1 Chaptered: Lost Without Each Other
Title: Lost Without Each Other (Chapter 3)
Co-Author: jandjsalmon
Words: circa 5000 the chapter
Rating: ultimately NC-17 (this chapter is NC-17)
Characters/Pairings: Theodore Nott/Tracey Davis
Warnings: character death, swearing, sex/smut, not exactly HBP compliant.
Author's Notes: I'm honored to be able to write our Theo/Tracey with my awesome friend, Jess.
Summary: Theodore Nott and Tracey Davis are happily in love. They plan to spend forever together until after several unforeseeable circumstances they are pulled apart. Eight years later, something they witnessed on one of their last dates comes back to haunt them both and push them together in ways neither is prepared for
Summary for chapter: Tracey goes to a heartbreaking meeting and then comes back to Theo at the school. She tries to avoid him, but he doesn't let her evades his presence.
Previous chapters: 1 | 2
Tracey left Theo's room and almost made it to her dorm when Monique Danvers called after her from the common room entrance.
"Tracey, there was an owl for you. I don't think it could find you. It stood at the table all through lunch. Here." The girl handed her the letter before smiling shyly and walking away.
When Tracey turned it over she saw the stylized wax with a large 'Z' embossed on the back. Tracey couldn't help but smile as she ripped open the letter she knew was from her godmother.
My dear Tracey,
I've just received a letter from your father and I must admit, I am very concerned about you.
I've spoken with Minerva, and she's agreed to permit me to come to Hogwarts this afternoon to speak to you.
Please come to her office as soon as you can so I can speak to you about the matter you discussed with your parents.
Love, Aunt Lanie
Tracey hadn't wanted to go. She didn't need to speak to Herculanea Zabini to know that her parents had been wrong to ask her to give up Theo, but she felt that if anyone would be on her side then it would be the woman she loved best in the world, so she didn't even bother to change her clothes before she turned and walked back to the Headmistress' office.
Professor McGonagall did not look thrilled to be entertaining one of her more troublesome student's mother, but she hid it well, and by the time Tracey arrived at the office door it appeared to be quite a congenial conversation between the two women.
Tracey stood at the door and waited until she was invited to enter.
"Please come in, Miss Davis," her professor said, with only a hint of relief on the edge of her voice. "I believe Ms. Zabini has something to speak to you about. Would you two like to use my sitting room?"
Tracey looked to Blaise's mum and when she nodded, Tracey smiled and followed the two women into the small but cozy sitting room beyond the Headmistress' office. The fireplace was enormous and was a fine centerpiece to a very tastefully decorated room full of browns and finished oak.
McGonagall nodded at them and told them to take their time before leaving them to write several letters that she had been putting off until that afternoon.
As soon as Tracey heard the door close behind her she rushed to her godmother and embraced her. "Aunt Lanie, you didn't have to come all this way to speak to me. I'm fine. Mummy and Daddy were quite horrible, but everything is fine now. You didn't need to come all the way back from Malta to make sure I was well."
Herculanea Zabini shook her head sadly as she guided her dear goddaughter to a nearby chair. "I haven't come only to see how you fared after your meeting with your parents, love. And you should remember to always be respectful to them, they love you so and have your very dearest interests at heart."
Tracey tilted her head, unsure of what she had just heard."What do you mean?"
"Well, my dear, Malcolm owled me just after you left. He said you were quite upset about this Theodore Nott situation. Dearest, it isn't too much for them to ask. You really ought to defer to their judgement in this matter."
Tracey nearly stood up and walked out of the room but only her immense respect for the woman across from her kept her from doing it. "I can't believe you're saying this," was all she could say, her thoughts clouding over. Aunt Lanie had always been her ally. She'd always been there to smooth over things when Tracey did something her mother in particular didn't approve of.
"You must see why ending this relationship is the best thing for the both of you. You're so young, and there is so much left in your life to experience. He will have to make his way in the world now that he doesn't have the galleons that should of been his. Can you really believe that you would be an asset to him? You are a reminder of what he can no longer be a part of. He wouldn't want you to give up your heritage and what being the heiress to your family's fortune would entail." Herculanea softly brushed a hair out of Tracey's eyes and continued gently, "I'd be surprised if he hasn't thought of this already, if not because he's ashamed of his own drop in society, then because he is aware that he could bring nothing but himself into an alliance with you, and you deserve better, my dear."
Tracey had been angry with her parents, but hearing Aunt Lanie speak this way broke her heart. She knew she would never be useful to him, but she hadn't cared. She loved him. She wasn't nearly clever enough and she was well aware that it was a good thing she'd had a fortune to rely on because she wasn't particularly spectacular at anything. She had always known that she was meant to be a trophy wife, but until now she'd just assumed she would be his trophy wife.
She swallowed her tears and tried again, "But... he says that-"
"I'm sure whatever he has said was meant to keep you from hurting," Lanie interrupted her as she patted the confused girl's shoulder. "You've always said he was a clever boy. I'm sure, and I think you're sure too, that he knows it's going to be a struggle to find himself in the real world. He's most likely already planning this, planning on when it will be no longer the two of you but he himself that must be relied upon."
Tracey couldn't keep herself from nodding sadly. He had said that this was a problem that he alone would have to deal with. He hadn't wanted her help, nor accepted it when she'd offered.
"There you are, my dear. He is just preparing, as you should be. Why make him wait and make him more and more miserable dreading what he will inevitably have to do. You should end it now and save him from worrying about hurting you. You will have to be the strong one, for the both of you. If you say you love him, then this is what you must do," she said firmly.
"But I do love him," Tracey voiced just above a whisper. Was all of this true? Was Theo better off without her? Was he just waiting to break up with her? He must know that she was completely useless and would be no help to him as he tried to make it on his own without his inheritance. Was that why he had brushed off her questions about what they would do?
