069. orange sky [2/?]
Title | Orange Sky
Chapter | 2/?
Rating | pg-13
Characters | Nate, Serena, Chuck, Blair
Summary | You can't force yourself to fall out of love.
.one.
Chuck is the one to open the door, clad in his signature purple-and-paisley dressing gown. In a gravelly voice, he says his ex-girlfriend's name: "Blair."
Behind him, Serena can see Nate nursing a glass of scotch, looking relatively heartbroken, and in that moment she has just had enough of Chuck and Blair and all their goddamn drama.
She pushes past her brother, and without looking at him, says, "Blair is going to take you out for coffee."
Blair shoots daggers with her eyes, which are trained on Serena's back. "He is taking me out for coffee."
"Whatever. Can you go?" She turns around, looks at Blair and adds more gently, "Please."
"I'm in my pyajams, sis," Chuck drawls as he scrutinizes Serena's face.
"Then get changed, Chuck," she grinds out.
Faced with the intensity of her scowl, Chuck admits defeat and retreats to his bedroom to change.
Nate stands up very slowly. "What's going on?"
Silence follows his question, so Blair takes it upon herself to explain: "S needs to talk to you."
He fights to keep the spark of hope he feels from showing on his face. "About what?" He glances at the other girl, implores, "Serena?"
Chuck comes out of his room, then, in gray slacks and red suspenders over his white shirt, his eyes pinned on Blair. "Let's go."
"I do not forgive you and this is not a date," Blair hisses, grabbing onto Chuck's arm and yanking him out the door.
The suite is eerily quiet once they go. Nate clears his throat and looks at Serena. "What's going on?"
"We should sit." Like a coward, she can't look him in the eye.
"Okay…" Nate sits, waits for her to do the same. "What's going on?" he repeats.
She swallows but doesn't say anything.
Nate sighs, tells her softly, "I'm glad you didn't go."
She gasps (she can't hear that, not right now, not like this) and finally forces herself to look at him. Her eyes are wet.
"I'm pregnant," she tells him. She's never been one to mince words.
He blinks. His jaw drops.
"Well, really…we're pregnant." She's shaking and he's quiet, too quiet. "Nate, say something."
"You…we…"
"Yeah," she says breathily, watching his face apprehensively.
His eyes fall to her stomach; his mouth has gone dry. "Pregnant. A - a baby."
She nods, presses her lips together, whispers, "A baby."
Nate's gaze lifts to her face again. "You're having my baby?" he wonders.
She takes a sharp breath. "Is that what you want?"
His brow furrowing, he asks, "What else is there?"
"We have…" She fidgets. "You know. Options."
His eyes narrow and then widen. Fiercely, he says, "I don't want options." He makes sure to calm down a little before he asks, "Do you?"
Serena shakes her head. "N-no, it's just…we're barely even adults yet, Nate, we…we can't have a baby."
"But we are." The desire to touch her is so strong that he was to continually rein it in. "We're having a baby."
A small sob escapes her mouth, seemingly out of the blue. She wipes at her cheeks. He says it like it's so simple, so easy, but… "I'm scared," she tells him in a tiny voice. There are so many things that she could do wrong.
He decides screw it, gets up off the couch and squishes into the chair next to her. "I know you are. This is…" He blows out a breath. "This is a really big deal."
"I can't be someone's mother," she says thickly.
"Of course you can. You…you already are."
She blinks at him through her tears, knows what he's thinking, so she reaches tentatively for his hand and lays it low on her abdomen. "It's too early to feel anything…"
"Okay."
"That's all you have to say? Okay? We have so many things to think about, we're going to be parents - oh my god, your mother is going to hate me - we have to - "
"Exactly," he cuts her off. "We. Calm down, okay? I'm going to help you," he promises. "We're going to do this together. We'll figure it all out. All of it."
Serena's deep blue eyes search his face. He wonders, in sort of a stunned way, if their baby will have her eyes. He hopes so.
"When did you go and grow up on me, Archibald?" she whispers.
"I'm not drinking that," Blair says simply, lifting her chin when Chuck sets the cup of coffee down in front of her. She glances at her phone, wonders how much time alone Nate and Serena will need.
He sits across from her, on the other side of their small table, feels the pull of a smirk on his lips. "You've forced me to buy you coffee that you don't intend to drink?"
"The point was not coffee. The point was to give Serena and Nate some privacy."
"And why do they need privacy?" Chuck asks. He leans forward a bit, using intrigue as an excuse.
Blair sets her eyes on his face. "That's their business. It's not my place to tell you."
He leans back. He can smell her perfume - and he misses her, he does. He takes a long drink from his own cup of coffee, trying to prove a point he doesn't quite understand himself.
She is quiet, on the other side of their tiny table. Serena, she keeps reminding herself, I am here because Serena needs me to be. She is dating Cameron: a nice, polite, athletic Columbia boy. She is over this boy, the one she once swore to stand by no matter what, over him because he tried to sell her body for a hotel. She is not his property and he is not hers; they belong to no one, and certainly not to one another.
