from anger to bitterness and regret.
only a tragedy.
i was charging my cell phone from home a little while ago. i brought it because i'm attached and i still use it as an alarm clock. and i was flipping through my text messages and i saw some i had from you still there and i'd forgotten for awhile. i deleted them. most of them. i didn't erase the ones in the beginning because that was before everything went to shit.
and then i was laying here on facebook and i randomly was looking at an old friend's page. and memories of college came flooding back. and i was just thinking how there was a period i spent with these people. and i had a lot of fun, going out and hanging out late nights. and there were some really funny moments. but years later, i reflect, and it's really sad that the reality is, i gained nothing of substance except for lessons of regret. lessons of a broken heart. and all that bull shit. and i really hate to be bitter. but i can't help it. because it's so sad to me, to spend time with people who i actually enjoyed and taking nothing away from it.
it makes me nauseous.
and after college i said, i'd hoped it would never happen again. but then it did. and i'm just weary. i mean, i'm aware as you get older, life only gets harder. and you will hurt people and they will hurt you. and there will be situations where, someone you shared something with will no longer be there because they've chosen not to be a part of your life or you've chosen not to be in theres. and it's just so sad to me to know that you could have these moments that meant something in that moment, but then time and circumstance come into play and you have to let these people go. and it just seems to take the meaning away from what was.
and i can't help but be bitter.
and i guess i'm just waiting until it subsides. and i just hope i never go through those moments again, but somehow i'm starting to get that with age and with the reality of taking chances, that it's inevitable and maybe it's a part of life. but i hate it.
truth.
i was charging my cell phone from home a little while ago. i brought it because i'm attached and i still use it as an alarm clock. and i was flipping through my text messages and i saw some i had from you still there and i'd forgotten for awhile. i deleted them. most of them. i didn't erase the ones in the beginning because that was before everything went to shit.
and then i was laying here on facebook and i randomly was looking at an old friend's page. and memories of college came flooding back. and i was just thinking how there was a period i spent with these people. and i had a lot of fun, going out and hanging out late nights. and there were some really funny moments. but years later, i reflect, and it's really sad that the reality is, i gained nothing of substance except for lessons of regret. lessons of a broken heart. and all that bull shit. and i really hate to be bitter. but i can't help it. because it's so sad to me, to spend time with people who i actually enjoyed and taking nothing away from it.
it makes me nauseous.
and after college i said, i'd hoped it would never happen again. but then it did. and i'm just weary. i mean, i'm aware as you get older, life only gets harder. and you will hurt people and they will hurt you. and there will be situations where, someone you shared something with will no longer be there because they've chosen not to be a part of your life or you've chosen not to be in theres. and it's just so sad to me to know that you could have these moments that meant something in that moment, but then time and circumstance come into play and you have to let these people go. and it just seems to take the meaning away from what was.
and i can't help but be bitter.
and i guess i'm just waiting until it subsides. and i just hope i never go through those moments again, but somehow i'm starting to get that with age and with the reality of taking chances, that it's inevitable and maybe it's a part of life. but i hate it.
truth.