160. (teach us both how to dance in the forest) fire - chapter one, part two
Title | (teach us both how to dance in the forrest) fire
Chapter | one [part 2]
Rating | pg-13
Characters | Nate, Serena. Also Dan, Blair, Tripp.
Summary | Words on a piece of paper, Serena thinks, forcing herself to smile wider. Those are nothing more than words from a piece of paper, edited by someone else.
Notes | Season one still happened, but I'm only using canon up to 1x18. The title comes from a song by Pat LePoidevin. // For dae_dreemer. Happy Birthday!! This is the fic I generally refer to as President!Nate, and it is basically becoming the longest thing in the world, so this birthday gift will have to be...spread out over some time. Which is good, right? I love to keep birthdays going. I hope this day has been all kinds of awesome and that you enjoy this and all future instalments! ♥♥
part one here.
"Zo and Teddy want to help the movers," Nate says quietly, touching a hand to the small of Serena's back.
"Theo I understand," she says, turning to look at him. "It's an adventure. But Zoey?"
He shrugs. "I think she wants to make sure they don't read her diary."
She sort of wants to laugh, but she doesn't want to give him more than a smile, so she holds back the giggle threatening to slip out. "Okay."
"Meg said she'll keep a close eye on them." His fingers press lightly against her back. "Will you take a walk with me?"
"You're not busy?"
He shakes his head, doesn't offer up any explanations.
"Okay," she shrugs, moving away from him, from his touch, as she starts to walk.
They go out over the lawn, bodyguards trailing at a respectful distance. The fall air is crisp but not entirely cold, and on another day, a year ago, she would've held Nate's hand.
"How are you feeling?" he asks her.
She hesitates for a breath before she answers honestly, "Tired."
He nods. "Yeah, that…makes sense." He sticks his hands into his coat pockets. "Look, Serena, I wasn't trying to…push you to have an abortion." He looks over at her, uncertain. "You know I'd never do that, don't you?"
"Not really, I don't," she says quietly. "You wouldn't have when we were eighteen, obviously, but…we're not eighteen anymore."
"I think it's kind of amazing," he says, matching her quiet tone. "In the midst of all this craziness…we got pregnant."
She cuts her gaze to him. "Isn't it part of the craziness?"
"I don't know," Nate tells her. "I'm sorry, but I really don't. Having a baby now isn't the same as having Zoey or Teddy. We were eighteen with Zo but we had time and energy and a much less monitored life than we do now. And with Teddy, it was…perfect. It was the perfect time to have a kid. I don't think I've ever been so happy as the moment the plus sign showed up on that pregnancy test."
Serena presses her lips together. "I thought you'd be that happy again. Even if things are different."
"I'm sorry. With Teddy…the ovulation calendars and the doctors appointments and - God, we made love almost every single day," he shrugs, and there's a little pang in her heart. "We wanted him so much. We planned him, and I guess I just thought that the days of surprise pregnancies ended with Zoey - we were always so careful after her."
"If you hadn't won the election…would you be happier about this?"
"I don't know, sweetheart," he says, looking conflicted. "I can't answer hypotheticals."
She swallows hard. "If you weren't trying to push me to have an abortion…was Clara pushing you to push me?"
He winces a little, but nods. "Sort of."
"Did you tell her that our family is none of her fucking business?"
There's a ghost of a smile that flits over his lips. "I should've. Serena…" He slows to a stop. "I'm sorry. I panicked."
"You did," she agrees softly, stilling next to him. "Look, I believe you. If you say you support my having this baby, I believe you. And I know that…you'll love this baby, I don't doubt that. But…I don't believe that you want this." She meets his eyes. "Because you don't, do you?"
"You didn't want Zoey, when we first found out about her."
"It isn't the same thing, Nate. We were kids and we were terrified. We're adults now and we're married and there's no real reason for this to be bad news. I thought we'd be celebrating, not fighting."
"I'm sorry," he says again. "I'm - "
"I know you are. I know you're sorry." She shrugs. "But we're still not okay, because I'm happy Nate, okay? I'm happy to be carrying your baby. And you're busy worrying about what people will say." She tugs her coat a little more tightly around herself. "I'm going to go check on the kids," she says, turning to go.
"Serena," he says quietly, behind her. "Wait."
She sighs heavily, doesn't turn around. "What?"
He swallows audibly. "Clara…booked a talk show appearance for us. Next Wednesday morning."
Her jaw tightens. "Why?"
"To announce the pregnancy," he says very quietly.
"And?"
"And to talk about…how we've been trying to conceive for the past couple years. How happy we are about this baby. That we didn't want anyone to know until you were into your second trimester."
She stays quiet, keeping her back to him.
"After that it'll all be me," he says quickly. "You won't have to do anything else - I'll handle the rest of it and we can say you're resting, taking care of yourself and the baby."
"So much for trying to be an honest politician, huh?" she murmurs.
"I'm sorry," he says for what feels like the infinite time.
"I'll do it," she shrugs, because it feels like that's what he's waiting to hear. She turns around to face him. "You know I'll do it."
His eyes are sad. "You know I love you."
They stare at each other in silence for a moment before she turns and walks away.
"I want to tell the kids tonight," she says on Sunday, sitting in front of her mirror in the unfamiliar White House bedroom. "Will I be doing that on my own or can you take time from your busy schedule to join me?"
"I have a meeting at nine," Nate says evenly. "But if we do it now - of course I want to do it with you."
She nods, not taking her eyes off her reflection. "Just let me fix my hair."
He presses a kiss to the top of her head. "You're beautiful already." His fingertips graze her cheek. "You've got that glow."
"A baby?" Theo asks, curious and eager. "When?"
"About five months from now," Serena tells him with a soft smile.
Zoey looks at them, eyes slightly narrowed as she leans back into the couch cushions. "I didn't know you wanted more kids."
Nate grins at her. "We don't tell you everything, Zo."
She rolls her eyes, laughing a little, and looks at Serena. "Is it a girl this time?"
"We don't know yet, honey."
"No, no," Theo says quickly. "I want a little brother, that's more fun."
"Well, Daddy and I don't get to decide that," Serena tells him gently. "But you're going to be a great big brother, whether the new baby is a boy or a girl."
Theo shrugs, nonplussed. "I know."
Nate laughs, pulling their son up onto his lap. "Good stuff, buddy."
"It's kind of weird," Zoey points out. "She'll be like ten when I start to have kids."
Serena looks to Nate instinctively, watches as his eyebrows lift high. "And who will you be having kids with at age twenty-seven?" he asks, gaze pinned on Zoey.
"Daddy," Zoey sighs. "Theoretically, I mean."
"You were born when we were young, Zo," Serena says. "So Daddy and I are still young enough to want and have more children."
