Fic: Drown These Demons of Mine So I Can Breathe Again (1/2)
Title: Drown These Demons of Mine So I Can Breathe Again
Pairing: Sebastian/Blaine
Warnings/Disclaimers: I don't own these characters. Heavy drug and alcohol use.
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 2,150+
Summary: Sebastian's worst case scenario played out in from of him when Blaine took the slushie for Kurt. He wants to make it right before he loses it all, but saying sorry isn't his thing. Sebastian-centric.
Author's Note: Hello there. I'm only planning on there to be one more part, but if Sebastian comes back then I'll probably do more with it.
It had happened. The worst case scenario had played out in front him. Sebastian thought Blaine might get in the way, but he had hoped Blaine wouldn't. He had hoped Blaine was staring to pull away from Kurt, had assumed so by how frequently they'd talked, but Blaine still pushed Kurt out of the way and took the slushie, right in the eye. The scene replayed over and over again in his mind as he drove some of the Warblers home from the parking garage. Jeff was the last one in his car.
"You should probably call Blaine later, see if he's okay," Jeff suggested as Sebastian turned down his street. Sebastian didn't respond, knowing that Blaine wasn't okay, wasn't going to be okay for a while. Sebastian finally pulled up to Jeff's house. "You know, if you need to talk to-"
"Get out,' Sebastian barked. Jeff sighed and got out of the car. As soon as the passenger side door shut he peeled out of the driveway.
When Sebastian got home he called out a hello to which he got no reply. He stripped off his blazer as he went into a kitchen. When he flipped on the kitchen lights he found a note that simply read 'Be back in a week and a half, Mom & Dad' attached to two hundred dollar bills. Suddenly his appetite was gone.
Leaving the light on, he walked upstairs to his room. He loosened his tie as he went straight into his bathroom. He turned the light on and bent over the sink, splashing some water on his face. When he finally dared to look at himself in the mirror he couldn't stand what he saw. He saw a villain, a monster. He saw a cold blooded beast and he couldn't stand it. He grabbed the first thing he could get his hands on from his counter and threw it at the mirror. He stood there for a second, panting, as he followed the cracks in the mirror that ran over his face. Finally, with a sigh, he turned off the light and went back into his room.
He grabbed a wooden box from his bedside table and made his way downstairs. When he got to his father's den he placed the wooden box on the desk and made his way to the small bar his father kept in the back of the room. He made himself a drink, which he down quickly. He made himself another drink, but took that one and a bottle of vodka to the desk with him. He put down the drink, took his phone out of his pocket and put it on the desk, and took off his tie before sitting down. He then opened the box, pulled out one of his pre-rolled joints and a lighter. He stopped for a second, his eyes darting between the drink and the joint. The thought popped into his head that maybe he shouldn't this time. Maybe he should go a night sober and try to work through his demons. He quickly pushed that thought to the back of his head and deposited the joint between his lips. He let himself wonder how things got so bad. How he'd gotten so bad. He thinks about his childhood. About his relationship with his parents, and his past love interested. He drowns the memories with alcohol and weed in hopes they'd die.
That night Sebastian ended up puking in the trashcan twice and falling asleep at the desk. His phone lay next to his head, one new message in his draft folder.
To: Blaine Anderson
I'm sorry.
A few days later the bitchy Latina from Blaine's new Glee Club came and visited the Warblers, telling them that Blaine was going to have surgery. Sebastian wasn't surprised, but it hit him harder than he expected it to. He dueled with the girl, but he didn't put his heart into like he should have, and even let it slip that he had messed with the slushie he hit Blaine with. On the ride home he made a call to order something, realizing half way through the call what a huge mistake he made by telling her about the rock salt. That night he drank so much he passed out in the hallway outside of his room.
The next day after Warbler practice he stopped at home for a second before going to visit Blaine. He knocked on the door a few times but got no response. He would have left if he hadn't seen Blaine's car in the driveway. Instead, he opened the door and called out a hello. Besides a groan from upstairs, which he assumed was Blaine, the house was silent. He made his way upstairs to Blaine's room, taking the time to look at all the pictures hung on the wall. Sebastian knew Blaine's family was like his, ashamed that their son was a queer and never home if they could help it. When he found Blaine's room he knocked on the door harshly, receiving another groan. He took that as a sign to come in.
"Kurt?" Blaine groaned as he rolled on to his back.
