071. orange sky [4/?]

[sing_song_sung]

Title | Orange Sky
Chapter | 4/?
Rating | pg-13
Characters | Nate, Serena, Chuck, Blair
Summary | You can't force yourself to fall out of love.



.three.

Blair wakes up shortly after five o'clock in the morning to the unpleasant sound of retching. She grimaces, tugging off her eye mask, and tries to orientate herself. She's exhausted - she and Serena watched movies late into the night and passed out next to each other in her bed only four hours ago.

She glances over to the other side of the bed, notices the empty space and the sheets thrown back, and blinks.

When she pads into her bathroom in her slippers only a moment later, she finds Serena sitting on the floor by the toilet, her head tipped back so that it rests against the wall and her eyes closed.

"Hey," she murmurs sympathetically, her voice still hoarse from sleep. "How long have you been awake?"

Serena squints at Blair and then shakes her head, squeezing her eyes shut again for a moment before she scrambles to her knees and leans over the toilet as she vomits.

Blair kneels next to her, gathers Serena's hair away from her face carefully. She reaches over Serena to flush the toilet when she's done, repeats, "How long have you been awake?"

The blonde shrugs tiredly, reaching out and grabbing a tissue to wipe her mouth. "I don't know. A little while."

Blair lets go of her hair, runs her fingers through the blonde locks soothingly. "Morning sickness, huh?"

Serena nods, slumping back onto the floor again. She feels like shit, has felt that way for the past half hour at least and there's no sign of it letting up anytime soon.

"Can I do anything for you?" Blair sits back on her heels.

"No, I don't think so. You should just…go back to sleep."

Blair shakes her head, smiling lightly. She yawns. "I'm going to go get you a glass of water, okay? Then I'll come back to sit with you."

Serena closes her eyes. "B, really, you don't have to…"

"I know I don't have to. But I will. Stay here," she says, pushing herself to her feet. "I'll be right back."

Serena rubs her eyes, gives Blair a bleary smile. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Hey."

Serena blinks, looking up at Nate, who's standing in the doorway of Blair's bathroom. "What're you doing here?"

"Blair called me." He steps inside and sits down next to her, smiling. "She said you'd been in here for a while."

"I fell asleep at one point," she says wryly, pointing out the imprint of the bathroom tile that's still evident on her cheek.

He brushes her hair back from her face, traces the mark as an excuse to touch her. "You're not feeling so great," he says - a comment, not a question.

"It's normal, it's nothing to worry about." She blows out her breath. "I just thought morning sickness would end when the morning did."

"Do you think you want to eat something?" He holds up the plastic bag he brought in with him. "I got you crackers and water and ginger ale. Any of those sound appealing right now?"

She makes a face, swallows down her nausea. "Just water."

Nate twists the cap off the bottle before he hands it to her. "It'll get better, right? I mean…this won't last the whole time."

"I hope not." She sips. "We should buy books. There are books, right?"

He smiles, nudges her a little so that he can wrap an arm loosely around her shoulders. "I'm sure there are books."

"Okay." She rests her head against his shoulder and sighs. "We should buy them," she repeats tiredly.

"We'll buy all of them," he promises, taking the bottle of water from her hands as he watches her eyes close.

"Where did B go?" she murmurs. She'd kicked Blair out over an hour ago, told her that she had much better things to do with her day than to sit around on the floor.

"She had a date."

"With Cameron?"

"Yeah, I guess. Probably." He tilts his head to get a better look at her face; her eyes are shut and her lips are parted the slightest bit. "Sleepy?" he asks her softly.

"Mm." She sighs, snuggling into him a little.

"I'm going to carry you to bed, okay? You probably don't want to fall asleep on this floor again."

"You don't have to carry me," Serena says. That's such a boyfriend-y thing to do, and he's not her boyfriend anymore, but at the same time, she can't quite force herself to open her eyes and get up.

Nate laughs. "I know I don't have to, S. But I'm going to."

It's a bit of a struggle, to stand up and to get her in his arms at the same time, but it gets easier when Serena gives in and wraps her arms around his neck, allowing him to scoop her up. He carries her out of the bathroom and lays her down in Blair's bed, lifting up the blankets and carefully tucking her in.

He leans down toward her. "This okay?"

She nods, blinks her eyes open. "Thanks, Natie," she whispers.

The old childhood nickname pulls at something in his chest. "Of course," he whispers back, and presses a kiss to her forehead before he can think twice about it.

"Nathaniel."

Nate smiles as he steps out of the elevator. "Charles," he replies with a touch of sarcasm.

"How's Serena?"