"But why would you want more when you have us?" Theo asks, blinking at them.
"Because, Teddy Bear," Nate says, "Babies are cute and fun, you'll see. And our first two kids turned out so well…we wanted to try it out again."
Theo giggles and Zoey gives them a reluctant grin. "That's pretty decent reasoning, I guess."
Serena smiles, reaching over to squeeze her daughter's knee. "We don't need to tell you what a good big sister you'll be, right?" she asks teasingly. "You've already proven yourself."
Zoey laughs. "Yeah, yeah. Family meeting over? I have homework."
"By homework I assume you mean friends to talk to online," Serena says wryly. "But yes, family meeting over."
Zoey hops up from the couch, kissing Nate's forehead and Serena's cheek before she darts out of the room. "Congrats, guys," she says cheerfully over her shoulder.
Nate follows her with his eyes, looking wistful. "She laughs just like you," he murmurs.
Serena looks over at him. He's said it before, many times, but still to this day there's still that hint of awe in his voice, and she gives her usual response: "Theo has the same smile you do. And your eyes."
Theo nods agreeably. "I look like Daddy." He leans back against Nate's chest. "What will my brother look like?"
Serena's smile softens. "Your brother or sister," she corrects him. "We're going to have to wait to be surprised."
Theo thinks it over and then nods. "'Kay. I like surprises."
They're seated on a small, plush purple couch on set. Serena continues to scorn the idea of a stylist but Clara had all but begged her to wear a dress that hugs her body enough to show off her small baby bump, and it'd been a battle to find something that was both modest enough and tight enough. Now that she's here, she's wishing she'd told Clara to keep her opinions to herself - everyone is looking at her belly.
"It'll be fine," Nate murmurs by her ear.
She shoots him a quick, tiny glare. Nate is charming and genuine, but she's better at handling the spotlight, always has been. She doesn't need his reassurances.
"Are you feeling okay?" he wonders.
Serena nods.
"Two minutes!" A harried-looking woman with a headset on rushes by them. "Two minutes until we're back!"
Nate settles an arm around her, his hand tucking naturally into the curve of her waist. He takes her other hand with his and settles their linked hands in her lap, his thumb brushing against the curve of her stomach idly.
"Did Clara tell you to do this?" Serena asks under her breath.
He presses a gentle kiss to her cheek, and when he says, "No," she thinks she believes him.
The host of the show is enthusiastic and bright-eyed; he's had Nate on his programme once before and he starts off by offering his congratulations and leading the audience in a round of applause. Serena directs a small, sweet smile at Nate as he nods humbly; it's all automatic at this point.
"It looks to me like you have some exciting news to share," the host says conspiratorially, and the audience titters.
"It's been a really wonderful month for me," Nate says, smiling. "And the election results are secondary to the fact that Serena and I are expecting a baby." His hand drifts up a little, still linked with hers, to touch her stomach.
"It seems that you've been keeping this under wraps for a few weeks…is there any reason you waited until after the election to reveal your happy news publicly?"
"No political reason," Nate laughs; the audience laughs along with him. "This is, of course, a personal matter."
"Our youngest is six now," Serena says, casting a quick smile toward the audience. "We've been wanting another child for a couple years, but things have been…difficult," she says delicately. "We both wanted to wait a while before making things public. We're very lucky to be at a point where we can share our happiness instead of any hardships." She smiles at Nate again, and he smiles back at her.
"Well, I know," the host says, "From what I've been hearing, at least, that everyone is so happy for you. It's really nice to have a president young enough that there will be children born during his term."
"Multiple children?" Serena asks, an eyebrow arched teasingly. "We didn't say that."
The audience laughs and Nate puts a soft kiss to his cheek; a moment later he's busily describing his policies around family and childcare and Serena feels their baby shift inside of her for the first time.
"I'm late, I'm so sorry," Blair says apologetically, slipping into her seat across from Serena at the small restaurant. "Then again," she says thoughtfully. "You've been late for at least half the lunches we've ever had, so it might be my turn."
Serena laughs, rubbing a hand idly over her belly. "Fair enough. I'm glad you made time for me before you go back to Paris."
"I'll make even more time for you," Blair says lightly, signaling to the waitress for a glass of wine. "I'm staying another week."
"You are?"
Blair nods, confirms, "I am."
"Why?"
"You're pregnant, Serena. We have a nursery to decorate."
She rolls her eyes slightly. "I've done it twice before, B. The last time I even did it without your help. I'm sure I can manage with the endless number of people who seem to be under our employ."
"But I'm the best."
Serena smiles softly. "That's true, you are."
"You look a little happier," Blair says, studying her. "I saw the broadcast early this week - you were glowing, S, you really were. And you and Nate looked good…for the cameras."
She shrugs a little. "I'm happier than the last time we talked about this, yeah. I'm not sure if that really means anything, though."
"You're not going to divorce him," Blair says quietly.
"No," Serena murmurs. "No, I don't think I could."
"Politically or personally?" Blair pries.
"Both. If I'm being honest." She presses her face into her hands for a moment. "You would have been much better at this than I am, B."
"Serena…just forget about the parties and the caterers and all that standing around and looking supportive that you have to do, just forget all of that for a moment. I know it was difficult for you at first, but you've had all of that mastered for years. Anyone can do that. Just because I was good at it when I was fourteen, it doesn't mean I'd be better than you. You're the one he loves."
Serena winces a little. "Blair - "
"Don't start," Blair chides her. "We're not going to rehash our drama of two decades ago. I'm long over it, you know that. It's just…it's the reality. He loves you. I don't doubt that he loved me too, as much as we knew how to love back then, but…he gave all of that up for you. He'd probably do it a thousand times."
"It isn't a question of whether we love each other," Serena says very softly. "It's a question of how we love each other, I think. And it's changed."
"It should. It's supposed to."
She lifts her eyebrows. "Oh, so is that why you broke up with - "
"We're talking about your problems, Serena," Blair cuts in, voice sharp. "You have many more than I do, after all."
Serena stares at her for a beat, biting her lip as tears start to well in her eyes.
"God, don't start," Blair sighs, fishing in her purse for a tissue and handing it across the table. "I forgot what a hormonal wreck you become."
Serena gives a watery laugh, dabbing the tissue under her eyes. "Yeah, because you were such a delight when you were pregnant."
The brunette smiles angelically. "I have no idea what you could be implying."
Sighing, Serena dabs at her eyes for another moment before she asks, "Why were you late?"
"I was…detained," Blair says primly.
Serena studies her for a moment. "Is that why you're staying?"
"No, S, don't be silly."
"Because if it's serious…you know you have to tell him."
"He knows."
Serena sighs, clarifies, "Tell him that it's serious."
"I have no intention to marry into your family, Serena," Blair says with a lazy roll of her eyes.