"I know you do, Tracey love. But this is best, you must see that," Herculanea pressed, hiding her inward smile now that she knew she had won. Malcolm would owe her for that, of that she was certain.
Tracey nodded. "It's what's best for him... I can do for him, to save him from having to do it to me later on. Being with me would be the worst thing for him now. I couldn't help him become successful. I would only be a liability. I'll tell him." She stood and instead of hugging her godmother, she walked slowly out of the office and back toward the dungeons. She was numb, and as she opened the common room door she wondered how she'd gotten there.
---
Theo woke up to the noise of other Slytherins coming into the dormitory, throwing their books this way and that and not caring about the noise. Sitting up, he opened the curtains further and glared at them.
"Yo, Nott, you weren't in class!" Goyle stated the obvious.
"I know I wasn't," he muttered, "Is it already time for supper?"
Goyle nodded. "Yeah."
Theo stood up, going to the common room and scanning it for Tracey. She wasn't there. He turned around and knocked on the door to the girls' dormitory.
Without even asking who he was looking for, the little third year shook her head and whispered, "Tracey isn't here, Theo. She said she had to meet with someone and said to tell you not to worry and that she would be back before dinner... though I guess, she's not, eh?"
He frowned. "No she's not. Thank you," he said curtly, turning away and heading upstairs to the Great Hall for dinner. Since he had skipped lunch, he was hungry and the whispers and pointing didn't bother him. He ate at the end of the table, farthest away from anyone he could, worrying over Tracey.
Tracey pushed the heavy door open. Her heart hurt and she didn't feel like speaking to anyone, she just wanted to crawl into bed and have one last night dreaming about being Mrs. Theodore Nott, raising his children and managing his household before having to finalize the destruction of all the hopes she'd held dear.
Theo was waiting for her in the common room, but when he caught her gaze as she walked through the door his heart fell. She looked broken.
She didn't smile at him and she didn't come over to him, instead she walked across the room and was just about to walk into the girl's dorm when he caught her arm,
She was stubborn enough to keep looking away, as if she was avoiding or afraid to look at him. "Tracey, what's wrong? Are you alright?" He paused, feeling panicked. "Are we alright?" He knew her whole world didn't revolve around him, but after what they had done earlier he was scared to loose her, scared she regretted what they had done.
Tracey shook off his arm, "I'll be fine, Theo. I just... I just need to be alone right now." She heard the fear in his voice and there was nothing more she wanted to do than to reach up and kiss that look off of his face, but she couldn't. Not after the meeting she just had, after the things she'd just heard.
She turned back and let the door close behind her. Theo was left to stare at the space she'd just vacated.
He just watched at the spot she had been for a moment, feeling useless and scared. Acting more on emotion than rationalization, he followed her, intent on making her talk. If she actually regretted what they had done, that was fine with him, they didn't need do it again, but he sure as hell wasn't going to loose her over it. He hadn't forced her, and he would have been fine to keep waiting. The girls' dorm was closed. He knocked on, waiting impatiently outside.
Pansy answered, looking bored. "What, Nott?"
Not bothering to mention how rude she was, he said, "I need to talk to Tracey."
"She doesn't want to talk to you."
"Did she say that?"
"No, but she's not in the common room where you could talk without breaking the rules... So I'd say it's safe to say she doesn't want to talk to you."
"Damn it, Pansy, just let me talk to her!"
Pansy was visibly taken back by his show of anger. Her eyes widened and she muttered something that sounded like, "Wait until Draco hears about this."
"I don't care what Malfoy hears about. I want to talk to Tracey!"
He had no control. He was practically yelling at the girl with all the frustration, panic, and fright that were coursing inside him. His fists clenched to his side, he was unmoving and Pansy apparently realized that. She frowned.
"I'll go see if she wants to talk to you." Pansy closed the door in his face.
He just glared at the door, still feeling useless and scared. It seemed it was going to be a familiar feeling from here on out. The door opened again, revealing Tracey, looking upset.
"Tracey, what's wrong? What happened?" he asked in a rush, reaching out for her. She stepped back, evading him.
Tracey couldn't look at him. It physically hurt to look into his blue eyes that looked so concerned. "Pansy said you shouted at her. Please don't shout at her, Theo. You know how she gets."
"I didn't shout at her," Theo muttered, trying to catch her eye. She kept looking away, looking at the ground or ceiling -- anywhere but his eyes. "What's wrong, Tracey? Are you okay? Are you upset with me? Did I do something? Did the meeting go wrong? Just tell me, please... We can talk about it," he said, practically pleading. He hated the sound of his voice, the way he was at her mercy. He felt frightened, like he had already lost her despite the fact she was standing in front of him. It hurt and Theo did not like pain.
Tracey shook her head. "Nothing is wrong, Theo. I'm just unwell. I'm not angry and you didn't do anything. You're still wonderful." She looked up at him as she finished and she hated herself a little bit. He may be wonderful, but she certainly wasn't.
He narrowed his eyes, not believing her. "Are you sure?" The way she was backing away, like she wanted nothing more than to run away from him, told him she didn't think he was wonderful. "Do you need to lay down? Should I just sod off?" he asked, feeling somewhat annoyed with her dishonesty. She wasn't telling him the whole truth and it was obvious the rest of what was bothering her had to do with him.
Tracey shook her head and reached her hand to him, "Never. I don't want you to sod off." I don't want you to ever leave me. I don't want this to have to stop. I don't want to hold you back. I don't want to do this to you. "I'm really just not feeling well, I'm sorry I snapped at you. It's been a big day."
