it has you spinning around in circles, grasping for something to hold onto and right yourself again.
Is LA the place for me? Sometimes I don't know anymore. It's funny what 2 years does to your insight about a place. At times I love the area, and at other times I feel that I don't fit in. Is Philly or Chicago the place for me? I have no idea...I just don't have that gut feeling about anywhere anymore like I did when I chose IC as my 4 year home. Maybe it's because I've gotten so content with the lifestyle I'm leading right now that I don't want things to change. Granted Hazleton sucks and I need to get out...but there's just somethings that I want to stay for (some that I shouldn't have basing my decisions on, but who can tell my mind what to do).
At a time in my life where I should be excited for my unknown future, I'm scared to death. I want to move on, have an apartment of my own and decorate it in that east coast chic that is uniquely me, but moving on means growning up and I don't know if I'm ready for it. People tell me that I am..that I'm ready to be a PA, a big shot producer and kick some ass. And maybe I am...i just need that swift hit to get me moving.
Ugh..why do I feel so blah lately. It sucks..for those of you who know me well you know that I am a carefree, fun, and sometimes crazy person. And lately I've been letting the stress of finding a job get to me. In other news though...I visited the Kwik E Mart in Burbank while I was out there, at an amazing PINK doughnut, and just finished cleaning our bathroom at home. Like REALLY cleaning...like dusting, deep cleaning and organizing the medicine chest. Damn dining hall trained me too well...bored= clean, clean, and clean. So that's what I do.
But I'm gonna conclude with 50 things you might not know about me (yeah its gonna be a looooong post).
1. The street I live on is called Hollywood Blvd. and I live in the village (?) of Hollywood.
2. My house has a steep driveway that everyone hates backing down.
3. I loved sledding down the driveway during winters when I was younger. I'd be able to go all the way down and hit into the curb on the other side of the street.
4. I have/had an obsession with the Backstreet Boys.
5. On that note: I've gone to 6 of their concerts- Philly, State College, Philly, Hershey, Scranton Cultural Center, Jimmy Kimmel Show (and i have a feeling I'm missing one somewhere)
6. I was a "band kid" in high school.
7. Marching band probably was the cause of me loving football so much.
8. I made district and regional honor band during my senior year. The most fun happened during regionals.
9. I love Pooh...I have a pooh bear from when I was born. Along with a Bee Pooh, and a baseball player Pooh.
10. My mom knew that Courtney and I would get along freshman year because she too had brought a Pooh to college.
11. I'm part Jewish....it's a long story but TRUE!
12. I can be OCD at times. I like things a certain way..don't mess with it!
13. Chris got me hooked on country while we were dating.
14. My favorite song at the moment: Wait for You-Eliot Yamin
15. I own two Macs, 2 iPods, and NO iphone :(
16. One of those iPods was a gift from my internship in LA as a going away present.
17. That same internship surprised me with a $200 check for working a shoot
18. I love Penn State Football...NO college team will ever replace them
19. I love picture frames....I buy them in bulk and then decide what pictures to put in them.
20. I graduated 10th in my class of about 600 in HS
21. I've been in a skit with Chris Farley's brother
22. That skit was seen on national TV, thanks Best Damn!
23. I have random transitions....Courtney can attest to that
24. I miss my grandmother the most...she was my personal confidant.
25. HALFWAY THERE!!! Livin' on a Prayer...one of my all-time favorite songs
26. I'd like to travel to Switzerland, Greece, and Italy
27. I'm very competitive
28. I've been to Disney World 5 times and Disneyland 3 times (Disneyland all in the same year and within 6 months)
29. I have 2 Olympians phone numbers in my cell phone
30. My friend Chris is the first person I know with an iPhone
31. One of my relatives is the manager (or something like that) for Billy Joel
32. Yet I have yet to see him in concert
33. I love frozen margaritas
34. My feet are a weird size...depending on what type of shoe it is I can be a 7-8.5!!!
35. I have a dent in my head
36. My first time gambling was just this year at Mohegan Sun
37. Although I used to call bingo games during high school and the first year or two of college
38. I don't like being told what to do
39. If I marry someone with the last name beginning in Y my intials will spell my frist name
40. I love burning candles...if I could afford to I'd buy a ton at Yankee Candle
41. I apparently have a twin in North or South Dakota
42. I've dressed like a guy ONCE in my life....yeah drag parties at Cornell
43. I've been attracted to guys with pretty eyes (usually blue with dark hair)
44. I enjoy when guys dress up...shirt and tie....I die (hehe I rhyme!)
45. Mechanical Bull rides...interesting..but haven't done it at Saddle Ranch yet
46. Been thisclose to many NASCAR drivers except for the one and only Dale Jr.
47. I reward my tv crews with baked goods....cake, cookies, brownies....
48. I'm sorta afraid of heights...balconies when I look down kinda scare me
49. I share a birthday with Pete Sampras
50. I also share it with the former center of our football team and my friend since freshman orientation
51. Because I couldn't stop....Chris and I are obsessed with the iPhone commericals