"We're just going to sit here until Serena texts you?" he drawls out.
"Yes."
"You won't drink your coffee. You won't talk to me." They are statements, not questions. He still knows her well enough that he doesn't need to ask.
"Coffee was an excuse. And there's nothing to talk about."
"Blair."
"We're through!" She hates that they are discussing this, hates Serena and Nate and their inability to practice safe sex in normal places like beds rather than on every surface in her house and the boys' suite. "You told me we were over if I didn't show up. And I didn't show up." Her lips twist and she checks her phone again. It's barely been three minutes.
"We'll never be through." His voice is low, intimate and meant for her ears only, heavy with truth.
She pretends not to hear it. "Just like we'll never be safe?" she asks, a mocking edge in her voice. "We'll never be anything, not ever again."
They are silent and solemn and still.
(She checks her phone once again. Five minutes is long enough to say the words I'm pregnant, isn't it? Even long enough to add it's yours.)
"Should I be worried?"
Her eyes fly to his face, confusion swimming in them.
"About Serena and Nate," he clarifies.
"No." Blair snaps her phone shut and amends, "At least, I don't think so."
"Tell me what's going on."
"No. It isn't my information to share."
Chuck smiles - it's brief and it's soft, but it's undeniable that it happens. "And when has that ever stopped you before?"
The corner of her mouth twitches upward but she doesn't mirror that smile. She thinks about it for a beat. Finally, she sighs, admits, "Serena's pregnant."
His eyes widen. "With Nate's baby?"
She gives him a look, eyes narrowed and eyebrows arched.
Chuck nods, his question answered. "And what does she want to do?" he asks softly, feels the slightest bit of fraternal concern bubble up when he remembers the look in her eyes just before she ordered him into his room to change.
"She wanted to talk to Nate first, but…" Blair smiles a little wistfully. "I think she wants to keep the baby."
"Really?"
"Why not?"
"Those two are hardly the brightest, or the most responsible, or - "
"Why does that matter?" she asks quietly. "They love each other. Serena's scared, but I know she loves kids; even if she doubts her ability to be a mother I know that she wants this. And Nate - we both know that Nate would love any part of her."
"Nate's barely nineteen, Serena's eighteen - he doesn't know what he wants yet and I'm not sure that she ever will."
"They're as old as we are, Chuck," she tells him evenly; it jars them both a bit when she says his name. "If you can try to Affair to Remember me, what says that can't they can't play Bringing Up Baby?"
Chuck smirks genuinely. "You have no idea what that movie is about, do you?"
"Audrey's not in it," she snaps, "so I'm not obligated to."
But there is a smile, one that ghosts over her lips oh-so-briefly, and she meets his eyes.
Nate is sitting alone in the living room when they arrive back, staring contemplatively at the floor. He glances up when they walk in, offers a quiet, "Hey."
Blair opens her mouth to ask where Serena is, but before the can speak the blonde walks out of the bathroom, pale but calm.
"Hey," she says faintly, her greeting an echo of Nate's.
Blair moves toward her. "Hi, sweetie - are you okay?"
Serena nods, rubbing at her forehead. She is, she's just exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster she's on - the one that doesn't seem to be stopping any time soon. "I'm just really tired," she confesses. Her eyes feel heavy.
"You want to go home?" Blair suggests as she runs her hand up and down Serena's arm, a gesture of comfort.
"Or you could stay," Nate suggests; it sounds abrupt and it makes him fumble over his next words a little: "I mean, you - you can take a nap in my room, if you want."
Her eyes search his face. "Yeah?"
"Of course, yeah." He extends a hand, pressing it to the small of her back for a moment. "Come on."
She glances at Blair over her shoulder. "I'll - "
The brunette waves her away. "Go, go."
Serena follows him to his room, thinks that it's weird that now she feels a bit like an intruder in his space, when only a couple weeks ago she viewed everything that was his as though it belonged to her, too. It makes her feel shaky and off-balance.
Nate pulls his light blue button-down shirt, the one Serena loves to sleep in, out of his closet. He hands it to her, his other hand running gently up and down her back. "I'll wake you for dinner if you're not up by then."
She frowns a little as she takes the shirt, hugs it to her chest. "Nate…this doesn't…it doesn't change anything for us."
He stares back at her incredulously, says softly, "This changes everything for us."
"But not…not the state of our relationship. We're still broken up. We're staying…broken up."
Nate watches her face for a moment, sees how much resolve she's put into those words. Still, he can't help but say, "Serena…"
She squeezes her eyes shut, clinging onto his shirt like a lifeline. "Just - don't, right now, okay? I really just want to sleep, I'm so tired."
He hesitates. He wants to say more, wants to press a kiss into her hair, wants to talk -
But she opens her eyes, then, and her baby blues beg him to leave it all alone.
(And he's never been able to say no to her.)
So he sighs, nods, and tells her, "Sleep well."
"Thanks," Serena whispers as she watches him leave. She sits on the edge of his bed, his shirt still in her arms. His room, his things, they all smell like him, fresh and enticing with a little bit of smokiness mixed in.