"Oh, now it's my family?"
Blair gives her belly a pointed look.
She sighs, smiling reluctantly. "Touché."
"You're still up?" Serena asks softly, padding over to Nate's desk in her slippers. "It's past midnight."
When she runs her fingers lightly through his hair, he reaches out and loops an arm around her waist. "The president never sleeps, apparently," he sighs, giving her a little smile.
"Will you take a break?" she murmurs, leaning into him a little and glancing at the screen of his computer momentarily before she looks back at his face. "Come to bed with me?"
He looks at her closely, uncertain about the tentative peace she's offering him. And she can't blame him; she's not completely sure of her own reasons.
"I just miss you," she finally says, and he closes his computer and follows her to their bedroom.
She dreams that the world is pink, darkening slowly to red. It's a heavy kind of dream, the kind that doesn't want to let her go, even if she's vaguely aware of Nate's voice saying her name, his hand on her arm, and a pain pulsing low in her abdomen.
"Serena," Nate says urgently. "Fuck - wake up, babe, okay? It's okay, just…I'm going to call - "
She sits up straight the moment she finally breaks through to wakefulness, one hand going to her stomach as her other hand throws back the sheets. She's sitting in blood.
"Serena," Nate says again.
"Oh my god, oh my god, ohmygod," she breathes, pushing to her feet and standing on shaky legs, blood on her thighs.
"Serena," Nate says once more, his heart in his voice, reaching toward her.
It's the last thing she remembers before she faints.
When she wakes up again, everything around her is eerily calm. The walls are a pale, gentle blue. The heart monitor by her bed beeps softly and steadily. Nate is bent over the side of her bed, his hand on hers, completely still.
He doesn't lift his head until she yanks her hand back, away from him, and when he does she can see the tracks tears have made as they've slid down his cheeks. "Sweetheart," he murmurs, reaching for her hand again. "Serena - "
"Don't touch me," she says, not harshly but firmly, feeling like she exists outside of herself. She cannot deal with all of it at once, the weight of his hand on her, the weight of his grief; the aching in her own body, the absence of her baby, their baby.
"Honey," Nate says gently, but she tugs away from him, wishing she wasn't attached to at least three wires.
"Don't," she says, almost a whimper. She can't. She thinks she'll fall apart if he touches her again, thinks she'll be buried beneath him, his life his career his appearance his image his grief - can't she have one thing that's hers?
She squeezes her eyes shut, curled in on herself, an ache beneath her bellybutton. A long moment later a soft voice says, "Nate…" and then something else she doesn't bother to hear.
"S," Blair says, soft and sad. She climbs carefully into bed next to Serena, wraps her up in a warm hug. "Shh," she says gently as Serena starts to cry, heavy sobs that get stuck in her throat. "Shh, shh…"
Blair does not say it's okay or I'm sorry. She just sits there, quietly, waiting patiently until there aren't any tears left, and even then, she doesn't move.
Nate can't stop touching her. His fingers trace over the lines of her face and tangle in her hair, his hands smooth down her arms, his palm presses lightly to her stomach, he kisses her knuckles and lets his lips linger.
"I'm so sorry," he murmurs to her, something raw about the expression on his face. "I can't even - I don't know what to say, I'm just…so sorry."
She blinks heavily. "Why?" she asks softly. "You didn't want another baby."
He goes pale, colour draining out of his face. "God, Serena," he says lowly. "I didn't - it took me by surprise but I didn't want this. Of course I didn't want this, how can you even - "
"How can you even?" she snaps back, and it doesn't make any sense but there's a sob on the heels of the words and all she can do is press her face into her hands.
"I'm so sorry," Nate says again, his voice rough. "Fuck, I'm…I'm so, so sorry. I know I messed up with this but I wanted that baby, S, I loved - "
Silence settles around them. She can tell by his breathing that he's crying, but she doesn't look up.
"I called in to check on Zoey and Theodore," Blair says quietly, perching next to Serena on the bed. "They're completely fine, Meg is taking good care of them." She gathers Serena's hair back from her face and uses a hair tie to secure it in place. "Your doctor wants to keep you overnight, but there's a really good possibility you can go home tomorrow…" She tilts her head to look into Serena's face. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine, B," she murmurs. "They said cramping is normal, so."
"Can I do anything for you?" Blair asks after a beat.
"No. Thank you for checking on the kids."
"Of course, sweetie."
They both start as Nate storms past the door, scowling deeply as he yells into his cell phone about firing that fucking moron, trailed by a nervous-looking advisor and two secret service agents.
"What the hell?" Serena asks softly, looking to Blair. "What happened?"
Her best friend looks nervous. "You don't have to worry about it, S. You should rest."
She grits her teeth. "Blair."
Blair sighs and gets up, walking over slowly to the tv in the upper corner of Serena's room. She flicks it on and they're instantly confronted with an image of the very hospital Serena's in before it shifts into the background so that a wide-eyed twenty-something can tell the camera, "The reports haven't been officially confirmed, but an employee has told our network that President Archibald's wife was admitted at 2:07 this morning, needing medical attention for a miscarriage. There has been no comment from the president, but the number of cars we're seeing by the doors at the hospital at this time certainly seem to indicate that his wife has been admitted." The twenty-something beams at the camera. "This is Wake-Up Call on channel twelve. You heard it all here first."
"Jesus," a soft voice says contritely from the doorway, and Serena turns toward it, toward her husband, fingertips pressed to her lips as a sob swells in her throat.
"S," Nate says apologetically. Clara is standing just behind him, her eyes wide and somber.
Serena's lips tremble as she drops her hand from her mouth. "I hate you for doing this to me," she whispers.
He stares back at her, anguish written all over his face. The commercials on the television provide the only sound in the room.
The media pounces when they walk out of the hospital. They take a back door but it happens anyway. A cameraman jumps out of a bush clumsily only to be snagged by a bodyguard's strong hand. Nate's arm curls around Serena's shoulders, and she lets it, leaning into him.
The ride home is quiet and tense. Serena stays curled into one corner of the seat, staring out the window. Nate rests his hand close to hers, but he doesn't try to touch her.
Zoey and Theo are waiting in the living room, blue eyes wide in their nervous faces. Blair and Meg had talked to them, had made sure they understood everything that was splashed over the news and what had happened to the sibling they'd been promised.
"Hi," Serena tells them softly, making sure to smile when they stand and wander over to greet her. She bends down and presses a firm kiss to the top of Theo's head and reaches out to wrap an arm around Zoey, giving her a gentle hug.
"Are you okay?" Zoey murmurs into her shoulder.
Serena kisses her daughter's cheek and rubs lightly at her back. "You don't have to worry, honey." She tugs away enough to smile down at Theo. "You guys can go upstairs. I'm just going to take a quick shower, okay?" She turns her smile to Zoey. "Everything's going to be fine."
