i'm losing my thread

[amw]

So, i suppose it was inevitable. Whenever i have been in North America (or Australia for that matter) my mental health has been utterly disastrous. It's in these new world nations where i was diagnosed bipolar, where i spent years taking prescription medication just to stay stable, where i spent years as a daily drinker and/or illegal drug user to

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[amw]

Canada is extremely fucking American. There are some characteristics here that are different, like there isn't a national fetish for gun ownership, people tend to be more polite, and the rural areas feel more ethnically diverse than equivalently rural areas in the US, but a lot of the general culture is the same.

I think part of it is the large amount of land and few amount of people. People grab a piece of land and don't want to give it up because they think it gives them "freedom" and "independence". But building a society around that geography makes it easier for large corporations to dominate the landscape (because small businesses aren't able to compete across long distances), so in some ways people here have less freedom of choice and live more homogenous lives than those in denser populated areas with more local businesses.

I don't want to take psychiatric meds again. I'm not sure they ever helped me very much, because it's not easy to A/B test since other circumstances in life changed too. I don't know... i am feeling better since i made this post, it helped to get a couple of good nights sleep, but i am still feeling a lot more on edge than i did when i was moving around more. Staying still makes it feel like all the darkness will catch up with me.