Key West and next steps
So, Key West, did it turn out to be better than my first impressions? No. It did not. Key West is a tourist trap. If you have been to Niagara Falls, the Las Vegas strip, Times Square in NYC, most of Venice, or any spectacularly popular old town or scenic area in the world, you've been to Key West. The whole town is essentially mediocre bars playing Jimmy Buffett songs and gift shops selling useless trinkets for far too much money. The restaurants vary in quality, but - as my local guide put it - they all only serve tourist food, so you're basically just choosing the degree in a very limited range.
I can see why people like it here, though. Especially if you want to get drunk without a care in the world, this is a good place to do it if you are older and straight. It feels kind of raunchy and exciting, but without the youthfulness (and perhaps associated grittiness) of other party cities like Miami, Berlin and so forth. Also, everywhere is playing old-timer hits - not just the ubiquitous Jimmy Buffett, but Eric Clapton and other inoffensive adult contemporary rock type stuff. If that's your style of music, and if you prefer to be surrounded by drunken idiots with white collar jobs than drunken idiots who come from slightly more diverse backgrounds, then why not come to Key West?
The problem is, for me if i want to party, i either want really good electronic music, or i want really good drinks, and this ain't either. I was not expecting techno, but i was expecting lonely bars with serious mixologists and a dude with a moustache and a Panama hat in the corner, furiously typing on his typewriter, with a bottle of rum open on the table. I was hoping it would be a place lost in time, where grumpy old men could still sit in the sun and be grumpy. My Key West livin' friend told me that's the Bahamas.
My friend is a bit of enigma. I only know him by his moniker, and that he used to be in the Navy, and that he now has a sailboat of his own where he is a liveaboard in one of the marinas about town. I don't like to pry, so that was enough to trust him to join me for a walk around town to see the sights and trial some of the better dishes at specific restaurants.
On our way to an old fort, which was one of the few very cheap tourist destinations in town, we bumped into the stealth camping bike tourer that i camped next to in the homestay in Key Largo. He was extremely disappointed by Key West. He had attempted to stealth camp in the greenery along the side of the highway and had gotten busted by the police, let off with a scare and a warning. Then he got into town and saw that there is a literal line-up to get a photo next to the southernmost point of the US marker, the kind of line where you will wait half an hour to get a photo with a half dozen other people in it anyway. He was sitting on the street, dejected, when he met an old dude who gave him some pot, he smoked up and went to a hostel for the night, and decided to leave the next day.
We actually had a longish chat with him, because my guide thru-hiked the Appalachian Trail this year, and the bike tourer thru-hiked the Pacific Coast Trail last year. Thru-hikers are their own sort of creature, there is secret jargon and a sense that they shared some kind of special experience, so it was fun to eavesdrop - and chime in when a thru-hiking experience paralleled a bike touring one. Notably, we both burn a shit-ton of calories and end up eating ridiculous amounts of food whenever we get into town. I feel ya, skinny brothers.
The fort was okay. I find it kind of cute that Americans visit these "historic" forts that are only like 100 years old and never saw any action. Kinda makes you realize that baseless paranoia about getting invaded is baked into the national psyche. No wonder they want to build a wall. The nice part about decommissioned forts in the US is that the land is usually still owned by the government, so they retain a bit of greenery around them when everything else on the island gets developed.
Apparently there is a gay scene on the island too, although i didn't see much sign of it beyond a couple of gay bars and rainbow crossings at one intersection. But we did visit the AIDS monument, which is the sort of thing that probably wouldn't get built in the US unless there were some wealthy gays around to fund it. It's close to the smallest botanical gardens i have ever visited in my life, which is a free visit and much quieter and more scenic than any of the other parks i saw around the island. I do quite like visiting botanical gardens.
We went to one particular point on the island to watch the sunset, where pretty much every tourist congregates for the same reason, so it was the busiest place i've been since pre-COVID times. And of course you can't get a decent photo because the waterfront is shoulder-to-shoulder, and dozens of charter boats are cruising back and forth to try cut in front of the hordes on the shore. It's a thoroughly absurd ritual - you could get a better sunset photo anywhere in America with a west-facing coastline, including Florida, but i suppose it's one of those things everyone has to do to say that they did it.
This is why i canceled my vague plans to take a trip out to Dry Tortugas. One full day of sightseeing thoroughly touristed me out. Thank God the campsite is on Stock Island, which seems to be home to a quiet underclass of Keys dwellers who work the docks, the hospital and other blue and pink collar jobs. It's still touristy, but at least it doesn't feel quite as oppressively so as the main island.