"Not quite," Sebastian replied as he shut the door quietly.
"Sebastian?" Blaine tried.
"Bingo," Sebastian confirmed, cringing at his choice of words. He was glad that Blaine was half asleep and probably didn't catch it.
"You didn't come to finish me off, did you?" Blaine asked as he flicked on the lamp on his bedside table. Sebastian didn't know what he was expecting Blaine to look like after the slushie, but Blaine in an eye patch had never crossed his mind.
"Believe it or not, no." Sebastian smirked as he stepped forward. "I see you got the flowers I sent you," he said as he nodded to the vase if lilies sitting on Blaine's dresser. Blaine kept a straight face. "Anyways, I came with a sort of…peace offering." Sebastian said as he laid a wooden box on the edge of Blaine's bed.
Blaine looked at the box for a few seconds before looking back up at Sebastian. Sebastian smiled and opened the box before pushing it up the bed more. It took Blaine a second to register what exactly the box held.
"I…I don't think I can take this." Blaine stuttered out as he shut the box. Sebastian moved to sit on the edge of the bed, pulling the box on his lap.
"Why not?"
"I'm not supposed to drink with my medication," Blaine reasoned, his hands grabbing onto the blanket resting on his lap.
"What does the doctor say about smoking weed with your medicine?" Sebastian asked as he grabbed a few joints and a book of matches out of the box. He moved to put the box on Blaine's bedside table, noticing a picture of Kurt.
"It doesn't say anything, but-"
"Come on. I bet that eye hurts something fierce, and this," he said as he picked up a joint, "will help take your mind off things." Sebastian ended his explanation with a smile. Blaine still looked skeptical. "Look, I..." Sebastian started, looking down at his lap where his fingers were twisting the ends of the joint, "That slushie wasn't meant for you, ya know? And I don't really know how to apologize, so…just take this gesture as a sort of…olive branch. From me, to you." Sebastian tried, looking Blaine in the eye and holding out the joint between them, putting on his best puppy dog eyes. Finally Blaine sighed and took the joint from him.
"Fine, but light those candles." He ordered, pointing to the few candles next to the box.
Sebastian's smiled brightly as he set to work lighting the candles, handing one to Blaine to put on the bedside table next to him. When Blaine wasn't looking Sebastian put the picture of Kurt face down. Next, Sebastian slipped off his blazer, plucked the joint from Blaine's hands, placed it between his lips, and lit it. Blaine watched Sebastian inhale, hold it, then exhale. He was entranced by the way the smoke curled in the air. Sebastian smiled at his innocence before passing it to him. As Blaine took his first few puffs Sebastian located his stereo. Sebastian turned it on quickly, attaching his phone and choosing what he thought would be the perfect music for the occasion.
The first joint went quickly. Sebastian lay against Blaine's headboard, sleeves rolled up, laughing with Blaine. As Sebastian started the second joint Blaine went into a story about his first major crush. It ended being Blaine's seventh grade English teacher. Blaine described him as tall, with glasses and slicked back hair, which is what he blamed his gel addiction on. At first Blaine just thought he liked his teacher because for once he was actually learning, but when the wet dreams started he knew that wasn't the case.
In turn Sebastian told the story of his first kiss. Sebastian was in fifth grade, and already knew he liked boys. He had a best friend that wouldn't leave his side. One day after school while they were walking to the boy's house Sebastian brought up kissing, and the idea that maybe they should try kissing each other. The other boy was skeptical at first but finally agreed. When they got to the boys room they tried kissing for a few minutes before playing video games. The next day the boy wouldn't look or talk to Sebastian. When Sebastian finally cornered him, the boy said he had told his parents about their kiss and was instructed to never hang out with Sebastian again. He immediately regretted telling the story after he finished it.
By this point he was laying down facing Blaine. Blaine had gotten a hold of his tie somewhere in the middle of Sebastian's story and was stroking it softly.
"I don't want you to hate me," Sebastian whispered.
"I don't," Blaine shook his head before turning to face Sebastian. "I just don't get it."
"Get what?"
"Why you want me," Blaine supplied.
