184. women on bikes (or just the women who straddle)
Title | women on bikes (or just the women who straddle)
Chapter | 1/3
Rating | pg-13
Characters| Dan + Blair. Past Dan/Serena, Chuck/Blair. Also Serena/Carter, Nate/Lola.
Summary | News stops for no one, after all.
Notes | This fic is inspired largely by The Hour, and is, as a result, set in the late 1960s. While it is pretty canon-adjacent, it's also a bit AU, but most of that should be pretty self-explanatory. The title is from a song by Mother Mother. Warnings for mentions of suicide.
As usual, Serena is late.
Blair smirks when she walks past his desk and sees him glaring at the clock. Her heels click-clack on the floor as she says, "She runs on her own time, you know that."
He does know that; he knows too well. "Waldorf," he says. "I will give you one piece of advice."
She pauses, an open file folder in her hands, an eyebrow lifting. "You will?" she asks.
"Yes." He nods. "Never get married."
She laughs. Wryly, she says, "Noted," and continues on her way.
Dan gets up, following her. "What are you working on?"
"Something for Monday," she says, closing the folder.
"Something secretive for Monday?"
"I'm not going to tell you, Humphrey. I can't have you stealing my story."
"I would never," he says, grinning.
She rolls her eyes, moving quickly down the hall. "You would. You have."
"Only because I felt that I could tell it better."
"And you were wrong."
"That," Dan says, "is subjective."
"Please," Blair says. "I'm always right."
"Again. Subjective," he says. "Completely subjective."
She rolls her eyes slightly but doesn't reply; instead, she waves as they approach the little lobby, calls, "Serena…"
Serena turns to face them, smiling at the sight of Blair. Her hair is pinned up but strands of it are windblown, falling into her face. "Hello," she tells them both, sounding out of breath.
"Aunt B!" Liam says brightly from where he's perched on Serena's hip, holding his arms out to her.
"Hello, handsome," Blair tells him, smiling as she lifts the little boy into her arms.
The moment gives Dan time to take in Serena, a few seconds to observe the windswept hair, the white shirt with one too many buttons undone to reveal a hint of cleavage, the rock of a ring on her left hand - no wedding band, not yet.
She gives him a soft smile when she catches him staring. "Dan," she greets softly.
"Serena," he murmurs in reply, before reaching over to tickle Liam. "Aunt B gets a hug but I don't even get a hello?"
Liam giggles, the same laugh as his mother. "Daddy, hi."
"Hi," Dan echoes, tickling him for another beat before he stops.
"Do you two have exciting plans for the weekend?" Blair asks, handing Liam over to Dan.
"We're going to go to the park if the weather holds up, I think," he says, bouncing his son lightly in his hold. He glances at Serena. "Thanks for dropping him off, I'll bring him by your place on Sunday evening."
She nods. "I was actually…hoping to talk to you."
Dan's eyebrows lift a little and Blair waves her folder in the air. "I need to go drop this off to Peter. Bye, Liam," she tells the little boy, giving him a small wave before she walks off down the hall.
"Bye Aunt B!" he calls enthusiastically.
Dan rubs his back lightly, looking over at Serena. "What did you want to talk about?"
She hesitates, biting her lip and looking pointedly at Liam.
Dan nods, setting their son down and brushing fingers through his hair. "Will you sit over there and count to one hundred?" he asks, nudging Liam gently toward a nearby chair.
"One hundred million!" Liam declares, running over.
Serena half-smiles as she watches him go, something wistful in her eyes. She doesn't say anything.
So Dan clears his throat, asks, "How's the billionaire?"
She looks back over at him, rolling her eyes slightly. "He's not - "
"I know, I know," Dan cuts in. "He's breaking free. Abandoning the trust fund. Saving the world."
Serena crosses her arms over her chest, and completely without permission from his brain, Dan's gaze drops to her breasts before flitting back up to her face quickly. "Are you finished?"
"No." He gives her half a grin. "But I have a feeling you want me to be."
"I need you to take Liam," she says, not returning his smile in the slightest.
He frowns slightly. "I am taking Liam. It's my weekend."
"No, I mean…for - for the week," she says softly. "Can you do that?"
"I can," he says slowly, and then asks, "Why?" Their custody arrangement has always been clear-cut: Dan picks Liam up from Serena's on Tuesdays and Wednesdays at two, drops him back at six; Liam spends every second weekend at his apartment with him and Dan gets their son for Thanksgiving and all of July.
"I just…need you to take him," Serena says quietly. "Alright?"
His eyes narrow slightly. "Are you eloping?"
"Dan," she breathes, annoyed.
"That's not a no," he points out. "How do I know you're not leaving for Europe tonight?"
She twists her diamond ring on her finger. It's much nicer than the one he'd given her. "I'm trying to keep him safe," she says quietly, the words sharp.
"Safe?"
She bites her lip. "Carter's in trouble."
Dan frowns. "What kind of trouble?"
"I - I can't tell you."
"Serena - "
"If I tell you it's as good as suicide," she cuts in, her lips in a tight line. "Just take Liam, alright?"
He stares at her. "What the hell have you gotten yourself into?" he asks her softly.
Her lips are pressed together so tightly that they go white for a beat. "I just need you to take Liam for the week," she says, just as softly, her eyes shining.
His frown deepens and he asks her, outright, "Are you in danger?"
"I just need you to take Liam," she repeats. "I'll pick him up next Sunday."
"Serena - "
She shakes her head, lifting a hand and wiping at her eyes quickly. "This isn't…a thing for you to save me from," she says softly. "I need you - I need you out of it and I need you to take care of our baby."
Dan nods slowly. "Don't do anything stupid."
She smiles briefly; it fades away quickly. "Have you met me?"
"Serena," he sighs. "Just - call me. If you need to."
She nods. "I won't need to," she says softly, and then raises her voice slightly, lips stretching into a smile as she says, "Liam, come give me a hug goodbye." She crouches down, opening her arms to him.
He runs over, launching himself into her hug. "Daddy's going to take me to the park."
"I heard," Serena says softly, pressing kisses to the side of Liam's head. "You're going to stay with Daddy for the week."
Liam pulls back slightly, glancing back and forth between them. "The whole week?"
"The whole week," Serena nods. "And you'll come back to my house next Sunday."
"We're going to have a ton of fun," Dan says, winking at him.
Their son grins, eyes bright - blue eyes, his mother's eyes. "Next Sunday," he nods, looking back at Serena.
She pulls him into another hug, holding him tightly. "I love you, baby," she murmurs, kissing his ear.
He giggles. "I love you, too!"
Serena closes her eyes, giving him another squeeze and then pressing a kiss to his forehead before she lets him go. She straightens up slowly. "Thanks, Dan," she says quietly.
He nods, dropping a hand gently to the top of Liam's head. "See you Sunday."
"Bye, Mommy," Liam adds, leaning against Dan's leg.
Serena gives him a little wave and a bright smile, shaking slightly at the corners, before she turns and heads toward the building's exit.
Dan watches her go, brows knit together, startling out of his thoughts only when Liam pulls on his pant leg.
"Are we going to your house now?" he asks.
Dan smoothes his hair. "In just a minute. I have a couple quick things to do first." He lifts Liam up into his arms. "Want to help?"
Liam nods eagerly. "I'm good at it, right? Helping?"
Dan smiles, tension easing away. "Excellent at it," he confirms, carrying his son down the hall.
Dan has always loved his weekends with Liam. They're not always easy, but he wouldn't give them up for the world. He and Serena had filed for divorce before Liam was even a year old, and it was particularly difficult during their period of separation - news stops for no one, after all, and Dan found himself on the phone in the middle of the night, frantically taking notes with one hand and cradling his son in his other arm. Liam spent a lot of those first nights in tears, used to spending most of his time with Serena, used to having his mother to comfort him in the middle of the night. It's gotten a lot easier now that Liam's older and starting to grasp the idea that both of his parents love him very much, even if they no longer love each other.
Liam's room at Dan's apartment is smaller than the room in the hotel suite Serena lives in, but it's his and it works. His drawings decorate the walls and some of his clothes are in the little dresser and there's a bookshelf full of children's literature, carefully selected by Dan with occasional (and unasked for) input from Blair.
He tries to focus on dragons and knights as he reads to his son, Liam a sleepy weight against his side, the two of them squished together in the small bed. But he keeps seeing the sheen of tears in Serena's eyes, keeps hearing the quiet intensity of her voice, and it results in a mess of worry. Their relationship is a strange one - they're friends in the odd, stilted way of people who were once married and now are not can be friends. Dan cares for her. It's impossible not to, considering how much he'd once loved her.
Liam tugs at his sleeve, sleepily asking for him to read the story one more time, pretty please, and Dan obliges, flipping the book open again. Liam is the most important facet of the relationship he shares with Serena now. Liam is the one thing they share that no one else could begin to understand. She knows what calms Liam down after he falls and scrapes his knee, what his favourite book is, who his best friends are, the birthmark just behind his ear. She's Liam's mother, and sometimes Dan thinks that he might appreciate her more as the mother of his child than he ever quite managed to appreciate her as his wife.
He's worried about Serena before. He worried for her when he met her, when she was a mess of a girl with a waterfall of blonde hair and a perfect smile. He worried when she told him she was pregnant, worried when they were married, worried during the divorce, worried when Carter came into the picture. He's done it before and he'll do it again. He's a worrier by nature and Serena is the perfect subject.
But it's never been quite like this. His son falls asleep against his arm and he thinks of Serena in the hallway, Serena the day she'd told him that Carter proposed, Serena signing divorce papers, Serena in tears when her father insisted they get married, Serena drunk that first time he'd met her, and then Serena in the hallway all over again. Serena in the hallway, her eyes on his face, that serious tone in her words.