He's made it clear that he wants her, that he wants their baby. She loves him a little for that, and she thinks that's allowed; they only broke up two weeks ago and she's carrying a piece of him inside of her.
But that is as far as she's willing to let it go. She will let him - she needs him - to help her through this, for the next almost-eight months to a team effort. They'll do it all together but they're not going to be together.
Nate broke her heart. She's still a little fuzzy on the how and why, but the important part is that it happened. He broke her heart, and that means he doesn't get to have it back.
When Nate walks back into the main part of the suite, Chuck and Blair are nowhere to be found. He frowns a little - usually he doesn't let his mind linger on what's going on when the two of them disappear, but he's pretty sure they're barely talking to each other, never mind sleeping together.
Nonetheless, he doesn't put a lot of thought into it, just walks into the kitchen and makes himself some coffee. He needs to do something simple and normal and easy, because everything else about his world just got more complicated.
Chuck appears seemingly out of nowhere, leaning casually against the counter. "I hear you knocked up my sister, Nathaniel," he comments conversationally.
Nate glances over at him. "You hear right."
He straightens up a little, asks, "How are you?"
Sighing, Nate abandons the coffee and runs a hand over his face. "I don't know. I'm kind of freaking out."
"Understandably."
"But…I love her. And she's having my baby, so…" He trails off with a sigh and a shrug.
Chuck frowns a bit. Quietly, he says, "Telling her you want this baby isn't a surefire way of getting her back."
And Nate frowns back, "I know that. Of course I know that. I want this baby because it's our baby."
"Look, Nathaniel, I'm sure you love your unborn child - "
"Yeah," Nate interrupts, a little surprised by the conviction in his own voice. "I do."
In a voice that's careful, making a conscious effort not to offend, Chuck asks, in this painfully casual way that only serves to emphasize how important and not casual his question is: "Are you sure the two of you are ready for this?"
He shrugs. "She's pregnant already. We have to be ready." He nods to himself. "And we will be. We can do this."
Chuck looks him over, as if he's sizing him up, and smirks slightly. "You and Serena as parents," he says contemplatively, testing it out. "That should be…interesting."
Nate laughs, relaxing as he shakes his head. "Jeez, man. Try to have a little less confidence in us, why don't you?"
The dark-haired man finishes his drink. "You'll take care of her. Of them, both Serena and your baby." It's a question, but Chuck frames it more like an order.
Nate nods once again. "Of course I will." He waits a beat, and then he sighs and admits, "I want her back, man." He glances at his best friend for a long moment; it's an appeal for help.
And Chuck recognizes it. "I'm not entirely clear on why the two of you parted ways."
He half-huffs, half-laughs, but it's a mirthless sound. "That makes two of us."
"Maybe you should figure that out first," Chuck suggests with a small smirk.
"I think…" Nate sighs, presses his palms flat against the countertop. Without looking at Chuck, he muses, "Maybe…I should propose…?"
"Of course not." Blair interrupts their conversation before Chuck can reply. She's exiting Chuck's bedroom, carrying a pile of clothes and an oversized purse stuffed full.
Chuck lifts a single eyebrow, turns away slightly. "Listen to her, Nathaniel. Blair calls the shots in relationships these days."
Blair bristles, but Nate interjects before they can argue, directs his question at Blair: "What are you doing?"
"I left quite a few of my things here, I'm taking them home with me. What are you doing, Nate? Do you have any common sense at all?"
"Uh - "
"An engagement ring is not a solution to all of your problems. It's a way to sweep those problems under the rug for as long as they'll stay there. And this is Serena we're talking about - she'll never say yes. She practically has a phobia of marriage at this point."
Nate gapes at her for a moment before he starts to smile a little. "So what do you suggest?" he asks her dryly.
Her eyes flit over to Chuck. "I have my own problems to deal with, Nate," she says breezily. "I don't have the time to fix yours."
He rolls his eyes at her, not unkindly, and takes a look at all of her stuff - clothes and jewelry and a couple school books. "Do you want me to call you a car?"
She smiles, glad that he offered before Chuck could suggest that she take the limo. "Yes, please. I'm just going to tell Serena that I'm leaving."
Blair tiptoes into Nate's bedroom, closing the door almost all the way behind her. She's been in Nate's bedroom here a couple times before, for whatever reason, but she feels different about it this time, a little awkward and strangely invasive. Nate's messy, his clothes and his things scattered all over the place, and with the room hushed, the blinds drawn, and Serena under his blankets, it feels like she's walking into something private.
"S?" she whispers, perching carefully on top of the comforter.
Serena rolls over, opens her eyes - she hadn't been sleeping. "Hey, B."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, m'fine."
"And you and Nate?" She reaches out and tucks Serena's hair behind her ear. "The two of you are okay?"
Serena rubs at her eyes. "Yeah, we just have…a lot to think about. And a lot to talk about. A lot to…figure out."
"So what's the verdict?" Blair smiles softly. "Are you gonna make me an aunt?"
"Yeah," Serena says quietly with a half-smile of her own. "I am."
