Covalent Bonds [written by Asuka Kureru; read by Opalsong]
Title: Covalent Bonds Podbook
Author: Asuka Kureru
Reader: Opalsong
Length: 7:00:34
Size: 197.8MB
Cover: Opalsong
Summary:
Wherein, Having Beaten A Game, All Players Are Taken Back To The Same, Worst Available Universe, With Species Changes To Match For Those Who Did Not Match Beforehand.
In short: You're all trolls now, welcome to Alternia.
Podbook Link: Podbook
Audiofic Archive link: Here
Title: Covalent
Author: Asuka Kureru
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Homestuck
Pairings: John/Karkat, John<>Vriska
Rating: Mature
Length (total): 1:38:53
Music: Bonds of Sea and Fire from Xenogears Light
Cover: Opalsong
Art: Homestuck Trolls & Kids Seamless Fabric Pattern by Ladyboots & Sprite by Asuka Kureru
Summary:
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] has joined memo CALLING ALL JACKASSES --
CG: THANK LITTLE JEGUS AND ALL HIS WIGGLER-EATING ELVES. WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING STATUS.
CA: oh great and wwhich human evven is that again
TT: Oh, please. We both know perfectly how well you remember me, Mr. Ampora.
TT: My status is, if you will permit the bad joke, wet and horny.
CG: MY GANDERBULBS JUST IMPLODED FROM GROSS BY PROXY. WHAT THE CROTCHBLISTERING *FUCK*, LALONDE?
TT: As in, I have just emerged from what is either a recuperacoon or a fairly good mock-up, and there are protrusions attached to my skull that I am inclined to believe would be candy-corn-colored.
CG: ... OH. YEAH, VERY AMUSING. I AM VERY AMUSED. HERE IS A PICTOGRAPHIC REPRESENTATION OF MY MIRTH. |:B
Part 1 of the Covalent Bonds series
Chapter Links [length; size]:
Chapter 1 [29:39; 41.2MB]
Chapter 2 [33:16; 25.5MB]
Chapter 3 [35:58; 49.9MB]
Audiofic Archive link: Here
Title: Side B
Author: Asuka Kureru
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Homestuck
Pairings: Gen
Rating: Teen
Length: 13:54
Size: 19.6MB
Music: The Blue Traveler from Xenogears Light
Cover: Opalsong
Art: Homestuck Trolls & Kids Seamless Fabric Pattern by Ladyboots
Summary:
TA: gue22 what ii found.
AC: :33 < tg-or-boy-tt's hive? *ac guesses*
CG: IT HAD BETTER BE A DOUCHE IN SHADES.
TA: iit'2 ...
TA: iiiiiit'2 ......
TA: two douche2 iin 2hade2.
--
Meanwhile, on the internet. Takes place during Covalent's second chapter.
Part 2 of the Covalent Bonds series
Link: MP3
Audiofic Archive link: Here
Title: Week One
Author: Asuka Kureru
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Homestuck
Pairings: Rose/Feferi, Jade/Gamzee, Eridan/Roxy
Rating: Teen
Length (total): 50:35
Music: My Village is Number One from Xenogears Light
Cover: Opalsong
Art: Homestuck Trolls & Kids Seamless Fabric Pattern by Ladyboots & Sprite by Asuka Kureru
Summary:
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] opened memo Bearded Wizard Slash on board FUCK PARADOX SPACE IN EVERY SINGLE BLACK HOLE: THE MOVIE --
TT: This shall serve as a repository for my magnum opus.
TT: I tease. This is a chronicle of my early days of trollhood.
TG: yes plz tell us everything about you playing ye olde alien trouser flute
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] banned turntechGodhead [TG] from memo Bearded Wizard Slash --
TT: I would never dare to steal the thunder from your own memo, dear brother.
--
Collection of logs to bridge the first week after Covalent.
1) Rose & various; Feferi
2) Dirk & Tavros, Dirk & Dave
3) Jade & Gamzee
4) Roxy & Eridan
5) Dirk & Roxy & ??