He finally pulled her against his chest. She didn't pull away, just wrapped her arms around him. "If you need to lay down, go ahead, but there's always my bed if you want my company." He kissed her forehead. "I hope you feel better," he told her as he released her. She looked so sad; her green eyes were dull and had lost their liveliness, it nearly killed him not to try to put it back. It was obvious he wasn't going to be able to help her though. Leaning down, he whispered, "I love you," in her ear.
Tears welled in her eyes and she nodded. "I love you too, Theo." Her heart hurt. She wanted one more night. It wasn't fair to him, but she wanted it. She'd have to hold on to it as he moved forward and she stayed behind. "Can I sleep with you then? I don't care what everyone will say. They'll say it anyway and I want you to hold me."
He nodded, hating the tears in her eyes. "Come on, love." He grabbed her hand, leading her to the boys' dormitory. Draco was in his dorm with Goyle when they came in, and Theo didn't acknowledge them he just guided Tracey to his bed. She laid down and curled up under his blanket as he sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her head onto his lap. "What's wrong? I know something is wrong and I'm not sure if I believe that you just feel unwell." He placed his hand on her forehead. "You don't have a fever," he told her, pushing some of her hair behind her ear.
Tracey shivered. It wasn't the heat of his hand, but it was realizing that this was the last time they would be so close to one another. He wouldn't understand that she would have to do this for him. It would hurt him so much and all that hurt would turn to hate. It was inevitable. That was how he was. She shook her head in his lap and closed her eyes. What kind of person was she that she could hurt someone she loved so much like this?
Theo played with her hair as he looked down at her face. She was in pain and he didn't know what was wrong. Sighing, he flipped his wand at the curtain and closed it, casting a silencing charm. "If you don't want to talk about it... that's okay. We'll just sit here." Lifting her head gingerly, he moved so he was laying beside her, and pulled her into his arms, settling so she was tucked next to him, his chin on her head. "This is good..." he murmured, not knowing anything else to say. He clung to her, holding her close and trying to think of something to make her feel better.
Tracey nodded as she breathed in deeply and inhaled his familiar scent. He had always smelled this way. Safe and warm and perfect. "This is good," she agreed quietly as she leaned up to kiss him deeply. "I love you, Theo. Don't ever, ever forget that, all right?" She looked in his eyes and hoped that he would understand and remember later when his heart told him to hate her.
He nodded. "I know you do, Tracey. I love you, too." He kissed her gently and then tucked her head back under his chin. As much as her kisses aroused a response in him, he knew she wasn't well and so it wasn't the time for sex despite all he wanted to do was have her that close again.
Tracey didn't want to fall asleep. She wanted to cherish every moment they had together, but her eyes were so heavy that she knew she should sit up to keep herself awake.
He pulled her closer, kissing her hair. She was relaxing in his arms, and he was content to just hold her for now. Something was very wrong -- whether she was sick or something else -- and he knew she needed time. She needed time to think, to ponder what was happening to her. He sighed, closing his eyes. Wanting more than anything to just kiss and and then ravish her, he used any and all self-control to refrain from doing anything but hold her. "If you're tired, just sleep. I'll be here when you wake up. I promise I'll always be here for you," he whispered, trying to be comforting and soothing to her.
She knew he believed that and she wanted to pretend that things didn't have to change, even if it was just for one last night. She shoved the pain at what she would have to do away into a place deep in her heart to deal with tomorrow. For now, she leaned up and kissed him again, brushing her tongue across his lips and encouraging him to open for her.
He opened his mouth for her tongue to invade and taste him. He was a bit surprised at her bold move, she was not usually the one who initiated things, but he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her deeply, delving his tongue in her mouth the moment he could and tasting her sweet taste. Her arms wrapped around him, pulling his body to hers. He couldn't hide how his body responded to her mere touch, a simple kiss. His erection pressed against her stomach and he felt guilty. She said she wasn't well -- but she was the one that had started it.
He rolled on his back, pulling her on top of him as he kissed her. Moving his lips downward, he travelled down her neck. She moaned slightly, tilting her head to the side so he had better access. His hands automatically reached for the hem of her jumper, gripping it tightly. If she wanted him to stop, she would have to let him know.
Internally, Tracey was arguing with herself. She knew he deserved better than this. He deserved better than to just have one last shag before having his heart crushed by a weak woman. Tracey didn't doubt that he would be even more upset with her if she did this, but she longed to be part of him just once more so she didn't stop it. Instead, she reached down and pulled her jumper over her head. She was still wearing his tight dress shirt and in just a moment she managed to release the buttons to show the black lace barely straining to hold her firm breasts.
It surprised him, but he was even more shocked when she urged his hand to roll up her skirt to touch her thigh. Theo hadn't realized that she had been sidetracked before she could change that afternoon so his eyes were wide when he discovered she had remained knickerless since they'd made love earlier that day.
He smoothed his hands up her leg until they rested on her hip, not wanting to pressure her. He kissed her thoroughly; his hands gripped the cloth of her skirt as his body fought with his mind for him to just roll her over and take her right then. Instead, he gently pulled her down towards him and moved one hand to cup her breasts. She moaned, rubbing against him. With one hand still massaging her breasts, pinching her hard nipples between his fingers, he used the other to unclasp her bra and pulled it off, dropping it once more on the floor. Flipping her on her back, he trailed his mouth down her neck and chest until he finally flicked his tongue over her nipple making her moan. He gently sucked; her hands fisted in his hair, arching up against him.
Closing his eyes, he gently moved his tongue against her hot skin, licking the valley between her breasts and massaging one with his free hand. Tracey moaned his name and then reached up to pinch her other nipple making him have to stop to gain control once again. Her wanton response was nearly enough for him to just forget about going slow and enter her right then, but he didn't. Instead he backed up and pulled her skirt down, discarding it, and looked down at her in all her beautiful, sexy naked glory. She was amazing. Her breasts were full and heaving and her stomach a smooth milky white. Her skin was incredibly soft and her hair was smooth as it curled around her face. Her desire and love for him was displayed in her eyes and he almost groaned as she reached for his hand and moved it between her legs. He couldn't help but slide his finger into her. She moaned as she closed her eyes. His thumb found her clit and he gently made circles on the bundle of nerves.