Dan doesn't sleep much that night and Liam wakes him early in the morning, bouncing on the bed and talking a mile a minute about how Dan had promised to take him to the park.
Dan smiles, still half asleep. "I don't remember promising…"
"Daddy," Liam huffs, a giggle tucked into his throat, and Dan's smile widens slightly.
"Alright," he says, tossing the blankets back. "To the park we go."
The weekend passes quickly and it's back to work on Monday, Liam left at home with the baby-sitter. Blair snags his arm less than three seconds after he's walked into the building.
"You have an interview," she says briskly. "I brought you a better tie."
He frowns down at his own tie, letting her tug him along. "What are you talking about? What interview?"
"Bart Bass died," she says, tugging him into a stairwell and starting to loosen the knot in his tie.
He rolls his eyes and pushes her hands away, taking the tie off himself. "I'm aware, yeah. A week ago."
Blair goes still, looking straight at him, into his eyes. "Bart Bass died," she repeats slowly.
He gets it, this time. "So who do we belong to now?"
"His son." Blair lifts his collar, smoothing the tie she'd been holding beneath it. "Charles."
Dan blinks. "You mean Chuck."
She frowns slightly, hands still busy with his tie. "I mean Charles."
"It's the same person, Blair. The same person you dated - "
"It was hardly dating - "
"He proposed to you - "
"And I turned him down." She tightens the knot in his tie more than necessary. "And I'm incredibly happy with Marcus."
Dan rolls his eyes. "So we belong to Chuck now."
"We don't belong to anyone," Blair says, stepping back slightly to admire her handiwork. "But if you play your cards right, some people could belong to us."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I still have a certain amount of…leverage, with Charles. Enough leverage to start production of my own program."
"Your own program?" Dan echoes, eyes widening slightly.
"Yes," she says briskly. "And I want you." She looks him over, sighs. "With better hair. But I suppose you'll do for now."
"You want me to do what?" he asks, following her when she moves out of the stairwell and toward the bank of elevators. "Anchor it?"
She nods, pushing the button next to the upward arrow. "And write for it."
"Waldorf." He stares at her. "That's - "
"I know," she says. When she looks back at him, there's a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "So do not mess up this interview."
Dan nods, loosening the knot in his tie very slightly. "Yes, ma'am."
Chuck Bass - or Charles, as Blair calls him, as though that completely erases the three-year relationship they shared - is someone Dan has never liked much. He didn't get along with Blair at first, but she had enough good qualities to eventually outweigh her snobbery and her habit of acting as if Dan had never gone to college just because he didn't go to Yale. Chuck, on the other hand, has never really shown any redeeming features, and Dan's opinion of him has remained unchanged.
The interview is awkward, to say the least. Chuck sits behind a mahogany desk and toys with his bowtie, Dan sits in the chair opposite the desk and purposefully does not adjust his own tie, and Blair stands by one of the bookshelves, interjecting her own opinion into their conversation every two minutes. It's obvious that Chuck doesn't want Dan working on the program and it's even more obvious that Blair won't take no for an answer; in the end, he sits silently, glancing between them as they bicker, and once Blair plants her hands on her hips and takes a breath like she's about to launch into a tirade, Chuck concedes.
"Fine," he says, before Blair can speak. "Fine. But your ratings will speak for themselves, and if they're not up to par, you're off the air."
"Fine," Blair returns, with a sugary-sweet smile that's entirely fake. "Thank you," she adds, with exaggerated earnestness.
Dan just nods, getting to his feet and following her out of the room. In the hallway, he says, "I get the impression that I didn't actually have to be there."
"Of course you did."
"Is there any particular reason that he seems to hate me?"
"Yes," Blair says, a little smile tugging at her lips again. "Your abysmal haircut."
Dan laughs, he can't help it, and as they carry on walking down the hallway, he slides an arm around her shoulders, giving her a quick, triumphant squeeze.
On Tuesday night, Liam has a nightmare; he wakes Dan at two in the morning, tears still dripping and insisting that he needs to talk to Serena. Liam's used to their schedule and this is a night that he'd usually have his mother to talk to, so Dan allows it, sitting at one of the chairs at the small table in the kitchen, Liam in his lap, letting the little boy hold the phone once he's dialled the number of the hotel suite Serena lives in.
Liam peers up at him with wide blue eyes. "She's not answering," he says tremulously.
Dan holds him a little more closely. "It's the middle of the night, Liam," he says gently, rocking his son slightly in his hold. "Mommy's probably asleep."
Liam presses his face into Dan's chest and sobs, and Dan can't convince him to offer up any kind of explanation as to what his nightmare was about, since it's apparently something that only Serena will understand.
"You have to - to get the monster with Mommy's slipper," Liam says, breath hitching between words. "You have to throw it at the closet."
Dan presses a kiss to the top of his head. "My slipper can't make the monster go away?"
"No," Liam says, voice muffled against Dan's shirt.
In the end, Dan promises Liam that they'll go visit his mother first thing in the morning, the very first thing; before the baby-sitter comes, before Dan has to go to work. Liam nods slowly, exhausted now, and allows Dan to carry him back to bed.
"I love you, Liam," he murmurs, but the little boy is already fast asleep.
Serena doesn't answer her door in the morning, and Dan is forced to call Carter, whose number Serena gave him a couple months ago. Carter answers the phone irritably, clearly annoyed at having his sleep disturbed, and Dan sighs and deals it since Liam is standing there looking up at him with all the hope in the world in his eyes.
"It's Dan Humphrey," Dan says. "I'm looking for Serena, Liam wants to see her. Is she with you?"
"Serena?" Carter echoes, sounding slightly more awake. "No, I haven't seen her since yesterday afternoon. She said she'd give me a call but she never did. Did you check her suite?"
"Yes. We're here right now."
"Hang on," Carter says, and then hangs up.
Dan stares at the phone for a beat and then hands it back to the concierge, thanking him politely. He scoops Liam up into his arms, tells him wryly, "We're hanging on."
Carter arrives at the hotel twenty minutes later in slacks and a shirt, his cheeks scruffy from not shaving for a day or two. Liam hops up the moment he appears.
"Carter!" he says brightly, solemnly. "We're looking for Mommy."
"So I've heard," Carter says, lifting Liam briefly and then setting him back down. He glances at Dan. "Let's go up, I've got a key."
Dan nods, reaching for Liam's hand and following Carter toward the elevator.
Carter lets them into the suite, calls, "Serena…?"
There's no response, so they branch out to look for her. Liam wanders off to his room immediately to play with his toys, Carter heads for the little kitchen, and Dan moves toward the bedroom. The bed is unmade and Serena's clothes are everywhere; she's always been messy.
"Serena?" he calls again, even though it's becoming increasingly evident that she's not here. He pokes his head into the adjoining washroom, just to check, and his heart drops down into his stomach; for a moment, he forgets how to breathe.
Serena's there, in the bathtub, her face slack and expressionless, her head tilted at an awkward angle. The water in the tub is the colour of blood. Serena's there and yet, she isn't, not at all.
"Oh Jesus Christ," Dan breathes, horrified.
"Daddy?" Liam's little voice calls. "Where's Mommy?"
Dan turns on his heel, reacting on instinct, pulling the bathroom door closed behind him. Liam's standing in the middle of the bedroom, looking at him with innocent curiosity, and he rushes toward his son, gathers him up in a ferocious hug.
Liam giggles at first but then he seems to sense Dan's mood and he sobers, wonders quietly, "Daddy…?"
Dan holds Liam pressed close against him, his son's head against his shoulder, his heart pounding wildly. He has no idea what to say. Across the room, on Serena's vanity, beneath a single ring with an impressive diamond, there's an envelope with the letter L written on the front of it, and he knows right away, just knows, exactly what it is.
"Oh, god," he breathes, his hold tightening on Liam.
"I guess she's not - " Carter pauses in the doorway of the room, frowning when he sees Dan standing by the bed, holding Liam like his life depends on it. "What - "
Dan jerks his head toward the bathroom and then walks out of the room, trying to shield Liam's eyes, as if something else will give it away.
He uses Serena's phone, dialling with one hand, still holding Liam tightly with his other arm.
"Daddy?" his son keeps asking, little brows furrowed. "Daddy? Where's Mommy? Daddy?"
The line connects. "Waldorf," a brisk voice chirps.
Dan closes his eyes, says, "Blair."
Blair takes Liam out for ice cream. It's astonishing, the way the broken look on her face transforms into a pretty smile when she reaches for the little boy, asking if he wants a cherry on his sundae.
"Thank you," Dan says, quietly. Everything in the hotel lobby seems to bright, and he feels so dull.
She looks at him, eyes sharp and pained.
"Two cherries," Liam says happily, and Blair carries him off, walking steadily, somehow.
The rest of the morning passes by in a blur. Dan tells the same thing to the same police officers, over and over again: She's my ex-wife. Yes, we were on good terms. No, she wasn't mentally ill. We were here because my son wanted to visit his mother. She didn't pick up the phone last night. I don't know when it happened. I don't know.
Carter answers questions with a series of similar answers; she's my fiancée, talked to her last on Tuesday, she seemed perfectly happy. Through the haze his mind has become, all Dan can think is that Carter looks very red - his eyes are red, and his clothes are the colour of watered-down blood. Dan doesn't know what happened, after he sent Carter into the bathroom, if he'd reached for Serena, if he'd held her, if he'd cried.
"Either of you L?" the police officer in charge asks, holding Serena's ring in one hand and the envelope in the other.
"Liam," Dan says quietly. "That's our son's name."
The officer nods, handing him gloves. "You can go ahead and read it but we'll need it back as evidence. If that's a suicide note we need to know."
