1 Chaptered: Snape/Tonks (Searching for a Change)
Title: Searching for a Change; chapter 5 Stealing Glances
Words: circa 2000 (this chapter)
Rating: PG (this chapter)
Characers/Pairings: Snape/Tonks
Warnings: none.
Author's Notes: Thank you to my beta, the amazing jandjsalmon. All mistakes are mine, not hers.
Summary: (this chapter) Tonks follows Severus to Hogwarts after he leaves the wedding.
Previous chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4
Severus waited a few minutes before following the pair back out into the reception. Tonks was speaking animatedly to Hermione Granger, a former student of his and an Order member. He noticed that her face was alight with happiness and interest, seeming unaffected by her conversation with Lupin. Suddenly, she glanced up and smiled at him. Before he could turn away, she was waving him over.
Sighing heavily, he walked over to join the pair. Hermione's smile was tight when she greeted him. Her browns eyes showed her dislike, yet she didn't allow it to seep into her tone. "Hello Professor Snape."
"Hello Miss Granger," he returned her salutation.
"Tonks," he nodded.
Tonks grinned at him, unperturbed by his cold hello.
Obviously seeing an out, Hermione said, "I need a word with Professor McGonagall." She quickly left the duo alone.
"So, Severus, having a good time?" Tonks asked him. She looked at him curiously.
He snorted in response. "Not really."
"Not your normal crowd, huh?"
"I don't have a crowd."
"Oh, sorry," she said unapologetically. "You're back at Hogwarts, aren't you?"
"As of last Tuesday," he informed her, sighing.
"Minerva let you have the day off?"
"Yes."
The music grew suddenly louder as conversion stopped. Tonks looked around herself in confusion; Severus looked around quickly, noticing nothing out of the ordinary. The groom and bride walked slowly out into the middle of the dance floor, all eyes on them.
"Their first dance," Tonks whispered. She seemed unhappy.
Severus watched with the other guests as the couple danced, stealing glances at Tonks once in awhile. She was frowning deeply and watching the scene with a look of disgust mixed with disappointment. He knew why she had such a bad response to the scene, despite having told off the man a few moments before. Deep down, she wasn't over him.
Once the music died down again to a reasonable level, the talking and mingling started up again and other couples went out onto the dance floor.
"Disgusting," Severus whispered suddenly.
Tonks looked over at him in surprise. "What is?"
"They have to be the center of attention. Isn't the wedding enough?"
"Not for them." She shrugged then sighed heavily.
"Do you think I significantly crashed their wedding?"
Tonks turned to him fully and grinned. "Trust me you made a difference; he definitely noticed your presence."
"Then my job is done," he said sarcastically.
She laughed darkly. "Where are you headed after the wedding?"
"Back to Hogwarts, of course."
"Want to grab a bite to eat?"
He shook his head. "No thank you. I just want to go back."
She smiled understandingly. "Of course, of course." Her eyes gave away the fact that she felt embarrassed by her brazen question and his swift denial. She seemed almost hurt. "I'll talk to you later this week."
He eyed her carefully before bidding his farewell. "Until next summer."
She grinned impishly. "You'll see me before that. You can count on it."
"Is that a threat?" he asked sarcastically.
"No, no, just a promise." Before he could reply again, Neville Longbottom grabbed Tonks arm and pulled her toward a large group that had gathered. "Bye," she mouthed to him, waving to him.
Shaking his head, Severus left the reception without wishing Mr. and Mrs. Remus Lupin best wishes.
---
Severus returned to Hogsmeade Village a mere moment after exiting the Leaky Cauldron. He decided to walk back to Hogwarts Castle.
The walk gave him time to think about the day, not that he particularly wanted to.
"I am a murderer, Remus," Tonks had told Lupin.
Severus hadn't known until she confessed to the werewolf that she had murdered someone. He had merely assumed she had been the perfect Order member and gotten away with her life without taking someone else's. The Order had lived by the ideals to only take a life if they saw no other way, if they had to save themselves; the Death Eaters had relished in taking lives, both of innocents and of their enemies. He had obviously not been around the Order headquarters when she had committed her act.
The look in her eyes when she had admitted the fact she was a murderer to Lupin had been cold, like she was having a hard time accepting it herself. Remus hadn't reacted and by his indifferent and emotionless expression he knew of the circumstances in which she had taken a life.
Who did she kill? Severus wondered to himself. Whose life did she take that still haunts from the afterlife?
The castle was unusually quiet for a Saturday night. It wasn't late; curfew was still half an hour away. As he walked back to his quarters in the dungeons, near his classroom, he only saw three students walking around the school. Where is everyone? he wondered bitterly, knowing that the students should be more active tonight with the Headmistress being away.
The Bloody Baron stopped in front of him abruptly. "Hello Professor Snape."
"Hello," he said dismissively, moving to go past him.
"Where were you today?" the ghost pressed, his tone gruff and disinterested.