She knew she ought to stop him but it felt so good. It was the last time he would ever touch her like this and she wanted to have this one memory. She should stop him and tell him the truth and have him reassure her that she was wrong - that her family was wrong, but she was afraid that he'd already foreseen this and would tell her she was being silly for thinking they could be this way forever. She tried not thinking thoughts like this and the way he moved his fingers was definitely the way to get her to momentarily forget. She didn't want to forget what she was about to do. He deserved better than this.
He removed his hand and replaced it with his mouth, his tongue working on her clit in fast movements. She moaned, arching up to press herself closer to his mouth. She tasted sweet; she was warm and moisture, ready for him to just enter her swiftly.
The sensations were overwhelming and Tracey nearly lost herself in what he was doing. The voice in her head saying it was wrong was losing to the shouting that was saying how right it was to be together with him like this. They were supposed to be each other's other half. It was supposed to be right. But it wasn't and she couldn't go on like this. As much as she didn't want to, she stilled his head and sighed. "Theo, please stop. You need to stop."
He stopped immediately, looking up at her. "What's wrong Tracey?" He contemplated he might be doing it wrong for a moment, but decided it couldn't be that. He was certainly no expert, but he was sure he know how to do that at least. Deciding staying where he was was too tempting, he moved so he was laying next to her while he waited for her reply. "What's wrong, love?" he asked again as he pulled her close, stroking down her back and kissing her hair gently.
Tracey pulled back. It wasn't the time to tell him. She hadn't figured out how to do that yet, but there was something she could do instead that wouldn't be seen as such a betrayal later. A strange smirk crossed her face and she kissed him firmly before reaching down and pulling out his shirt-tails. She shifted her focus on the button on his trousers and once it was released she slid her hand down to grasp him and at his quick intake of breath she smiled happily.
"Like that do you?" she whispered softly as she moved her hand slowly up and down his hardened cock. He tried to answer but only a strangled moan came out. Tracey's lips quirked into a smirk and she continued slow and steady as she moved down his body. He tried to pull her back up, she'd never done this before and he wasn't about to have her start on a day she wasn't feeling well, but Tracey gently pushed his hands away and only pulled her hands out of his pants in order to pull them down along with his trousers.
Looking up at him through long lashes, she couldn't help but laugh quietly at the look spread across his face. It was as if someone had given him a present and he was both ecstatic that it was given and feeling guilty about opening it. He shook with need when she took him into her mouth and she tried not to choke as he thrust up into her throat. It was a completely new sensation for both of them, but even Tracey was incredibly turned on by the heat emanating from Theo's body.
He watched her for a moment as she took him into her mouth and it was all he could do not to come into her mouth. Her mouth was hot and she looked incredibly sexy looking up at him like that. He closed his eyes at the sensations she caused. Her tongue flickered under his tip and she licked up the precum that was already there. He moaned. Opening his eyes, he saw her swallow and felt ready to come at the erotic sight. She took him into her mouth again, working her mouth down his shaft. His hips bucked, thrusting upward into her mouth. "Fuck, Tracey," he said in a raspy voice when she released him. "If you keep doing that--" A moan cut him off as her tongue skid across his tip again. Her hands reached up to stroke his balls and he nearly lost it. "Stop, Tracey," he groaned. "If you don't I'm not going to be able to stop myself."
"You don't have to stop yourself," she whispered in a low voice. "I don't want you to stop yourself, Theo."
She kept moving her hands softly over him and he couldn't help but thrust into her hand. Tracey lifted a hand to find one of his and pulled it to the back of her head just as she opened her mouth once again. She wanted his hands in her hair as she sucked him off. She wanted- no needed him to guide her at the speed he wanted. She moved her mouth down his length and he grasped her hair tightly, moving her up and down.
He wasn't sure what she had wanted when she had put his hand in her hair, but he couldn't help but move her head up and down, increasing the pace her mouth was going on his cock. The more she allowed him to control the speed, the more he felt himself loosing any control he possessed. The fact she was allowing him the control told him she trusted him, and despite the fact that he already knew that, it was still a heartwarming thought and truth.
He moaned, closing his eyes as her soft lips continued to slide up and down his shaft. "Fuck, Tracey," he said again, "I'm going..."
He wasn't able to finish this sentence. The next moment his body was racked with pleasure and he shook beneath her. The orgasm was all consuming as it took control over his body and he couldn't even pull her back so she wasn't getting his speed shot into her mouth. He was surprised she didn't move back when he released himself into her mouth, but he still felt guilty. They'd never done this before but he still felt like he should have had more control than that.
Tracey hadn't a clue what he was thinking about behind his closed eyes. She was too busy breathing deeply and trying to imprint this moment in her memory. She slid up his body and curled into him. He was still basically dressed and she was completely nude, so she lazily pulled up his blanket and snuggled in to him. This was her one more night. She wasn't letting go of this, not tonight.
Theo wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry," he whispered into the silence. His breathing had finally calmed and he was able to form a coherent thought. She felt perfect to him. Her breasts were pressed against his chest that was still clothed and his trousers were still on. Feeling silly, he let go of her and disrobed. Laying back down a moment later, he pulled her back into his arms, closing his eyes as he inhaled her scent. She still hadn't responded to his apology, but he didn't care. All he cared about was the woman in his arms.
As he pulled her close she sighed into him. It wasn't wrong to want one more night. His body felt warm and safe and she would need his strength if she was going to be able to leave him forever. It was for his own good, she knew it, but it didn't make it any easier to bear.