"Okay," Zoey says softy, blowing out a breath. She ruffles her little brother's hair. "C'mon, T. I bet I can beat you at bowling."
"No way!" he says, rushing off toward the stairs.
Serena watches them go, waiting until they're fully out of sight before she turns to Nate. "You have your meeting."
"I don't have to go," he says. "I can stay here with you."
"No, go. I'm just going to shower and nap."
He takes a couple small steps toward her. "I feel like you're looking right through me," he murmurs, searching her face. "I'm worried about you. About us."
"It's a little late for that, Nate," she bites out, her words sharp even though she keeps her voice soft.
He rubs at his hair, looking down at his shoes. "Are you ever going to forgive me?" he asks the floor.
She swallows around the lump in her throat. "I don't know."
She curls up in bed after her shower, her wet hair dampening the pillow. She closes her eyes, not truly expecting to fall asleep. She wonders who threw away the bloody sheets.
She drifts a little for a while, not quite asleep but not quite awake, until she feels the bed shift. She's about to roll over, about to open her mouth to tell Nate he should go back to whatever work he has to do, but her daughter speaks first.
"I'm really sorry, Mom," Zoey murmurs, a distinct note of sadness in her voice. She presses her face between Serena's shoulder blades.
Serena reaches behind herself and touches her little girl's elbow. "Thank you, sweetheart," she says quietly, rubbing Zoey's arm lightly.
They're quite for a few moments before Theo tiptoes in and crawls onto the bed on the other side of Serena. He lays down and peers into her face. "Are you sad about the baby, Mommy?"
"Yeah." Serena nods, brushing a finger lightly over his knows. "I'm a little sad."
He nods and snuggles up to her, his head tucked under her chin. "Me too," he says.
Tripp smiles, small and apologetic, when Serena opens her bedroom door to find him there.
"I'm on my way to Nate," he explains. "Business, of course. I just wanted to offer my sincerest apologies."
She accepts his hug, squeezing him back briefly. "Thank you."
"Things will be okay," he says confidently. "We'll make sure whoever it was that leaked that information to the press is punished for it. Grandfather's furious."
She arches and eyebrow, tries for a smile. "Well, it's definitely serious if Grandfather's furious."
Tripp shrugs. "There's politics and then there's family."
"How's Emily?" she asks, leaning against the door slightly.
"She's good," he says firmly.
"Twenty-one next month," Serena murmurs. "That's crazy."
He nods. "It really is."
"She must be excited."
"Yes, very much. It's a bit hard for her, though. She always misses her mom a little more on special occasions. Birthdays and Christmases…they've been rough ever since Maureen died. It just doesn't seem to get any easier." He shakes his head slightly, straightening. "I'm sorry, ignore me. You have your own things to think about right now, I shouldn't be…"
"No," Serena says quickly, not wanting to think about her own things. "I completely understand why it's hard for her."
"Having Blair here…it really helps," he shrugs. "Em adores her."
Serena smiles softly. "She adores Emily."
"I do," Blair agrees, brushing a kiss against Tripp's cheek and then against Serena's as she moves past them, into the room.
"Blair tagged along," he says, "when I mentioned I was coming over."
"I just went up to say hello to Theodore and Zoey," Blair explains.
"I should be going," Tripp adds a second later. "I'm off to find Nate. Politics never wait, you know how it is." He gives Blair a quick kiss. "Again, Serena, I'm so sorry."
"Thank you," she tells him. "Again." She gives Blair a look as she closes the door to the room. "Did you two have a sleepover?" she asks wryly.
"My hotel room is more of a formality at this point," Blair admits.
Serena moves back toward the bed and sits down at the foot of it. "B, don't you think you should - "
"I am not telling him," Blair cuts in, sitting next to her. "Because he doesn't need or deserve to know. Now, let's talk about why I'm really here." She shifts to face Serena. "I've decided that you're coming home with me."
She blinks. "What?"
"You're coming home to Paris with me. I leave on Sunday, and I booked a ticket for you, too."
"What?" Serena repeats.
"The kids will be fine without you for a week or two, Serena. They've got Meg and who knows how many other people, and Nate will be here. You need a break, a little time to yourself, and you can get that in Paris. We'll relax together."
"But - "
"If Clara needs to be fed a line, we can easily give her one. It's not at all ludicrous for you to take some time in France for recovery and relaxation. No one will question that, and by the time you return this paparazzi buzzing should be quelled."
"That's…true, I guess."
"Come with me, S. It'll be good for you, I promise."
"Wait - you said Sunday?" Serena frowns. "That's two days from now."
"You can pack in two days, can't you?"
She sighs. "And when am I allowed to return?" she asks wryly.
"Eliot wants to come to the states for a proper Halloween," Blair sighs. "So I'm bringing him for a long weekend. You can fly back with us."
"Is Dan coming?" Serena asks innocently.
Blair frowns at her. "If he was planning on travelling to New York, then he could take Eliot. I wouldn't have to come here."
"You have other reasons to come here, B," Serena says softly, evenly. "Stop pretending you don't."
Blair stands up, leaning down to press a quick kiss to Serena's cheek. "Pack your things. Talk to Clara if you must, and say goodbye Zoey and Theodore. I'll be here to pick you up at eight o'clock in the morning."
Serena watches her move toward the door, mildly amused. "This conversation isn't over."
"Eight o'clock sharp," Blair repeats before she slips out into the hall, shutting the door behind herself.
She's waiting by the door at five minutes to eight on Sunday morning when Nate walks downstairs, dressed in khakis and a blazer, adjusting his tie.
He freezes when he sees her, his mouth opening slightly. He just stares at her for a long, long moment. Finally, he asks, voice hushed, "Are you leaving me?"
She starts. "What? No."
"No?"
"No," she repeats. "I'm going to Paris. To visit B."
He looks uncertain. "For how long?"
"Seventeen days." She pauses, waits for him to say something, and when he doesn't she asks, "Do I need your permission or something?"
"No. No, Serena, of course you don't." He shakes his head. "I just…"
"I told Clara that she could say I'm resting. Recovering. If anyone asks."
"Do you need that?" Nate asks quietly. "To recover?"
She shrugs. "Of course I do."
"No, I mean - to recover…without me."
She shrugs again, but it's a little shaky this time. "Blair thinks I need a break. So that's…what I'm doing. Just taking a break."
"You told Clara…but you didn't tell me."
"You care a lot about what Clara thinks."
"Serena…"
"Just let me go, okay," she sighs. "Just - give me a break. I need to have a break."
"Serena," he says again, and there's a note of heartbreak on the heels of something like panic in his voice.
She gives him a soft look; she almost wants to touch him.