Part 3 of the Covalent Bonds series
Chapter Links [length; size]:
Chapter 1 [13:43; 10.4MB]
Chapter 2 [8:55; 7.0MB]
Chapter 3 [13:36; 10.4MB]
Chapter 4 [9:18; 7.2MB]
Chapter 5 [5:03; 3.8MB]
Audiofic Archive link: Here
Title: Oasis Reunion
Author: Asuka Kureru
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Homestuck
Pairings: Jane<>Dirk
Rating: Teen
Length: 1:17:24
Size: 106.8MB
Music: Shevat, the Wind is Calling from Xenogears Light
Cover: Opalsong
Art: Homestuck Trolls & Kids Seamless Fabric Pattern by Ladyboots & Sprite by Asuka Kureru
Summary: In Which Jane Crocker Is Getting Used To Being A Troll (No She Isn't,) A Party Gets Crashed But Is Then Put Back On Its Rails, And Jane Totally Does Not Pale Hook Up With Dirk Strider (Yes She Does.)
Contains Several Shameless Public Pappings, Ashen Fuckery (Seriously Jade Stop,) Karkat Being A Pale Guru, And One List Of Raunchy Troll Porn Titles.
Part 4 of the Covalent Bonds series
Link: MP3
Audiofic Archive link: Here
Title: On The Outside Looking In
Author: Asuka Kureru
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Homestuck
Pairings: Dirk<>Jane, Karkat/Jade/Gamzee, Eridan/Rose/Feferi
Rating: Teen
Length (total): 1:14:45
Music: Premonition from Xenogears Light
Cover: Opalsong
Art: Homestuck Trolls & Kids Seamless Fabric Pattern by Ladyboots & Sprite by Asuka Kureru
Summary: You can't help but like your upstairs neighbor, even though he's a little shit who turns his music up way too loud at odd hours. He's this plucky little rustie with amazing horns, he knows how to slice and dice a guy in like two seconds, and once when you broke your thermal hull during the dim season he was neighborly enough to ask his palebro to fix it for you, even though ain't no way to get to know him in the course of normal conversation.
Also, when his featherbeast lusus died... You weren't there when it happened but afterwards he was just like a little robo-dude, rambling on automatic behind his facade and not even knowing it was cracked to hell and back, pretending like it was just a fact of life and he didn't mind.
So yeah okay you are vaguely pale on your upstairs neighbor.
--
How does a normal troll with no clue that the game ever existed see an ex-player, anyway? Especially one who used to be an alien. Hopefully a series of various outsider POVs.
Part 5 of the Covalent Bonds series
Chapter Links [length; size]:
Chapter 1 [26:45; 37.2MB]
Chapter 2 [24:36; 34.3MB]
Chapter 3 [23:24; 32.6MB]
Audiofic Archive link: Here
Title: Well, That Was Pointless
Author: Asuka Kureru
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Homestuck
Pairings: Gen
Rating: General Audiences
Length: 17:56
Size: 14.0MB
Music: Grahf, Conqueror of Darkness from Xenogears Light
Cover: Opalsong
Art: Homestuck Trolls & Kids Seamless Fabric Pattern by Ladyboots & Sprite by Asuka Kureru
Summary:
-- undyingUmbrage [uu] started trolling centaursTesticle [CT] --
uu: WHAT THE FuCK IS uP. WITH THIS CHAT CLIENT.
uu: TROLLING IS FOR LOSERS. WHERE IS THE JEERING OPTION.
CT: D --> I beg your pardon
CT: D --> Who the heck are you and why are you on my chumproll in the first place with your l00dicrous and despicable hemoanonymity
uu: I COuLD ASK YOu THE EXACT SAME FuCKING THING.
uu: BuT I WON'T. BECAuSE I'M NOT A DuMBASS.
uu: AND I ALREADY ASKED DIRK WHO THE FuCK YOu WERE. AND WHY YOu WERE ON MY CHuMPROLL.