Co-Author: jandjsalmon
Words: circa 5000 the chapter
Rating: ultimately NC-17 (this chapter is NC-17)
Characters/Pairings: Theodore Nott/Tracey Davis
Warnings: character death, swearing, sex/smut, not exactly HBP compliant.
Author's Notes: I'm honored to be able to write our Theo/Tracey with my awesome friend, Jess.
Summary: Theodore Nott and Tracey Davis are happily in love. They plan to spend forever together until after several unforeseeable circumstances they are pulled apart. Eight years later, something they witnessed on one of their last dates comes back to haunt them both and push them together in ways neither is prepared for
Summary for chapter: Tracey goes to a heartbreaking meeting and then comes back to Theo at the school. She tries to avoid him, but he doesn't let her evades his presence.
Previous chapters: 1 | 2
Tracey left Theo's room and almost made it to her dorm when Monique Danvers called after her from the common room entrance.
"Tracey, there was an owl for you. I don't think it could find you. It stood at the table all through lunch. Here." The girl handed her the letter before smiling shyly and walking away.
When Tracey turned it over she saw the stylized wax with a large 'Z' embossed on the back. Tracey couldn't help but smile as she ripped open the letter she knew was from her godmother.
My dear Tracey,
I've just received a letter from your father and I must admit, I am very concerned about you.
I've spoken with Minerva, and she's agreed to permit me to come to Hogwarts this afternoon to speak to you.
Please come to her office as soon as you can so I can speak to you about the matter you discussed with your parents.
Love, Aunt Lanie
Tracey hadn't wanted to go. She didn't need to speak to Herculanea Zabini to know that her parents had been wrong to ask her to give up Theo, but she felt that if anyone would be on her side then it would be the woman she loved best in the world, so she didn't even bother to change her clothes before she turned and walked back to the Headmistress' office.
Professor McGonagall did not look thrilled to be entertaining one of her more troublesome student's mother, but she hid it well, and by the time Tracey arrived at the office door it appeared to be quite a congenial conversation between the two women.
Tracey stood at the door and waited until she was invited to enter.
"Please come in, Miss Davis," her professor said, with only a hint of relief on the edge of her voice. "I believe Ms. Zabini has something to speak to you about. Would you two like to use my sitting room?"
Tracey looked to Blaise's mum and when she nodded, Tracey smiled and followed the two women into the small but cozy sitting room beyond the Headmistress' office. The fireplace was enormous and was a fine centerpiece to a very tastefully decorated room full of browns and finished oak.
McGonagall nodded at them and told them to take their time before leaving them to write several letters that she had been putting off until that afternoon.
As soon as Tracey heard the door close behind her she rushed to her godmother and embraced her. "Aunt Lanie, you didn't have to come all this way to speak to me. I'm fine. Mummy and Daddy were quite horrible, but everything is fine now. You didn't need to come all the way back from Malta to make sure I was well."
Herculanea Zabini shook her head sadly as she guided her dear goddaughter to a nearby chair. "I haven't come only to see how you fared after your meeting with your parents, love. And you should remember to always be respectful to them, they love you so and have your very dearest interests at heart."
Tracey tilted her head, unsure of what she had just heard."What do you mean?"
"Well, my dear, Malcolm owled me just after you left. He said you were quite upset about this Theodore Nott situation. Dearest, it isn't too much for them to ask. You really ought to defer to their judgement in this matter."
Tracey nearly stood up and walked out of the room but only her immense respect for the woman across from her kept her from doing it. "I can't believe you're saying this," was all she could say, her thoughts clouding over. Aunt Lanie had always been her ally. She'd always been there to smooth over things when Tracey did something her mother in particular didn't approve of.
"You must see why ending this relationship is the best thing for the both of you. You're so young, and there is so much left in your life to experience. He will have to make his way in the world now that he doesn't have the galleons that should of been his. Can you really believe that you would be an asset to him? You are a reminder of what he can no longer be a part of. He wouldn't want you to give up your heritage and what being the heiress to your family's fortune would entail." Herculanea softly brushed a hair out of Tracey's eyes and continued gently, "I'd be surprised if he hasn't thought of this already, if not because he's ashamed of his own drop in society, then because he is aware that he could bring nothing but himself into an alliance with you, and you deserve better, my dear."
Tracey had been angry with her parents, but hearing Aunt Lanie speak this way broke her heart. She knew she would never be useful to him, but she hadn't cared. She loved him. She wasn't nearly clever enough and she was well aware that it was a good thing she'd had a fortune to rely on because she wasn't particularly spectacular at anything. She had always known that she was meant to be a trophy wife, but until now she'd just assumed she would be his trophy wife.
She swallowed her tears and tried again, "But... he says that-"
"I'm sure whatever he has said was meant to keep you from hurting," Lanie interrupted her as she patted the confused girl's shoulder. "You've always said he was a clever boy. I'm sure, and I think you're sure too, that he knows it's going to be a struggle to find himself in the real world. He's most likely already planning this, planning on when it will be no longer the two of you but he himself that must be relied upon."
Tracey couldn't keep herself from nodding sadly. He had said that this was a problem that he alone would have to deal with. He hadn't wanted her help, nor accepted it when she'd offered.
"There you are, my dear. He is just preparing, as you should be. Why make him wait and make him more and more miserable dreading what he will inevitably have to do. You should end it now and save him from worrying about hurting you. You will have to be the strong one, for the both of you. If you say you love him, then this is what you must do," she said firmly.
"But I do love him," Tracey voiced just above a whisper. Was all of this true? Was Theo better off without her? Was he just waiting to break up with her? He must know that she was completely useless and would be no help to him as he tried to make it on his own without his inheritance. Was that why he had brushed off her questions about what they would do?
