i'm losing my thread

[amw]

So, i suppose it was inevitable. Whenever i have been in North America (or Australia for that matter) my mental health has been utterly disastrous. It's in these new world nations where i was diagnosed bipolar, where i spent years taking prescription medication just to stay stable, where i spent years as a daily drinker and/or illegal drug user to

Comments

[sweetmeow]

You and I live different lives, and that is the beauty of the Live Journal. I appreciate and value reading those who live differently.

In short, I'm enmeshed in "car culture" and have way too much "stuff". Yet, I DO understand your feelings of entrapment because I, too feel trapped because of my stuff. You have actually pinpointed the cause of this nebulous unrest I feel, and have felt for an eternity.

But - moving along... I was worried about how you would fare in Canada after reading your posts from China, and your views on life and "world vision" (for lack of a better phrase!) Moving to rural Canada, beautiful though it be, where the weather was going to get cold (I mean *really* cold!), and the only way to get from here to there would be by car, was going to be problematic. You love nature and hiking in mountains and wild areas. But - you need to be able to get there, via walking, public transit or a share bike, all of which you had in China - a combination of the best of rural and urban.

I concur with a few others -- it's time to plot your move to Europe! I'm not sure how Brexit will hamper that goal, but there has to be a way. Think about the weather, transportation, food, housing, local culture - in short what means most to you. Then go!

Whatever the case -- vent here - it's the place for such!

[amw]

I have to say... Canada hasn't surprised me, insofar as it's exactly what i expected it was going to be. But i think perhaps i overestimated my ability to deal with the things that do make me uncomfortable here. I've been out of the country so long that i'm 40 now! I expected i would have grown up and become a bit more stable or resilient. As it turns out, i'm still struggling with the same things i ever did, and clearly it's leading me to have mini meltdowns, which is a bit disappointing to be honest.

On Europe: i could go right now if i wanted. There's nothing legally or financially stopping me. I think it's more stubbornness. I wanted to come back to Canada and give this place a fair go, and it feels like i'm cheating myself if i just leave again before i even got to do much traveling. I suppose i could just sneak out for the winter, but then i'd be disappointing my landlord. Hrm. We'll see how it goes.