Dan flinches, remembering Serena in the hallway again - if I tell you it's as good as suicide. He puts on the gloves and opens the letter. It isn't a suicide note. It's just Serena, telling Liam he's the best thing that ever happened to her, that she's never loved anyone as much as she loves him, and she never will. It reads like a goodbye, but there's nothing explicit about it. Dan does his best to commit the words to memory before he has to give it back.
"It wasn't," Carter says, voice low and firm. "It wasn't a suicide."
The police officer looks at him in a way that's almost gentle. "Her wrists are slit."
Carter levels him with an even look. "Who says she did it?"
Dan has to call Serena's mother, who makes several horribly choked sounds and then hangs up on him. He has to call her father, too, since the van der Woodens live separately, and William spends twenty furious minutes making all of this into Dan's fault - making things Dan's fault is one of his favourite things to do. He calls Serena's brother, who starts crying the moment he says it.
But none of it compares to telling Liam, who's sitting anxiously on the sofa, looking at Dan with the kind of trust only a child can have, still waiting to know where his mother is.
"Liam," he says, softly, and then stops.
Liam sighs and crawls across the sofa, into Dan's lap. He leans his cheek against Dan's chest. Tiredly, he asks, "Where's Mommy?"
"Mommy…is in heaven," Dan says carefully, quietly, arms wrapping around Liam.
"Where's heaven?"
"Up in the sky. Up in the clouds."
"Why is Mommy there?"
Liam's face is overwhelming suddenly; his eyes are too much like Serena's. "Because it's where people go when they die," Dan says softly, searching his son's face for a reaction.
The little boy's eyes widen. "Die?"
"Yes."
"Louisa's grandma died," Liam says solemnly, referring to his baby-sitter. "She had to go say goodbye."
"That's what happens when someone dies," Dan agrees, rubbing Liam's back. "You have to say goodbye. So, you and me…we have to say goodbye to your mommy."
It's a cyclical conversation from there; Liam asks why and every time Dan tries to explain that Serena's gone, Liam rejects it. He has to lay it out more explicitly than he'd like to, has to tell Liam that Serena died, that it means she's gone forever, that she can't come back, that he won't ever be able to see her again.
Liam starts to wail then, overwhelmed and exhausted, and all Dan can do is rock him gently, telling him softly, over and over again, that Serena loved him so much, that he was the best thing that ever happened to her, that she would always love him most. Liam falls into a restless sleep over an hour later, having finally cried himself out.
Dan settles him into bed, tucking him in as tightly as possible with lots of soft, cuddly toys to make him feel secure. He returns to the couch and slumps onto it; it's his turn to sit there and sob.
Blair comes into the room several minutes later, setting a steaming cup of coffee down in front of him before she takes a seat. Dan had forgotten she was there. He tries to put an end to the crying, the embarrassing array of choked-up noises, but he can't. Blair reaches over to take his hand, and a moment later she just sort of slumps against his side. They don't move until morning, when Liam wakes them up by screaming for his mother.
Work still exists, impossibly. There's a program to get on its feet, and the news waits for no one. Blair leaves early in the morning to change before she has to go in; she tells Dan to stay home with Liam, that she'll come by to update him later. Updating him really means checking in on him, but he's grateful for either, so he just nods and knocks back the incredibly cold coffee that's still sitting in its mug on the coffee table.
The morning is a mess of tears. Liam won't eat, won't stop crying, won't listen to anything Dan says. He naps just after noon, having worn himself out again, and when he wakes he decides that he's not speaking to Dan. He talks to his stuffed animals instead, whispering in a small, shaky voice about the adventures his mommy is having, the things she'll bring back for him, the things they'll do when she returns. It breaks Dan's heart to the extent that he can't even muster up the strength to wash the dishes in the kitchen.
He feels like he's forgotten how to function. The only thing he can think of is Serena in that damn hallway. If I tell you it's as good as suicide.
He'd told her that she could call him. He'd told her to.
Blair comes over just past five with a casserole made by Dorota. She puts it in the oven to warm up and then goes to say hello to Liam - he talks to her, tells her about all his toys. Dan hovers in the hallway, listening; Liam doesn't mention Serena once.
They get Liam fed first. He has a small serving of casserole, a glass of milk, and three chocolate chip cookies, which is more than Dan could have hoped for, and then rushes back to his room and his toys.
Blair lays out files on the table as they eat, explaining things to him in between bites. Her voice is brisk, her lines rehearsed, and Dan does his part, nodding along.
"What do you think?" she asks finally, looking over at him with tired eyes. Her hair is pushed back from her face with a black headband and she looks, for a moment, very young.
"She didn't kill herself," Dan says, because that's what she's really asking.
"She wouldn't have," Blair agrees. "Not with Liam."
"She was happy," Dan says softly. "She was getting married. She had a good life." Doubt sneaks in as soon as he says it. "Do you think - "
Blair's gaze sharpens on his face. "Do I think what?"
"Do you think…she was in some kind of trouble?"
"Trouble?" Blair echoes.
Dan nods.
"What do you mean?"
"I - I don't know, exactly," Dan admits. "It's just, the last thing she said to me…" He frowns to himself. "Do you remember the last thing she said to you?"
Blair nods, smiling fleetingly. "She told me to end things with Marcus. She thinks - " Her lips press together. "She thought he was boring."
He almost smiles, too. "Not bad advice."
She rolls her eyes half-heartedly. "What was the last thing she said to you?"
"She told me I needed to take Liam to keep him safe," he says, and Blair's eyebrows lift right away. "She said that if she told me what was going on…it would be as good as suicide."
Blair's lips press tight together. "Oh," she says very softly.
It occurs to Dan, suddenly, "She said Carter was in some kind of trouble."
Blair's eyes narrow dangerously. "Are you saying - Carter - that he - that someone - "
"I don't know," Dan says honestly. "She was very…mysterious."
Standing abruptly, Blair shoves her files toward him. "Review these. They're important. We need to pick the stories for our first episode; they'll set the bar."
He blinks up at her. "Where are you going?"
Blair sets her lips together. "To get some answers."
He stands, too. "I'm coming with you."
She nods down the hall. "Liam."
"I'll call Louisa. Just - just wait."
Blair frowns. "You're always so difficult, Humphrey," she says, but she waits.
She pounds on Carter's door relentlessly. Dan is somewhat stunned by how loud it is - Blair has such small hands, it's a wonder her knuckles can withstand the force she's putting into them as she knocks.
The door opens a moment later to reveal Carter, as red-eyed as he was on the day they found Serena's body.
Before he can even say anything, Blair gives him a sharp shove in the chest. "Did you get her killed?" she demands.
"Blair - " Dan begins, but she ignores him.
Carter takes a step away, glaring. "What the hell - "
"I know you, Baizen," Blair snaps. "You've always been irresponsible - Serena found it charming, when we were younger, but I'm sure it doesn't look so charming from the morgue."
Carter's eyes harden. "You have no idea what you're talking about."
"Don't I?" Blair challenges him. "I think I do. I think you got yourself into some mess, and they knew exactly who to target to make you pay."
His nostrils flare slightly. "I'd never put Serena in danger."
"Never?" Blair repeats incredulously. "You'd never?"
"I love her," Carter says. "I loved her," he corrects himself, a beat later. "Sometimes, maybe I - didn't show it, but I - I've always loved her."
It might be the truth in those words that makes Dan snap - he's always hated being reminded of the wealth of history Serena shared with Carter; it made him feel like a passing fancy she'd been stuck with because of Liam and her father's strict ruling on the situation, and it breaks something somewhere in his chest to listen to Carter say that, I love her, like he'd been the first one to tell her that.
He shoves Carter back against a wall, presses an arm against his chest. "My son's mother is dead."
Carter hardly blinks. "I know," he says, quietly.
"My son's mother is dead and the last thing she told me, before she practically begged me to keep her baby safe, was that you were in some kind of trouble that he needed protecting from. She wouldn't tell me what it was." Dan slams Carter against the wall again, for effect. "So you better. You better tell me right now."
Carter tells them, in his foyer, that after rejecting his family and, consequently, his inheritance, he made most of his money through the underground market. Drugs, forged artwork, illegal items from Asia. Serena wasn't involved, exactly, but she knew - he hadn't kept it a secret from her. The market was extensive but he trusted his contacts and he'd never had a problem, not until now.
He's in debt to someone - someone who happens to be high up in the government, who needs what Carter owes him, someone whose position will be jeopardized if he doesn't get what he wants.
"There's Russian involvement," Carter says quietly. "I didn't realize…things would end up this way. I'm not sure which side I'm working against - my supplier or my client."
"Who knew Serena?" Blair asks quietly.
"My supplier," Carter says. "I took her to dinner at his place a few months ago; she was the one who put us in touch, inadvertently. She went to school with him."
Blair's eyes narrow. "Who is he?"
"Daalgaard," Carter tells her. His eyes are still red. "Damien."
"And your client?"
"The Buckleys," he murmurs, and Blair and Dan expel sharp breaths at the exact same moment. "Serena had no responsibility to either of them."
"No," Blair agrees. "She just had your ring on her finger. It wouldn't do much good to kill you, now, would it?"
Carter glares at her, his jaw tightening. "Serena didn't know about any of this."
Eyes shining, Blair says, "Then what a surprise it must have been when someone showed up to murder her."
Dan flinches but Carter doesn't. "I did everything I could to keep her safe. I've always been careful. Things have always been civil. I didn't think there was anything to worry about. I did everything I could."
Tears slip out of the corners of Blair's, sliding down her cheeks slowly. "It wasn't enough."
Thoughtlessly, Dan reaches out, taking her hand. Carter straightens up, away from the wall.
"She wanted a wedding," he says, voice uncharacteristically soft. "A honeymoon. I wanted to give her the world."