"I know," she tells him quietly. "I know."
tbc.
Chapter | one [part 2]
Rating | pg-13
Characters | Nate, Serena. Also Dan, Blair, Tripp.
Summary | Words on a piece of paper, Serena thinks, forcing herself to smile wider. Those are nothing more than words from a piece of paper, edited by someone else.
Notes | Season one still happened, but I'm only using canon up to 1x18. The title comes from a song by Pat LePoidevin. // For dae_dreemer. Happy Birthday!! This is the fic I generally refer to as President!Nate, and it is basically becoming the longest thing in the world, so this birthday gift will have to be...spread out over some time. Which is good, right? I love to keep birthdays going. I hope this day has been all kinds of awesome and that you enjoy this and all future instalments! ♥♥
part one here.
"Zo and Teddy want to help the movers," Nate says quietly, touching a hand to the small of Serena's back.
"Theo I understand," she says, turning to look at him. "It's an adventure. But Zoey?"
He shrugs. "I think she wants to make sure they don't read her diary."
She sort of wants to laugh, but she doesn't want to give him more than a smile, so she holds back the giggle threatening to slip out. "Okay."
"Meg said she'll keep a close eye on them." His fingers press lightly against her back. "Will you take a walk with me?"
"You're not busy?"
He shakes his head, doesn't offer up any explanations.
"Okay," she shrugs, moving away from him, from his touch, as she starts to walk.
They go out over the lawn, bodyguards trailing at a respectful distance. The fall air is crisp but not entirely cold, and on another day, a year ago, she would've held Nate's hand.
"How are you feeling?" he asks her.
She hesitates for a breath before she answers honestly, "Tired."
He nods. "Yeah, that…makes sense." He sticks his hands into his coat pockets. "Look, Serena, I wasn't trying to…push you to have an abortion." He looks over at her, uncertain. "You know I'd never do that, don't you?"
"Not really, I don't," she says quietly. "You wouldn't have when we were eighteen, obviously, but…we're not eighteen anymore."
"I think it's kind of amazing," he says, matching her quiet tone. "In the midst of all this craziness…we got pregnant."
She cuts her gaze to him. "Isn't it part of the craziness?"
"I don't know," Nate tells her. "I'm sorry, but I really don't. Having a baby now isn't the same as having Zoey or Teddy. We were eighteen with Zo but we had time and energy and a much less monitored life than we do now. And with Teddy, it was…perfect. It was the perfect time to have a kid. I don't think I've ever been so happy as the moment the plus sign showed up on that pregnancy test."
Serena presses her lips together. "I thought you'd be that happy again. Even if things are different."
"I'm sorry. With Teddy…the ovulation calendars and the doctors appointments and - God, we made love almost every single day," he shrugs, and there's a little pang in her heart. "We wanted him so much. We planned him, and I guess I just thought that the days of surprise pregnancies ended with Zoey - we were always so careful after her."
"If you hadn't won the election…would you be happier about this?"
"I don't know, sweetheart," he says, looking conflicted. "I can't answer hypotheticals."
She swallows hard. "If you weren't trying to push me to have an abortion…was Clara pushing you to push me?"
He winces a little, but nods. "Sort of."
"Did you tell her that our family is none of her fucking business?"
There's a ghost of a smile that flits over his lips. "I should've. Serena…" He slows to a stop. "I'm sorry. I panicked."
"You did," she agrees softly, stilling next to him. "Look, I believe you. If you say you support my having this baby, I believe you. And I know that…you'll love this baby, I don't doubt that. But…I don't believe that you want this." She meets his eyes. "Because you don't, do you?"
"You didn't want Zoey, when we first found out about her."
"It isn't the same thing, Nate. We were kids and we were terrified. We're adults now and we're married and there's no real reason for this to be bad news. I thought we'd be celebrating, not fighting."
"I'm sorry," he says again. "I'm - "
"I know you are. I know you're sorry." She shrugs. "But we're still not okay, because I'm happy Nate, okay? I'm happy to be carrying your baby. And you're busy worrying about what people will say." She tugs her coat a little more tightly around herself. "I'm going to go check on the kids," she says, turning to go.
"Serena," he says quietly, behind her. "Wait."
She sighs heavily, doesn't turn around. "What?"
He swallows audibly. "Clara…booked a talk show appearance for us. Next Wednesday morning."
Her jaw tightens. "Why?"
"To announce the pregnancy," he says very quietly.
"And?"
"And to talk about…how we've been trying to conceive for the past couple years. How happy we are about this baby. That we didn't want anyone to know until you were into your second trimester."
She stays quiet, keeping her back to him.
"After that it'll all be me," he says quickly. "You won't have to do anything else - I'll handle the rest of it and we can say you're resting, taking care of yourself and the baby."
"So much for trying to be an honest politician, huh?" she murmurs.
"I'm sorry," he says for what feels like the infinite time.
"I'll do it," she shrugs, because it feels like that's what he's waiting to hear. She turns around to face him. "You know I'll do it."
His eyes are sad. "You know I love you."
They stare at each other in silence for a moment before she turns and walks away.
"I want to tell the kids tonight," she says on Sunday, sitting in front of her mirror in the unfamiliar White House bedroom. "Will I be doing that on my own or can you take time from your busy schedule to join me?"
"I have a meeting at nine," Nate says evenly. "But if we do it now - of course I want to do it with you."
She nods, not taking her eyes off her reflection. "Just let me fix my hair."
He presses a kiss to the top of her head. "You're beautiful already." His fingertips graze her cheek. "You've got that glow."
"A baby?" Theo asks, curious and eager. "When?"
"About five months from now," Serena tells him with a soft smile.
Zoey looks at them, eyes slightly narrowed as she leans back into the couch cushions. "I didn't know you wanted more kids."
Nate grins at her. "We don't tell you everything, Zo."
She rolls her eyes, laughing a little, and looks at Serena. "Is it a girl this time?"
"We don't know yet, honey."
"No, no," Theo says quickly. "I want a little brother, that's more fun."
"Well, Daddy and I don't get to decide that," Serena tells him gently. "But you're going to be a great big brother, whether the new baby is a boy or a girl."
Theo shrugs, nonplussed. "I know."
Nate laughs, pulling their son up onto his lap. "Good stuff, buddy."
"It's kind of weird," Zoey points out. "She'll be like ten when I start to have kids."
Serena looks to Nate instinctively, watches as his eyebrows lift high. "And who will you be having kids with at age twenty-seven?" he asks, gaze pinned on Zoey.
"Daddy," Zoey sighs. "Theoretically, I mean."
"You were born when we were young, Zo," Serena says. "So Daddy and I are still young enough to want and have more children."
"But why would you want more when you have us?" Theo asks, blinking at them.