One useful tip that the shoestring bike tourer gave is that there is public transport service up the Keys - you can take a local bus to Marathon, and then another local bus to Florida City (on the mainland), and then connect into the Miami-Dade transit network. So that's where i am now, sitting on the bus with all my gear bundled under the seat and my bicycle on the front. Normally i think it would be more fun to cycle back - and, honestly, i probably would've enjoyed the scenery heading back up to Marathon at least, but the cost of staying down here is just prohibitive. The campsite is the cheapest place in town, by at least a factor of three, and the only place to get electricity there (if you're in the cheap tent sites) is the rec room. It's not the best setup for planning. I need a quiet room of my own where i can just bum round online for an entire day or two, and - absurdly - that's cheaper to find in Miami Beach than along the Keys.
I booked one night at a cheaper hotel in Coral Gables, as insurance in case the buses won't take me all the way and i end up stuck somewhere else with a non-refundable reservation.
Its funny being on public transport, compared to the live and let die attitude of the bars. People are masked. They're distanced. I guess the theory is that bars are optional so everyone can take their own risks, whereas public transport is a basic necessity where people shouldn't have to be exposed to the risky behavior of others.
That said, it is first thing Sunday morning when all the tourists are still snoring off their hangovers. Who knows what this bus looked like after happy hour last night.
So, Key West, it underwhelmed, but i am glad that i cycled all the way down there. I feel like it was a good achievement, and a sensible ending point to this chapter.
Right now i have whittled my next steps down to two plans. One: Amtrak Miami to Houston (or Dallas), then continue cycling around the southwest. Two: fly Miami to some Latin American destination without my bike, backpack or bum around there and see if i can find a sailboat voyage to join. The benefits of plan number one are obvious. Plan number two would involve me selling or giving away my bike and perhaps buying a bit of other gear so i can holiday more conventionally while i figure out who is cruising where and whether i would fit in on their crew.
Right now i am leaning more toward fulfilling my pirate fantasy ahead of checking the great southwestern adventure off my bucket list. I feel like i'll appreciate the southwest more if i make it a separate trip on its own, and not connected to the current bike tour. Then i won't be comparing everything or thinking "oh great, another diner just like the diners i've been eating at for three months already". I might be America-ed out, for the time being.
I am already talking to a few skippers online. One candidate is currently in Panama and is kind of the off-grid, ecotourism, Jacques Cousteau expedition type. That's probably more up my alley than the Keys/Bahamas crowd or the folks who sail up and down the Antilles on shorter jaunts from marina to marina. But there are risks involved with that sort of voyage, so i need to consider my options. That's what i'll be doing for the next week or two.
I can see why people like it here, though. Especially if you want to get drunk without a care in the world, this is a good place to do it if you are older and straight. It feels kind of raunchy and exciting, but without the youthfulness (and perhaps associated grittiness) of other party cities like Miami, Berlin and so forth. Also, everywhere is playing old-timer hits - not just the ubiquitous Jimmy Buffett, but Eric Clapton and other inoffensive adult contemporary rock type stuff. If that's your style of music, and if you prefer to be surrounded by drunken idiots with white collar jobs than drunken idiots who come from slightly more diverse backgrounds, then why not come to Key West?
The problem is, for me if i want to party, i either want really good electronic music, or i want really good drinks, and this ain't either. I was not expecting techno, but i was expecting lonely bars with serious mixologists and a dude with a moustache and a Panama hat in the corner, furiously typing on his typewriter, with a bottle of rum open on the table. I was hoping it would be a place lost in time, where grumpy old men could still sit in the sun and be grumpy. My Key West livin' friend told me that's the Bahamas.
My friend is a bit of enigma. I only know him by his moniker, and that he used to be in the Navy, and that he now has a sailboat of his own where he is a liveaboard in one of the marinas about town. I don't like to pry, so that was enough to trust him to join me for a walk around town to see the sights and trial some of the better dishes at specific restaurants.
On our way to an old fort, which was one of the few very cheap tourist destinations in town, we bumped into the stealth camping bike tourer that i camped next to in the homestay in Key Largo. He was extremely disappointed by Key West. He had attempted to stealth camp in the greenery along the side of the highway and had gotten busted by the police, let off with a scare and a warning. Then he got into town and saw that there is a literal line-up to get a photo next to the southernmost point of the US marker, the kind of line where you will wait half an hour to get a photo with a half dozen other people in it anyway. He was sitting on the street, dejected, when he met an old dude who gave him some pot, he smoked up and went to a hostel for the night, and decided to leave the next day.