"Oh, S. I think you're making the right choice. I really do."
Sleepily, Serena says, "S'always good to have the Waldorf seal of approval."
Blair laughs. "You're going to have such a beautiful baby," she murmurs, knows it to be true - Nate and Serena combined will result in some sort of wondrous gene pool for bright blue eyes and blonde hair and big smiles.
"You think?" She means for it to be teasing, but it comes out small and uncertain.
"I know. Listen, I'm going to go home - "
"Oh." Serena pushes herself into a sitting position. "I should come with you."
"No, stay; sleep. You could use the rest, and like you said: you and Nate have things to talk about."
"Okay. I'll call you?"
Blair nods, prepares to stand, but Serena grabs onto her hand.
"Thank you, Blair," she whispers.
She leans down so that they can air-kiss each other's cheeks. "Of course," she says gently. "You're my sister."
Serena settles back against the pillows. "How was your coffee?"
Blair sighs, quips, "Bitter."
"Metaphorically, or literally? Or - "
"Sleep, okay?" Blair squeezes Serena's hand before she lets go. "I'll tell you about it later."
"Hey…"
Serena wakes to the sound of a soft voice, to the feel of a hand on her shoulder, and then in her hair.
And Nate watches her come awake, watches the way she scrunches up her nose and shifts a little, his shirt moving against her skin, before she finally blinks open her eyes.
"Hey," he says again, hovering awkwardly by the side of his bed. "Sorry to wake you. We got takeout and I thought you'd want to eat before it got cold."
"Yeah." She clears her throat as she sits up. "Thanks."
"You need anything? Are you feeling okay?"
Her lips curl into a small smile. "Are you going to be like this the whole time?"
Nate shrugs a little bashfully. "Sorry. It's not like I've ever done this before."
"No, I didn't mean…I'm sorry. You were being nice."
He frowns. It's weird, the way she says that, like they haven't known each other forever and haven't been together for the past few months. This isn't how he wants things to go. "Listen, I know you feel overwhelmed right now - and so do I - but…I want to talk. About us."
She sighs, curls in on herself a little. It's not fair of him to do this right now. "Having a baby is not supposed to be the foundation of a relationship."
"Until two weeks ago we were already in a relationship - "
She cuts him off, "But we broke up. We're broken up."
"Serena - "
Before he can say more she turns her face toward him, and he realizes with a start that she's on the verge of tears. It's not really fair, because he thinks they need to talk about this, but he blows out a shaky breath and lets it go. He's never been able to stand seeing her cry. "Okay, just…come eat. Feel free to borrow anything you want, something comfy to wear…"
"Thank you," she says on an exhale, letting out the breath she's been holding in.
Nate rubs the back of his neck, mutters, "Guess I'll let you change," and like they're strangers or something, he leaves the room and closes the door, giving her privacy to change her clothes.
"Join us, sis," Chuck calls from the table. Having Serena around has been totally commonplace since their parents got married once upon a time, and having her in the suite, wandering around in Nate's clothes like she lives there, is nothing new to him either.
Nate pulls out a chair for her and Chuck looks her over as she sits down. She looks the same - blonde hair in a messy knot and Nate's sweatpants sitting low on her hips. But she's a little too quiet, her face closed off in a way he's rarely seen it.
"Pizza?" he offers. "Nathaniel got you a salad, too."
She glances up, eyes settling on Nate. Her ex-boyfriend shrugs, says simply, "Healthy."
Underneath the table, she lets her knee touch his.
He smiles at her, opens the container. "You've got lettuce, mushrooms, tomatoes…"
"All totally healthy," she agrees, holding out her plate so that he can serve her.
It's not until ten minutes into the meal that Chuck realizes the comfortable silence they're sitting in actually isn't all that comfortable. He's eating his pizza has he always does, with a fork and a knife like a normal, civilized person. It's something Serena has been giving him hell for since they were about ten years old: time and time again, she insists, Chuck, you're so weird, pizza is finger food. It's designed that way. But today she is quiet, staring listlessly as her meal, poking lazily at a piece of lettuce with her fork.
He catches Nate's eye, makes a signal with his eyes and then with his hands, trying to ask if he should leave the two of them alone.
Nate shakes his head, scoots his chair a little closer to Serena's and rests his hand against her back.
She lifts her head, meets his gaze, and their eye contact is so charged for a moment that she finds herself holding her breath.
"It's gonna be okay," he tells her softly, his hand moving in slow, soothing circles.
"But how do you know that?" she demands, her voice just as soft.
"Because I do. I just do. I know…I know us. We're gonna be okay." He looks at her for a moment and she stares back, her eyes dark and wet and pleading, and then he taps his fingers lightly against her spine, gives her the very best coaxing smile he can muster up. "But we're not gonna be okay if you stop eating…that won't be good …"
Serena breathes a laugh. "No, probably not."
"So, step one to figuring out the rest of our lives is you eating your dinner." He nods at her plate. "It's all you."
She spears a tomato with her fork. "What's step two?"
Nate shrugs, takes his hand off her back. "I'll tell you when you're done."
tbc.
