(no subject)
I'm concerned... about things I can't control... like emotions and reactions and the way things unfold...
I wrote that in a post a while ago.... and now it seems to apply once again...
I'm absolutely terrified to have my heart broken again...
I don't know if I can handle it from him once more.
I've always loved him and I always will.
He's the only man I've ever loved.
I knew it even at 16.
Now that he's reentered my life, I can't help but feel that way about him again.
I can fight it with everything that I have (and believe me, I have) but try as I might, there's no denying it.
Common sense would tell me to run as fast as I can and never look back.
He's definitely changed.
Two summers ago we were just friends and something had happened to him.
He wasn't the same person.
He was just this empty shell of what he once was.
I could barely recognize him.
His attitude was definitely different.
Not to mention he was a jackass.
His life was falling apart and he was alienating everyone around him.
But now... now I can see the person I know.
The person I've always known.
His attitude towards life has totally changed.
He's getting his act together.
Things are actually going really well for him right now.
I know that he's meant for greatness and it's really starting to show.
I know that he cares about me very much.
And he reminds me of this all the time.
And I know I care for him.
But I am absolutely terrified to have my heart broken again...
I'm hesitant and I know that he can sense this.
I know I have to make some giant decision that will either make or break what we have.
I'd be stupid to be with him again, but I'd be stupid to let him go.
Some of my friends don't know that he and I have been discussing romantic matters.
I know they'd kill me for even spending time with him.
It's terrible when you have to hide the feelings you have for someone from your best friends because they wouldn't approve.
I know that they have my best interests at heart and don't want to see my hurt again, but how can I ever love again if I don't get hurt??
I love it when you spend the night cuddling with someone and all the next day you can smell him on your skin.
You'll be at work helping a customer and all of a sudden you get this whiff and it immediately brings you back to being wrapped up in his arms.
And even if you love your job, work is suddenly the last place you want to be.
I love it and I hate it at the same time.
I'm concerned about his intentions.
I'm concerned about how long he plans on sticking around.
I'm not doing this again just to have it last a few months like last time.
I know I'd get too emotionally involved for that.
There'd be no point.
The pain isn't worth it.
The only thing I'll ever ask of you, you gotta to promise not to stop when I say when.
I wrote that in a post a while ago.... and now it seems to apply once again...
I'm absolutely terrified to have my heart broken again...
I don't know if I can handle it from him once more.
I've always loved him and I always will.
He's the only man I've ever loved.
I knew it even at 16.
Now that he's reentered my life, I can't help but feel that way about him again.
I can fight it with everything that I have (and believe me, I have) but try as I might, there's no denying it.
Common sense would tell me to run as fast as I can and never look back.
He's definitely changed.
Two summers ago we were just friends and something had happened to him.
He wasn't the same person.
He was just this empty shell of what he once was.
I could barely recognize him.
His attitude was definitely different.
Not to mention he was a jackass.
His life was falling apart and he was alienating everyone around him.
But now... now I can see the person I know.
The person I've always known.
His attitude towards life has totally changed.
He's getting his act together.
Things are actually going really well for him right now.
I know that he's meant for greatness and it's really starting to show.
I know that he cares about me very much.
And he reminds me of this all the time.
And I know I care for him.
But I am absolutely terrified to have my heart broken again...
I'm hesitant and I know that he can sense this.
I know I have to make some giant decision that will either make or break what we have.
I'd be stupid to be with him again, but I'd be stupid to let him go.
Some of my friends don't know that he and I have been discussing romantic matters.
I know they'd kill me for even spending time with him.
It's terrible when you have to hide the feelings you have for someone from your best friends because they wouldn't approve.
I know that they have my best interests at heart and don't want to see my hurt again, but how can I ever love again if I don't get hurt??
I love it when you spend the night cuddling with someone and all the next day you can smell him on your skin.
You'll be at work helping a customer and all of a sudden you get this whiff and it immediately brings you back to being wrapped up in his arms.
And even if you love your job, work is suddenly the last place you want to be.
I love it and I hate it at the same time.
I'm concerned about his intentions.
I'm concerned about how long he plans on sticking around.
I'm not doing this again just to have it last a few months like last time.
I know I'd get too emotionally involved for that.
There'd be no point.
The pain isn't worth it.
The only thing I'll ever ask of you, you gotta to promise not to stop when I say when.