(no subject)
Is it a bad sign that I feel worse physically when I'm back at school? Headaches, anxiety, craving, frustration, disillusionment
But when I'm at home I feel lively, adventurous, spirited, comfortable, welcome, not addicted
They say that Oregon gets people stoned on its natural beauty--maybe that's why
But I think it's because of a few sources of dissatisfaction down here
It's pretty hard to have to live with the awful bullshit of attending college in the first place, combined with the fact that USC is particularly noxious--but freshman year we all had a pretty nice social situation, something to embrace and help hold yourself together
And that totally imploded this year
People got more involved with clubs, relationships, classes, and we simply didn't live in the same building anymore
And I've been reading way too much about alternative lifestyles, particularly the communal, familial arrangements of the counterculture--and the indviduals of the counterculture--the true ones, not weekend hippies--had a lot of disdain for college and universities, and I totally can see why
USC does completely nothing to dispel this fundamental dissatisfaction
Expanding/destroying my mind with drugs can only do so much and sports are inscrutable to me
Does it make any sense that I have to write little papers or memorize trivia or sit through discussions whose participants are so poorly informed that we can't help but reach stupid conclusions?
What's to stop any of us from dropping out of school and hitchhiking to Bumfuck Nebraska? Just think about that: you could just stop going to classes forever. right now.
Not that that is what I want to do but it does hold a certain romantic attraction--probably only because life at school is so bland and unvaried
I could transfer the sweet fuck out of here, but for some reason I rule that out
So, I guess it's back to pushing the boulder up the hill for now. It's probably just a sophomore thing
But when I'm at home I feel lively, adventurous, spirited, comfortable, welcome, not addicted
They say that Oregon gets people stoned on its natural beauty--maybe that's why
But I think it's because of a few sources of dissatisfaction down here
It's pretty hard to have to live with the awful bullshit of attending college in the first place, combined with the fact that USC is particularly noxious--but freshman year we all had a pretty nice social situation, something to embrace and help hold yourself together
And that totally imploded this year
People got more involved with clubs, relationships, classes, and we simply didn't live in the same building anymore
And I've been reading way too much about alternative lifestyles, particularly the communal, familial arrangements of the counterculture--and the indviduals of the counterculture--the true ones, not weekend hippies--had a lot of disdain for college and universities, and I totally can see why
USC does completely nothing to dispel this fundamental dissatisfaction
Expanding/destroying my mind with drugs can only do so much and sports are inscrutable to me
Does it make any sense that I have to write little papers or memorize trivia or sit through discussions whose participants are so poorly informed that we can't help but reach stupid conclusions?
What's to stop any of us from dropping out of school and hitchhiking to Bumfuck Nebraska? Just think about that: you could just stop going to classes forever. right now.
Not that that is what I want to do but it does hold a certain romantic attraction--probably only because life at school is so bland and unvaried
I could transfer the sweet fuck out of here, but for some reason I rule that out
So, I guess it's back to pushing the boulder up the hill for now. It's probably just a sophomore thing