"I know you do, Tracey love. But this is best, you must see that," Herculanea pressed, hiding her inward smile now that she knew she had won. Malcolm would owe her for that, of that she was certain.
Tracey nodded. "It's what's best for him... I can do for him, to save him from having to do it to me later on. Being with me would be the worst thing for him now. I couldn't help him become successful. I would only be a liability. I'll tell him." She stood and instead of hugging her godmother, she walked slowly out of the office and back toward the dungeons. She was numb, and as she opened the common room door she wondered how she'd gotten there.
---
Theo woke up to the noise of other Slytherins coming into the dormitory, throwing their books this way and that and not caring about the noise. Sitting up, he opened the curtains further and glared at them.
"Yo, Nott, you weren't in class!" Goyle stated the obvious.
"I know I wasn't," he muttered, "Is it already time for supper?"
Goyle nodded. "Yeah."
Theo stood up, going to the common room and scanning it for Tracey. She wasn't there. He turned around and knocked on the door to the girls' dormitory.
Without even asking who he was looking for, the little third year shook her head and whispered, "Tracey isn't here, Theo. She said she had to meet with someone and said to tell you not to worry and that she would be back before dinner... though I guess, she's not, eh?"
He frowned. "No she's not. Thank you," he said curtly, turning away and heading upstairs to the Great Hall for dinner. Since he had skipped lunch, he was hungry and the whispers and pointing didn't bother him. He ate at the end of the table, farthest away from anyone he could, worrying over Tracey.
Tracey pushed the heavy door open. Her heart hurt and she didn't feel like speaking to anyone, she just wanted to crawl into bed and have one last night dreaming about being Mrs. Theodore Nott, raising his children and managing his household before having to finalize the destruction of all the hopes she'd held dear.
Theo was waiting for her in the common room, but when he caught her gaze as she walked through the door his heart fell. She looked broken.
She didn't smile at him and she didn't come over to him, instead she walked across the room and was just about to walk into the girl's dorm when he caught her arm,
She was stubborn enough to keep looking away, as if she was avoiding or afraid to look at him. "Tracey, what's wrong? Are you alright?" He paused, feeling panicked. "Are we alright?" He knew her whole world didn't revolve around him, but after what they had done earlier he was scared to loose her, scared she regretted what they had done.
Tracey shook off his arm, "I'll be fine, Theo. I just... I just need to be alone right now." She heard the fear in his voice and there was nothing more she wanted to do than to reach up and kiss that look off of his face, but she couldn't. Not after the meeting she just had, after the things she'd just heard.
She turned back and let the door close behind her. Theo was left to stare at the space she'd just vacated.
He just watched at the spot she had been for a moment, feeling useless and scared. Acting more on emotion than rationalization, he followed her, intent on making her talk. If she actually regretted what they had done, that was fine with him, they didn't need do it again, but he sure as hell wasn't going to loose her over it. He hadn't forced her, and he would have been fine to keep waiting. The girls' dorm was closed. He knocked on, waiting impatiently outside.
Pansy answered, looking bored. "What, Nott?"
Not bothering to mention how rude she was, he said, "I need to talk to Tracey."
"She doesn't want to talk to you."
"Did she say that?"
"No, but she's not in the common room where you could talk without breaking the rules... So I'd say it's safe to say she doesn't want to talk to you."
"Damn it, Pansy, just let me talk to her!"
Pansy was visibly taken back by his show of anger. Her eyes widened and she muttered something that sounded like, "Wait until Draco hears about this."
"I don't care what Malfoy hears about. I want to talk to Tracey!"
He had no control. He was practically yelling at the girl with all the frustration, panic, and fright that were coursing inside him. His fists clenched to his side, he was unmoving and Pansy apparently realized that. She frowned.
"I'll go see if she wants to talk to you." Pansy closed the door in his face.
He just glared at the door, still feeling useless and scared. It seemed it was going to be a familiar feeling from here on out. The door opened again, revealing Tracey, looking upset.
"Tracey, what's wrong? What happened?" he asked in a rush, reaching out for her. She stepped back, evading him.
Tracey couldn't look at him. It physically hurt to look into his blue eyes that looked so concerned. "Pansy said you shouted at her. Please don't shout at her, Theo. You know how she gets."
"I didn't shout at her," Theo muttered, trying to catch her eye. She kept looking away, looking at the ground or ceiling -- anywhere but his eyes. "What's wrong, Tracey? Are you okay? Are you upset with me? Did I do something? Did the meeting go wrong? Just tell me, please... We can talk about it," he said, practically pleading. He hated the sound of his voice, the way he was at her mercy. He felt frightened, like he had already lost her despite the fact she was standing in front of him. It hurt and Theo did not like pain.
Tracey shook her head. "Nothing is wrong, Theo. I'm just unwell. I'm not angry and you didn't do anything. You're still wonderful." She looked up at him as she finished and she hated herself a little bit. He may be wonderful, but she certainly wasn't.
He narrowed his eyes, not believing her. "Are you sure?" The way she was backing away, like she wanted nothing more than to run away from him, told him she didn't think he was wonderful. "Do you need to lay down? Should I just sod off?" he asked, feeling somewhat annoyed with her dishonesty. She wasn't telling him the whole truth and it was obvious the rest of what was bothering her had to do with him.
Tracey shook her head and reached her hand to him, "Never. I don't want you to sod off." I don't want you to ever leave me. I don't want this to have to stop. I don't want to hold you back. I don't want to do this to you. "I'm really just not feeling well, I'm sorry I snapped at you. It's been a big day."
He finally pulled her against his chest. She didn't pull away, just wrapped her arms around him. "If you need to lay down, go ahead, but there's always my bed if you want my company." He kissed her forehead. "I hope you feel better," he told her as he released her. She looked so sad; her green eyes were dull and had lost their liveliness, it nearly killed him not to try to put it back. It was obvious he wasn't going to be able to help her though. Leaning down, he whispered, "I love you," in her ear.