Dan gives Blair's hand a squeeze when she opens her mouth to respond, a silent signal to back off. "I know," he tells Carter, nodding slightly, because he does. He'd tried to do the same thing, once, and he'd failed too.
The investigation into Serena's death is still ongoing; the morgue won't release her body just yet. The policeman Dan speaks to said that Lily's been by, snapping at them about needing to make funeral arrangements, about putting her daughter to rest. It doesn't surprise him that his once-mother-in-law neglected to inform him of these arrangements - they're all probably hoping he won't show up at all.
Dan is lead back into the building, to the area that houses the detectives' offices. He taps once on the door that has Archibald written on it in slightly-chipped lettering then steps in.
Nate looks up from where he's bent over his desk, open files everywhere. His tie is loose around his neck and the sleeves of his shirt are rolled up; he looks for all the world like he's still sixteen years old, skipping off from his private school. "Dan," he says.
"Nate," Dan returns with a little nod.
Nate stands up, looking at him sadly. "I'm so sorry," he says after a beat of silence.
With another slight nod, Dan says, "Thanks."
"I couldn't believe it," Nate murmurs. "When it turned up on my desk, I just…I couldn't believe it."
"If you're not…comfortable with it, I wouldn't blame you if you…wanted to give it to someone else," Dan says, sitting down in the wooden chair across from Nate's desk.
Nate shakes his head. "No. No, she's - she was my friend."
Dan nods again. He almost thanks Nate, but it doesn't seem like quite the right thing to say, so he doesn't. He clears his throat. "How's Charlotte? The kids?"
"Good," Nate says. "They're good…Char's upset, of course…" He sighs. "Lily's been calling us, she's not…doing too well. Char's been helping her with…funeral things." His lips quirk slightly. "I'm guessing you're not involved?"
He shakes his head. "I think the Rhodes-van der Woodsen clan is hoping to be finished with me forever."
Nate shakes his head, too. "That's ridiculous, she's your wife."
"Ex-wife," Dan corrects him. "Was."
Nate looks down at the files spread over his desk. "I can't quite believe it," he murmurs. "I mean, I've seen all this, I've seen her, but…I still can't."
"Neither can Liam," Dan says quietly.
Nate's entire expression floods with sympathy. "I - I can't…imagine, what that must be like."
"He's too young. He can't understand any of it. He just…wants his mother, and I think he's starting to hate me for not bringing her for him."
"Liam loves you," Nate says softly.
"Liam's four years old. His mother's dead. His entire world is in flux."
Nate clears his throat. "Did you read the note? That she left for him?"
Dan nods. "I did. But it wasn't a list of guidelines on how to raise Liam without her."
Nate winces a little. "Of course." He looks at Dan carefully for a moment. "Do you wish she'd left something for you, too?"
"I wish she was alive," Dan says.
Nodding slightly, Nate returns his attention to the mess of things spread over his desk. "There had to be a reason," he murmurs. "Why she did it. She wouldn't have - there had to be a really good reason for her to leave Liam. When we were kids she was always upset when her parents went off travelling, and this is…much worse. There had to be a reason why she did it."
"If she did it."
Nate glances up, looking startled. "They didn't tell you?"
"Tell me what?"
"We're wrapping up," Nate says softly, gently, using the same tone Dan had used to tell Liam that Serena was gone. "The case will be closed in a day or two. We're using today to review everything, and then…"
Dan stares at him. "What?"
"Everything points to suicide," Nate says in that same soft voice. "Her wrists. Leaving Liam with you. Leaving the ring, the note."
"It wasn't a suicide note," Dan snaps. "It didn't say - "
"She was saying goodbye to her child," Nate cuts in gently, swallowing hard. "And she didn't flee the country, she didn't disappear. She cut her wrists."
"But - " Dan stops there, floundering for the right words.
"We have no reason to regard this in any other way," Nate murmurs. "Carter called it into question, but that's it. He doesn't have any proof." He looks at Dan, all blue eyes, like Serena. "She killed herself," he says quietly. "I'm so sorry."
Dan slumps into the chair, his eyes falling shut. "Me too."
He finds Blair at her desk, studiously working under her little red lamp. As he approaches, her leans over her shoulder slightly, pointing to a random sheet of paper. "This," he says, "looks like an excellent idea."
She looks up at him. There are circles under her eyes that were never there before all of us. "That…is a list of birthday gift options for Marcus. But thank you for trying."
He perches on the edge of her desk. "I can't believe you're getting all this work done."
She shrugs her shoulders. "Chuck is looking for a reason to cancel this. Granted, he can't exactly use…Serena, as the reason, but…" Another little shrug. He knows how she likes to prove Chuck wrong.
"You called him Chuck," he notes softly.
Blair looks down at her desk, an echo of Nate in his office earlier, staring at all the files like she's not quite sure what to do with them. "I can't keep up with myself lately."
"Because you're moving too fast," he says gently.
"If I stop I have to think," she says quietly. "I'm not ready."
Dan accepts that. "I went to the station this morning. Nate's on the case."
"I know," she says softly. "I called."
He nods, unsurprised; Nate and Blair are old friends, childhood sweethearts. "He said Lily's been calling Charlotte." He leaves the question unasked.
And Blair evades it. "Charlotte's her niece. She was very close with Serena growing up. It makes sense, especially since Carol lives so far away."
"Waldorf," he sighs, too tired to play any games.
"Fine, Humphrey," she says quietly. "She's been calling me, too. I didn't know how to tell you."
"She doesn't want me at the funeral?"
"She wants Liam. Some form of custody."
Dan's body jerks slightly, a reaction he can't quite control. "She's not getting him," he snaps.
Blair looks up at him, blinking as though he's startled her. "Of course not. Calm down."
"You just said - "
"Lily doesn't have a leg to stand on, legally or morally. Liam's your child."
"That family - "
"Is impossible, I know. All families are. But you have Charlotte and Nate on your side, and Carol too, even if she's miles away. And Eric will want what's best for Liam. What's best for Liam is you. You're a good father."
Dan thinks of Liam, the way his chin trembles sometimes, the way he looks lost, the way he won't say a single word about his mother. "I - "
"Humphrey. You are. You know you are." Her tone is firm, no room for argument. "Your parenting abilities are hardly the great mystery here."
"There isn't a mystery at all," he says quietly. "According to the police."
Blair frowns. "What are you talking about? The investigation is ongoing."
"Closing tomorrow, according to Nate. And since he's the detective on the case, we can probably take his word."
Her mouth tightens. "That's ludicrous."
"That's how it is," he murmurs. "They're ruling it a suicide."
"They're wrong."
"Probably," Dan agrees. "Possibly."
Blair looks ready to slap him. "Don't be a moron. You know Serena - you knew Serena. Liam only exists because the two of you were so mad about each other. Things may have fallen apart with the two of you, but you know she loved Liam. You know she put him above everyone else. She wouldn't have left him, you know that."
Dan just wants to lie down, all of a sudden. "I know that," he sighs in agreement. "My knowing that isn't proof, not to the police. I can question their judgement and so can you, so can Carter, so can anyone, but in the end, there's no proof."
She gets to her feet, abandoning all the papers on her desk, flicking the switch on her red lamp. She gives him a slight shove. "Move."
He does, following her out of the room. "Where are you going?"
"We," she corrects, "are going to Connecticut to get some godforsaken proof."
If Blair had her way, this would be a scene from a movie; they would jump into a car and be on the highway with moments. Reality is slower - Dan has a four-year-old who needs to be looked after, and he's reluctant to leave, especially now, with Liam already dealing with Serena's absence.
"I'll go by myself," Blair says breezily when he brings it up.
"Don't be ridiculous."
"Then arrange childcare. It won't take us too long."
"Who am I supposed to leave him with, Lily?"
"Nate and Charlotte," Blair supplies.
"Charlotte gave birth to Clara a week ago, Blair, and her cousin just died. I can't give them Liam right now."
She sighs, frustrated. "Then I'll go on my own."
"No." Dan battles with himself for a moment. Liam needs him; Serena needs justice. He owes them both so much. He looks back at Blair. "Meet me in front of mine in two hours."
She nods once, briskly, before she turns on her heel and walks away. Dan lingers for a moment, watching her go.
When Dan, standing on the doorstep, says, "I'm going to Connecticut," Carter just drops a hand gently to the top of Liam's head and gives the little boy a nudge towards his sitting room, where several of Liam's toys are still in a chest.
"I would go," Carter says, his gaze measured, eyes resting on Dan's face.
"But you're in trouble."
"If anyone thought I was looking for more - after this - "
Dan nods in a way meant to cut him off. "I understand. I shouldn't be long. I just want Liam to…be somewhere familiar, and he seems to…like you alright."
"He's a good kid." There's something raw about way Carter's jaw works. "A lot like Serena."
"He's all her," Dan agrees quietly. "Lucky kid."
"He's safe here," Carter says.
Dan nods, not doubting it. If anyone were to understand how imperative that was, it would be Carter. "I'll be back soon." He doesn't bother calling Liam back for a hug; they'd done the explanations and the I-love-yous on the way. He nods at Carter in lieu of a verbal goodbye and walks back down the steps.
Blair borrows a swanky little convertible from Chuck. He doesn't bother asking how she manages all these favours. She hands him the key and gets into the passenger seat.
He pulls away from the curb, double-checking the mirrors; it's been a while, since he drove. "What's in Connecticut, exactly?"
She's ties her hair back with a scarf. "Damien Daalgaard. An obnoxious Republican family."
Dan eyes her in his peripheral vision, half-smiling. "You're the wrong girl to mess with, Waldorf."
Her lips tilt into a half-smile. As they turn onto the highway, the wind blows her scarf away, blowing her hair around her shoulders, into her face, and Dan makes himself look back at the road.
to be continued.
