asdfaf I love this so much rn ;;magerightsAugust 4 2011, 01:40:38 UTC
[He has to admire Francis' strength, his confidence; perhaps if he'd had a measure of that all those years ago, Anders wouldn't have done what he did to Justice and himself.
Even with how much stronger the other man seems right now, Anders can understand that need to have someone close by, someone you could trust to support you when it felt like nothing else could, and he doesn't pull away from the hand that brushes his cheek. Francis' expression is more difficult to read than usual; sad yet determined and almost unfathomably old in a strange way. Blue eyes bright and hard despite the glowing letters curling and flowing over his skin, threatening to overrun him entirely.
It's one of the most beautiful things he's seen in his life.
Francis' hand brushes lower to take his chin gently, and Anders is reminded of a lover's touch. Not that of some of his dalliances both within the Circle and out - fast, breathless laughter, and an attempt to find distraction in another before returning to the life forced on them - but of the rare times when it was about feelings no one could afford to voice, only show in gentle touches and simply holding each other. It isn't something he's felt in a long time.
The smoke coiling away is the only thing that breaks his eye contact with Francis, following the path of it before his gaze returns to the pale man.]
I KNOW ME TOO omfg your tag was *GORGEOUS*crotchrosesAugust 4 2011, 02:49:13 UTC
[At a tearing sensation, France steps back abruptly and doubles over, coughing out a hideous mass of billowing black smoke. Unlike smoke, however, it's weighted and chaotic and churning, until it seems to collapse and disperse entirely. The letters begin to fade, except for the word amour on the inside of one of his palms.
France feels sleepy and empty--nothing sleep and good food can't fix, however. He feels like a freshly healed wound; still tender, but closed.
He can't seem to meet Anders' eyes, but he nonetheless reaches out both hands to him. To hold hands, or for a hug, it's up to the mage.
Well, the word on his hand is clear enough, and he decides to extend it so Anders can read it in the dimness of the man's room.]
YOU SAY THAT LIKE YOURS WASN'T??magerightsAugust 4 2011, 05:02:53 UTC
[Anders leans forward as Francis steps back in one swift movement, torn between his instinct to heal and the belief that the man knows what he's doing. He jerks back at the smoke that floods out of France, however. While possession isn't much of a concern for him (no vacancies, as it were), he doesn't want to risk touching the stuff. Fortunately it disappears quickly, and Anders focuses on Francis instead. Unsurprisingly, he looks tired, but more like a man recovered from a taxing illness than anything.
The mage is already moving closer to ensure Francis is recovering when the man reaches out for him, extending one palm upwards so Anders can see a glowing word there. He regards it hesitantly.]
I'm not certain I understand... What does it mean?
SDKJFLSKAD SCREAM this thread, it's just what i needed ;3;crotchrosesAugust 4 2011, 05:25:31 UTC
[As the word slowly fades, France's arms circle around Anders and the nation latches onto him, clutching at his back. There are explanations owed, that's for certain, but France can't be bothered to think on them this very second. His thoughts are centered on the living, breathing, kind man in his arms.
France waits until he is resting his head on Anders' shoulder to answer him.]
Appropriate, that this word should be the final one. It was 'love.'
[On comes the wave of guilt. These only happen when France was exhausted and sober.] I-- I'm afraid there's only so much apologizing I can do for what I've done.
[Anders shakes his head immediately.] You don't have to apologise. It wasn't you and... I know what that feels like, watching your body move and do things you'd give anything to stop, and you're trying to find a way to break through, but you just can't--
[He shudders faintly.]
I just... you don't need to deal with it on your own.
[It's now when he realizes Anders hasn't pushed him away, and so France, who has had enough today, drapes himself over Anders and... might also be clutching at his back. Just maybe. And also maybe... the draping is just a very tired, outpouring hug.]
I have dealt with much worse on my own. [It's not a scornful tone he has when he says this. After all, he is draping over Anders and holding onto him as though he might otherwise be swept off to sea.] That is what a country must do.