Chapter | 2/?
Rating | pg-13
Characters | Nate, Serena, Chuck, Blair
Summary | You can't force yourself to fall out of love.
.one.
Chuck is the one to open the door, clad in his signature purple-and-paisley dressing gown. In a gravelly voice, he says his ex-girlfriend's name: "Blair."
Behind him, Serena can see Nate nursing a glass of scotch, looking relatively heartbroken, and in that moment she has just had enough of Chuck and Blair and all their goddamn drama.
She pushes past her brother, and without looking at him, says, "Blair is going to take you out for coffee."
Blair shoots daggers with her eyes, which are trained on Serena's back. "He is taking me out for coffee."
"Whatever. Can you go?" She turns around, looks at Blair and adds more gently, "Please."
"I'm in my pyajams, sis," Chuck drawls as he scrutinizes Serena's face.
"Then get changed, Chuck," she grinds out.
Faced with the intensity of her scowl, Chuck admits defeat and retreats to his bedroom to change.
Nate stands up very slowly. "What's going on?"
Silence follows his question, so Blair takes it upon herself to explain: "S needs to talk to you."
He fights to keep the spark of hope he feels from showing on his face. "About what?" He glances at the other girl, implores, "Serena?"
Chuck comes out of his room, then, in gray slacks and red suspenders over his white shirt, his eyes pinned on Blair. "Let's go."
"I do not forgive you and this is not a date," Blair hisses, grabbing onto Chuck's arm and yanking him out the door.
The suite is eerily quiet once they go. Nate clears his throat and looks at Serena. "What's going on?"
"We should sit." Like a coward, she can't look him in the eye.
"Okay…" Nate sits, waits for her to do the same. "What's going on?" he repeats.
She swallows but doesn't say anything.
Nate sighs, tells her softly, "I'm glad you didn't go."
She gasps (she can't hear that, not right now, not like this) and finally forces herself to look at him. Her eyes are wet.
"I'm pregnant," she tells him. She's never been one to mince words.
He blinks. His jaw drops.
"Well, really…we're pregnant." She's shaking and he's quiet, too quiet. "Nate, say something."
"You…we…"
"Yeah," she says breathily, watching his face apprehensively.
His eyes fall to her stomach; his mouth has gone dry. "Pregnant. A - a baby."
She nods, presses her lips together, whispers, "A baby."
Nate's gaze lifts to her face again. "You're having my baby?" he wonders.
She takes a sharp breath. "Is that what you want?"
His brow furrowing, he asks, "What else is there?"
"We have…" She fidgets. "You know. Options."
His eyes narrow and then widen. Fiercely, he says, "I don't want options." He makes sure to calm down a little before he asks, "Do you?"
Serena shakes her head. "N-no, it's just…we're barely even adults yet, Nate, we…we can't have a baby."
"But we are." The desire to touch her is so strong that he was to continually rein it in. "We're having a baby."
A small sob escapes her mouth, seemingly out of the blue. She wipes at her cheeks. He says it like it's so simple, so easy, but… "I'm scared," she tells him in a tiny voice. There are so many things that she could do wrong.
He decides screw it, gets up off the couch and squishes into the chair next to her. "I know you are. This is…" He blows out a breath. "This is a really big deal."
"I can't be someone's mother," she says thickly.
"Of course you can. You…you already are."
She blinks at him through her tears, knows what he's thinking, so she reaches tentatively for his hand and lays it low on her abdomen. "It's too early to feel anything…"
"Okay."
"That's all you have to say? Okay? We have so many things to think about, we're going to be parents - oh my god, your mother is going to hate me - we have to - "
"Exactly," he cuts her off. "We. Calm down, okay? I'm going to help you," he promises. "We're going to do this together. We'll figure it all out. All of it."
Serena's deep blue eyes search his face. He wonders, in sort of a stunned way, if their baby will have her eyes. He hopes so.
"When did you go and grow up on me, Archibald?" she whispers.
"I'm not drinking that," Blair says simply, lifting her chin when Chuck sets the cup of coffee down in front of her. She glances at her phone, wonders how much time alone Nate and Serena will need.
He sits across from her, on the other side of their small table, feels the pull of a smirk on his lips. "You've forced me to buy you coffee that you don't intend to drink?"
"The point was not coffee. The point was to give Serena and Nate some privacy."
"And why do they need privacy?" Chuck asks. He leans forward a bit, using intrigue as an excuse.
Blair sets her eyes on his face. "That's their business. It's not my place to tell you."
He leans back. He can smell her perfume - and he misses her, he does. He takes a long drink from his own cup of coffee, trying to prove a point he doesn't quite understand himself.
She is quiet, on the other side of their tiny table. Serena, she keeps reminding herself, I am here because Serena needs me to be. She is dating Cameron: a nice, polite, athletic Columbia boy. She is over this boy, the one she once swore to stand by no matter what, over him because he tried to sell her body for a hotel. She is not his property and he is not hers; they belong to no one, and certainly not to one another.
"We're just going to sit here until Serena texts you?" he drawls out.