Part 6 of the Covalent Bonds series
Link: MP3
Audiofic Archive link: Here
Title: See How It Goes
Author: Asuka Kureru
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Homestuck
Pairings: Gen
Rating: Teen
Length: 5:24
Size: 7.9MB
Music: Shattering the Egg of Dreams from Xenogears Light
Cover: Opalsong
Art: Homestuck Trolls & Kids Seamless Fabric Pattern by Ladyboots
Summary:
-- terminallyCapricious [TC] started trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
TC: so yeah hi
It's hard to believe his eyes at first. Karkat has seen Gamzee's handle lit up here and there in the last weeks -- often winking off a couple minutes after he goes online himself.
He's been okay with it, kind of, in not-really-okay, afraid-to-make-it-worse ways. He's not really feeling like he has digested the last meeting they had, like he has figured out what he thinks and is ready to tackle more. But for Mister If I Pretend It's Not Here It Will Go Poof Somehow to contact him first?
Part 7 of the Covalent Bonds series
Link: MP3
Audiofic Archive link: Here
Title: Rules of Engaging with a Chest Werewolf
Author: Asuka Kureru
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Homestuck
Pairings: John/Karkat, John<>Vriska
Rating: Teen
Length: 30:01
Size: 23.3MB
Music: One Who Bares Fangs at God from Xenogears Light
Cover: Opalsong
Art: Homestuck Trolls & Kids Seamless Fabric Pattern by Ladyboots & Sprite by Asuka Kureru
Summary:
EB: so... i hear you're back with gamzee? seriously???
CG: OH, *YOU* WANT TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION. YOU, WHO ARE OBVIOUSLY A CONNOISSEUR IN ALL MATTERS PERTAINING TO TROLLHOOD AND MOIRALLEGIANCE. WHO AM I TO DISAPPOINT!
CG: SO, I HEAR YOU'RE WITH *VRISKA*? SERIOUSLY???
EB: ...
EB: on second thought, let's talk about movies.
CG: YEAH, WE MIGHT ACCIDENTALLY FALL ON EACH OTHER ALL CLAWS OUT OTHERWISE, AND THEN IT'LL BE HELL HAVING TO MAKE OUT.
CG: MAKE UP.
CG: I MEANT MAKE UP. FUCK. TYPO. HAHA.
Part 8 of the Covalent Bonds series
Link: MP3
Audiofic Archive link: Here
Title: Three Sweeps In
Author: Asuka Kureru
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Homestuck
Pairings: Gen
Rating: Teen
Length: 25:54
Size: 19.6MB
Music: Broken Mirror from Xenogears Light
Cover: Opalsong
Art: Homestuck Trolls & Kids Seamless Fabric Pattern by Ladyboots
Summary: Three sweeps after the end of the game, Terezi finally gets to the Legislacerator academy. She didn't know how she expected it to go, but not like that.
Part 9 of the Covalent Bonds series
Link: MP3
Audiofic Archive link: Here
Title: A Pirate's Life for Me
Author: Asuka Kureru
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Homestuck
Pairings: Meenah/Kankri, Damara<>Meenah
Rating: Mature
Length: 25:46
Size: 35.9MB
Music: October Mermaid from Xenogears Light
Cover: Opalsong
Art: Homestuck Trolls & Kids Seamless Fabric Pattern by Ladyboots
Summary:
AA: tell me about kankri, i tell you about me
CC: ...
CC: codDAMN megido
CC: so did you not want to talk to any of us or
AA: yes
CC: so whats changed now
AA: now is funnier to speak
AA: vomit up your kankri fucking woes so i may laugh into your sea dog face
CC: nice, i can feel some real sympathy flowin from your new typeface, girl.
CC: real friendly there did you wake up beached outside your coon or
AA: i laugh and choke and die if you lucky
AA: tell
CC: urgh fine okay let me just walk up to your harpoon n whine my life aint sharp enough
CC: giving me your word youll tell me where to find you after that?
AA: put a cross in my heart hope you die :D
CC: imma take you at your word and that word as a yes but only because i really need to bitch about that sweater-wrapped tool
Part 10 of the Covalent Bonds series
Link: MP3
Audiofic Archive link: Here
Thanks to Yue_ix for the cover art beta!
Thanks to Paraka for hosting!!
cross posted at amplificathon, my journal, and AO3