"Because, Teddy Bear," Nate says, "Babies are cute and fun, you'll see. And our first two kids turned out so well…we wanted to try it out again."
Theo giggles and Zoey gives them a reluctant grin. "That's pretty decent reasoning, I guess."
Serena smiles, reaching over to squeeze her daughter's knee. "We don't need to tell you what a good big sister you'll be, right?" she asks teasingly. "You've already proven yourself."
Zoey laughs. "Yeah, yeah. Family meeting over? I have homework."
"By homework I assume you mean friends to talk to online," Serena says wryly. "But yes, family meeting over."
Zoey hops up from the couch, kissing Nate's forehead and Serena's cheek before she darts out of the room. "Congrats, guys," she says cheerfully over her shoulder.
Nate follows her with his eyes, looking wistful. "She laughs just like you," he murmurs.
Serena looks over at him. He's said it before, many times, but still to this day there's still that hint of awe in his voice, and she gives her usual response: "Theo has the same smile you do. And your eyes."
Theo nods agreeably. "I look like Daddy." He leans back against Nate's chest. "What will my brother look like?"
Serena's smile softens. "Your brother or sister," she corrects him. "We're going to have to wait to be surprised."
Theo thinks it over and then nods. "'Kay. I like surprises."
They're seated on a small, plush purple couch on set. Serena continues to scorn the idea of a stylist but Clara had all but begged her to wear a dress that hugs her body enough to show off her small baby bump, and it'd been a battle to find something that was both modest enough and tight enough. Now that she's here, she's wishing she'd told Clara to keep her opinions to herself - everyone is looking at her belly.
"It'll be fine," Nate murmurs by her ear.
She shoots him a quick, tiny glare. Nate is charming and genuine, but she's better at handling the spotlight, always has been. She doesn't need his reassurances.
"Are you feeling okay?" he wonders.
Serena nods.
"Two minutes!" A harried-looking woman with a headset on rushes by them. "Two minutes until we're back!"
Nate settles an arm around her, his hand tucking naturally into the curve of her waist. He takes her other hand with his and settles their linked hands in her lap, his thumb brushing against the curve of her stomach idly.
"Did Clara tell you to do this?" Serena asks under her breath.
He presses a gentle kiss to her cheek, and when he says, "No," she thinks she believes him.
The host of the show is enthusiastic and bright-eyed; he's had Nate on his programme once before and he starts off by offering his congratulations and leading the audience in a round of applause. Serena directs a small, sweet smile at Nate as he nods humbly; it's all automatic at this point.
"It looks to me like you have some exciting news to share," the host says conspiratorially, and the audience titters.
"It's been a really wonderful month for me," Nate says, smiling. "And the election results are secondary to the fact that Serena and I are expecting a baby." His hand drifts up a little, still linked with hers, to touch her stomach.
"It seems that you've been keeping this under wraps for a few weeks…is there any reason you waited until after the election to reveal your happy news publicly?"
"No political reason," Nate laughs; the audience laughs along with him. "This is, of course, a personal matter."
"Our youngest is six now," Serena says, casting a quick smile toward the audience. "We've been wanting another child for a couple years, but things have been…difficult," she says delicately. "We both wanted to wait a while before making things public. We're very lucky to be at a point where we can share our happiness instead of any hardships." She smiles at Nate again, and he smiles back at her.
"Well, I know," the host says, "From what I've been hearing, at least, that everyone is so happy for you. It's really nice to have a president young enough that there will be children born during his term."
"Multiple children?" Serena asks, an eyebrow arched teasingly. "We didn't say that."
The audience laughs and Nate puts a soft kiss to his cheek; a moment later he's busily describing his policies around family and childcare and Serena feels their baby shift inside of her for the first time.
"I'm late, I'm so sorry," Blair says apologetically, slipping into her seat across from Serena at the small restaurant. "Then again," she says thoughtfully. "You've been late for at least half the lunches we've ever had, so it might be my turn."
Serena laughs, rubbing a hand idly over her belly. "Fair enough. I'm glad you made time for me before you go back to Paris."
"I'll make even more time for you," Blair says lightly, signaling to the waitress for a glass of wine. "I'm staying another week."
"You are?"
Blair nods, confirms, "I am."
"Why?"
"You're pregnant, Serena. We have a nursery to decorate."
She rolls her eyes slightly. "I've done it twice before, B. The last time I even did it without your help. I'm sure I can manage with the endless number of people who seem to be under our employ."
"But I'm the best."
Serena smiles softly. "That's true, you are."
"You look a little happier," Blair says, studying her. "I saw the broadcast early this week - you were glowing, S, you really were. And you and Nate looked good…for the cameras."
She shrugs a little. "I'm happier than the last time we talked about this, yeah. I'm not sure if that really means anything, though."
"You're not going to divorce him," Blair says quietly.
"No," Serena murmurs. "No, I don't think I could."
"Politically or personally?" Blair pries.
"Both. If I'm being honest." She presses her face into her hands for a moment. "You would have been much better at this than I am, B."
"Serena…just forget about the parties and the caterers and all that standing around and looking supportive that you have to do, just forget all of that for a moment. I know it was difficult for you at first, but you've had all of that mastered for years. Anyone can do that. Just because I was good at it when I was fourteen, it doesn't mean I'd be better than you. You're the one he loves."
Serena winces a little. "Blair - "
"Don't start," Blair chides her. "We're not going to rehash our drama of two decades ago. I'm long over it, you know that. It's just…it's the reality. He loves you. I don't doubt that he loved me too, as much as we knew how to love back then, but…he gave all of that up for you. He'd probably do it a thousand times."
"It isn't a question of whether we love each other," Serena says very softly. "It's a question of how we love each other, I think. And it's changed."
"It should. It's supposed to."
She lifts her eyebrows. "Oh, so is that why you broke up with - "
"We're talking about your problems, Serena," Blair cuts in, voice sharp. "You have many more than I do, after all."
Serena stares at her for a beat, biting her lip as tears start to well in her eyes.
"God, don't start," Blair sighs, fishing in her purse for a tissue and handing it across the table. "I forgot what a hormonal wreck you become."
Serena gives a watery laugh, dabbing the tissue under her eyes. "Yeah, because you were such a delight when you were pregnant."
The brunette smiles angelically. "I have no idea what you could be implying."
Sighing, Serena dabs at her eyes for another moment before she asks, "Why were you late?"
"I was…detained," Blair says primly.
Serena studies her for a moment. "Is that why you're staying?"
"No, S, don't be silly."
"Because if it's serious…you know you have to tell him."
"He knows."
Serena sighs, clarifies, "Tell him that it's serious."
"I have no intention to marry into your family, Serena," Blair says with a lazy roll of her eyes.
"Oh, now it's my family?"
