Comments | amw: setting up some plans

amw

setting up some plans

May 29, 2020 18:46

The last few weeks my mental health has been deteriorating. I thought going down to 4 days a week would make me less stressed out, but it's only served to make things worse. I have called in "sick" twice. This week it seems i've started getting sick for real. Blocked nose. Sore throat. I have been drinking heavily on work nights. I have basically ( Read more... )

china, bird in a gilded cage, depression, career

Comments 13

fflo May 29 2020, 19:23:38 UTC

I hear you on the many despair-provokers. Or can the absence of something [hope] be provoked? I dunno. Anyway, just to reflect back at you, you sure seem to be saying that you want/need at least a plan for how you'll move on--- as in you need that to be able to bear being, in the meantime. So, if that's right, please get/make that plan, okay?

amw May 30 2020, 01:12:41 UTC

Yeah, i think when i get in these funks it just all starts piling up. Each thing on its own wouldn't be so bad, but together it breaks me.

Over the years i've been through lots of therapy, different medications, clean/sober periods etc, and so far the only thing that seems to consistently cheer me up and give me the feeling that i am back in control of my life is being homeless for a while. (Not destitute homeless, traveling homeless.)

Moving on from pondering (last few months) to planning (now) will i think help.

motodraconis May 29 2020, 21:16:43 UTC

It's all amplified because you are feeling (justifiably) trapped.
Greece is opening its borders to tourists, including visitors from China, though no to UK visitors as the UK is heaving with the virus and likely will have a second wave soon thanks to the incompetence of the UK government.

amw May 30 2020, 00:08:40 UTC

Yep, seeing that Greece news yesterday really helped me feel more relaxed. If other countries follow their example, then the controls will be based on where the direct flights are coming from and not on passport country, so coming from China where there is almost no virus means I have a "golden ticket" for my first hop.

Just knowing I have two options now is comforting.

tsuki_no_bara May 29 2020, 21:22:01 UTC

it sounds like anything that makes you stay in china any longer than absolutely necessary is a bad idea. if you quit your job now, how long would you be able to stay in the country? because that would probably be my suggestion - quit your job so as soon as a border opens up you can leave - unless you only get a very short window of being a non-working foreigner before china kicks you out.

the adult option of vancouver sounds great but you don't sound like you can cope with another year in china.

amw May 29 2020, 23:57:25 UTC

I haven't been able to get a clear answer on this. As usual, I think the law is deliberately vague so that the government can enforce it selectively ( ... )

coercedbynutmeg May 30 2020, 04:14:12 UTC

It sounds like you should get the hell out. It's just hard to know when that's a viable option. If Canada is like the US, even if you were to get there, employment might not be so easy. If I were in your place I'd probably pick Option 1, provided there isn't some weird contract provision that keeps you from resigning for a year or something once you relocate. Because even with shutdowns and lockdowns in other countries, I don't think many of them are literally fencing people into villages, and getting out, or even having a pending plan to get out, provides a great psychological lift.

I hope places start opening up soon. However, the county I live in just canceled summer, which doesn't yield much hope for fall, either.

amw May 30 2020, 16:15:28 UTC

I am fortunate to work in an industry that venture capitalists shower with money, and an industry that can both work remote and develops the products society needs to continue to work remote and/or automate. I am not too worried about the employment situation, although admittedly i haven't sent out any applications yet.

I think you are right that i will experience a huge emotional weight taken off when i leave China, even if i immediately go back to work in the new place. There are definitely a lot of conveniences i will miss, and lots of "little freedoms" like being able to buy alcohol 24/7 and drink on the street, but getting some "big freedoms" back will be a real breath of fresh air.

(The comment has been removed)

amw May 30 2020, 15:54:16 UTC

I don't know, in software development i do look for the simplest solution, but that involves investigating different possibilities and getting lots of feedback before moving ahead. There is a point of diminishing returns when due diligence turns into analysis paralysis, but on this topic of where i should go next, i only just started seriously considering the options this week. I need more time to do the research, and because almost all of my energy is consumed by my actual job, that might take a while ( ... )