"Out." With his one word answer, Severus walked through the ghost rudely and into his quarters. He had every intention of going to bed, but then he decided to grade some essays that he had assigned the first week.
Settling himself behind his desk in his office, he graded the essays, cringing at the answers. "Idiots," he muttered when he gave the first four essays a failing grade.
After an hour, there was a soft knock on the door. He looked up in surprise, thinking he might have misheard. A moment later there was a second knock. "Come in," he called, looking back down to the essays before the person opened the door.
The person walked in cautiously, pushing the door shut behind themself. "Severus?" It was a female voice.
He stole a look upward without turning his head and saw that it was Nymphdora Tonks. He continued to read the poorly written essay of a third year. "What?"
"Did I offend you at the wedding?" Her voice was timid, not like the girl he had spent hours with talking to. She seemed unsure of herself, and perhaps of his answer.
Looking up he noticed her brown eyes were boring into him. "No."
Sighing with relief, she said, "Good. I was afraid I had... what with you leaving so suddenly."
"You were busy. No one else wanted me there." He shrugged, turning back to the essays, thinking the conversation was over. It dawned on him a moment later that she was in office. She had traveled to Hogwarts to see him. He looked up in surprise and annoyance. "What are you doing here?"
She smiled at him despite his angry question. "I wanted to make sure you weren't offended or mad."
"What do you care what I feel?" he retorted, annoyed with her mere presence.
"Oh," she seemed taken back at first, but quickly recovered. "I don't. I just wanted to make sure you weren't being a baby and sulking."
He smirked at her. "Oh, trust me, I'm not."
"Good." She glanced around herself slowly, uncomfortable. "Nice office."
He laughed humorlessly.
"What?" she asked defensively.
"It's not a nice office."
"You're right. I was just trying to be polite," she told him, sitting down in the only other chair in the room.
"Are you staying?" he questioned her, his voice dripping with irritation.
"Yes. Do you mind? Not that you have a choice…" Tonks said, a soft smile playing on her lips. She was baiting him again.
"I do mind."
"You have no choice." She shrugged. The mischievous glint was back in her eyes, telling him she had something in mind that might not be nice.
Severus sighed heavily. "What do you want really?"
She tilted her head as she talked now, her voice laced with curiosity. "What makes you think I didn't come just to make sure you weren't offended or mad?"
"That's no reason for anyone -- even you, who apparently has little else to do but to keep bothering me -- to come all the way to Hogwarts in the late evening hours," he told her as matter-of-factly.
She perked up defensively. "I have more to do than you."
He raised his eyebrows at her retort. "Oh is that so?"
"It is. However I just came to make sure you were okay."
"Well, I'm fine. Shouldn't that mean you should rid me of your presence now?" He turned back to the stack of essays in front of him.
"No."
"So you have some other agenda to be here?"
"Maybe..."
He sighed heavily, feeling annoyed with her vague answers. "Then out with it!"
An awkward silence fell over the pair as he continued to pretend to grade the essays and she seemed to be mulling over her true agenda and whether or not to share the information with him at all.
"Why did you come back to Hogwarts?" she suddenly asked, breaking the stillness.
He glanced up, surprised by her inquiry. "What does it matter?"
She was obviously uncomfortable, squirming slightly in her seat under his intense stare. "I was just wondering. Wouldn't it be easier to find another profession?"
"When have you known me to do what is easy? I like teaching, so I teach. It's the simple."
Sighing she insisted, "Well, I heard you get hate mail?"
"I do, but it doesn't bother me."
"How can it not?"
He looked up at her; her stare was unflinching as she returned the look. "It's their close-minded ways that lead them to send me the letters, the Howlers, the death threats. I don't let someone else, even hateful witches and wizards, run my life and make my decisions for me."
Leaning back in her chair, Tonks smiled at him. "You're smarter than they give you credit for."
"Oh?"
"Mostly, you're just too stubborn for your own good."
He chuckled softly.
"You're too stubborn to back down from your job when you know you should..."
"Are you done?" Part of him wanted her to leave; another part just wanted to know why she was here since he didn't believe she had just came for his company.
"I'm not leaving yet." She leaned back in her chair and grinned at him as if she saying that she was just getting more comfortable.
He sighed.
"You don't get many visitors, do you?"
"Not particularly. Nor do I want any visitors," he added.
He tried to concentrate on the essays, but found himself stealing glances at the woman watching him from across the desk. She seemed content to watch him in silence. A soft smile was on her lips and her brown eyes were clear with interest as she observed him.
"Anything else?" he asked after a long moment, unable to bear the silence or her eyes boring into him any longer.
"Yes." She didn't continue her answer. The impish smile and light in her eyes told Severus that she was merely trying to manipulate him, make him have to work for the conversation and show interest.
He finished his stack of essays and set them aside. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to my quarters."
Tonks jumped to her feet before he stood up and announced, "I'll come with you."
He laughed loudly. "I don't think so."
"Why not? You don't want me to see inside your quarters? Afraid you actually make want me in there one day?" Her words were mocking, with little meaning behind them, but to annoy him.
