Update on life
At my workplace if you're faculty status you have to use up all your vacation/take-off days before June 30th (which is the end of our fiscal year) I didn't know this until March! I had about 10 days left and no where to go. So for the last two months I've been taking off every Friday. I think I'm going to miss 4 day work weeks after June 30th.
Anchorage has also had a two/three week heat wave, it feels longer. Our house does not have A/C and it was warm a few nights. okay 75 feels hot for me at this point! My cats even looked like they were wilting under the heat. Also the mosquitoes are horrible this summer, normally I wear layers because the temps rarely reached 60 so mosquitoes wouldn't be able to bite even if they were there, but at 75 wearing a long sleeve shirt is uncomfortable. Having said that we went out and bought anti-mosquito spray and I don't care if they are poison!
This morning not five minutes after my husband left for work my cats began meowing at our bedroom door (I'm an evil cat mom and do not let our cats sleep with us, though my husband totally naps with the kitties) They rather ruined my plans for sleeping in I ended up throwing a shoe at the door and sleeping another hour but now that I'm awake I still feel sleepy. Hate when that happens.
In other news, I think I've been feeling more anxious lately, mostly about work. Only from what I can tell everything at work is going great. I like my co-workers, I'm working and communicating well with others (though I am trying to slow down when I speak and speak more clearly), my bosses have said I'm doing great and one of them is going to be giving me assignments so I can train on using terminal emulators to connect to the server and begin learning Perl scripting and API. Bosses don't give you more responsibility and continue training if they don't think you can handle it, or have an interest in you continuing to help.
I'm actually rather excited to have some guidance as I begin to learn more about database management, perl scripting, and other aspects of being an assistant systems admin for the library consortium. People are normally smiling by the end of our conversations. I'm even able to talk with people in a sister library that is hosted in our Academic library. I have a good raport with three people who work there and I've fostered better communication between our libraries.
I've learned a lot since I've began working half my hours assisting the system administer of Sirsi Workflows, okay mostly I help solve Help Desk tickets, write tutorials, and help generate reports for our users. I'm also learning a lot about cataloging I'm going to be the Chair of our Joint-cataloging committee for Alaska next year, this year I'm co-chair which to be honest means I've been holding onto the book of information from previous chairs. I should read it soon. I currently love my job, I find it challenging, interesting, and not boring. I love doing both aspects of my job, in fact I lose track of time at work and end up staying 20 minutes past my end of day.
Logically I know all is well but when I leave and come home, instead of leaving work at work, I begin to obsess over every conversation, whether or not I was productive enough that day, should I have re-worded an email, was I positive enough, did I spend too much time researching how to class motion pictures in our library, and etc...it's all rather annoying because I want to enjoy my time at home and relax with my kitties, a good book, and good hikes. I think with the minor heat wave that hit Anchorage my sleep probably hasn't been as good as it could be and maybe it's a touch of sleep deprivation that is doing me in? I do become a bit paranoid when I don't sleep enough. I think maybe because I love my job so much I'm more afraid of losing it so that could be increasing my anxiety.
I'm trying hard to hide my anxiety at work and put on a good face and appear confident. I've made a rule to wait a day if I begin to feel anxious about a conversation and if I offended anyone. The few times I double checked or apologized, people looked at me baffled and were not offended at all! I realized that maybe I'm reading too much into conversations. By waiting a day it gives me time to reflect. I figured if it still bothers me a day later I can ask then. So far by the second day I don't feel that overwhelming urge to double check that everything is okay. I hate feeling this way.
Right now I'm managing the symptoms but I'd like to figure out the underlying cause. My current theory is that at my last work place I never knew when I said something wrong and I was completely shunned, my grandmother wold also shun us if we did something to upset her but we never knew we'd upset her until after the fact. I think this could be the root cause of my anxiety. I haven't upset anyone at work that I know of and I don't know what would happen if I did? I also don't want to find out. My bosses have said if I do something wrong they will let me know asap. I think I will just have to trust that this is true.
