unknown
i am in such an odd state right now and i really feel the need to at least try and dissect it. maybe ill feel better about things, i dont know. i am in a rut. i feel like ive been dragging myself in one. im not intentionally being self-destructive. thats dumb. i only realize that i have been self-destructive after the fact. i feel like i should be doing so much more. everyday is just passing time and im never making the most of it. this seems out of nowhere. when did i start feeling like this? im not sure. i think i just realized it now as the words started to spill out on the page. when did i get to be so negative and unsure of myself? everything has just felt off for the last 2-3 months. i suppose its just been easier to ignore this on a day to day basis. but now my school work and relationships with everyone are all suffering. this must be remedied soon. i suppose this all sounds quite melodramatic. it does to me. logically i should be fine. i have all the luxuries and blessings anyone could ask for. i swear im not crazy or anything. so what is this? hmmm...ill write more later i guess.