Chapter | 1/3
Rating | pg-13
Characters| Dan + Blair. Past Dan/Serena, Chuck/Blair. Also Serena/Carter, Nate/Lola.
Summary | News stops for no one, after all.
Notes | This fic is inspired largely by The Hour, and is, as a result, set in the late 1960s. While it is pretty canon-adjacent, it's also a bit AU, but most of that should be pretty self-explanatory. The title is from a song by Mother Mother. Warnings for mentions of suicide.
As usual, Serena is late.
Blair smirks when she walks past his desk and sees him glaring at the clock. Her heels click-clack on the floor as she says, "She runs on her own time, you know that."
He does know that; he knows too well. "Waldorf," he says. "I will give you one piece of advice."
She pauses, an open file folder in her hands, an eyebrow lifting. "You will?" she asks.
"Yes." He nods. "Never get married."
She laughs. Wryly, she says, "Noted," and continues on her way.
Dan gets up, following her. "What are you working on?"
"Something for Monday," she says, closing the folder.
"Something secretive for Monday?"
"I'm not going to tell you, Humphrey. I can't have you stealing my story."
"I would never," he says, grinning.
She rolls her eyes, moving quickly down the hall. "You would. You have."
"Only because I felt that I could tell it better."
"And you were wrong."
"That," Dan says, "is subjective."
"Please," Blair says. "I'm always right."
"Again. Subjective," he says. "Completely subjective."
She rolls her eyes slightly but doesn't reply; instead, she waves as they approach the little lobby, calls, "Serena…"
Serena turns to face them, smiling at the sight of Blair. Her hair is pinned up but strands of it are windblown, falling into her face. "Hello," she tells them both, sounding out of breath.
"Aunt B!" Liam says brightly from where he's perched on Serena's hip, holding his arms out to her.
"Hello, handsome," Blair tells him, smiling as she lifts the little boy into her arms.
The moment gives Dan time to take in Serena, a few seconds to observe the windswept hair, the white shirt with one too many buttons undone to reveal a hint of cleavage, the rock of a ring on her left hand - no wedding band, not yet.
She gives him a soft smile when she catches him staring. "Dan," she greets softly.
"Serena," he murmurs in reply, before reaching over to tickle Liam. "Aunt B gets a hug but I don't even get a hello?"
Liam giggles, the same laugh as his mother. "Daddy, hi."
"Hi," Dan echoes, tickling him for another beat before he stops.
"Do you two have exciting plans for the weekend?" Blair asks, handing Liam over to Dan.
"We're going to go to the park if the weather holds up, I think," he says, bouncing his son lightly in his hold. He glances at Serena. "Thanks for dropping him off, I'll bring him by your place on Sunday evening."
She nods. "I was actually…hoping to talk to you."
Dan's eyebrows lift a little and Blair waves her folder in the air. "I need to go drop this off to Peter. Bye, Liam," she tells the little boy, giving him a small wave before she walks off down the hall.
"Bye Aunt B!" he calls enthusiastically.
Dan rubs his back lightly, looking over at Serena. "What did you want to talk about?"
She hesitates, biting her lip and looking pointedly at Liam.
Dan nods, setting their son down and brushing fingers through his hair. "Will you sit over there and count to one hundred?" he asks, nudging Liam gently toward a nearby chair.
"One hundred million!" Liam declares, running over.
Serena half-smiles as she watches him go, something wistful in her eyes. She doesn't say anything.
So Dan clears his throat, asks, "How's the billionaire?"
She looks back over at him, rolling her eyes slightly. "He's not - "
"I know, I know," Dan cuts in. "He's breaking free. Abandoning the trust fund. Saving the world."
Serena crosses her arms over her chest, and completely without permission from his brain, Dan's gaze drops to her breasts before flitting back up to her face quickly. "Are you finished?"
"No." He gives her half a grin. "But I have a feeling you want me to be."
"I need you to take Liam," she says, not returning his smile in the slightest.
He frowns slightly. "I am taking Liam. It's my weekend."
"No, I mean…for - for the week," she says softly. "Can you do that?"
"I can," he says slowly, and then asks, "Why?" Their custody arrangement has always been clear-cut: Dan picks Liam up from Serena's on Tuesdays and Wednesdays at two, drops him back at six; Liam spends every second weekend at his apartment with him and Dan gets their son for Thanksgiving and all of July.
"I just…need you to take him," Serena says quietly. "Alright?"
His eyes narrow slightly. "Are you eloping?"
"Dan," she breathes, annoyed.
"That's not a no," he points out. "How do I know you're not leaving for Europe tonight?"
She twists her diamond ring on her finger. It's much nicer than the one he'd given her. "I'm trying to keep him safe," she says quietly, the words sharp.
"Safe?"
She bites her lip. "Carter's in trouble."
Dan frowns. "What kind of trouble?"
"I - I can't tell you."
"Serena - "
"If I tell you it's as good as suicide," she cuts in, her lips in a tight line. "Just take Liam, alright?"
He stares at her. "What the hell have you gotten yourself into?" he asks her softly.
Her lips are pressed together so tightly that they go white for a beat. "I just need you to take Liam for the week," she says, just as softly, her eyes shining.
His frown deepens and he asks her, outright, "Are you in danger?"
"I just need you to take Liam," she repeats. "I'll pick him up next Sunday."
"Serena - "
She shakes her head, lifting a hand and wiping at her eyes quickly. "This isn't…a thing for you to save me from," she says softly. "I need you - I need you out of it and I need you to take care of our baby."
Dan nods slowly. "Don't do anything stupid."
She smiles briefly; it fades away quickly. "Have you met me?"
"Serena," he sighs. "Just - call me. If you need to."
She nods. "I won't need to," she says softly, and then raises her voice slightly, lips stretching into a smile as she says, "Liam, come give me a hug goodbye." She crouches down, opening her arms to him.
He runs over, launching himself into her hug. "Daddy's going to take me to the park."
"I heard," Serena says softly, pressing kisses to the side of Liam's head. "You're going to stay with Daddy for the week."
Liam pulls back slightly, glancing back and forth between them. "The whole week?"
"The whole week," Serena nods. "And you'll come back to my house next Sunday."
"We're going to have a ton of fun," Dan says, winking at him.
Their son grins, eyes bright - blue eyes, his mother's eyes. "Next Sunday," he nods, looking back at Serena.
She pulls him into another hug, holding him tightly. "I love you, baby," she murmurs, kissing his ear.
He giggles. "I love you, too!"
Serena closes her eyes, giving him another squeeze and then pressing a kiss to his forehead before she lets him go. She straightens up slowly. "Thanks, Dan," she says quietly.
He nods, dropping a hand gently to the top of Liam's head. "See you Sunday."
"Bye, Mommy," Liam adds, leaning against Dan's leg.
Serena gives him a little wave and a bright smile, shaking slightly at the corners, before she turns and heads toward the building's exit.
Dan watches her go, brows knit together, startling out of his thoughts only when Liam pulls on his pant leg.
"Are we going to your house now?" he asks.
Dan smoothes his hair. "In just a minute. I have a couple quick things to do first." He lifts Liam up into his arms. "Want to help?"
Liam nods eagerly. "I'm good at it, right? Helping?"
Dan smiles, tension easing away. "Excellent at it," he confirms, carrying his son down the hall.
Dan has always loved his weekends with Liam. They're not always easy, but he wouldn't give them up for the world. He and Serena had filed for divorce before Liam was even a year old, and it was particularly difficult during their period of separation - news stops for no one, after all, and Dan found himself on the phone in the middle of the night, frantically taking notes with one hand and cradling his son in his other arm. Liam spent a lot of those first nights in tears, used to spending most of his time with Serena, used to having his mother to comfort him in the middle of the night. It's gotten a lot easier now that Liam's older and starting to grasp the idea that both of his parents love him very much, even if they no longer love each other.
Liam's room at Dan's apartment is smaller than the room in the hotel suite Serena lives in, but it's his and it works. His drawings decorate the walls and some of his clothes are in the little dresser and there's a bookshelf full of children's literature, carefully selected by Dan with occasional (and unasked for) input from Blair.
He tries to focus on dragons and knights as he reads to his son, Liam a sleepy weight against his side, the two of them squished together in the small bed. But he keeps seeing the sheen of tears in Serena's eyes, keeps hearing the quiet intensity of her voice, and it results in a mess of worry. Their relationship is a strange one - they're friends in the odd, stilted way of people who were once married and now are not can be friends. Dan cares for her. It's impossible not to, considering how much he'd once loved her.
Liam tugs at his sleeve, sleepily asking for him to read the story one more time, pretty please, and Dan obliges, flipping the book open again. Liam is the most important facet of the relationship he shares with Serena now. Liam is the one thing they share that no one else could begin to understand. She knows what calms Liam down after he falls and scrapes his knee, what his favourite book is, who his best friends are, the birthmark just behind his ear. She's Liam's mother, and sometimes Dan thinks that he might appreciate her more as the mother of his child than he ever quite managed to appreciate her as his wife.
He's worried about Serena before. He worried for her when he met her, when she was a mess of a girl with a waterfall of blonde hair and a perfect smile. He worried when she told him she was pregnant, worried when they were married, worried during the divorce, worried when Carter came into the picture. He's done it before and he'll do it again. He's a worrier by nature and Serena is the perfect subject.
But it's never been quite like this. His son falls asleep against his arm and he thinks of Serena in the hallway, Serena the day she'd told him that Carter proposed, Serena signing divorce papers, Serena in tears when her father insisted they get married, Serena drunk that first time he'd met her, and then Serena in the hallway all over again. Serena in the hallway, her eyes on his face, that serious tone in her words.
