2006
Took the first entry of every entry from 2006.
It's weird to read over.
January
So I had the biggest butterflies ever today.
They were just flying around in my stomach so bad I got lightheaded.
It's been a while since that's happened.
February
Things have been very good latley.
Today I went to school, and second period I got my mom to pick me up,
just because I was feeling crappy.
I went home, took a nap, and came back 10th period for track.
Track has been very good lately, and tons of fun.
Maybe it's the smaller group, or maybe it's just everyone getting along better,
and getting to know each other.
And I like that the gap between like, freshman and seniors isn't that big of a deal.
I like that everyone is mature, for the most part.
I dont know what happened between me and Mike. Not like there was anything to happen,
but he got all mad at me, and now things are different. And way awkward.
And I hate that more than anything.
Wow, so today after track, there was a girl's basketball game.
And Berman carried me downstairs, and when he left, these ghetto guys started talking to me?
It was totally obnoxious it was halarious.
"Dammn, shawty lookin fiiiine. You comin' down hurr witcho boy and I gonna hit dat!"
Pathetic much? I turned aroud and said, "Um, fuck off."
It was great.
Gah, I'm sorry guys. I'm going all boycrazy.
Forgive me.
March
"I don't need an ice cream cone."
"It's not an ice cream cone.
...What's an ice cream cone?"
"You know.
Here's a little something
to make you happy.
Something sweet that melts
in five minutes."
April
So today at track, was saying how he was splitting up the boys and girls for a certain workout, so "Boydston and Lauren won't be holding hands."
They're going out, and he knows that, he was just making a joke or whatever. But then he says,
"So, who else are our couples on the team?"
And people start yelling out names, Brittany and Freddie, Jess and Joel, Courtney and Berman, McCarron and Jason, which is my personal favorite.
And then someone yelled,
"Katie and Foogie!"
It wasn't embarrassing. It was just that I dont know if I'm comfortable being a "couple" with him. I'm not even sure if me and Kurt are still together. How terrible am I, really.
I know this is going to sound all girly and annoying and bad and whatever, but I really think me and Kurt might possibly be "meant to be", you know?
Like, I honestly can't picture my future without him in it. I think it may be because he's such a huge part of my past.
I'm scared to break up with him, I think. But both of us really need some time apart.
And then there's Danny.
I need some time, I think.
May
You know what?
I'm doing okay.
I miss Kurt, yeah, but, I'm doing okay.
I'm out of that crying period now, and I'm getting angry.
But, whatever, it's done.
Track is kindof ending soon.
The meet at Kingston was really good, I ran well.
I only had one event, so I just sat around
with everyone, and Mike was being cute.
I took a half hour walk with Chris Boydston, and we just talked and laughed, and talked about life.
He really gets me, and I don't know why.
I'm surprised I haven't like, fallen for him? I guess?
He's a gorgeous sweet kid, but I dont know. I don't see him in that way.
And I'm proud of it.
Yesterday after track, I had a soccer game, and I played Amanda's team.
I love having her. We couldn't stop laughing the whole time. And she gets me.
I decided that, for the most part, I hate girls.
There are my few exceptions, and you know who you are,
but, really.
Bitches are a dime a dozen these days, and it's fucking annoying.
Why can't you keep promises for once, you know?
So, yeah, whatever.
I'm getting to that content place.
June
Anyway, I was too tired to walk when we decided to go upstairs, so Mike scooped me up in the blanket and carried me, and dropped me on Chris’s futon. Chris put on the strobe light, and Mike lay down with me, and we cuddled.
I didn’t know how much I miss being held. It used to be so common, and now it’s such a rare occurrence.
And when Mike was behind me, and had his arm around my waist, and had his head in my neck and kissed my ear, I didn’t have the heart to tell him to stop.
I should’ve told him, I should’ve. But I’m weak in that respect.
So while the others jumped around in the strobe light, me and Mike cuddled and kissed and joked around. For whatever reason, it felt like something I needed.
Amanda’s mom came and picked us up, and Mike picked me up and helped me down from a ledge, and kissed me, and it rained, and didn’t stop kissing me, even when he put me down.
I said, “Bye, Mikey.”
He smiled, and held my face, and kissed me again, and pulled me back as I was pulling away.
Everyone is right.
What is it about that kid that makes everyone melt?
I know I’m no different from all the other girls he hooks up with, but, this time, I didn’t care.
I just needed it.
I’m bad.
July
I'm home.
It was fantastic.
I'll explain more when I have time.