Tears welled in her eyes and she nodded. "I love you too, Theo." Her heart hurt. She wanted one more night. It wasn't fair to him, but she wanted it. She'd have to hold on to it as he moved forward and she stayed behind. "Can I sleep with you then? I don't care what everyone will say. They'll say it anyway and I want you to hold me."
He nodded, hating the tears in her eyes. "Come on, love." He grabbed her hand, leading her to the boys' dormitory. Draco was in his dorm with Goyle when they came in, and Theo didn't acknowledge them he just guided Tracey to his bed. She laid down and curled up under his blanket as he sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her head onto his lap. "What's wrong? I know something is wrong and I'm not sure if I believe that you just feel unwell." He placed his hand on her forehead. "You don't have a fever," he told her, pushing some of her hair behind her ear.
Tracey shivered. It wasn't the heat of his hand, but it was realizing that this was the last time they would be so close to one another. He wouldn't understand that she would have to do this for him. It would hurt him so much and all that hurt would turn to hate. It was inevitable. That was how he was. She shook her head in his lap and closed her eyes. What kind of person was she that she could hurt someone she loved so much like this?
Theo played with her hair as he looked down at her face. She was in pain and he didn't know what was wrong. Sighing, he flipped his wand at the curtain and closed it, casting a silencing charm. "If you don't want to talk about it... that's okay. We'll just sit here." Lifting her head gingerly, he moved so he was laying beside her, and pulled her into his arms, settling so she was tucked next to him, his chin on her head. "This is good..." he murmured, not knowing anything else to say. He clung to her, holding her close and trying to think of something to make her feel better.
Tracey nodded as she breathed in deeply and inhaled his familiar scent. He had always smelled this way. Safe and warm and perfect. "This is good," she agreed quietly as she leaned up to kiss him deeply. "I love you, Theo. Don't ever, ever forget that, all right?" She looked in his eyes and hoped that he would understand and remember later when his heart told him to hate her.
He nodded. "I know you do, Tracey. I love you, too." He kissed her gently and then tucked her head back under his chin. As much as her kisses aroused a response in him, he knew she wasn't well and so it wasn't the time for sex despite all he wanted to do was have her that close again.
Tracey didn't want to fall asleep. She wanted to cherish every moment they had together, but her eyes were so heavy that she knew she should sit up to keep herself awake.
He pulled her closer, kissing her hair. She was relaxing in his arms, and he was content to just hold her for now. Something was very wrong -- whether she was sick or something else -- and he knew she needed time. She needed time to think, to ponder what was happening to her. He sighed, closing his eyes. Wanting more than anything to just kiss and and then ravish her, he used any and all self-control to refrain from doing anything but hold her. "If you're tired, just sleep. I'll be here when you wake up. I promise I'll always be here for you," he whispered, trying to be comforting and soothing to her.
She knew he believed that and she wanted to pretend that things didn't have to change, even if it was just for one last night. She shoved the pain at what she would have to do away into a place deep in her heart to deal with tomorrow. For now, she leaned up and kissed him again, brushing her tongue across his lips and encouraging him to open for her.
He opened his mouth for her tongue to invade and taste him. He was a bit surprised at her bold move, she was not usually the one who initiated things, but he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her deeply, delving his tongue in her mouth the moment he could and tasting her sweet taste. Her arms wrapped around him, pulling his body to hers. He couldn't hide how his body responded to her mere touch, a simple kiss. His erection pressed against her stomach and he felt guilty. She said she wasn't well -- but she was the one that had started it.
He rolled on his back, pulling her on top of him as he kissed her. Moving his lips downward, he travelled down her neck. She moaned slightly, tilting her head to the side so he had better access. His hands automatically reached for the hem of her jumper, gripping it tightly. If she wanted him to stop, she would have to let him know.
Internally, Tracey was arguing with herself. She knew he deserved better than this. He deserved better than to just have one last shag before having his heart crushed by a weak woman. Tracey didn't doubt that he would be even more upset with her if she did this, but she longed to be part of him just once more so she didn't stop it. Instead, she reached down and pulled her jumper over her head. She was still wearing his tight dress shirt and in just a moment she managed to release the buttons to show the black lace barely straining to hold her firm breasts.
It surprised him, but he was even more shocked when she urged his hand to roll up her skirt to touch her thigh. Theo hadn't realized that she had been sidetracked before she could change that afternoon so his eyes were wide when he discovered she had remained knickerless since they'd made love earlier that day.
He smoothed his hands up her leg until they rested on her hip, not wanting to pressure her. He kissed her thoroughly; his hands gripped the cloth of her skirt as his body fought with his mind for him to just roll her over and take her right then. Instead, he gently pulled her down towards him and moved one hand to cup her breasts. She moaned, rubbing against him. With one hand still massaging her breasts, pinching her hard nipples between his fingers, he used the other to unclasp her bra and pulled it off, dropping it once more on the floor. Flipping her on her back, he trailed his mouth down her neck and chest until he finally flicked his tongue over her nipple making her moan. He gently sucked; her hands fisted in his hair, arching up against him.
Closing his eyes, he gently moved his tongue against her hot skin, licking the valley between her breasts and massaging one with his free hand. Tracey moaned his name and then reached up to pinch her other nipple making him have to stop to gain control once again. Her wanton response was nearly enough for him to just forget about going slow and enter her right then, but he didn't. Instead he backed up and pulled her skirt down, discarding it, and looked down at her in all her beautiful, sexy naked glory. She was amazing. Her breasts were full and heaving and her stomach a smooth milky white. Her skin was incredibly soft and her hair was smooth as it curled around her face. Her desire and love for him was displayed in her eyes and he almost groaned as she reached for his hand and moved it between her legs. He couldn't help but slide his finger into her. She moaned as she closed her eyes. His thumb found her clit and he gently made circles on the bundle of nerves.