Dan doesn't sleep much that night and Liam wakes him early in the morning, bouncing on the bed and talking a mile a minute about how Dan had promised to take him to the park.
Dan smiles, still half asleep. "I don't remember promising…"
"Daddy," Liam huffs, a giggle tucked into his throat, and Dan's smile widens slightly.
"Alright," he says, tossing the blankets back. "To the park we go."
The weekend passes quickly and it's back to work on Monday, Liam left at home with the baby-sitter. Blair snags his arm less than three seconds after he's walked into the building.
"You have an interview," she says briskly. "I brought you a better tie."
He frowns down at his own tie, letting her tug him along. "What are you talking about? What interview?"
"Bart Bass died," she says, tugging him into a stairwell and starting to loosen the knot in his tie.
He rolls his eyes and pushes her hands away, taking the tie off himself. "I'm aware, yeah. A week ago."
Blair goes still, looking straight at him, into his eyes. "Bart Bass died," she repeats slowly.
He gets it, this time. "So who do we belong to now?"
"His son." Blair lifts his collar, smoothing the tie she'd been holding beneath it. "Charles."
Dan blinks. "You mean Chuck."
She frowns slightly, hands still busy with his tie. "I mean Charles."
"It's the same person, Blair. The same person you dated - "
"It was hardly dating - "
"He proposed to you - "
"And I turned him down." She tightens the knot in his tie more than necessary. "And I'm incredibly happy with Marcus."
Dan rolls his eyes. "So we belong to Chuck now."
"We don't belong to anyone," Blair says, stepping back slightly to admire her handiwork. "But if you play your cards right, some people could belong to us."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I still have a certain amount of…leverage, with Charles. Enough leverage to start production of my own program."
"Your own program?" Dan echoes, eyes widening slightly.
"Yes," she says briskly. "And I want you." She looks him over, sighs. "With better hair. But I suppose you'll do for now."
"You want me to do what?" he asks, following her when she moves out of the stairwell and toward the bank of elevators. "Anchor it?"
She nods, pushing the button next to the upward arrow. "And write for it."
"Waldorf." He stares at her. "That's - "
"I know," she says. When she looks back at him, there's a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "So do not mess up this interview."
Dan nods, loosening the knot in his tie very slightly. "Yes, ma'am."
Chuck Bass - or Charles, as Blair calls him, as though that completely erases the three-year relationship they shared - is someone Dan has never liked much. He didn't get along with Blair at first, but she had enough good qualities to eventually outweigh her snobbery and her habit of acting as if Dan had never gone to college just because he didn't go to Yale. Chuck, on the other hand, has never really shown any redeeming features, and Dan's opinion of him has remained unchanged.
The interview is awkward, to say the least. Chuck sits behind a mahogany desk and toys with his bowtie, Dan sits in the chair opposite the desk and purposefully does not adjust his own tie, and Blair stands by one of the bookshelves, interjecting her own opinion into their conversation every two minutes. It's obvious that Chuck doesn't want Dan working on the program and it's even more obvious that Blair won't take no for an answer; in the end, he sits silently, glancing between them as they bicker, and once Blair plants her hands on her hips and takes a breath like she's about to launch into a tirade, Chuck concedes.
"Fine," he says, before Blair can speak. "Fine. But your ratings will speak for themselves, and if they're not up to par, you're off the air."
"Fine," Blair returns, with a sugary-sweet smile that's entirely fake. "Thank you," she adds, with exaggerated earnestness.
Dan just nods, getting to his feet and following her out of the room. In the hallway, he says, "I get the impression that I didn't actually have to be there."
"Of course you did."
"Is there any particular reason that he seems to hate me?"
"Yes," Blair says, a little smile tugging at her lips again. "Your abysmal haircut."
Dan laughs, he can't help it, and as they carry on walking down the hallway, he slides an arm around her shoulders, giving her a quick, triumphant squeeze.
On Tuesday night, Liam has a nightmare; he wakes Dan at two in the morning, tears still dripping and insisting that he needs to talk to Serena. Liam's used to their schedule and this is a night that he'd usually have his mother to talk to, so Dan allows it, sitting at one of the chairs at the small table in the kitchen, Liam in his lap, letting the little boy hold the phone once he's dialled the number of the hotel suite Serena lives in.
Liam peers up at him with wide blue eyes. "She's not answering," he says tremulously.
Dan holds him a little more closely. "It's the middle of the night, Liam," he says gently, rocking his son slightly in his hold. "Mommy's probably asleep."
Liam presses his face into Dan's chest and sobs, and Dan can't convince him to offer up any kind of explanation as to what his nightmare was about, since it's apparently something that only Serena will understand.
"You have to - to get the monster with Mommy's slipper," Liam says, breath hitching between words. "You have to throw it at the closet."
Dan presses a kiss to the top of his head. "My slipper can't make the monster go away?"
"No," Liam says, voice muffled against Dan's shirt.
In the end, Dan promises Liam that they'll go visit his mother first thing in the morning, the very first thing; before the baby-sitter comes, before Dan has to go to work. Liam nods slowly, exhausted now, and allows Dan to carry him back to bed.
"I love you, Liam," he murmurs, but the little boy is already fast asleep.
Serena doesn't answer her door in the morning, and Dan is forced to call Carter, whose number Serena gave him a couple months ago. Carter answers the phone irritably, clearly annoyed at having his sleep disturbed, and Dan sighs and deals it since Liam is standing there looking up at him with all the hope in the world in his eyes.
"It's Dan Humphrey," Dan says. "I'm looking for Serena, Liam wants to see her. Is she with you?"
"Serena?" Carter echoes, sounding slightly more awake. "No, I haven't seen her since yesterday afternoon. She said she'd give me a call but she never did. Did you check her suite?"
"Yes. We're here right now."
"Hang on," Carter says, and then hangs up.
Dan stares at the phone for a beat and then hands it back to the concierge, thanking him politely. He scoops Liam up into his arms, tells him wryly, "We're hanging on."
Carter arrives at the hotel twenty minutes later in slacks and a shirt, his cheeks scruffy from not shaving for a day or two. Liam hops up the moment he appears.
"Carter!" he says brightly, solemnly. "We're looking for Mommy."
"So I've heard," Carter says, lifting Liam briefly and then setting him back down. He glances at Dan. "Let's go up, I've got a key."
Dan nods, reaching for Liam's hand and following Carter toward the elevator.
Carter lets them into the suite, calls, "Serena…?"
There's no response, so they branch out to look for her. Liam wanders off to his room immediately to play with his toys, Carter heads for the little kitchen, and Dan moves toward the bedroom. The bed is unmade and Serena's clothes are everywhere; she's always been messy.
"Serena?" he calls again, even though it's becoming increasingly evident that she's not here. He pokes his head into the adjoining washroom, just to check, and his heart drops down into his stomach; for a moment, he forgets how to breathe.
Serena's there, in the bathtub, her face slack and expressionless, her head tilted at an awkward angle. The water in the tub is the colour of blood. Serena's there and yet, she isn't, not at all.
"Oh Jesus Christ," Dan breathes, horrified.
"Daddy?" Liam's little voice calls. "Where's Mommy?"
Dan turns on his heel, reacting on instinct, pulling the bathroom door closed behind him. Liam's standing in the middle of the bedroom, looking at him with innocent curiosity, and he rushes toward his son, gathers him up in a ferocious hug.
Liam giggles at first but then he seems to sense Dan's mood and he sobers, wonders quietly, "Daddy…?"
Dan holds Liam pressed close against him, his son's head against his shoulder, his heart pounding wildly. He has no idea what to say. Across the room, on Serena's vanity, beneath a single ring with an impressive diamond, there's an envelope with the letter L written on the front of it, and he knows right away, just knows, exactly what it is.
"Oh, god," he breathes, his hold tightening on Liam.
"I guess she's not - " Carter pauses in the doorway of the room, frowning when he sees Dan standing by the bed, holding Liam like his life depends on it. "What - "
Dan jerks his head toward the bathroom and then walks out of the room, trying to shield Liam's eyes, as if something else will give it away.
He uses Serena's phone, dialling with one hand, still holding Liam tightly with his other arm.
"Daddy?" his son keeps asking, little brows furrowed. "Daddy? Where's Mommy? Daddy?"
The line connects. "Waldorf," a brisk voice chirps.
Dan closes his eyes, says, "Blair."
Blair takes Liam out for ice cream. It's astonishing, the way the broken look on her face transforms into a pretty smile when she reaches for the little boy, asking if he wants a cherry on his sundae.
"Thank you," Dan says, quietly. Everything in the hotel lobby seems to bright, and he feels so dull.
She looks at him, eyes sharp and pained.
"Two cherries," Liam says happily, and Blair carries him off, walking steadily, somehow.
The rest of the morning passes by in a blur. Dan tells the same thing to the same police officers, over and over again: She's my ex-wife. Yes, we were on good terms. No, she wasn't mentally ill. We were here because my son wanted to visit his mother. She didn't pick up the phone last night. I don't know when it happened. I don't know.
Carter answers questions with a series of similar answers; she's my fiancée, talked to her last on Tuesday, she seemed perfectly happy. Through the haze his mind has become, all Dan can think is that Carter looks very red - his eyes are red, and his clothes are the colour of watered-down blood. Dan doesn't know what happened, after he sent Carter into the bathroom, if he'd reached for Serena, if he'd held her, if he'd cried.
"Either of you L?" the police officer in charge asks, holding Serena's ring in one hand and the envelope in the other.
"Liam," Dan says quietly. "That's our son's name."
The officer nods, handing him gloves. "You can go ahead and read it but we'll need it back as evidence. If that's a suicide note we need to know."
