Roasted Light Vanilla
My last day at work is a blur; All because of the many hours prior. Unexpectedly, the plans were made on my drive over to Arcadia for student teaching orientation night #2 that we would be going out to a nearby tavern for drinks, and to hear Brian's childhood friend Pete, spin. It had been rescheduled after a fall out a week or so ago. 10-2. I promised myself we'd not stay past 12ish..Bri knew it would be my last day at KinderCare. Suprisingly, after a nice drive over, two cosmos, and several games of blockhead, I am targetted on dancing and socializing until the end. mwahaha. It was awesome, Pete and a couple other boys used the equipment. I commented at the end of the night how well their styles meshed and transitioned. It had been a good party, at tiny a bar in the suburbs no less! There was hardly room to dance, but I and all the others...Bri, Jessica, Tina, Tim, Tim2...were groovin' and I seriously wore myself down by the end of the night. I may have not improved by skill in dancing, but I had in confidence..which I think is necessary before you can become good. You have to be doing something with confidence before you can improve.
Last week or so I reconnected with a very old friend from highschool/mallrat days, Ben. He lives in Washington after serving our country, and attends what appears to be a nice looking, non-traditional college (I glanced at their site and the majors were almost bazarre to what I expect listed based on my experience). Anyway, he convinced me earlier this week why there is no good reason to do anything with low self-esteem. Why bother if you don't have even an ounce of faith in yourself? He cited two examples, though the only one I can remember is 'having sex'. So low self-esteem is very stupid now. He also warned me that the severe opposite would be an egocentric personality, and that's not a very good trait either.
So..that makes me a person transitioning from low self-esteem to one with a well-regulated amount of confidence. I -can- do it. I've been that person before. Confidence, but not overly. I am that person when I put on my teacher hat. An entirely different person practically. ...My relationship with Brian has had a huge impact on my self-esteem..I realized last night as we weaved our way towards Doylestown to take care of the Simi cat. (BTW, both sets of parents and Livie are in Florida right now...rawr!). If it weren't for meeting Brian, I would have never started dancing in public. I could still be working at Office Depot, not realizing my dream to become a teacher. I might never have met many wonderful friends and inherited such an awesome new family. I might never have learned to be comfortable in my own naked skin.
So I have, in fact, come a long way...but there is always a 'further'..just as was boldly painted on the bus of the Merry Pranksters..
On Monday I will begin my student teaching practicuum. Yes, I get to call it a fancy term because it really is going to be my finest moment to shine as a teacher. Last week, my placement was unexpectedly dropped by the school, as well as one other's (leaving one student teacher) Wissahickon Charter. My new placement is kindergarten at F.S. Edmonds in Philadelphia SD. it's about 10 minutes from Glenside, and there is plenty of space to park on the wide neighborhood streets. I met my new class on Thursday, all wonderful children. I can't wait to really become a part of the community. My co-op teacher is awesome too, she gave me a sample of her own block scheduling, so that I knew what specials and subjects occured throughout the week. She even started talking about where she would make a work/storage space for me. The classroom is HUGE...with one long wall of windows. I was in love at first sight. Even as I walked down the long hallway past the old grades. It looks to be a very nice school, with an emphasis on improving Philadelphia's SD standards. Twenty-two students, a new one just last week. One student with IEP, one with a difficult family life..creating behavioral issues and I suppose emotional needs. He was friendly when I squated down to his desk level and introduced myself. This will be my first experience in the field with an entirely African American classroom community, aside from my co-op. I feel like I should do some sort of community survey like that which was assigned in my first weekly fieldwork placement. I don't know anything about the surrounding community or geographic layout of the neighborhood. My first two days are half school/ have inservice. My hours are that of my teacher..8ish in the morning to 3ish in the afternoon.
I just got a call, got a cancelled block of space to see Kelly instead of in 3 weeks from now. awesome. Leaving Renfrew my symptoms have cooled down. I haven't had any new stomach bugs, and I haven't been using certain symptoms since about that time...but I've now deserted my focus on refeeding with my meal plan. Mom and I discussed my issue with multiple addictions and all that had been going on recently, she said I had some bad luck. As of the end of this weekend, I'm going off the herb, something I've noticed a few others have also done. It's not like I'm living through every day high as a kite. But I am abusing it's properties right now..until now I didn't realize that in my anorexia weed becomes a secondary numbing agent. I don't want it to be like that. So I'm not buying..doesn't mean I won't puff once in a while..but I've got to get clean for the time being so I can secure a job for summer. Dad said I'm on my own after graduation.