Blair gives her belly a pointed look.
She sighs, smiling reluctantly. "Touché."
"You're still up?" Serena asks softly, padding over to Nate's desk in her slippers. "It's past midnight."
When she runs her fingers lightly through his hair, he reaches out and loops an arm around her waist. "The president never sleeps, apparently," he sighs, giving her a little smile.
"Will you take a break?" she murmurs, leaning into him a little and glancing at the screen of his computer momentarily before she looks back at his face. "Come to bed with me?"
He looks at her closely, uncertain about the tentative peace she's offering him. And she can't blame him; she's not completely sure of her own reasons.
"I just miss you," she finally says, and he closes his computer and follows her to their bedroom.
She dreams that the world is pink, darkening slowly to red. It's a heavy kind of dream, the kind that doesn't want to let her go, even if she's vaguely aware of Nate's voice saying her name, his hand on her arm, and a pain pulsing low in her abdomen.
"Serena," Nate says urgently. "Fuck - wake up, babe, okay? It's okay, just…I'm going to call - "
She sits up straight the moment she finally breaks through to wakefulness, one hand going to her stomach as her other hand throws back the sheets. She's sitting in blood.
"Serena," Nate says again.
"Oh my god, oh my god, ohmygod," she breathes, pushing to her feet and standing on shaky legs, blood on her thighs.
"Serena," Nate says once more, his heart in his voice, reaching toward her.
It's the last thing she remembers before she faints.
When she wakes up again, everything around her is eerily calm. The walls are a pale, gentle blue. The heart monitor by her bed beeps softly and steadily. Nate is bent over the side of her bed, his hand on hers, completely still.
He doesn't lift his head until she yanks her hand back, away from him, and when he does she can see the tracks tears have made as they've slid down his cheeks. "Sweetheart," he murmurs, reaching for her hand again. "Serena - "
"Don't touch me," she says, not harshly but firmly, feeling like she exists outside of herself. She cannot deal with all of it at once, the weight of his hand on her, the weight of his grief; the aching in her own body, the absence of her baby, their baby.
"Honey," Nate says gently, but she tugs away from him, wishing she wasn't attached to at least three wires.
"Don't," she says, almost a whimper. She can't. She thinks she'll fall apart if he touches her again, thinks she'll be buried beneath him, his life his career his appearance his image his grief - can't she have one thing that's hers?
She squeezes her eyes shut, curled in on herself, an ache beneath her bellybutton. A long moment later a soft voice says, "Nate…" and then something else she doesn't bother to hear.
"S," Blair says, soft and sad. She climbs carefully into bed next to Serena, wraps her up in a warm hug. "Shh," she says gently as Serena starts to cry, heavy sobs that get stuck in her throat. "Shh, shh…"
Blair does not say it's okay or I'm sorry. She just sits there, quietly, waiting patiently until there aren't any tears left, and even then, she doesn't move.
Nate can't stop touching her. His fingers trace over the lines of her face and tangle in her hair, his hands smooth down her arms, his palm presses lightly to her stomach, he kisses her knuckles and lets his lips linger.
"I'm so sorry," he murmurs to her, something raw about the expression on his face. "I can't even - I don't know what to say, I'm just…so sorry."
She blinks heavily. "Why?" she asks softly. "You didn't want another baby."
He goes pale, colour draining out of his face. "God, Serena," he says lowly. "I didn't - it took me by surprise but I didn't want this. Of course I didn't want this, how can you even - "
"How can you even?" she snaps back, and it doesn't make any sense but there's a sob on the heels of the words and all she can do is press her face into her hands.
"I'm so sorry," Nate says again, his voice rough. "Fuck, I'm…I'm so, so sorry. I know I messed up with this but I wanted that baby, S, I loved - "
Silence settles around them. She can tell by his breathing that he's crying, but she doesn't look up.
"I called in to check on Zoey and Theodore," Blair says quietly, perching next to Serena on the bed. "They're completely fine, Meg is taking good care of them." She gathers Serena's hair back from her face and uses a hair tie to secure it in place. "Your doctor wants to keep you overnight, but there's a really good possibility you can go home tomorrow…" She tilts her head to look into Serena's face. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine, B," she murmurs. "They said cramping is normal, so."
"Can I do anything for you?" Blair asks after a beat.
"No. Thank you for checking on the kids."
"Of course, sweetie."
They both start as Nate storms past the door, scowling deeply as he yells into his cell phone about firing that fucking moron, trailed by a nervous-looking advisor and two secret service agents.
"What the hell?" Serena asks softly, looking to Blair. "What happened?"
Her best friend looks nervous. "You don't have to worry about it, S. You should rest."
She grits her teeth. "Blair."
Blair sighs and gets up, walking over slowly to the tv in the upper corner of Serena's room. She flicks it on and they're instantly confronted with an image of the very hospital Serena's in before it shifts into the background so that a wide-eyed twenty-something can tell the camera, "The reports haven't been officially confirmed, but an employee has told our network that President Archibald's wife was admitted at 2:07 this morning, needing medical attention for a miscarriage. There has been no comment from the president, but the number of cars we're seeing by the doors at the hospital at this time certainly seem to indicate that his wife has been admitted." The twenty-something beams at the camera. "This is Wake-Up Call on channel twelve. You heard it all here first."
"Jesus," a soft voice says contritely from the doorway, and Serena turns toward it, toward her husband, fingertips pressed to her lips as a sob swells in her throat.
"S," Nate says apologetically. Clara is standing just behind him, her eyes wide and somber.
Serena's lips tremble as she drops her hand from her mouth. "I hate you for doing this to me," she whispers.
He stares back at her, anguish written all over his face. The commercials on the television provide the only sound in the room.
The media pounces when they walk out of the hospital. They take a back door but it happens anyway. A cameraman jumps out of a bush clumsily only to be snagged by a bodyguard's strong hand. Nate's arm curls around Serena's shoulders, and she lets it, leaning into him.
The ride home is quiet and tense. Serena stays curled into one corner of the seat, staring out the window. Nate rests his hand close to hers, but he doesn't try to touch her.
Zoey and Theo are waiting in the living room, blue eyes wide in their nervous faces. Blair and Meg had talked to them, had made sure they understood everything that was splashed over the news and what had happened to the sibling they'd been promised.
"Hi," Serena tells them softly, making sure to smile when they stand and wander over to greet her. She bends down and presses a firm kiss to the top of Theo's head and reaches out to wrap an arm around Zoey, giving her a gentle hug.
"Are you okay?" Zoey murmurs into her shoulder.
Serena kisses her daughter's cheek and rubs lightly at her back. "You don't have to worry, honey." She tugs away enough to smile down at Theo. "You guys can go upstairs. I'm just going to take a quick shower, okay?" She turns her smile to Zoey. "Everything's going to be fine."