"Yes."
"You won't drink your coffee. You won't talk to me." They are statements, not questions. He still knows her well enough that he doesn't need to ask.
"Coffee was an excuse. And there's nothing to talk about."
"Blair."
"We're through!" She hates that they are discussing this, hates Serena and Nate and their inability to practice safe sex in normal places like beds rather than on every surface in her house and the boys' suite. "You told me we were over if I didn't show up. And I didn't show up." Her lips twist and she checks her phone again. It's barely been three minutes.
"We'll never be through." His voice is low, intimate and meant for her ears only, heavy with truth.
She pretends not to hear it. "Just like we'll never be safe?" she asks, a mocking edge in her voice. "We'll never be anything, not ever again."
They are silent and solemn and still.
(She checks her phone once again. Five minutes is long enough to say the words I'm pregnant, isn't it? Even long enough to add it's yours.)
"Should I be worried?"
Her eyes fly to his face, confusion swimming in them.
"About Serena and Nate," he clarifies.
"No." Blair snaps her phone shut and amends, "At least, I don't think so."
"Tell me what's going on."
"No. It isn't my information to share."
Chuck smiles - it's brief and it's soft, but it's undeniable that it happens. "And when has that ever stopped you before?"
The corner of her mouth twitches upward but she doesn't mirror that smile. She thinks about it for a beat. Finally, she sighs, admits, "Serena's pregnant."
His eyes widen. "With Nate's baby?"
She gives him a look, eyes narrowed and eyebrows arched.
Chuck nods, his question answered. "And what does she want to do?" he asks softly, feels the slightest bit of fraternal concern bubble up when he remembers the look in her eyes just before she ordered him into his room to change.
"She wanted to talk to Nate first, but…" Blair smiles a little wistfully. "I think she wants to keep the baby."
"Really?"
"Why not?"
"Those two are hardly the brightest, or the most responsible, or - "
"Why does that matter?" she asks quietly. "They love each other. Serena's scared, but I know she loves kids; even if she doubts her ability to be a mother I know that she wants this. And Nate - we both know that Nate would love any part of her."
"Nate's barely nineteen, Serena's eighteen - he doesn't know what he wants yet and I'm not sure that she ever will."
"They're as old as we are, Chuck," she tells him evenly; it jars them both a bit when she says his name. "If you can try to Affair to Remember me, what says that can't they can't play Bringing Up Baby?"
Chuck smirks genuinely. "You have no idea what that movie is about, do you?"
"Audrey's not in it," she snaps, "so I'm not obligated to."
But there is a smile, one that ghosts over her lips oh-so-briefly, and she meets his eyes.
Nate is sitting alone in the living room when they arrive back, staring contemplatively at the floor. He glances up when they walk in, offers a quiet, "Hey."
Blair opens her mouth to ask where Serena is, but before the can speak the blonde walks out of the bathroom, pale but calm.
"Hey," she says faintly, her greeting an echo of Nate's.
Blair moves toward her. "Hi, sweetie - are you okay?"
Serena nods, rubbing at her forehead. She is, she's just exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster she's on - the one that doesn't seem to be stopping any time soon. "I'm just really tired," she confesses. Her eyes feel heavy.
"You want to go home?" Blair suggests as she runs her hand up and down Serena's arm, a gesture of comfort.
"Or you could stay," Nate suggests; it sounds abrupt and it makes him fumble over his next words a little: "I mean, you - you can take a nap in my room, if you want."
Her eyes search his face. "Yeah?"
"Of course, yeah." He extends a hand, pressing it to the small of her back for a moment. "Come on."
She glances at Blair over her shoulder. "I'll - "
The brunette waves her away. "Go, go."
Serena follows him to his room, thinks that it's weird that now she feels a bit like an intruder in his space, when only a couple weeks ago she viewed everything that was his as though it belonged to her, too. It makes her feel shaky and off-balance.
Nate pulls his light blue button-down shirt, the one Serena loves to sleep in, out of his closet. He hands it to her, his other hand running gently up and down her back. "I'll wake you for dinner if you're not up by then."
She frowns a little as she takes the shirt, hugs it to her chest. "Nate…this doesn't…it doesn't change anything for us."
He stares back at her incredulously, says softly, "This changes everything for us."
"But not…not the state of our relationship. We're still broken up. We're staying…broken up."
Nate watches her face for a moment, sees how much resolve she's put into those words. Still, he can't help but say, "Serena…"
She squeezes her eyes shut, clinging onto his shirt like a lifeline. "Just - don't, right now, okay? I really just want to sleep, I'm so tired."
He hesitates. He wants to say more, wants to press a kiss into her hair, wants to talk -
But she opens her eyes, then, and her baby blues beg him to leave it all alone.
(And he's never been able to say no to her.)
So he sighs, nods, and tells her, "Sleep well."
"Thanks," Serena whispers as she watches him leave. She sits on the edge of his bed, his shirt still in her arms. His room, his things, they all smell like him, fresh and enticing with a little bit of smokiness mixed in.