If I were any less, I might not have survived so unscathed, but I think I brought Justice's retribution on myself. [And he's not even trying to be self-deprecating either! In fact, the last line is really meant to be a little humorous.
He has dark humor.]
... If you want me to remain here, then I will for now, gladly.
[He has to shift a little to take more of Francis' weight, but it's not too bad. It's also obvious that it's only for comfort, something he knows they both need, so he doesn't mind the closeness either. Still, everything's settling down again and the kittens are starting to creep out from their hiding place, still fluffy with fright and trembling, so Anders gently nudges Francis.]
Then perhaps we should sit down? We could rest and talk and I think the kittens are going to want attention.
[Moving without waiting too much longer, Anders gently steers Francis to sit on the bed, since it's the only thing large enough to seat them both comfortably, and sits next to him, his shoulders against the wall.]
I've dealt with things on my own before. Sometimes, I wished there was someone to speak to, to make things easier. I can't force you to do what I would likely be unable to, but... I am here, if you have need of me.
[France complies and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Admittedly, he's a little confused by Anders' kindness, but he won't look a gift horse in the mouth. It's very appreciated to say the least.]
It was me. That terrible thing took the desires I have and used them to its advantage. [He shakes his head.] Both the love and the anger in my heart, they are there, and that demon... whatever it was, it took hold of them that it would commit terrible things through me.
But... I am not a puppet. Some may think it dishonorable to accept failure, but I do what I must to survive and keep my citizens free. They have suffered enough.
They do that, demons. But it's not always the same thing as it being your own fault.
[He feels more than a little hypocritical, and his words sound hollow in his ears. How many times has he lost himself to Justice, woken afterwards with blood on his hands, splattered on his face and lips, and blamed himself for the horror he'd unleashed? But he doesn't want to see Francis blame himself for this. He didn't ask to play host to the creature as Anders did, he didn't cause it to twist and change the person he was. It's different enough to him to matter.
A little hesitantly, he reaches out to touch Francis' hand.]
I don't know what others may think, but you fought it better than anyone I've seen. Do you... know anything about where it came from?
[He shakes his head once more, looking pensive, but he grips Anders' hand without hesitation.]
... There are pieces of my youth I do not remember. Like humans, nations sometimes forget or deny parts of history. Culture changes and with it, so do we. I only know those ancient words from a revival of the tradition that is relatively recent. [France turns his gaze to Anders and manages a laugh and a smile.]
Also, I am France! I protest what I do not like and I do what I must to survive.
Non, I do not know where it came from--only that... I woke this way, with unquenchable desire.
[He snorts and shakes his head in amusement.] I think just about everyone protests at things they don't like and do what they have to in order to survive. Maybe not constantly, but they'd be lying to say they never had.
[It troubles him that Francis woke possessed, and that shows on his face and the unconscious way his fingers tighten around the man's hand.]
Demons don't, in my experiences, usually possess non-mages all on their own. But another powerful mage can... force them into a host.
This depends on who you ask. The ruling religion of Europe, it said differently for centuries. Perhaps I shouldn't have slept on my back!
[France pulls Anders' hand closer and he closes both of his own around it.] What is important is that I am alive and well, and so are you. We even know more about one another, eh?
Even with how much stronger the other man seems right now, Anders can understand that need to have someone close by, someone you could trust to support you when it felt like nothing else could, and he doesn't pull away from the hand that brushes his cheek. Francis' expression is more difficult to read than usual; sad yet determined and almost unfathomably old in a strange way. Blue eyes bright and hard despite the glowing letters curling and flowing over his skin, threatening to overrun him entirely.
It's one of the most beautiful things he's seen in his life.
Francis' hand brushes lower to take his chin gently, and Anders is reminded of a lover's touch. Not that of some of his dalliances both within the Circle and out - fast, breathless laughter, and an attempt to find distraction in another before returning to the life forced on them - but of the rare times when it was about feelings no one could afford to voice, only show in gentle touches and simply holding each other. It isn't something he's felt in a long time.