Since I can't work during student teaching (though I will on holidays in order to maintain my spot on payroll and get a job more easily when ST is over), I'm apply for every public welfare benefit I can. It started because IBX raised my health care monthly premium by $100..just like everyone elses. So Ann told me I'll need insurance by Feb. 1st. Which I won't...so It's good I'm seeing Kelly Monday..
And there we go. I made a circle. That means it's time to stop writing and go distract some other way...My plan is to stay home all weekend and organize all the crap I brought home from my old classroom, finish reading this (http://heptapod.org/storylife.html) loook through my books and handbook for student teaching...Things have just begun to get a dash of "this, that, and BAM..let's kick it up a notch"...
Last week or so I reconnected with a very old friend from highschool/mallrat days, Ben. He lives in Washington after serving our country, and attends what appears to be a nice looking, non-traditional college (I glanced at their site and the majors were almost bazarre to what I expect listed based on my experience). Anyway, he convinced me earlier this week why there is no good reason to do anything with low self-esteem. Why bother if you don't have even an ounce of faith in yourself? He cited two examples, though the only one I can remember is 'having sex'. So low self-esteem is very stupid now. He also warned me that the severe opposite would be an egocentric personality, and that's not a very good trait either.
So..that makes me a person transitioning from low self-esteem to one with a well-regulated amount of confidence. I -can- do it. I've been that person before. Confidence, but not overly. I am that person when I put on my teacher hat. An entirely different person practically. ...My relationship with Brian has had a huge impact on my self-esteem..I realized last night as we weaved our way towards Doylestown to take care of the Simi cat. (BTW, both sets of parents and Livie are in Florida right now...rawr!). If it weren't for meeting Brian, I would have never started dancing in public. I could still be working at Office Depot, not realizing my dream to become a teacher. I might never have met many wonderful friends and inherited such an awesome new family. I might never have learned to be comfortable in my own naked skin.
So I have, in fact, come a long way...but there is always a 'further'..just as was boldly painted on the bus of the Merry Pranksters..
On Monday I will begin my student teaching practicuum. Yes, I get to call it a fancy term because it really is going to be my finest moment to shine as a teacher. Last week, my placement was unexpectedly dropped by the school, as well as one other's (leaving one student teacher) Wissahickon Charter. My new placement is kindergarten at F.S. Edmonds in Philadelphia SD. it's about 10 minutes from Glenside, and there is plenty of space to park on the wide neighborhood streets. I met my new class on Thursday, all wonderful children. I can't wait to really become a part of the community. My co-op teacher is awesome too, she gave me a sample of her own block scheduling, so that I knew what specials and subjects occured throughout the week. She even started talking about where she would make a work/storage space for me. The classroom is HUGE...with one long wall of windows. I was in love at first sight. Even as I walked down the long hallway past the old grades. It looks to be a very nice school, with an emphasis on improving Philadelphia's SD standards. Twenty-two students, a new one just last week. One student with IEP, one with a difficult family life..creating behavioral issues and I suppose emotional needs. He was friendly when I squated down to his desk level and introduced myself. This will be my first experience in the field with an entirely African American classroom community, aside from my co-op. I feel like I should do some sort of community survey like that which was assigned in my first weekly fieldwork placement. I don't know anything about the surrounding community or geographic layout of the neighborhood. My first two days are half school/ have inservice. My hours are that of my teacher..8ish in the morning to 3ish in the afternoon.
I just got a call, got a cancelled block of space to see Kelly instead of in 3 weeks from now. awesome. Leaving Renfrew my symptoms have cooled down. I haven't had any new stomach bugs, and I haven't been using certain symptoms since about that time...but I've now deserted my focus on refeeding with my meal plan. Mom and I discussed my issue with multiple addictions and all that had been going on recently, she said I had some bad luck. As of the end of this weekend, I'm going off the herb, something I've noticed a few others have also done. It's not like I'm living through every day high as a kite. But I am abusing it's properties right now..until now I didn't realize that in my anorexia weed becomes a secondary numbing agent. I don't want it to be like that. So I'm not buying..doesn't mean I won't puff once in a while..but I've got to get clean for the time being so I can secure a job for summer. Dad said I'm on my own after graduation.
Since I can't work during student teaching (though I will on holidays in order to maintain my spot on payroll and get a job more easily when ST is over), I'm apply for every public welfare benefit I can. It started because IBX raised my health care monthly premium by $100..just like everyone elses. So Ann told me I'll need insurance by Feb. 1st. Which I won't...so It's good I'm seeing Kelly Monday..
And there we go. I made a circle. That means it's time to stop writing and go distract some other way...My plan is to stay home all weekend and organize all the crap I brought home from my old classroom, finish reading this (http://heptapod.org/storylife.html) loook through my books and handbook for student teaching...Things have just begun to get a dash of "this, that, and BAM..let's kick it up a notch"...