"Okay," Zoey says softy, blowing out a breath. She ruffles her little brother's hair. "C'mon, T. I bet I can beat you at bowling."
"No way!" he says, rushing off toward the stairs.
Serena watches them go, waiting until they're fully out of sight before she turns to Nate. "You have your meeting."
"I don't have to go," he says. "I can stay here with you."
"No, go. I'm just going to shower and nap."
He takes a couple small steps toward her. "I feel like you're looking right through me," he murmurs, searching her face. "I'm worried about you. About us."
"It's a little late for that, Nate," she bites out, her words sharp even though she keeps her voice soft.
He rubs at his hair, looking down at his shoes. "Are you ever going to forgive me?" he asks the floor.
She swallows around the lump in her throat. "I don't know."
She curls up in bed after her shower, her wet hair dampening the pillow. She closes her eyes, not truly expecting to fall asleep. She wonders who threw away the bloody sheets.
She drifts a little for a while, not quite asleep but not quite awake, until she feels the bed shift. She's about to roll over, about to open her mouth to tell Nate he should go back to whatever work he has to do, but her daughter speaks first.
"I'm really sorry, Mom," Zoey murmurs, a distinct note of sadness in her voice. She presses her face between Serena's shoulder blades.
Serena reaches behind herself and touches her little girl's elbow. "Thank you, sweetheart," she says quietly, rubbing Zoey's arm lightly.
They're quite for a few moments before Theo tiptoes in and crawls onto the bed on the other side of Serena. He lays down and peers into her face. "Are you sad about the baby, Mommy?"
"Yeah." Serena nods, brushing a finger lightly over his knows. "I'm a little sad."
He nods and snuggles up to her, his head tucked under her chin. "Me too," he says.
Tripp smiles, small and apologetic, when Serena opens her bedroom door to find him there.
"I'm on my way to Nate," he explains. "Business, of course. I just wanted to offer my sincerest apologies."
She accepts his hug, squeezing him back briefly. "Thank you."
"Things will be okay," he says confidently. "We'll make sure whoever it was that leaked that information to the press is punished for it. Grandfather's furious."
She arches and eyebrow, tries for a smile. "Well, it's definitely serious if Grandfather's furious."
Tripp shrugs. "There's politics and then there's family."
"How's Emily?" she asks, leaning against the door slightly.
"She's good," he says firmly.
"Twenty-one next month," Serena murmurs. "That's crazy."
He nods. "It really is."
"She must be excited."
"Yes, very much. It's a bit hard for her, though. She always misses her mom a little more on special occasions. Birthdays and Christmases…they've been rough ever since Maureen died. It just doesn't seem to get any easier." He shakes his head slightly, straightening. "I'm sorry, ignore me. You have your own things to think about right now, I shouldn't be…"
"No," Serena says quickly, not wanting to think about her own things. "I completely understand why it's hard for her."
"Having Blair here…it really helps," he shrugs. "Em adores her."
Serena smiles softly. "She adores Emily."
"I do," Blair agrees, brushing a kiss against Tripp's cheek and then against Serena's as she moves past them, into the room.
"Blair tagged along," he says, "when I mentioned I was coming over."
"I just went up to say hello to Theodore and Zoey," Blair explains.
"I should be going," Tripp adds a second later. "I'm off to find Nate. Politics never wait, you know how it is." He gives Blair a quick kiss. "Again, Serena, I'm so sorry."
"Thank you," she tells him. "Again." She gives Blair a look as she closes the door to the room. "Did you two have a sleepover?" she asks wryly.
"My hotel room is more of a formality at this point," Blair admits.
Serena moves back toward the bed and sits down at the foot of it. "B, don't you think you should - "
"I am not telling him," Blair cuts in, sitting next to her. "Because he doesn't need or deserve to know. Now, let's talk about why I'm really here." She shifts to face Serena. "I've decided that you're coming home with me."
She blinks. "What?"
"You're coming home to Paris with me. I leave on Sunday, and I booked a ticket for you, too."
"What?" Serena repeats.
"The kids will be fine without you for a week or two, Serena. They've got Meg and who knows how many other people, and Nate will be here. You need a break, a little time to yourself, and you can get that in Paris. We'll relax together."
"But - "
"If Clara needs to be fed a line, we can easily give her one. It's not at all ludicrous for you to take some time in France for recovery and relaxation. No one will question that, and by the time you return this paparazzi buzzing should be quelled."
"That's…true, I guess."
"Come with me, S. It'll be good for you, I promise."
"Wait - you said Sunday?" Serena frowns. "That's two days from now."
"You can pack in two days, can't you?"
She sighs. "And when am I allowed to return?" she asks wryly.
"Eliot wants to come to the states for a proper Halloween," Blair sighs. "So I'm bringing him for a long weekend. You can fly back with us."
"Is Dan coming?" Serena asks innocently.
Blair frowns at her. "If he was planning on travelling to New York, then he could take Eliot. I wouldn't have to come here."
"You have other reasons to come here, B," Serena says softly, evenly. "Stop pretending you don't."
Blair stands up, leaning down to press a quick kiss to Serena's cheek. "Pack your things. Talk to Clara if you must, and say goodbye Zoey and Theodore. I'll be here to pick you up at eight o'clock in the morning."
Serena watches her move toward the door, mildly amused. "This conversation isn't over."
"Eight o'clock sharp," Blair repeats before she slips out into the hall, shutting the door behind herself.
She's waiting by the door at five minutes to eight on Sunday morning when Nate walks downstairs, dressed in khakis and a blazer, adjusting his tie.
He freezes when he sees her, his mouth opening slightly. He just stares at her for a long, long moment. Finally, he asks, voice hushed, "Are you leaving me?"
She starts. "What? No."
"No?"
"No," she repeats. "I'm going to Paris. To visit B."
He looks uncertain. "For how long?"
"Seventeen days." She pauses, waits for him to say something, and when he doesn't she asks, "Do I need your permission or something?"
"No. No, Serena, of course you don't." He shakes his head. "I just…"
"I told Clara that she could say I'm resting. Recovering. If anyone asks."
"Do you need that?" Nate asks quietly. "To recover?"
She shrugs. "Of course I do."
"No, I mean - to recover…without me."
She shrugs again, but it's a little shaky this time. "Blair thinks I need a break. So that's…what I'm doing. Just taking a break."
"You told Clara…but you didn't tell me."
"You care a lot about what Clara thinks."
"Serena…"
"Just let me go, okay," she sighs. "Just - give me a break. I need to have a break."
"Serena," he says again, and there's a note of heartbreak on the heels of something like panic in his voice.
She gives him a soft look; she almost wants to touch him.
"I know," she tells him quietly. "I know."
tbc.