The smoke coiling away is the only thing that breaks his eye contact with Francis, following the path of it before his gaze returns to the pale man.]
Is it...
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France feels sleepy and empty--nothing sleep and good food can't fix, however. He feels like a freshly healed wound; still tender, but closed.
He can't seem to meet Anders' eyes, but he nonetheless reaches out both hands to him. To hold hands, or for a hug, it's up to the mage.
Well, the word on his hand is clear enough, and he decides to extend it so Anders can read it in the dimness of the man's room.]
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The mage is already moving closer to ensure Francis is recovering when the man reaches out for him, extending one palm upwards so Anders can see a glowing word there. He regards it hesitantly.]
I'm not certain I understand... What does it mean?
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France waits until he is resting his head on Anders' shoulder to answer him.]
Appropriate, that this word should be the final one. It was 'love.'
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[He's surprised, but his arms rest gently around Francis in return; he isn't rejecting him or pushing him away, even after that revelation.]
I see now...
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I hold no ill feelings toward you, but I think it's time I returned home.
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[The word is out of his mouth before he's thought about it, and Anders flushes faintly.]
Would you maybe stay a little longer, just to talk?
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[On comes the wave of guilt. These only happen when France was exhausted and sober.] I-- I'm afraid there's only so much apologizing I can do for what I've done.
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[He shudders faintly.]
I just... you don't need to deal with it on your own.
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I have dealt with much worse on my own. [It's not a scornful tone he has when he says this. After all, he is draping over Anders and holding onto him as though he might otherwise be swept off to sea.] That is what a country must do.
If I were any less, I might not have survived so unscathed, but I think I brought Justice's retribution on myself. [And he's not even trying to be self-deprecating either! In fact, the last line is really meant to be a little humorous.
He has dark humor.]
... If you want me to remain here, then I will for now, gladly.
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Then perhaps we should sit down? We could rest and talk and I think the kittens are going to want attention.
[Moving without waiting too much longer, Anders gently steers Francis to sit on the bed, since it's the only thing large enough to seat them both comfortably, and sits next to him, his shoulders against the wall.]
I've dealt with things on my own before. Sometimes, I wished there was someone to speak to, to make things easier. I can't force you to do what I would likely be unable to, but... I am here, if you have need of me.
Reply
It was me. That terrible thing took the desires I have and used them to its advantage. [He shakes his head.] Both the love and the anger in my heart, they are there, and that demon... whatever it was, it took hold of them that it would commit terrible things through me.
But... I am not a puppet. Some may think it dishonorable to accept failure, but I do what I must to survive and keep my citizens free. They have suffered enough.
Reply
[He feels more than a little hypocritical, and his words sound hollow in his ears. How many times has he lost himself to Justice, woken afterwards with blood on his hands, splattered on his face and lips, and blamed himself for the horror he'd unleashed? But he doesn't want to see Francis blame himself for this. He didn't ask to play host to the creature as Anders did, he didn't cause it to twist and change the person he was. It's different enough to him to matter.
A little hesitantly, he reaches out to touch Francis' hand.]
I don't know what others may think, but you fought it better than anyone I've seen. Do you... know anything about where it came from?
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... There are pieces of my youth I do not remember. Like humans, nations sometimes forget or deny parts of history. Culture changes and with it, so do we. I only know those ancient words from a revival of the tradition that is relatively recent. [France turns his gaze to Anders and manages a laugh and a smile.]
Also, I am France! I protest what I do not like and I do what I must to survive.
Non, I do not know where it came from--only that... I woke this way, with unquenchable desire.
Reply
[It troubles him that Francis woke possessed, and that shows on his face and the unconscious way his fingers tighten around the man's hand.]
Demons don't, in my experiences, usually possess non-mages all on their own. But another powerful mage can... force them into a host.
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[France pulls Anders' hand closer and he closes both of his own around it.] What is important is that I am alive and well, and so are you. We even know more about one another, eh?
God, I need a smoke.
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