"Are you kidding? Have you seen you?" Sebastian started softly, Blaine smiling sheepishly. "You're amazing. You're kind and passionate, your voice is amazing, and don't get me started on how beautiful you are," Sebastian clarified for him. "Although I have to say, your hair looks much better without all that gel." He smiled as he let his hand brush back a few stray curls, letting his hand brush through Blaine's hair until he was cupping Blaine's neck. He looked into Blaine's eyes, unable to read it. He felt Blaine swallow under his hand. Sebastian bent his head towards Blaine's until their foreheads were touching. "I know I'm a bad person, but please just give me a chance." He whispered.
He felt Blaine swallow again before leaning in and kissed him. Sebastian brought his hand to cup Blaine's jaw as he scooted closer. Blaine's hand went from Sebastian's tie to Sebastian's hips as he tilted his head to get a better angle. Blaine soon let his tongue lick over Sebastian's bottom lip, pulling Sebastian closer. Sebastian opened his mouth quickly, letting his tongue learn the inside of Blaine's mouth. Sebastian knew he was good with his mouth, and he was more than excited to show Blaine his unique talents. He finally sucked Blaine's bottom lip into his mouth, biting it lightly before letting it go and ending the kiss.
Sebastian opened his eyes to see Blaine still had his closed. He ran his thumb over Blaine's cheekbone as he felt Blaine's hot puffs of breath on his lips. When Blaine finally opened his eye Sebastian couldn't breathe.
"No," Blaine breathed out quickly. "I can't," He continued to whisper as he took his hand off Sebastian's hip.
"Wha-"
"This can't happen." Blaine said a little louder as he took Sebastian's hand off his face and began to sit up. Sebastian was quick to follow. "You…you did this on purpose." Blaine starting, saying it as soon as his mind made it up. "You came here…a-and you got me high so you could-"
"No I didn't," Sebastian tried, hoping he wouldn't lose everything he had just gained. "I wasn't even the one who-"
"Get out." Blaine command, though there was no bite in his bark.
"Blaine," Sebastian started, reaching his hand out. Blaine quickly smacked it away.
"Get out of my house. Now." Blaine ordered with more authority. Sebastian stared at him for a minute before collecting his blazer and running out of the house.
On his ride home he had to pull over to puke. When he did get home, he immediately went upstairs and changed, grabbed his fake ID, and went straight to Scandals. He did seven lines of cocaine that night and let two guys whose names he didn't know fuck him in the bathroom. When he got home he passed out at the bottom of the stairs.
Pairing: Sebastian/Blaine
Warnings/Disclaimers: I don't own these characters. Heavy drug and alcohol use.
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 2,150+
Summary: Sebastian's worst case scenario played out in from of him when Blaine took the slushie for Kurt. He wants to make it right before he loses it all, but saying sorry isn't his thing. Sebastian-centric.
Author's Note: Hello there. I'm only planning on there to be one more part, but if Sebastian comes back then I'll probably do more with it.
It had happened. The worst case scenario had played out in front him. Sebastian thought Blaine might get in the way, but he had hoped Blaine wouldn't. He had hoped Blaine was staring to pull away from Kurt, had assumed so by how frequently they'd talked, but Blaine still pushed Kurt out of the way and took the slushie, right in the eye. The scene replayed over and over again in his mind as he drove some of the Warblers home from the parking garage. Jeff was the last one in his car.
"You should probably call Blaine later, see if he's okay," Jeff suggested as Sebastian turned down his street. Sebastian didn't respond, knowing that Blaine wasn't okay, wasn't going to be okay for a while. Sebastian finally pulled up to Jeff's house. "You know, if you need to talk to-"
"Get out,' Sebastian barked. Jeff sighed and got out of the car. As soon as the passenger side door shut he peeled out of the driveway.
When Sebastian got home he called out a hello to which he got no reply. He stripped off his blazer as he went into a kitchen. When he flipped on the kitchen lights he found a note that simply read 'Be back in a week and a half, Mom & Dad' attached to two hundred dollar bills. Suddenly his appetite was gone.
Leaving the light on, he walked upstairs to his room. He loosened his tie as he went straight into his bathroom. He turned the light on and bent over the sink, splashing some water on his face. When he finally dared to look at himself in the mirror he couldn't stand what he saw. He saw a villain, a monster. He saw a cold blooded beast and he couldn't stand it. He grabbed the first thing he could get his hands on from his counter and threw it at the mirror. He stood there for a second, panting, as he followed the cracks in the mirror that ran over his face. Finally, with a sigh, he turned off the light and went back into his room.