We actually had a longish chat with him, because my guide thru-hiked the Appalachian Trail this year, and the bike tourer thru-hiked the Pacific Coast Trail last year. Thru-hikers are their own sort of creature, there is secret jargon and a sense that they shared some kind of special experience, so it was fun to eavesdrop - and chime in when a thru-hiking experience paralleled a bike touring one. Notably, we both burn a shit-ton of calories and end up eating ridiculous amounts of food whenever we get into town. I feel ya, skinny brothers.
The fort was okay. I find it kind of cute that Americans visit these "historic" forts that are only like 100 years old and never saw any action. Kinda makes you realize that baseless paranoia about getting invaded is baked into the national psyche. No wonder they want to build a wall. The nice part about decommissioned forts in the US is that the land is usually still owned by the government, so they retain a bit of greenery around them when everything else on the island gets developed.
Apparently there is a gay scene on the island too, although i didn't see much sign of it beyond a couple of gay bars and rainbow crossings at one intersection. But we did visit the AIDS monument, which is the sort of thing that probably wouldn't get built in the US unless there were some wealthy gays around to fund it. It's close to the smallest botanical gardens i have ever visited in my life, which is a free visit and much quieter and more scenic than any of the other parks i saw around the island. I do quite like visiting botanical gardens.
We went to one particular point on the island to watch the sunset, where pretty much every tourist congregates for the same reason, so it was the busiest place i've been since pre-COVID times. And of course you can't get a decent photo because the waterfront is shoulder-to-shoulder, and dozens of charter boats are cruising back and forth to try cut in front of the hordes on the shore. It's a thoroughly absurd ritual - you could get a better sunset photo anywhere in America with a west-facing coastline, including Florida, but i suppose it's one of those things everyone has to do to say that they did it.
This is why i canceled my vague plans to take a trip out to Dry Tortugas. One full day of sightseeing thoroughly touristed me out. Thank God the campsite is on Stock Island, which seems to be home to a quiet underclass of Keys dwellers who work the docks, the hospital and other blue and pink collar jobs. It's still touristy, but at least it doesn't feel quite as oppressively so as the main island.
One useful tip that the shoestring bike tourer gave is that there is public transport service up the Keys - you can take a local bus to Marathon, and then another local bus to Florida City (on the mainland), and then connect into the Miami-Dade transit network. So that's where i am now, sitting on the bus with all my gear bundled under the seat and my bicycle on the front. Normally i think it would be more fun to cycle back - and, honestly, i probably would've enjoyed the scenery heading back up to Marathon at least, but the cost of staying down here is just prohibitive. The campsite is the cheapest place in town, by at least a factor of three, and the only place to get electricity there (if you're in the cheap tent sites) is the rec room. It's not the best setup for planning. I need a quiet room of my own where i can just bum round online for an entire day or two, and - absurdly - that's cheaper to find in Miami Beach than along the Keys.
I booked one night at a cheaper hotel in Coral Gables, as insurance in case the buses won't take me all the way and i end up stuck somewhere else with a non-refundable reservation.
Its funny being on public transport, compared to the live and let die attitude of the bars. People are masked. They're distanced. I guess the theory is that bars are optional so everyone can take their own risks, whereas public transport is a basic necessity where people shouldn't have to be exposed to the risky behavior of others.
That said, it is first thing Sunday morning when all the tourists are still snoring off their hangovers. Who knows what this bus looked like after happy hour last night.
So, Key West, it underwhelmed, but i am glad that i cycled all the way down there. I feel like it was a good achievement, and a sensible ending point to this chapter.
Right now i have whittled my next steps down to two plans. One: Amtrak Miami to Houston (or Dallas), then continue cycling around the southwest. Two: fly Miami to some Latin American destination without my bike, backpack or bum around there and see if i can find a sailboat voyage to join. The benefits of plan number one are obvious. Plan number two would involve me selling or giving away my bike and perhaps buying a bit of other gear so i can holiday more conventionally while i figure out who is cruising where and whether i would fit in on their crew.
Right now i am leaning more toward fulfilling my pirate fantasy ahead of checking the great southwestern adventure off my bucket list. I feel like i'll appreciate the southwest more if i make it a separate trip on its own, and not connected to the current bike tour. Then i won't be comparing everything or thinking "oh great, another diner just like the diners i've been eating at for three months already". I might be America-ed out, for the time being.
I am already talking to a few skippers online. One candidate is currently in Panama and is kind of the off-grid, ecotourism, Jacques Cousteau expedition type. That's probably more up my alley than the Keys/Bahamas crowd or the folks who sail up and down the Antilles on shorter jaunts from marina to marina. But there are risks involved with that sort of voyage, so i need to consider my options. That's what i'll be doing for the next week or two.