But, Katie has a boyfriend.
And a new puppy!
August
You know what?
I hate that left-out feeling.
Not necessarily not being invited or whatever,
but that feeling when you like, care about someone, and they don't seem to care as much as they did, or something.
That empty feeling.
You know what?
I feel like "this empty feeling", is always in the backround of my life.
In whatever I do, it always comes back.
And I can't quite describe it; it's mostly lonliness, and just being...empty. It's the only way to describe it.
I shouldn't be empty, you know.
I have a boyfriend.
But maybe this lonliness isn't about a boyfriend.
People, even me sometimes, think that having someone will solve all your problems.
It's like, hey, at least youre not lonely, right?
But it doesnt.
Having someone is great. It is, especially if you really care for them.
But it doesnt make everything okay.
What makes everything okay then?
September
Quick.
School's okay, not great. I miss last year.
Soccer's a lot better, I'm starting.
Tom's worse, but I'm an emotional rollercoaster.
I see Jeff everywhere, and I can't help but be upset.
Kurt's sister's in my gym class, that should be fun.
I'm with Amanda a lot, which is so great.
Latin sucks, which is bad, I miss Emily.
James is in my global class, and I'm confused about him.
I see Mike and Chris a lot, and I'm glad I have friends like them.
They came to my game today.
I'm trying to settle in.
October
This weekend was good.
Friday I had practice and Tom drove me home, which was big. And he stopped by for a little.
And then I got dressed and went to Emily’s and had a lot of fun there.
We drank and whatever, and Tom was being a good boyfriend, but too good. I don’t know.
And James was there, and I knew he was going to be, but for whatever reason, every time I’m with him, it’s still big.
Plus I acted like an idiot with him, as usual.
November
Cory: She kissed me!
Topanga: And you moved away? What did you do to stop it?
Cory: You're right. I said, "Kiss me, baby-sweetie, kill the relationship with the person I care about more than anyone in the world, and make me miserable for the rest of my horrible life." That's what I said.
December
I feel weird posting an entry, because I haven't in so long.
Things have been okay. Good, I guess.
I miss the summertime, is all.
Things are good with me and Tom.
Things are good with me and friends, sort of. It's kindof awkard.
I miss things, is all.
I'm going through a werid phase, I guess.
It's weird to read over.
January
So I had the biggest butterflies ever today.
They were just flying around in my stomach so bad I got lightheaded.
It's been a while since that's happened.
February
Things have been very good latley.
Today I went to school, and second period I got my mom to pick me up,
just because I was feeling crappy.
I went home, took a nap, and came back 10th period for track.
Track has been very good lately, and tons of fun.
Maybe it's the smaller group, or maybe it's just everyone getting along better,
and getting to know each other.
And I like that the gap between like, freshman and seniors isn't that big of a deal.
I like that everyone is mature, for the most part.
I dont know what happened between me and Mike. Not like there was anything to happen,
but he got all mad at me, and now things are different. And way awkward.
And I hate that more than anything.
Wow, so today after track, there was a girl's basketball game.
And Berman carried me downstairs, and when he left, these ghetto guys started talking to me?
It was totally obnoxious it was halarious.
"Dammn, shawty lookin fiiiine. You comin' down hurr witcho boy and I gonna hit dat!"
Pathetic much? I turned aroud and said, "Um, fuck off."
It was great.
Gah, I'm sorry guys. I'm going all boycrazy.
Forgive me.
March
"I don't need an ice cream cone."
"It's not an ice cream cone.
...What's an ice cream cone?"
"You know.
Here's a little something
to make you happy.
Something sweet that melts
in five minutes."
April
So today at track, was saying how he was splitting up the boys and girls for a certain workout, so "Boydston and Lauren won't be holding hands."
They're going out, and he knows that, he was just making a joke or whatever. But then he says,
"So, who else are our couples on the team?"
And people start yelling out names, Brittany and Freddie, Jess and Joel, Courtney and Berman, McCarron and Jason, which is my personal favorite.
And then someone yelled,
"Katie and Foogie!"
It wasn't embarrassing. It was just that I dont know if I'm comfortable being a "couple" with him. I'm not even sure if me and Kurt are still together. How terrible am I, really.
I know this is going to sound all girly and annoying and bad and whatever, but I really think me and Kurt might possibly be "meant to be", you know?
Like, I honestly can't picture my future without him in it. I think it may be because he's such a huge part of my past.
I'm scared to break up with him, I think. But both of us really need some time apart.