"She's okay. Blair just thought someone should be with her - apparently morning sickness doesn't actually stop in the afternoon."

"Morning sickness?" Chuck sets his newspaper aside. "So she's…really pregnant."

Nate toes off his sneakers, shoots his best friend a baffled look. "What, did you think she was lying before?"

"Of course not." He scrutinizes Nate's face, looks for the tell-tale signs of panic. "I just thought that might have been a jolt of reality for you. But you seem…fine."

"Well, yeah. I'm not the one who spent the past five hours puking."

Chuck grimaces. "I didn't need that mental picture."

Nate laughs, flopping down onto the couch and reaching for one of his Xbox controllers. "C'mon, like you've never seen Serena toss her cookies before."

"Toss her cookies?"

With a roll of his eyes, Nate shoves another controller into Chuck's hands. "Will you shut up so I can kick your ass?" he teases.

Sighing, Chuck obliges him, punching all the necessary buttons on his controller so that they can continue their last game. "Did she talk to you about tonight?"

"Serena?"

"Yes, Serena."

"No." Nate glances away from the television. "What's tonight?"

"Lily called yesterday evening and requested my presence at a van der Woodsen - Humphrey family dinner. She didn't say so, but I got the impression that attendance is mandatory, which means Serena will be going."

"Oh." He's not sure what his reaction is supposed to be to that revelation. "Uh…that's cool."

"My dear sister didn't mention it to you? Didn't invite you to come along?"

"Why would she?" Nate grumbles, trying not to sound like he's pouting (which he is, a bit). "We're broken up."

Chuck scowls at Nate for a moment - he is so sick of those words coming from everyone's mouths lately, they give him flashbacks of Blair's hardened eyes and the way she'd pulled her hand from his and the worst thing you've ever done.

The blonde boy scowls back, confused. "Can we just play the damn game?"

"You're coming," Chuck says brusquely, as if Nate had never spoken.

"Excuse me?"

"You're coming - to dinner," he clarifies. "You'll be my guest."

Nate blinks. "I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to bring guests to mandatory family dinners."

"Nathaniel, I am practically a guest at this dinner. I'm not related to any of them. If I want to bring a guest, I can, and I will."

He throws his controller aside, the game forgotten. "Why would you bring me?" he asks quietly. "What does it get you?"

"It doesn't get me anything. Some company, I suppose. And it gives you the chance to see your ex-girlfriend."

"She won't want me there."

Chuck's gaze cuts over to him. "Let her be the judge of that." He nods toward Nate's controller, waits for him to pick it up again.

Nate gives him a measured look before he smiles a bit, picks up his controller and nods. "Yeah, okay. I'll come with you. Thanks." He pauses, smirks. "And you're welcome."

Chuck laughs.

And ten minutes into the game, he asks casually, "How was Blair?"

Nate swerves his car around a sharp turn enthusiastically. "She had a date." He straightens out his car and takes off again, looks at Chuck in his peripheral vision. "But you knew that."

Blair enters her room dramatically, kicking off her pumps and flopping face-down onto her bed; the movement jostles the mattress enough to wake Serena.

She rolls over to look at Blair, reaches out to touch the other girl's hair. "What's wrong?"

"I can't do this anymore," Blair confesses, her voice muffled.

Serena props herself up on an elbow and licks her dry lips. "Can't do what?"

Blair turns her face so that they can look at one another. "Date Cameron."

Serena bites back her laughter.

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like I'm doing something predictable," she huffs. "He's very nice."

"Seems like it," Serena agrees with a nod.

"But…but all he talks about is rugby and he owns the same cardigan in about twelve different colours and…and it's like dating the absolute worst parts of Nate and Humphrey at the same time."

Serena can't help but laugh this time. "Let me get this straight: you're dating a guy who's a combination of two of my ex-boyfriends, and he's making you miserable?"

"Don't use that voice." Blair sits up. "I'm not being mean. They're your exes."

"Both of whom I loved very much at one time and still care about."

"At one time?" Blair arches an eyebrow. "S, if you think you're over Nate - "

Serena puts a stop to her words by waving a hand through the air. Redirecting the conversation, she says, "So what are you going to do about Cameron?"

"I don't know." She sighs. "I can't break up with him."

"And…why not?"

"Because that would be like admitting defeat."

Serena's eyes widen. "Oh, B, no. Tell me you're not doing that thing where you try - "

"To win the breakup." She nods briskly. "Yes."

"Blair."

"It's perfectly logical! Everyone does it."

"I'm not - "

"You and Nate are an exception. Because," Blair sends a pointed look toward Serena's stomach. "But otherwise, you would be trying to win the breakup, even if you like to think that you wouldn't."

