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[amwalker31]

I feel like...once I'm thin and skinny enough, then guys will *actually* look at me, and I'll feel better about myself.

Anyone else?

But at the same time...will it ever be good enough? Will my weight ever be down low enough for me to be happy?

Comments

[memoirsofsunny]

If you aren't happy now, you won't ever be happy unless you realize that the only person that can make you happy, is YOU.

Guys rip hearts out, and leave holes in your life, and even when they *are* good to you and there for you, you still feel the void and the depression seeping back in to your bones. It goes into hibernation for a little while, but when something shitty happens, or the honeymoon stage of the relationship is over the darkness takes over again.

I'm not saying this to lecture or anything; it's just from what I've learned this past year. Guys noticing me actually made my life worse if anything. A living hell... because I was too weak to stop them from giving all of myself to them, every time. I was so freaking thrilled that they were even noticing me, that I just lost all inhibitions with them. Especially because I was drunk during most of these encounters, but I still believe that for the most part, I let them take what they want because FINALLY someone paid attention to me.

I hope that you find happiness through whatever means you find possible. I just don't want you to have to build your happiness on a guy, because he can be taken away so easily and break you so easily, that it sends you in to an even worse place than you've ever been before. You seem like a strong person; you will always be good enough. xo

[amwalker31]

I know. I know. I'm just thinking that maybe if a guy likes me it will help me like myself more. I know it's wrong to build happiness around a guy because nothing is for certain.