And then there's Danny.
I need some time, I think.
May
You know what?
I'm doing okay.
I miss Kurt, yeah, but, I'm doing okay.
I'm out of that crying period now, and I'm getting angry.
But, whatever, it's done.
Track is kindof ending soon.
The meet at Kingston was really good, I ran well.
I only had one event, so I just sat around
with everyone, and Mike was being cute.
I took a half hour walk with Chris Boydston, and we just talked and laughed, and talked about life.
He really gets me, and I don't know why.
I'm surprised I haven't like, fallen for him? I guess?
He's a gorgeous sweet kid, but I dont know. I don't see him in that way.
And I'm proud of it.
Yesterday after track, I had a soccer game, and I played Amanda's team.
I love having her. We couldn't stop laughing the whole time. And she gets me.
I decided that, for the most part, I hate girls.
There are my few exceptions, and you know who you are,
but, really.
Bitches are a dime a dozen these days, and it's fucking annoying.
Why can't you keep promises for once, you know?
So, yeah, whatever.
I'm getting to that content place.
June
Anyway, I was too tired to walk when we decided to go upstairs, so Mike scooped me up in the blanket and carried me, and dropped me on Chris’s futon. Chris put on the strobe light, and Mike lay down with me, and we cuddled.
I didn’t know how much I miss being held. It used to be so common, and now it’s such a rare occurrence.
And when Mike was behind me, and had his arm around my waist, and had his head in my neck and kissed my ear, I didn’t have the heart to tell him to stop.
I should’ve told him, I should’ve. But I’m weak in that respect.
So while the others jumped around in the strobe light, me and Mike cuddled and kissed and joked around. For whatever reason, it felt like something I needed.
Amanda’s mom came and picked us up, and Mike picked me up and helped me down from a ledge, and kissed me, and it rained, and didn’t stop kissing me, even when he put me down.
I said, “Bye, Mikey.”
He smiled, and held my face, and kissed me again, and pulled me back as I was pulling away.
Everyone is right.
What is it about that kid that makes everyone melt?
I know I’m no different from all the other girls he hooks up with, but, this time, I didn’t care.
I just needed it.
I’m bad.
July
I'm home.
It was fantastic.
I'll explain more when I have time.
But, Katie has a boyfriend.
And a new puppy!
August
You know what?
I hate that left-out feeling.
Not necessarily not being invited or whatever,
but that feeling when you like, care about someone, and they don't seem to care as much as they did, or something.
That empty feeling.
You know what?
I feel like "this empty feeling", is always in the backround of my life.
In whatever I do, it always comes back.
And I can't quite describe it; it's mostly lonliness, and just being...empty. It's the only way to describe it.
I shouldn't be empty, you know.
I have a boyfriend.
But maybe this lonliness isn't about a boyfriend.
People, even me sometimes, think that having someone will solve all your problems.
It's like, hey, at least youre not lonely, right?
But it doesnt.
Having someone is great. It is, especially if you really care for them.
But it doesnt make everything okay.
What makes everything okay then?
September
Quick.
School's okay, not great. I miss last year.
Soccer's a lot better, I'm starting.
Tom's worse, but I'm an emotional rollercoaster.
I see Jeff everywhere, and I can't help but be upset.
Kurt's sister's in my gym class, that should be fun.
I'm with Amanda a lot, which is so great.
Latin sucks, which is bad, I miss Emily.
James is in my global class, and I'm confused about him.
I see Mike and Chris a lot, and I'm glad I have friends like them.
They came to my game today.
I'm trying to settle in.
October
This weekend was good.
Friday I had practice and Tom drove me home, which was big. And he stopped by for a little.
And then I got dressed and went to Emily’s and had a lot of fun there.
We drank and whatever, and Tom was being a good boyfriend, but too good. I don’t know.
And James was there, and I knew he was going to be, but for whatever reason, every time I’m with him, it’s still big.
Plus I acted like an idiot with him, as usual.
November
Cory: She kissed me!
Topanga: And you moved away? What did you do to stop it?
Cory: You're right. I said, "Kiss me, baby-sweetie, kill the relationship with the person I care about more than anyone in the world, and make me miserable for the rest of my horrible life." That's what I said.
December
I feel weird posting an entry, because I haven't in so long.
Things have been okay. Good, I guess.
I miss the summertime, is all.
Things are good with me and Tom.
Things are good with me and friends, sort of. It's kindof awkard.
I miss things, is all.
I'm going through a werid phase, I guess.