"I don't think, I know," Serena says stubbornly.

"You can say that because you don't have to go through with it. I'm the one who has to listen to Cameron talk about his real and manly sport until he falls madly in love with me."

Serena giggles. "And that's when you've won the breakup? I thought you were supposed to move on for that to happen."

"You have to look like you've moved on, that's all. And after Cameron I'll move on for real."

"B." Serena pauses. "What if he really likes you?"

Blair wrinkles her nose. "That's the point."

"Okay." Serena holds up her hands in surrender. "I give up. And I should probably get ready to go."

"Go?"

"Yeah. Eric called a couple days ago to tell me that we're having dinner tonight. Apparently Mom and Rufus have decided on some mandatory family time."

Blair eyes her worriedly. "You think you'll be able to eat?"

Serena swallows hard, shrugs, "I hope so."

"Are you going to tell them? Your mom and Rufus?"

"No. No, it's…it's still too soon."

"Putting it off will only make it harder," Blair tells her gently. It's easy advice to give and hard advice to follow, she knows, but she feels like she has to say it.

Serena shrugs one shoulder and sits up all the way as well. "Jenny's having some sort of crisis - "

"You mean the one that involves too much eyeliner and a skanky plan to steal your boyfriend? Your mother and Rufus have only just figured that out?"

Serena shrugs again, but she's smiling a little this time. "I guess so. They seem pretty freaked out, so I figure…I may as well let them deal with one disappointing daughter at a time."

"Oh, honey." Blair reaches out and gives Serena's hand a squeeze. "You are way less of a disappointment than Jenny Humphrey."

"Gee, thanks, B," she laughs softly.

"What time is dinner?"

"In like an hour," Serena says, glancing at the clock. "I should get ready…"

"Shower," Blair nods, patting the blonde's knee. "And maybe brush your teeth twice?"

Serena gasps, throws a pillow at Blair's face. "I do not need to be reminded of my puke-breath, thanks," she says wryly.

"It might be a bit suspicious if you show up with breath like that, that's all," Blair teases.

Serena stands and peels off the sweater she's wearing. "Hey, thanks…for calling Nate earlier."

"He impregnated you," Blair shrugs, quirking her eyebrows. "He's supposed to willingly tolerate your puke-breath."

"Stop!" Serena cries. "It's not like anything happened."

Blair blinks innocently and smirks. "I didn't mention anything happening."

Serena frowns. "I'm showering now."

"Mm-hm."

"Hey!" she exclaims in protest. "You're the one who's faking your breakup victory."

"You're faking a breakup," Blair shoots back before Serena slips into the bathroom and slams the door closed behind her.

It throws her for a considerable loop when Dan is standing right in front of her the moment she steps out of the elevator.

He looks at her for a moment (for too long) before he smiles and says, "Hey!"

"Hey," she replies in a softer voice.

"I didn't know you'd be coming tonight."

"Ditto," she says, and then self-corrects, "I mean, I didn't…I didn't know you would be here. Which is silly; of course you'd be here."

Dan looks at her with soft eyes - and she looks a little trapped, right now, but she also looks adorable and she's wearing shoes that do amazing things to her legs, so he can't help it. "I know what you meant," he promises. "I thought rambling was my job?"

She smiles, relaxing a bit. "Maybe we can trade for the night?" she teases. "You aggravate my mother and I'll ramble."

"Sounds like a plan," he grins, but it disappears quickly and the volume of his voice drops a couple notches, "Listen, Serena, about the other night -"

She shakes her head and opens her mouth, but before she can speak Eric walks up, smiling.

"Hey," he says, and she steps around Dan to hug him.

"Hey. Did you get taller in the last couple days?" she jokes.

"No. And you're wearing three-inch heels," he points out.

"I must be imaging things, then." She turns her back to Dan, ruffles Eric's hair. "Should we see if Mom - "

The elevator doors open again, cutting off her sentence, and Chuck steps out, with Nate only a pace behind him.

"Hey," Eric greets them both happily, glances from his sister to Nate and back again.

"Eric," Chuck replies with a smile. He touches Serena's arm briefly as he walks by her. "Serena. Humphrey," he adds, sizing up Dan.

"Yo, E," Nate says warmly, giving a gentle shove to the younger boy's head before he turns his attention to Serena and mutters, "Hey."

"Hey. I didn't…" She glances over her shoulder, throws Chuck an inquisitive look, but he isn't looking at her. When she turns back to Nate she finishes her sentence: "I didn't know you'd be here."