He grabbed a wooden box from his bedside table and made his way downstairs. When he got to his father's den he placed the wooden box on the desk and made his way to the small bar his father kept in the back of the room. He made himself a drink, which he down quickly. He made himself another drink, but took that one and a bottle of vodka to the desk with him. He put down the drink, took his phone out of his pocket and put it on the desk, and took off his tie before sitting down. He then opened the box, pulled out one of his pre-rolled joints and a lighter. He stopped for a second, his eyes darting between the drink and the joint. The thought popped into his head that maybe he shouldn't this time. Maybe he should go a night sober and try to work through his demons. He quickly pushed that thought to the back of his head and deposited the joint between his lips. He let himself wonder how things got so bad. How he'd gotten so bad. He thinks about his childhood. About his relationship with his parents, and his past love interested. He drowns the memories with alcohol and weed in hopes they'd die.
That night Sebastian ended up puking in the trashcan twice and falling asleep at the desk. His phone lay next to his head, one new message in his draft folder.
To: Blaine Anderson
I'm sorry.
A few days later the bitchy Latina from Blaine's new Glee Club came and visited the Warblers, telling them that Blaine was going to have surgery. Sebastian wasn't surprised, but it hit him harder than he expected it to. He dueled with the girl, but he didn't put his heart into like he should have, and even let it slip that he had messed with the slushie he hit Blaine with. On the ride home he made a call to order something, realizing half way through the call what a huge mistake he made by telling her about the rock salt. That night he drank so much he passed out in the hallway outside of his room.
The next day after Warbler practice he stopped at home for a second before going to visit Blaine. He knocked on the door a few times but got no response. He would have left if he hadn't seen Blaine's car in the driveway. Instead, he opened the door and called out a hello. Besides a groan from upstairs, which he assumed was Blaine, the house was silent. He made his way upstairs to Blaine's room, taking the time to look at all the pictures hung on the wall. Sebastian knew Blaine's family was like his, ashamed that their son was a queer and never home if they could help it. When he found Blaine's room he knocked on the door harshly, receiving another groan. He took that as a sign to come in.
"Kurt?" Blaine groaned as he rolled on to his back.
"Not quite," Sebastian replied as he shut the door quietly.
"Sebastian?" Blaine tried.
"Bingo," Sebastian confirmed, cringing at his choice of words. He was glad that Blaine was half asleep and probably didn't catch it.
"You didn't come to finish me off, did you?" Blaine asked as he flicked on the lamp on his bedside table. Sebastian didn't know what he was expecting Blaine to look like after the slushie, but Blaine in an eye patch had never crossed his mind.
"Believe it or not, no." Sebastian smirked as he stepped forward. "I see you got the flowers I sent you," he said as he nodded to the vase if lilies sitting on Blaine's dresser. Blaine kept a straight face. "Anyways, I came with a sort of…peace offering." Sebastian said as he laid a wooden box on the edge of Blaine's bed.
Blaine looked at the box for a few seconds before looking back up at Sebastian. Sebastian smiled and opened the box before pushing it up the bed more. It took Blaine a second to register what exactly the box held.
"I…I don't think I can take this." Blaine stuttered out as he shut the box. Sebastian moved to sit on the edge of the bed, pulling the box on his lap.
"Why not?"
"I'm not supposed to drink with my medication," Blaine reasoned, his hands grabbing onto the blanket resting on his lap.
"What does the doctor say about smoking weed with your medicine?" Sebastian asked as he grabbed a few joints and a book of matches out of the box. He moved to put the box on Blaine's bedside table, noticing a picture of Kurt.
"It doesn't say anything, but-"
"Come on. I bet that eye hurts something fierce, and this," he said as he picked up a joint, "will help take your mind off things." Sebastian ended his explanation with a smile. Blaine still looked skeptical. "Look, I..." Sebastian started, looking down at his lap where his fingers were twisting the ends of the joint, "That slushie wasn't meant for you, ya know? And I don't really know how to apologize, so…just take this gesture as a sort of…olive branch. From me, to you." Sebastian tried, looking Blaine in the eye and holding out the joint between them, putting on his best puppy dog eyes. Finally Blaine sighed and took the joint from him.
"Fine, but light those candles." He ordered, pointing to the few candles next to the box.