He's made it clear that he wants her, that he wants their baby. She loves him a little for that, and she thinks that's allowed; they only broke up two weeks ago and she's carrying a piece of him inside of her.
But that is as far as she's willing to let it go. She will let him - she needs him - to help her through this, for the next almost-eight months to a team effort. They'll do it all together but they're not going to be together.
Nate broke her heart. She's still a little fuzzy on the how and why, but the important part is that it happened. He broke her heart, and that means he doesn't get to have it back.
When Nate walks back into the main part of the suite, Chuck and Blair are nowhere to be found. He frowns a little - usually he doesn't let his mind linger on what's going on when the two of them disappear, but he's pretty sure they're barely talking to each other, never mind sleeping together.
Nonetheless, he doesn't put a lot of thought into it, just walks into the kitchen and makes himself some coffee. He needs to do something simple and normal and easy, because everything else about his world just got more complicated.
Chuck appears seemingly out of nowhere, leaning casually against the counter. "I hear you knocked up my sister, Nathaniel," he comments conversationally.
Nate glances over at him. "You hear right."
He straightens up a little, asks, "How are you?"
Sighing, Nate abandons the coffee and runs a hand over his face. "I don't know. I'm kind of freaking out."
"Understandably."
"But…I love her. And she's having my baby, so…" He trails off with a sigh and a shrug.
Chuck frowns a bit. Quietly, he says, "Telling her you want this baby isn't a surefire way of getting her back."
And Nate frowns back, "I know that. Of course I know that. I want this baby because it's our baby."
"Look, Nathaniel, I'm sure you love your unborn child - "
"Yeah," Nate interrupts, a little surprised by the conviction in his own voice. "I do."
In a voice that's careful, making a conscious effort not to offend, Chuck asks, in this painfully casual way that only serves to emphasize how important and not casual his question is: "Are you sure the two of you are ready for this?"
He shrugs. "She's pregnant already. We have to be ready." He nods to himself. "And we will be. We can do this."
Chuck looks him over, as if he's sizing him up, and smirks slightly. "You and Serena as parents," he says contemplatively, testing it out. "That should be…interesting."
Nate laughs, relaxing as he shakes his head. "Jeez, man. Try to have a little less confidence in us, why don't you?"
The dark-haired man finishes his drink. "You'll take care of her. Of them, both Serena and your baby." It's a question, but Chuck frames it more like an order.
Nate nods once again. "Of course I will." He waits a beat, and then he sighs and admits, "I want her back, man." He glances at his best friend for a long moment; it's an appeal for help.
And Chuck recognizes it. "I'm not entirely clear on why the two of you parted ways."
He half-huffs, half-laughs, but it's a mirthless sound. "That makes two of us."
"Maybe you should figure that out first," Chuck suggests with a small smirk.
"I think…" Nate sighs, presses his palms flat against the countertop. Without looking at Chuck, he muses, "Maybe…I should propose…?"
"Of course not." Blair interrupts their conversation before Chuck can reply. She's exiting Chuck's bedroom, carrying a pile of clothes and an oversized purse stuffed full.
Chuck lifts a single eyebrow, turns away slightly. "Listen to her, Nathaniel. Blair calls the shots in relationships these days."
Blair bristles, but Nate interjects before they can argue, directs his question at Blair: "What are you doing?"
"I left quite a few of my things here, I'm taking them home with me. What are you doing, Nate? Do you have any common sense at all?"
"Uh - "
"An engagement ring is not a solution to all of your problems. It's a way to sweep those problems under the rug for as long as they'll stay there. And this is Serena we're talking about - she'll never say yes. She practically has a phobia of marriage at this point."
Nate gapes at her for a moment before he starts to smile a little. "So what do you suggest?" he asks her dryly.
Her eyes flit over to Chuck. "I have my own problems to deal with, Nate," she says breezily. "I don't have the time to fix yours."
He rolls his eyes at her, not unkindly, and takes a look at all of her stuff - clothes and jewelry and a couple school books. "Do you want me to call you a car?"
She smiles, glad that he offered before Chuck could suggest that she take the limo. "Yes, please. I'm just going to tell Serena that I'm leaving."
Blair tiptoes into Nate's bedroom, closing the door almost all the way behind her. She's been in Nate's bedroom here a couple times before, for whatever reason, but she feels different about it this time, a little awkward and strangely invasive. Nate's messy, his clothes and his things scattered all over the place, and with the room hushed, the blinds drawn, and Serena under his blankets, it feels like she's walking into something private.
"S?" she whispers, perching carefully on top of the comforter.
Serena rolls over, opens her eyes - she hadn't been sleeping. "Hey, B."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, m'fine."
"And you and Nate?" She reaches out and tucks Serena's hair behind her ear. "The two of you are okay?"
Serena rubs at her eyes. "Yeah, we just have…a lot to think about. And a lot to talk about. A lot to…figure out."
"So what's the verdict?" Blair smiles softly. "Are you gonna make me an aunt?"
"Yeah," Serena says quietly with a half-smile of her own. "I am."
"Oh, S. I think you're making the right choice. I really do."