Dan has drifted away and Eric leaves them to sort out their unfinished business, so Nate takes a couple steps closer. She's wearing a pretty blue shirt that matches her eyes and red heels, the kind of clothes that she looks incredible in but that he believes look just a little bit better when they're off of her and lying on his bedroom floor instead.

"It's okay that I'm here, though, right? Chuck invited me, I think he just feels…outnumbered by Humphreys, here."

"Yeah, sure, of course it's okay," she says.

He takes in her flustered body language and thinks maybe it's not okay, but if she won't say anything then he won't address it. Dropping his voice low, he asks, "You feeling okay now?"

Serena feels her cheeks flame; she almost never blushes. "Yes, so far, so good." She glances at him through her eyelashes. "Thank you for earlier today."

Nate holds her gaze. "Anytime."

"Nate!" Lily interjects then, smiling at him. "I didn't know you were joining us."

"Hi, Mrs. van - Mrs. Humphrey," he corrects himself. "Sorry if I'm intruding - "

"Nonsense, we're happy to have you," she cuts in. "We'll just set another place at the table, I'm sure we can all squeeze in." The smile she directs at him is polite but warm, and she brushes her hand over Serena's shoulder as she says, "You're practically family."

Serena cringes before she can help it. "We broke up, Mom," she says, somewhat sullenly. She can feel a headache building behind her eyes.

"Oh, my." Lily's eyes dart between the two of them. "I'm so sorry to hear that," she says evenly. There is an inquisitive note in her voice, but she won't ask questions.

"So was I," Nate mutters under his breath; Serena shoots him a wounded look.

"You broke up?" It's Jenny's voice that interrupts. She's standing in the doorway of the kitchen, hair pulled up messily and eyes circled by layers of kohl.

Serena turns around and levels her step-sister with a steady, burning glare. "Happy now?"

"Serena!" Lily admonishes, but Rufus interrupts.

"Jennifer," he sighs. "Don't you have longer dresses?"

"Leave her," Lily tells him softly, walking toward him and touching his arm.

"Let's just eat?" Eric interrupts hopefully, trying to diffuse the tension before it even has a chance to build up.

"Yeah!" Nate agrees, jumping on the idea and offering up a sheepish grin as he admits shamelessly, "I'm starving."

"Yes, shall we?" Chuck says with a nod, reinforcing the idea. He offers his arm to Lily to escort her into the dining room.

She smiles. "Thank you, Charles."

Nate nudges Serena, whispers playfully, "He's such a suck-up."

And she bites back a smile, which he considers success, so he makes a show of bowing and holding out a crooked arm toward her. But she shakes her head, slips away from him (can't touch him), and enters the dining room alone, takes a seat in between Dan and Eric, both of whom smile at her.

"Nathaniel," Chuck says firmly, in a way explicitly meant to convey that the blond boy should stop sulking in the doorway. He touches the chair next to his own. "Have a seat."

Nate does, and he starts a little when Jenny takes a seat in the chair next to his.

She peeks at him through mascara-coated eyelashes, says quietly, "I didn't know you were going to be here."

He gives her a fleeting smile in return, confesses, "Neither did I."

Staff descend on the table, setting down plates and filling glasses with white wine. They move quickly and quietly, save for the occasional clink as one dish touches another.

As they leave, Rufus reaches for Lily's hand and she squeezes his fingers, look around the table at them all. "It's so wonderful to have the whole family around one table. I'm so glad you're here, Charles. You could have brought Blair, you know."

He smirks in a practiced way, no feeling behind it. "Nathaniel insisted on being my date." He glances at Serena. "I thought you might bring Blair along, sis."

Nate glances up. That's news to him.

Serena's eyes flicker over to Chuck's. "I didn't think it was appropriate to bring guests to family dinner."

"Blair would hardly be a guest, dear."

She sighs. "Well. Maybe next time." She reaches for her wine glass and takes a sip, only to spit the mouthful out a second later, her eyes widening. Chuck reaches across Eric without a word and plucks the glass from her hand, setting it down next to his own.

"Is something wrong with the wine?" Lily asks, her brow furrowing.

"No." Serena musters up a smile but offers up no explanation.

"Then why would you - "

"I don't like wine," she shrugs.

"You've always liked wine," her mother says wryly.

She lies, "I just brushed my teeth, my mouth still tastes like toothpaste."

Jenny heaves a sigh, bored of the conversation. "Can we just get this over with?"

Rufus frowns, tells his daughter quietly, "We want to have dinner as a family, Jen."

"Yeah, before you ship me away," she mutters, stabbing at her food with her fork.

"What?" Nate blurts just before Lily starts to speak, starts to say something about Jenny's best interests and how much they love her, but he doesn't hear her - he is too acutely aware of the way both Jenny's and Serena's eyes have suddenly fastened on him.