Dan flinches, remembering Serena in the hallway again - if I tell you it's as good as suicide. He puts on the gloves and opens the letter. It isn't a suicide note. It's just Serena, telling Liam he's the best thing that ever happened to her, that she's never loved anyone as much as she loves him, and she never will. It reads like a goodbye, but there's nothing explicit about it. Dan does his best to commit the words to memory before he has to give it back.
"It wasn't," Carter says, voice low and firm. "It wasn't a suicide."
The police officer looks at him in a way that's almost gentle. "Her wrists are slit."
Carter levels him with an even look. "Who says she did it?"
Dan has to call Serena's mother, who makes several horribly choked sounds and then hangs up on him. He has to call her father, too, since the van der Woodens live separately, and William spends twenty furious minutes making all of this into Dan's fault - making things Dan's fault is one of his favourite things to do. He calls Serena's brother, who starts crying the moment he says it.
But none of it compares to telling Liam, who's sitting anxiously on the sofa, looking at Dan with the kind of trust only a child can have, still waiting to know where his mother is.
"Liam," he says, softly, and then stops.
Liam sighs and crawls across the sofa, into Dan's lap. He leans his cheek against Dan's chest. Tiredly, he asks, "Where's Mommy?"
"Mommy…is in heaven," Dan says carefully, quietly, arms wrapping around Liam.
"Where's heaven?"
"Up in the sky. Up in the clouds."
"Why is Mommy there?"
Liam's face is overwhelming suddenly; his eyes are too much like Serena's. "Because it's where people go when they die," Dan says softly, searching his son's face for a reaction.
The little boy's eyes widen. "Die?"
"Yes."
"Louisa's grandma died," Liam says solemnly, referring to his baby-sitter. "She had to go say goodbye."
"That's what happens when someone dies," Dan agrees, rubbing Liam's back. "You have to say goodbye. So, you and me…we have to say goodbye to your mommy."
It's a cyclical conversation from there; Liam asks why and every time Dan tries to explain that Serena's gone, Liam rejects it. He has to lay it out more explicitly than he'd like to, has to tell Liam that Serena died, that it means she's gone forever, that she can't come back, that he won't ever be able to see her again.
Liam starts to wail then, overwhelmed and exhausted, and all Dan can do is rock him gently, telling him softly, over and over again, that Serena loved him so much, that he was the best thing that ever happened to her, that she would always love him most. Liam falls into a restless sleep over an hour later, having finally cried himself out.
Dan settles him into bed, tucking him in as tightly as possible with lots of soft, cuddly toys to make him feel secure. He returns to the couch and slumps onto it; it's his turn to sit there and sob.
Blair comes into the room several minutes later, setting a steaming cup of coffee down in front of him before she takes a seat. Dan had forgotten she was there. He tries to put an end to the crying, the embarrassing array of choked-up noises, but he can't. Blair reaches over to take his hand, and a moment later she just sort of slumps against his side. They don't move until morning, when Liam wakes them up by screaming for his mother.
Work still exists, impossibly. There's a program to get on its feet, and the news waits for no one. Blair leaves early in the morning to change before she has to go in; she tells Dan to stay home with Liam, that she'll come by to update him later. Updating him really means checking in on him, but he's grateful for either, so he just nods and knocks back the incredibly cold coffee that's still sitting in its mug on the coffee table.
The morning is a mess of tears. Liam won't eat, won't stop crying, won't listen to anything Dan says. He naps just after noon, having worn himself out again, and when he wakes he decides that he's not speaking to Dan. He talks to his stuffed animals instead, whispering in a small, shaky voice about the adventures his mommy is having, the things she'll bring back for him, the things they'll do when she returns. It breaks Dan's heart to the extent that he can't even muster up the strength to wash the dishes in the kitchen.
He feels like he's forgotten how to function. The only thing he can think of is Serena in that damn hallway. If I tell you it's as good as suicide.
He'd told her that she could call him. He'd told her to.
Blair comes over just past five with a casserole made by Dorota. She puts it in the oven to warm up and then goes to say hello to Liam - he talks to her, tells her about all his toys. Dan hovers in the hallway, listening; Liam doesn't mention Serena once.
They get Liam fed first. He has a small serving of casserole, a glass of milk, and three chocolate chip cookies, which is more than Dan could have hoped for, and then rushes back to his room and his toys.
Blair lays out files on the table as they eat, explaining things to him in between bites. Her voice is brisk, her lines rehearsed, and Dan does his part, nodding along.
"What do you think?" she asks finally, looking over at him with tired eyes. Her hair is pushed back from her face with a black headband and she looks, for a moment, very young.
"She didn't kill herself," Dan says, because that's what she's really asking.
"She wouldn't have," Blair agrees. "Not with Liam."
"She was happy," Dan says softly. "She was getting married. She had a good life." Doubt sneaks in as soon as he says it. "Do you think - "
Blair's gaze sharpens on his face. "Do I think what?"
"Do you think…she was in some kind of trouble?"
"Trouble?" Blair echoes.
Dan nods.
"What do you mean?"
"I - I don't know, exactly," Dan admits. "It's just, the last thing she said to me…" He frowns to himself. "Do you remember the last thing she said to you?"
Blair nods, smiling fleetingly. "She told me to end things with Marcus. She thinks - " Her lips press together. "She thought he was boring."
He almost smiles, too. "Not bad advice."
She rolls her eyes half-heartedly. "What was the last thing she said to you?"
"She told me I needed to take Liam to keep him safe," he says, and Blair's eyebrows lift right away. "She said that if she told me what was going on…it would be as good as suicide."
Blair's lips press tight together. "Oh," she says very softly.
It occurs to Dan, suddenly, "She said Carter was in some kind of trouble."
Blair's eyes narrow dangerously. "Are you saying - Carter - that he - that someone - "
"I don't know," Dan says honestly. "She was very…mysterious."
Standing abruptly, Blair shoves her files toward him. "Review these. They're important. We need to pick the stories for our first episode; they'll set the bar."
He blinks up at her. "Where are you going?"
Blair sets her lips together. "To get some answers."
He stands, too. "I'm coming with you."
She nods down the hall. "Liam."
"I'll call Louisa. Just - just wait."
Blair frowns. "You're always so difficult, Humphrey," she says, but she waits.
She pounds on Carter's door relentlessly. Dan is somewhat stunned by how loud it is - Blair has such small hands, it's a wonder her knuckles can withstand the force she's putting into them as she knocks.
The door opens a moment later to reveal Carter, as red-eyed as he was on the day they found Serena's body.
Before he can even say anything, Blair gives him a sharp shove in the chest. "Did you get her killed?" she demands.
"Blair - " Dan begins, but she ignores him.
Carter takes a step away, glaring. "What the hell - "
"I know you, Baizen," Blair snaps. "You've always been irresponsible - Serena found it charming, when we were younger, but I'm sure it doesn't look so charming from the morgue."
Carter's eyes harden. "You have no idea what you're talking about."
"Don't I?" Blair challenges him. "I think I do. I think you got yourself into some mess, and they knew exactly who to target to make you pay."
His nostrils flare slightly. "I'd never put Serena in danger."
"Never?" Blair repeats incredulously. "You'd never?"
"I love her," Carter says. "I loved her," he corrects himself, a beat later. "Sometimes, maybe I - didn't show it, but I - I've always loved her."
It might be the truth in those words that makes Dan snap - he's always hated being reminded of the wealth of history Serena shared with Carter; it made him feel like a passing fancy she'd been stuck with because of Liam and her father's strict ruling on the situation, and it breaks something somewhere in his chest to listen to Carter say that, I love her, like he'd been the first one to tell her that.
He shoves Carter back against a wall, presses an arm against his chest. "My son's mother is dead."
Carter hardly blinks. "I know," he says, quietly.
"My son's mother is dead and the last thing she told me, before she practically begged me to keep her baby safe, was that you were in some kind of trouble that he needed protecting from. She wouldn't tell me what it was." Dan slams Carter against the wall again, for effect. "So you better. You better tell me right now."
Carter tells them, in his foyer, that after rejecting his family and, consequently, his inheritance, he made most of his money through the underground market. Drugs, forged artwork, illegal items from Asia. Serena wasn't involved, exactly, but she knew - he hadn't kept it a secret from her. The market was extensive but he trusted his contacts and he'd never had a problem, not until now.
He's in debt to someone - someone who happens to be high up in the government, who needs what Carter owes him, someone whose position will be jeopardized if he doesn't get what he wants.
"There's Russian involvement," Carter says quietly. "I didn't realize…things would end up this way. I'm not sure which side I'm working against - my supplier or my client."
"Who knew Serena?" Blair asks quietly.
"My supplier," Carter says. "I took her to dinner at his place a few months ago; she was the one who put us in touch, inadvertently. She went to school with him."
Blair's eyes narrow. "Who is he?"
"Daalgaard," Carter tells her. His eyes are still red. "Damien."
"And your client?"
"The Buckleys," he murmurs, and Blair and Dan expel sharp breaths at the exact same moment. "Serena had no responsibility to either of them."
"No," Blair agrees. "She just had your ring on her finger. It wouldn't do much good to kill you, now, would it?"
Carter glares at her, his jaw tightening. "Serena didn't know about any of this."
Eyes shining, Blair says, "Then what a surprise it must have been when someone showed up to murder her."
Dan flinches but Carter doesn't. "I did everything I could to keep her safe. I've always been careful. Things have always been civil. I didn't think there was anything to worry about. I did everything I could."
Tears slip out of the corners of Blair's, sliding down her cheeks slowly. "It wasn't enough."
Thoughtlessly, Dan reaches out, taking her hand. Carter straightens up, away from the wall.
"She wanted a wedding," he says, voice uncharacteristically soft. "A honeymoon. I wanted to give her the world."