She knew she ought to stop him but it felt so good. It was the last time he would ever touch her like this and she wanted to have this one memory. She should stop him and tell him the truth and have him reassure her that she was wrong - that her family was wrong, but she was afraid that he'd already foreseen this and would tell her she was being silly for thinking they could be this way forever. She tried not thinking thoughts like this and the way he moved his fingers was definitely the way to get her to momentarily forget. She didn't want to forget what she was about to do. He deserved better than this.
He removed his hand and replaced it with his mouth, his tongue working on her clit in fast movements. She moaned, arching up to press herself closer to his mouth. She tasted sweet; she was warm and moisture, ready for him to just enter her swiftly.
The sensations were overwhelming and Tracey nearly lost herself in what he was doing. The voice in her head saying it was wrong was losing to the shouting that was saying how right it was to be together with him like this. They were supposed to be each other's other half. It was supposed to be right. But it wasn't and she couldn't go on like this. As much as she didn't want to, she stilled his head and sighed. "Theo, please stop. You need to stop."
He stopped immediately, looking up at her. "What's wrong Tracey?" He contemplated he might be doing it wrong for a moment, but decided it couldn't be that. He was certainly no expert, but he was sure he know how to do that at least. Deciding staying where he was was too tempting, he moved so he was laying next to her while he waited for her reply. "What's wrong, love?" he asked again as he pulled her close, stroking down her back and kissing her hair gently.
Tracey pulled back. It wasn't the time to tell him. She hadn't figured out how to do that yet, but there was something she could do instead that wouldn't be seen as such a betrayal later. A strange smirk crossed her face and she kissed him firmly before reaching down and pulling out his shirt-tails. She shifted her focus on the button on his trousers and once it was released she slid her hand down to grasp him and at his quick intake of breath she smiled happily.
"Like that do you?" she whispered softly as she moved her hand slowly up and down his hardened cock. He tried to answer but only a strangled moan came out. Tracey's lips quirked into a smirk and she continued slow and steady as she moved down his body. He tried to pull her back up, she'd never done this before and he wasn't about to have her start on a day she wasn't feeling well, but Tracey gently pushed his hands away and only pulled her hands out of his pants in order to pull them down along with his trousers.
Looking up at him through long lashes, she couldn't help but laugh quietly at the look spread across his face. It was as if someone had given him a present and he was both ecstatic that it was given and feeling guilty about opening it. He shook with need when she took him into her mouth and she tried not to choke as he thrust up into her throat. It was a completely new sensation for both of them, but even Tracey was incredibly turned on by the heat emanating from Theo's body.
He watched her for a moment as she took him into her mouth and it was all he could do not to come into her mouth. Her mouth was hot and she looked incredibly sexy looking up at him like that. He closed his eyes at the sensations she caused. Her tongue flickered under his tip and she licked up the precum that was already there. He moaned. Opening his eyes, he saw her swallow and felt ready to come at the erotic sight. She took him into her mouth again, working her mouth down his shaft. His hips bucked, thrusting upward into her mouth. "Fuck, Tracey," he said in a raspy voice when she released him. "If you keep doing that--" A moan cut him off as her tongue skid across his tip again. Her hands reached up to stroke his balls and he nearly lost it. "Stop, Tracey," he groaned. "If you don't I'm not going to be able to stop myself."
"You don't have to stop yourself," she whispered in a low voice. "I don't want you to stop yourself, Theo."
She kept moving her hands softly over him and he couldn't help but thrust into her hand. Tracey lifted a hand to find one of his and pulled it to the back of her head just as she opened her mouth once again. She wanted his hands in her hair as she sucked him off. She wanted- no needed him to guide her at the speed he wanted. She moved her mouth down his length and he grasped her hair tightly, moving her up and down.
He wasn't sure what she had wanted when she had put his hand in her hair, but he couldn't help but move her head up and down, increasing the pace her mouth was going on his cock. The more she allowed him to control the speed, the more he felt himself loosing any control he possessed. The fact she was allowing him the control told him she trusted him, and despite the fact that he already knew that, it was still a heartwarming thought and truth.
He moaned, closing his eyes as her soft lips continued to slide up and down his shaft. "Fuck, Tracey," he said again, "I'm going..."
He wasn't able to finish this sentence. The next moment his body was racked with pleasure and he shook beneath her. The orgasm was all consuming as it took control over his body and he couldn't even pull her back so she wasn't getting his speed shot into her mouth. He was surprised she didn't move back when he released himself into her mouth, but he still felt guilty. They'd never done this before but he still felt like he should have had more control than that.
Tracey hadn't a clue what he was thinking about behind his closed eyes. She was too busy breathing deeply and trying to imprint this moment in her memory. She slid up his body and curled into him. He was still basically dressed and she was completely nude, so she lazily pulled up his blanket and snuggled in to him. This was her one more night. She wasn't letting go of this, not tonight.
Theo wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry," he whispered into the silence. His breathing had finally calmed and he was able to form a coherent thought. She felt perfect to him. Her breasts were pressed against his chest that was still clothed and his trousers were still on. Feeling silly, he let go of her and disrobed. Laying back down a moment later, he pulled her back into his arms, closing his eyes as he inhaled her scent. She still hadn't responded to his apology, but he didn't care. All he cared about was the woman in his arms.
As he pulled her close she sighed into him. It wasn't wrong to want one more night. His body felt warm and safe and she would need his strength if she was going to be able to leave him forever. It was for his own good, she knew it, but it didn't make it any easier to bear.