"I want to stay," Jenny protests, interrupting Lily. "I don't - this city's all I have left."

Eric looks down, picking at his food but not eating any.

Dan sighs, clears his throat awkwardly. "You'll come visit," he promises, then winces at the sound of his own words, which really aren't all that helpful.

"Fresh starts are wonderful things," Lily says smoothly. "Aren't they, Serena?"

Her daughter blinks, pulls her gaze away from Nate. "I don't know," she breathes.

"See!" Jenny jumps on that. "She - "

"Don't assume you know what I'm thinking, Jenny," Serena cuts her off, her voice firmer now.

"Okay," Dan interjects, looking back and forth between the two of them. "What is going on between you guys?"

"Nothing," Jenny bites out.

"Nothing?" Serena demands.

"Don't say that like I'm the problem," Jenny shoots back, her eyes hard. "You're the one who's unfaithful."

Serena's jaw drops.

Rufus runs a hand over his face, begins, "Kids - "

"What are you implying?" Serena asks her icily.

Jenny smirks. "You know what I'm implying."

"Nate knows nothing happened with Carter, and so do you!" Serena replies, her voice rising dangerously. "You're the one who tried to - "

"I didn't try anything. I was here while you ran off without saying a word to your boyfriend."

"Hey," Nate says quietly; he tries to catch up with the conversation, desperate to make peace.

"I was trying to find my father." Serena blinks rapidly. Beneath the table, Dan's fingers brush gently against hers, but she pulls her hand away.

"You should have stayed with him and stayed away."

"Jen," Eric tries, his voice muted and his eyes on his sister's face.

"You tried to make sure of that, didn't you?" Her lips twist. "What, you thought if I left Nate would just fall into your arms? You think he's just been waiting for you?" Her voice trembles a little on the last words.

"He deserves better than you." Jenny lifts her eyebrow. "At least I wouldn't cheat."

Nate opens his mouth but no sound comes out.

"Jenny," Rufus says, his voice rising; it's a warning.

"I didn't!" Serena yells back; her throat is tightening.

"Then what were you doing in Dan's bed?" Jenny's voice is a notch below Serena's and her eyes are glittering; anger, hurt, and triumph mixing together.

Silence falls over the room. Lily exchanges a shocked look with her husband, Dan fixes his eyes on his plate, and Nate turns toward Serena, a wordless question.

"Even Chuck knows you're too much of a whore for Nate, he - "

"Jenny." It is Lily who warns her this time, a shocked utterance laced with steel.

And Jenny talks right over it, says, "He helped me, that night. He tried to break you up."

Serena doesn't even bother to look at her step-brother, simply scoffs, "You're delusional."

"Serena," Lily sighs, narrowing her eyes, but no one pays attention to her disapproval.

"He did. Ask him." Jenny lifts her chin. "He said he wanted you out of the picture."

With a roll of her eyes, Serena glances at Chuck, "You would nev - " And she stops right there, because something in his eyes at that moment makes her doubt her own words. "You…" She swallows hard, and her confident statement is suddenly an entirely uncertain question: "You'd never?"

"They don't tell you much, do they?" Jenny asks, her voice shaky with emotion. "Did they tell you about the night we all went out drinking? Or the night after your father left, when I stayed with them? Did Nate tell you I shared his bed?" She pauses. "They didn't tell you any of that, did they?"

Serena looks away from Chuck, slowly lets her eyes find Nate's face instead, and she can feel all the questions in his expression, the confusion and the guilt and the hurt and the heartache - she knows it's all reflected in her eyes.

"S," he says quietly, helplessly.

The room does a slow, steady spin around her and she sucks in some air, lets her eyes flutter shut for just a moment. The tightness in her throat is getting heavier, building up from her stomach and her chest, and she realizes, then, that she's going to be sick. Without a word, she gets up from the table and rushes out of the room.

Dan can hardly think straight - the relationships on the Upper East Side have always been so tangled that they were almost impossible to straighten out, and his brain is desperately trying to keep up with and understand everything that's just been revealed - but he does know one thing, and that is that once, he loved the girl who just ran off down the hall, and that part of him longs to love her again. He stands up, clears his throat and offers, "I'll go."

His father and his step-mother look just as shell-shocked as he feels, and their eyes are full of alarm as they look at him - he knows they're probably still thinking about what Jenny said about Serena being in his bed.
Nate stands up, too, levels Dan with a Vanderbilt stare, powerful and not to be contradicted. "No," he says, slowly and firmly; leaves no room for protest. "I'll go."

tbc.