Dan gives Blair's hand a squeeze when she opens her mouth to respond, a silent signal to back off. "I know," he tells Carter, nodding slightly, because he does. He'd tried to do the same thing, once, and he'd failed too.
The investigation into Serena's death is still ongoing; the morgue won't release her body just yet. The policeman Dan speaks to said that Lily's been by, snapping at them about needing to make funeral arrangements, about putting her daughter to rest. It doesn't surprise him that his once-mother-in-law neglected to inform him of these arrangements - they're all probably hoping he won't show up at all.
Dan is lead back into the building, to the area that houses the detectives' offices. He taps once on the door that has Archibald written on it in slightly-chipped lettering then steps in.
Nate looks up from where he's bent over his desk, open files everywhere. His tie is loose around his neck and the sleeves of his shirt are rolled up; he looks for all the world like he's still sixteen years old, skipping off from his private school. "Dan," he says.
"Nate," Dan returns with a little nod.
Nate stands up, looking at him sadly. "I'm so sorry," he says after a beat of silence.
With another slight nod, Dan says, "Thanks."
"I couldn't believe it," Nate murmurs. "When it turned up on my desk, I just…I couldn't believe it."
"If you're not…comfortable with it, I wouldn't blame you if you…wanted to give it to someone else," Dan says, sitting down in the wooden chair across from Nate's desk.
Nate shakes his head. "No. No, she's - she was my friend."
Dan nods again. He almost thanks Nate, but it doesn't seem like quite the right thing to say, so he doesn't. He clears his throat. "How's Charlotte? The kids?"
"Good," Nate says. "They're good…Char's upset, of course…" He sighs. "Lily's been calling us, she's not…doing too well. Char's been helping her with…funeral things." His lips quirk slightly. "I'm guessing you're not involved?"
He shakes his head. "I think the Rhodes-van der Woodsen clan is hoping to be finished with me forever."
Nate shakes his head, too. "That's ridiculous, she's your wife."
"Ex-wife," Dan corrects him. "Was."
Nate looks down at the files spread over his desk. "I can't quite believe it," he murmurs. "I mean, I've seen all this, I've seen her, but…I still can't."
"Neither can Liam," Dan says quietly.
Nate's entire expression floods with sympathy. "I - I can't…imagine, what that must be like."
"He's too young. He can't understand any of it. He just…wants his mother, and I think he's starting to hate me for not bringing her for him."
"Liam loves you," Nate says softly.
"Liam's four years old. His mother's dead. His entire world is in flux."
Nate clears his throat. "Did you read the note? That she left for him?"
Dan nods. "I did. But it wasn't a list of guidelines on how to raise Liam without her."
Nate winces a little. "Of course." He looks at Dan carefully for a moment. "Do you wish she'd left something for you, too?"
"I wish she was alive," Dan says.
Nodding slightly, Nate returns his attention to the mess of things spread over his desk. "There had to be a reason," he murmurs. "Why she did it. She wouldn't have - there had to be a really good reason for her to leave Liam. When we were kids she was always upset when her parents went off travelling, and this is…much worse. There had to be a reason why she did it."
"If she did it."
Nate glances up, looking startled. "They didn't tell you?"
"Tell me what?"
"We're wrapping up," Nate says softly, gently, using the same tone Dan had used to tell Liam that Serena was gone. "The case will be closed in a day or two. We're using today to review everything, and then…"
Dan stares at him. "What?"
"Everything points to suicide," Nate says in that same soft voice. "Her wrists. Leaving Liam with you. Leaving the ring, the note."
"It wasn't a suicide note," Dan snaps. "It didn't say - "
"She was saying goodbye to her child," Nate cuts in gently, swallowing hard. "And she didn't flee the country, she didn't disappear. She cut her wrists."
"But - " Dan stops there, floundering for the right words.
"We have no reason to regard this in any other way," Nate murmurs. "Carter called it into question, but that's it. He doesn't have any proof." He looks at Dan, all blue eyes, like Serena. "She killed herself," he says quietly. "I'm so sorry."
Dan slumps into the chair, his eyes falling shut. "Me too."
He finds Blair at her desk, studiously working under her little red lamp. As he approaches, her leans over her shoulder slightly, pointing to a random sheet of paper. "This," he says, "looks like an excellent idea."
She looks up at him. There are circles under her eyes that were never there before all of us. "That…is a list of birthday gift options for Marcus. But thank you for trying."
He perches on the edge of her desk. "I can't believe you're getting all this work done."
She shrugs her shoulders. "Chuck is looking for a reason to cancel this. Granted, he can't exactly use…Serena, as the reason, but…" Another little shrug. He knows how she likes to prove Chuck wrong.
"You called him Chuck," he notes softly.
Blair looks down at her desk, an echo of Nate in his office earlier, staring at all the files like she's not quite sure what to do with them. "I can't keep up with myself lately."
"Because you're moving too fast," he says gently.
"If I stop I have to think," she says quietly. "I'm not ready."
Dan accepts that. "I went to the station this morning. Nate's on the case."
"I know," she says softly. "I called."
He nods, unsurprised; Nate and Blair are old friends, childhood sweethearts. "He said Lily's been calling Charlotte." He leaves the question unasked.
And Blair evades it. "Charlotte's her niece. She was very close with Serena growing up. It makes sense, especially since Carol lives so far away."
"Waldorf," he sighs, too tired to play any games.
"Fine, Humphrey," she says quietly. "She's been calling me, too. I didn't know how to tell you."
"She doesn't want me at the funeral?"
"She wants Liam. Some form of custody."
Dan's body jerks slightly, a reaction he can't quite control. "She's not getting him," he snaps.
Blair looks up at him, blinking as though he's startled her. "Of course not. Calm down."
"You just said - "
"Lily doesn't have a leg to stand on, legally or morally. Liam's your child."
"That family - "
"Is impossible, I know. All families are. But you have Charlotte and Nate on your side, and Carol too, even if she's miles away. And Eric will want what's best for Liam. What's best for Liam is you. You're a good father."
Dan thinks of Liam, the way his chin trembles sometimes, the way he looks lost, the way he won't say a single word about his mother. "I - "
"Humphrey. You are. You know you are." Her tone is firm, no room for argument. "Your parenting abilities are hardly the great mystery here."
"There isn't a mystery at all," he says quietly. "According to the police."
Blair frowns. "What are you talking about? The investigation is ongoing."
"Closing tomorrow, according to Nate. And since he's the detective on the case, we can probably take his word."
Her mouth tightens. "That's ludicrous."
"That's how it is," he murmurs. "They're ruling it a suicide."
"They're wrong."
"Probably," Dan agrees. "Possibly."
Blair looks ready to slap him. "Don't be a moron. You know Serena - you knew Serena. Liam only exists because the two of you were so mad about each other. Things may have fallen apart with the two of you, but you know she loved Liam. You know she put him above everyone else. She wouldn't have left him, you know that."
Dan just wants to lie down, all of a sudden. "I know that," he sighs in agreement. "My knowing that isn't proof, not to the police. I can question their judgement and so can you, so can Carter, so can anyone, but in the end, there's no proof."
She gets to her feet, abandoning all the papers on her desk, flicking the switch on her red lamp. She gives him a slight shove. "Move."
He does, following her out of the room. "Where are you going?"
"We," she corrects, "are going to Connecticut to get some godforsaken proof."
If Blair had her way, this would be a scene from a movie; they would jump into a car and be on the highway with moments. Reality is slower - Dan has a four-year-old who needs to be looked after, and he's reluctant to leave, especially now, with Liam already dealing with Serena's absence.
"I'll go by myself," Blair says breezily when he brings it up.
"Don't be ridiculous."
"Then arrange childcare. It won't take us too long."
"Who am I supposed to leave him with, Lily?"
"Nate and Charlotte," Blair supplies.
"Charlotte gave birth to Clara a week ago, Blair, and her cousin just died. I can't give them Liam right now."
She sighs, frustrated. "Then I'll go on my own."
"No." Dan battles with himself for a moment. Liam needs him; Serena needs justice. He owes them both so much. He looks back at Blair. "Meet me in front of mine in two hours."
She nods once, briskly, before she turns on her heel and walks away. Dan lingers for a moment, watching her go.
When Dan, standing on the doorstep, says, "I'm going to Connecticut," Carter just drops a hand gently to the top of Liam's head and gives the little boy a nudge towards his sitting room, where several of Liam's toys are still in a chest.
"I would go," Carter says, his gaze measured, eyes resting on Dan's face.
"But you're in trouble."
"If anyone thought I was looking for more - after this - "
Dan nods in a way meant to cut him off. "I understand. I shouldn't be long. I just want Liam to…be somewhere familiar, and he seems to…like you alright."
"He's a good kid." There's something raw about way Carter's jaw works. "A lot like Serena."
"He's all her," Dan agrees quietly. "Lucky kid."
"He's safe here," Carter says.
Dan nods, not doubting it. If anyone were to understand how imperative that was, it would be Carter. "I'll be back soon." He doesn't bother calling Liam back for a hug; they'd done the explanations and the I-love-yous on the way. He nods at Carter in lieu of a verbal goodbye and walks back down the steps.
Blair borrows a swanky little convertible from Chuck. He doesn't bother asking how she manages all these favours. She hands him the key and gets into the passenger seat.
He pulls away from the curb, double-checking the mirrors; it's been a while, since he drove. "What's in Connecticut, exactly?"
She's ties her hair back with a scarf. "Damien Daalgaard. An obnoxious Republican family."
Dan eyes her in his peripheral vision, half-smiling. "You're the wrong girl to mess with, Waldorf."
Her lips tilt into a half-smile. As they turn onto the highway, the wind blows her scarf away, blowing her hair around her shoulders, into her face, and Dan makes himself look back at the road.
to be continued.