A Post in Three Parts
I bring you A MIDDLE EASTERN JOHN OLIVER in Reza Aslan.
Am I the only one who sees it in this pic? He doesn't normally look like John Oliver though only here. I love this man.
The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30cReza Aslanwww.colbertnation.comColbert Report Full Episodes2010 ElectionMarch to Keep Fear Alive
I've had a TV watching marathon and it turned into a quote collecting kinda afternoon. Well, they made me laugh anyway.
BOY: Where have you girls been all our lives?
GIRL: Waiting for you. We were born in this room. We grew up in this room. And we're going to die in this room, alone.
BOY: STOP SHOOTING SPITBALLS AT ME OR I'LL RIP YOUR LUNGS OUT.
GIRLS: Darling - Those aren't spitballs... they're delicate projectiles of love.
SISTER 1: Yuppies are from the 80s.
SISTER 2: So what do you call people in funny outfits who talk about peace and love and stuff?
SISTER 1: Trekkies.
MOTHER: It's just a visit.
DAUGHTER: That's what they told J.F.K.
GIRL 1: So you finally convinced your dad that you're not a communist?
GIRL 2: Yeah, I'm showing him how much I love money by hitting him up for it every chance I get.
MOTHER: I gave you life; I can take it away.
GIRL 1: Why go to an artist's colony if you're not going to mingle with your fellow artists?
GIRL 2: That's like saying 'why go to a PENAL colony if you're not gonna mingle with your - ' I think I'll stop there.
ART TEACHER: Good work, that's bursting out of the picture plane. You've really created the illusion of depth!
STUDENT: I'm thinking of going into politics.
GIRL 1: My mom said it was wrong to encourage cheaters and to profit from them.
GIRL 2: So, she's giving up being a lawyer?
GIRL 1: I asked her that. And I'm sure some day we'll once again be on speaking terms.
TEACHER: ARRGH...GAAAAAH!! Why couldn't I have been born during an influenza epidemic?!! Or at the base of a volcano?!! Why did I survive, grow tall, and strong, only to squander all of my potential, by becoming a TEACHER?!! WRAAAGH!!
STUDENT: When he would've been such a wonderful motivational speaker.
GIRL 1: Come on, the neighbors are beginning to talk!
GIRL 2: Good, soon they'll progress to cave-drawings, and before we know it, evolution is on its way.
STUDENT: What does "woe" mean?
SUBSTITUTE: It's like the feeling you'd get if the Super Bowl were preempted by
"Antiques Roadshow".
STUDENT: Whoa!
SUBSTITUTE: See?
TEACHER: You know what they say - a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.
STUDENT: Not if you're diabetic.
MOTHER: Why do you always have to view things in such a negative light?
DAUGHTER: Could you possibly be referring to the harsh light of reality?
PRINCIPAL: Did you really think you were going to get away with this?
SUDENT: Well, it would be stupid to say yes now.
TEACHER: Class, our planetarium trip has been canceled due to lack of funds, so your assignment tonight is to locate Orion the Hunter in the sky, then write an essay on why you think he needs to carry a weapon to feel like a man.
STUDENT 1: Your picture's full of bloody people! That's not a still life!
STUDENT 2: Sure it is. The blood's the reason they're so still.
Taken from c0ntrarywise , a music meme.
Day 1: You're favourite song(s)
NUMBER ONE:
NUMBER TWO: (Sorry, I couldn't find an actual performance I liked.
NUMBER THREE: Is virtually unfindable on YT, but for the record it's Mr. Tambourine Man the ORIGINAL Bob Dylan one.
Am I the only one who sees it in this pic? He doesn't normally look like John Oliver though only here. I love this man.
The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30cReza Aslanwww.colbertnation.comColbert Report Full Episodes2010 ElectionMarch to Keep Fear Alive
I've had a TV watching marathon and it turned into a quote collecting kinda afternoon. Well, they made me laugh anyway.
BOY: Where have you girls been all our lives?
GIRL: Waiting for you. We were born in this room. We grew up in this room. And we're going to die in this room, alone.
BOY: STOP SHOOTING SPITBALLS AT ME OR I'LL RIP YOUR LUNGS OUT.
GIRLS: Darling - Those aren't spitballs... they're delicate projectiles of love.
SISTER 1: Yuppies are from the 80s.
SISTER 2: So what do you call people in funny outfits who talk about peace and love and stuff?
SISTER 1: Trekkies.
MOTHER: It's just a visit.
DAUGHTER: That's what they told J.F.K.
GIRL 1: So you finally convinced your dad that you're not a communist?
GIRL 2: Yeah, I'm showing him how much I love money by hitting him up for it every chance I get.
MOTHER: I gave you life; I can take it away.
GIRL 1: Why go to an artist's colony if you're not going to mingle with your fellow artists?
GIRL 2: That's like saying 'why go to a PENAL colony if you're not gonna mingle with your - ' I think I'll stop there.
ART TEACHER: Good work, that's bursting out of the picture plane. You've really created the illusion of depth!
STUDENT: I'm thinking of going into politics.
GIRL 1: My mom said it was wrong to encourage cheaters and to profit from them.
GIRL 2: So, she's giving up being a lawyer?
GIRL 1: I asked her that. And I'm sure some day we'll once again be on speaking terms.
TEACHER: ARRGH...GAAAAAH!! Why couldn't I have been born during an influenza epidemic?!! Or at the base of a volcano?!! Why did I survive, grow tall, and strong, only to squander all of my potential, by becoming a TEACHER?!! WRAAAGH!!
STUDENT: When he would've been such a wonderful motivational speaker.
GIRL 1: Come on, the neighbors are beginning to talk!
GIRL 2: Good, soon they'll progress to cave-drawings, and before we know it, evolution is on its way.
STUDENT: What does "woe" mean?
SUBSTITUTE: It's like the feeling you'd get if the Super Bowl were preempted by
"Antiques Roadshow".
STUDENT: Whoa!
SUBSTITUTE: See?
TEACHER: You know what they say - a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.
STUDENT: Not if you're diabetic.
MOTHER: Why do you always have to view things in such a negative light?
DAUGHTER: Could you possibly be referring to the harsh light of reality?
PRINCIPAL: Did you really think you were going to get away with this?
SUDENT: Well, it would be stupid to say yes now.
TEACHER: Class, our planetarium trip has been canceled due to lack of funds, so your assignment tonight is to locate Orion the Hunter in the sky, then write an essay on why you think he needs to carry a weapon to feel like a man.
STUDENT 1: Your picture's full of bloody people! That's not a still life!
STUDENT 2: Sure it is. The blood's the reason they're so still.
Taken from c0ntrarywise , a music meme.
Day 1: You're favourite song(s)
NUMBER ONE:
Click to viewNUMBER TWO: (Sorry, I couldn't find an actual performance I liked.
NUMBER THREE: Is virtually unfindable on YT, but for the record it's Mr. Tambourine Man the ORIGINAL Bob Dylan one.