"it's such a waste to always look behind you, you should be lookin' straight ahead"
I wish things could change forever and still stay the same. I wish people oculd love me as much as they used to love me. I wish I was still everyone's mystery girl, and I wish that I didn't feel so alone.
I have an amazing set of friends at college. I'm going to be devestated when I leave them next year, provided that actually happens. I think that's what I'm worried about, mainly. I seem to migrate from group to group, getting involved in intense relationships and friendships that last somewhere between a few months and a year or so. It seems that every school year, I have claimed someone different as my "best friend." Maybe I need to grow up and realize that best friends don't exist, or that there can be more than one. But nevertheless, things have changed in this area year-to-year. Georgia has been the only exception. She's my best friend, or she was. We did everything together in high school. And now that I'm in college, things have changed, and we've both moved on; it's only natural, and I'm completely okay with this. But we're not best friends anymore. We don't have that 3am bond, we don't name P words every chance we get, we don't piss in rivers, we don't set bottles sailing across the Atlantic. We don't park in the employee only parking space at Target. We don't have wawa wednesdays. We don't go to Hashawa to take pictures. We don't have adventures to Morgan Park. We don't go out for ice cream. We don't randomly wander around the mall and pretend like we HATE clothes shopping when really we like it (but only when it's with each other). We don't eat cartoon-inspired macaroni and cheese while watching America's Next Top Model marathons. We don't pass out under the same blankie in her basement. We don't have impromptu sleepovers. We don't take adventures to Devil's Den and Rita's, or to our silly cemetary where we used to take pictures right after it rained. We don't stay up all night talking about nothing or anything or everything. We don't sit on slugs anymore. We don't play with sidewalk chalk.
Whose fault it is, I really don't know. I'd like to NOT blame it on myself, because I miss all these things. Maybe it's just the natural order of things, and we're not meant to be best friends forever (as much as I sound like a third-grader). Maybe our connection subsisted solely on the mutual bond of high school. I'd like to think that we were better than that, but obviously we're not. It doesn't matter, because I know she doesn't read this anymore. And anyone else who might read it won't understand. Thanks for reading though, if you did.
Maybe someday I'll make another friend like Georgia. I doubt it, because I'm pretty sure we were the best thing around. But I guess I'll have to move on.
I have an amazing set of friends at college. I'm going to be devestated when I leave them next year, provided that actually happens. I think that's what I'm worried about, mainly. I seem to migrate from group to group, getting involved in intense relationships and friendships that last somewhere between a few months and a year or so. It seems that every school year, I have claimed someone different as my "best friend." Maybe I need to grow up and realize that best friends don't exist, or that there can be more than one. But nevertheless, things have changed in this area year-to-year. Georgia has been the only exception. She's my best friend, or she was. We did everything together in high school. And now that I'm in college, things have changed, and we've both moved on; it's only natural, and I'm completely okay with this. But we're not best friends anymore. We don't have that 3am bond, we don't name P words every chance we get, we don't piss in rivers, we don't set bottles sailing across the Atlantic. We don't park in the employee only parking space at Target. We don't have wawa wednesdays. We don't go to Hashawa to take pictures. We don't have adventures to Morgan Park. We don't go out for ice cream. We don't randomly wander around the mall and pretend like we HATE clothes shopping when really we like it (but only when it's with each other). We don't eat cartoon-inspired macaroni and cheese while watching America's Next Top Model marathons. We don't pass out under the same blankie in her basement. We don't have impromptu sleepovers. We don't take adventures to Devil's Den and Rita's, or to our silly cemetary where we used to take pictures right after it rained. We don't stay up all night talking about nothing or anything or everything. We don't sit on slugs anymore. We don't play with sidewalk chalk.
Whose fault it is, I really don't know. I'd like to NOT blame it on myself, because I miss all these things. Maybe it's just the natural order of things, and we're not meant to be best friends forever (as much as I sound like a third-grader). Maybe our connection subsisted solely on the mutual bond of high school. I'd like to think that we were better than that, but obviously we're not. It doesn't matter, because I know she doesn't read this anymore. And anyone else who might read it won't understand. Thanks for reading though, if you did.
Maybe someday I'll make another friend like Georgia. I doubt it, because I'm pretty sure we were the best thing around. But I guess I'll have to move on.