I think that's enough for today: I still have to go grocery shopping and we may go see World War Z tonight. It's the only movie he's expressed much interest in watching this summer.
http://amalthia.dreamwidth.org/846294.html#comments
Anchorage has also had a two/three week heat wave, it feels longer. Our house does not have A/C and it was warm a few nights. okay 75 feels hot for me at this point! My cats even looked like they were wilting under the heat. Also the mosquitoes are horrible this summer, normally I wear layers because the temps rarely reached 60 so mosquitoes wouldn't be able to bite even if they were there, but at 75 wearing a long sleeve shirt is uncomfortable. Having said that we went out and bought anti-mosquito spray and I don't care if they are poison!
This morning not five minutes after my husband left for work my cats began meowing at our bedroom door (I'm an evil cat mom and do not let our cats sleep with us, though my husband totally naps with the kitties) They rather ruined my plans for sleeping in I ended up throwing a shoe at the door and sleeping another hour but now that I'm awake I still feel sleepy. Hate when that happens.
In other news, I think I've been feeling more anxious lately, mostly about work. Only from what I can tell everything at work is going great. I like my co-workers, I'm working and communicating well with others (though I am trying to slow down when I speak and speak more clearly), my bosses have said I'm doing great and one of them is going to be giving me assignments so I can train on using terminal emulators to connect to the server and begin learning Perl scripting and API. Bosses don't give you more responsibility and continue training if they don't think you can handle it, or have an interest in you continuing to help.
I'm actually rather excited to have some guidance as I begin to learn more about database management, perl scripting, and other aspects of being an assistant systems admin for the library consortium. People are normally smiling by the end of our conversations. I'm even able to talk with people in a sister library that is hosted in our Academic library. I have a good raport with three people who work there and I've fostered better communication between our libraries.
I've learned a lot since I've began working half my hours assisting the system administer of Sirsi Workflows, okay mostly I help solve Help Desk tickets, write tutorials, and help generate reports for our users. I'm also learning a lot about cataloging I'm going to be the Chair of our Joint-cataloging committee for Alaska next year, this year I'm co-chair which to be honest means I've been holding onto the book of information from previous chairs. I should read it soon. I currently love my job, I find it challenging, interesting, and not boring. I love doing both aspects of my job, in fact I lose track of time at work and end up staying 20 minutes past my end of day.
Logically I know all is well but when I leave and come home, instead of leaving work at work, I begin to obsess over every conversation, whether or not I was productive enough that day, should I have re-worded an email, was I positive enough, did I spend too much time researching how to class motion pictures in our library, and etc...it's all rather annoying because I want to enjoy my time at home and relax with my kitties, a good book, and good hikes. I think with the minor heat wave that hit Anchorage my sleep probably hasn't been as good as it could be and maybe it's a touch of sleep deprivation that is doing me in? I do become a bit paranoid when I don't sleep enough. I think maybe because I love my job so much I'm more afraid of losing it so that could be increasing my anxiety.
I'm trying hard to hide my anxiety at work and put on a good face and appear confident. I've made a rule to wait a day if I begin to feel anxious about a conversation and if I offended anyone. The few times I double checked or apologized, people looked at me baffled and were not offended at all! I realized that maybe I'm reading too much into conversations. By waiting a day it gives me time to reflect. I figured if it still bothers me a day later I can ask then. So far by the second day I don't feel that overwhelming urge to double check that everything is okay. I hate feeling this way.
Right now I'm managing the symptoms but I'd like to figure out the underlying cause. My current theory is that at my last work place I never knew when I said something wrong and I was completely shunned, my grandmother wold also shun us if we did something to upset her but we never knew we'd upset her until after the fact. I think this could be the root cause of my anxiety. I haven't upset anyone at work that I know of and I don't know what would happen if I did? I also don't want to find out. My bosses have said if I do something wrong they will let me know asap. I think I will just have to trust that this is true.
I think that's enough for today: I still have to go grocery shopping and we may go see World War Z tonight. It's the only movie he's expressed much interest in watching this summer.
http://amalthia.dreamwidth.org/846294.html#comments