Sebastian's smiled brightly as he set to work lighting the candles, handing one to Blaine to put on the bedside table next to him. When Blaine wasn't looking Sebastian put the picture of Kurt face down. Next, Sebastian slipped off his blazer, plucked the joint from Blaine's hands, placed it between his lips, and lit it. Blaine watched Sebastian inhale, hold it, then exhale. He was entranced by the way the smoke curled in the air. Sebastian smiled at his innocence before passing it to him. As Blaine took his first few puffs Sebastian located his stereo. Sebastian turned it on quickly, attaching his phone and choosing what he thought would be the perfect music for the occasion.
The first joint went quickly. Sebastian lay against Blaine's headboard, sleeves rolled up, laughing with Blaine. As Sebastian started the second joint Blaine went into a story about his first major crush. It ended being Blaine's seventh grade English teacher. Blaine described him as tall, with glasses and slicked back hair, which is what he blamed his gel addiction on. At first Blaine just thought he liked his teacher because for once he was actually learning, but when the wet dreams started he knew that wasn't the case.
In turn Sebastian told the story of his first kiss. Sebastian was in fifth grade, and already knew he liked boys. He had a best friend that wouldn't leave his side. One day after school while they were walking to the boy's house Sebastian brought up kissing, and the idea that maybe they should try kissing each other. The other boy was skeptical at first but finally agreed. When they got to the boys room they tried kissing for a few minutes before playing video games. The next day the boy wouldn't look or talk to Sebastian. When Sebastian finally cornered him, the boy said he had told his parents about their kiss and was instructed to never hang out with Sebastian again. He immediately regretted telling the story after he finished it.
By this point he was laying down facing Blaine. Blaine had gotten a hold of his tie somewhere in the middle of Sebastian's story and was stroking it softly.
"I don't want you to hate me," Sebastian whispered.
"I don't," Blaine shook his head before turning to face Sebastian. "I just don't get it."
"Get what?"
"Why you want me," Blaine supplied.
"Are you kidding? Have you seen you?" Sebastian started softly, Blaine smiling sheepishly. "You're amazing. You're kind and passionate, your voice is amazing, and don't get me started on how beautiful you are," Sebastian clarified for him. "Although I have to say, your hair looks much better without all that gel." He smiled as he let his hand brush back a few stray curls, letting his hand brush through Blaine's hair until he was cupping Blaine's neck. He looked into Blaine's eyes, unable to read it. He felt Blaine swallow under his hand. Sebastian bent his head towards Blaine's until their foreheads were touching. "I know I'm a bad person, but please just give me a chance." He whispered.
He felt Blaine swallow again before leaning in and kissed him. Sebastian brought his hand to cup Blaine's jaw as he scooted closer. Blaine's hand went from Sebastian's tie to Sebastian's hips as he tilted his head to get a better angle. Blaine soon let his tongue lick over Sebastian's bottom lip, pulling Sebastian closer. Sebastian opened his mouth quickly, letting his tongue learn the inside of Blaine's mouth. Sebastian knew he was good with his mouth, and he was more than excited to show Blaine his unique talents. He finally sucked Blaine's bottom lip into his mouth, biting it lightly before letting it go and ending the kiss.
Sebastian opened his eyes to see Blaine still had his closed. He ran his thumb over Blaine's cheekbone as he felt Blaine's hot puffs of breath on his lips. When Blaine finally opened his eye Sebastian couldn't breathe.
"No," Blaine breathed out quickly. "I can't," He continued to whisper as he took his hand off Sebastian's hip.
"Wha-"
"This can't happen." Blaine said a little louder as he took Sebastian's hand off his face and began to sit up. Sebastian was quick to follow. "You…you did this on purpose." Blaine starting, saying it as soon as his mind made it up. "You came here…a-and you got me high so you could-"
"No I didn't," Sebastian tried, hoping he wouldn't lose everything he had just gained. "I wasn't even the one who-"
"Get out." Blaine command, though there was no bite in his bark.
"Blaine," Sebastian started, reaching his hand out. Blaine quickly smacked it away.
"Get out of my house. Now." Blaine ordered with more authority. Sebastian stared at him for a minute before collecting his blazer and running out of the house.
On his ride home he had to pull over to puke. When he did get home, he immediately went upstairs and changed, grabbed his fake ID, and went straight to Scandals. He did seven lines of cocaine that night and let two guys whose names he didn't know fuck him in the bathroom. When he got home he passed out at the bottom of the stairs.