Sleepily, Serena says, "S'always good to have the Waldorf seal of approval."
Blair laughs. "You're going to have such a beautiful baby," she murmurs, knows it to be true - Nate and Serena combined will result in some sort of wondrous gene pool for bright blue eyes and blonde hair and big smiles.
"You think?" She means for it to be teasing, but it comes out small and uncertain.
"I know. Listen, I'm going to go home - "
"Oh." Serena pushes herself into a sitting position. "I should come with you."
"No, stay; sleep. You could use the rest, and like you said: you and Nate have things to talk about."
"Okay. I'll call you?"
Blair nods, prepares to stand, but Serena grabs onto her hand.
"Thank you, Blair," she whispers.
She leans down so that they can air-kiss each other's cheeks. "Of course," she says gently. "You're my sister."
Serena settles back against the pillows. "How was your coffee?"
Blair sighs, quips, "Bitter."
"Metaphorically, or literally? Or - "
"Sleep, okay?" Blair squeezes Serena's hand before she lets go. "I'll tell you about it later."
"Hey…"
Serena wakes to the sound of a soft voice, to the feel of a hand on her shoulder, and then in her hair.
And Nate watches her come awake, watches the way she scrunches up her nose and shifts a little, his shirt moving against her skin, before she finally blinks open her eyes.
"Hey," he says again, hovering awkwardly by the side of his bed. "Sorry to wake you. We got takeout and I thought you'd want to eat before it got cold."
"Yeah." She clears her throat as she sits up. "Thanks."
"You need anything? Are you feeling okay?"
Her lips curl into a small smile. "Are you going to be like this the whole time?"
Nate shrugs a little bashfully. "Sorry. It's not like I've ever done this before."
"No, I didn't mean…I'm sorry. You were being nice."
He frowns. It's weird, the way she says that, like they haven't known each other forever and haven't been together for the past few months. This isn't how he wants things to go. "Listen, I know you feel overwhelmed right now - and so do I - but…I want to talk. About us."
She sighs, curls in on herself a little. It's not fair of him to do this right now. "Having a baby is not supposed to be the foundation of a relationship."
"Until two weeks ago we were already in a relationship - "
She cuts him off, "But we broke up. We're broken up."
"Serena - "
Before he can say more she turns her face toward him, and he realizes with a start that she's on the verge of tears. It's not really fair, because he thinks they need to talk about this, but he blows out a shaky breath and lets it go. He's never been able to stand seeing her cry. "Okay, just…come eat. Feel free to borrow anything you want, something comfy to wear…"
"Thank you," she says on an exhale, letting out the breath she's been holding in.
Nate rubs the back of his neck, mutters, "Guess I'll let you change," and like they're strangers or something, he leaves the room and closes the door, giving her privacy to change her clothes.
"Join us, sis," Chuck calls from the table. Having Serena around has been totally commonplace since their parents got married once upon a time, and having her in the suite, wandering around in Nate's clothes like she lives there, is nothing new to him either.
Nate pulls out a chair for her and Chuck looks her over as she sits down. She looks the same - blonde hair in a messy knot and Nate's sweatpants sitting low on her hips. But she's a little too quiet, her face closed off in a way he's rarely seen it.
"Pizza?" he offers. "Nathaniel got you a salad, too."
She glances up, eyes settling on Nate. Her ex-boyfriend shrugs, says simply, "Healthy."
Underneath the table, she lets her knee touch his.
He smiles at her, opens the container. "You've got lettuce, mushrooms, tomatoes…"
"All totally healthy," she agrees, holding out her plate so that he can serve her.
It's not until ten minutes into the meal that Chuck realizes the comfortable silence they're sitting in actually isn't all that comfortable. He's eating his pizza has he always does, with a fork and a knife like a normal, civilized person. It's something Serena has been giving him hell for since they were about ten years old: time and time again, she insists, Chuck, you're so weird, pizza is finger food. It's designed that way. But today she is quiet, staring listlessly as her meal, poking lazily at a piece of lettuce with her fork.
He catches Nate's eye, makes a signal with his eyes and then with his hands, trying to ask if he should leave the two of them alone.
Nate shakes his head, scoots his chair a little closer to Serena's and rests his hand against her back.
She lifts her head, meets his gaze, and their eye contact is so charged for a moment that she finds herself holding her breath.
"It's gonna be okay," he tells her softly, his hand moving in slow, soothing circles.
"But how do you know that?" she demands, her voice just as soft.
"Because I do. I just do. I know…I know us. We're gonna be okay." He looks at her for a moment and she stares back, her eyes dark and wet and pleading, and then he taps his fingers lightly against her spine, gives her the very best coaxing smile he can muster up. "But we're not gonna be okay if you stop eating…that won't be good …"
Serena breathes a laugh. "No, probably not."
"So, step one to figuring out the rest of our lives is you eating your dinner." He nods at her plate. "It's all you."
She spears a tomato with her fork. "What's step two?"
Nate shrugs, takes his hand off her back. "I'll tell you when you're done."
tbc.