He shook his head in disbelieving impatience. "I think you should go now."
"What if I don't want to?"
"You can stay in here and I'll go to my quarters. Don't touch anything." He walked out of his office, leaving her behind and alone, but turned around before he reached his room, a question tugging at the back of his mind. He walked back to his office to find her sitting down in the chair again, looking slightly upset. "Who did you kill?"
Tonks jumped at the sound of his voice behind her. Swinging around to face him, she asked, "What did you say?"
"Who did you kill?" he repeated his question calmly.
An expression of stark fear, embarrassment, and horror crossed her face. "I have to go." She then jumped to her feet, and ran by him and out of the room.
What is she afraid of? he wondered, Her past?
Words: circa 2000 (this chapter)
Rating: PG (this chapter)
Characers/Pairings: Snape/Tonks
Warnings: none.
Author's Notes: Thank you to my beta, the amazing jandjsalmon. All mistakes are mine, not hers.
Summary: (this chapter) Tonks follows Severus to Hogwarts after he leaves the wedding.
Previous chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4
Severus waited a few minutes before following the pair back out into the reception. Tonks was speaking animatedly to Hermione Granger, a former student of his and an Order member. He noticed that her face was alight with happiness and interest, seeming unaffected by her conversation with Lupin. Suddenly, she glanced up and smiled at him. Before he could turn away, she was waving him over.
Sighing heavily, he walked over to join the pair. Hermione's smile was tight when she greeted him. Her browns eyes showed her dislike, yet she didn't allow it to seep into her tone. "Hello Professor Snape."
"Hello Miss Granger," he returned her salutation.
"Tonks," he nodded.
Tonks grinned at him, unperturbed by his cold hello.
Obviously seeing an out, Hermione said, "I need a word with Professor McGonagall." She quickly left the duo alone.
"So, Severus, having a good time?" Tonks asked him. She looked at him curiously.
He snorted in response. "Not really."
"Not your normal crowd, huh?"
"I don't have a crowd."
"Oh, sorry," she said unapologetically. "You're back at Hogwarts, aren't you?"
"As of last Tuesday," he informed her, sighing.
"Minerva let you have the day off?"
"Yes."
The music grew suddenly louder as conversion stopped. Tonks looked around herself in confusion; Severus looked around quickly, noticing nothing out of the ordinary. The groom and bride walked slowly out into the middle of the dance floor, all eyes on them.
"Their first dance," Tonks whispered. She seemed unhappy.
Severus watched with the other guests as the couple danced, stealing glances at Tonks once in awhile. She was frowning deeply and watching the scene with a look of disgust mixed with disappointment. He knew why she had such a bad response to the scene, despite having told off the man a few moments before. Deep down, she wasn't over him.
Once the music died down again to a reasonable level, the talking and mingling started up again and other couples went out onto the dance floor.
"Disgusting," Severus whispered suddenly.
Tonks looked over at him in surprise. "What is?"
"They have to be the center of attention. Isn't the wedding enough?"
"Not for them." She shrugged then sighed heavily.
"Do you think I significantly crashed their wedding?"
Tonks turned to him fully and grinned. "Trust me you made a difference; he definitely noticed your presence."
"Then my job is done," he said sarcastically.
She laughed darkly. "Where are you headed after the wedding?"
"Back to Hogwarts, of course."
"Want to grab a bite to eat?"
He shook his head. "No thank you. I just want to go back."
She smiled understandingly. "Of course, of course." Her eyes gave away the fact that she felt embarrassed by her brazen question and his swift denial. She seemed almost hurt. "I'll talk to you later this week."
He eyed her carefully before bidding his farewell. "Until next summer."
She grinned impishly. "You'll see me before that. You can count on it."
"Is that a threat?" he asked sarcastically.
"No, no, just a promise." Before he could reply again, Neville Longbottom grabbed Tonks arm and pulled her toward a large group that had gathered. "Bye," she mouthed to him, waving to him.
Shaking his head, Severus left the reception without wishing Mr. and Mrs. Remus Lupin best wishes.
---
Severus returned to Hogsmeade Village a mere moment after exiting the Leaky Cauldron. He decided to walk back to Hogwarts Castle.
The walk gave him time to think about the day, not that he particularly wanted to.
"I am a murderer, Remus," Tonks had told Lupin.
Severus hadn't known until she confessed to the werewolf that she had murdered someone. He had merely assumed she had been the perfect Order member and gotten away with her life without taking someone else's. The Order had lived by the ideals to only take a life if they saw no other way, if they had to save themselves; the Death Eaters had relished in taking lives, both of innocents and of their enemies. He had obviously not been around the Order headquarters when she had committed her act.
The look in her eyes when she had admitted the fact she was a murderer to Lupin had been cold, like she was having a hard time accepting it herself. Remus hadn't reacted and by his indifferent and emotionless expression he knew of the circumstances in which she had taken a life.
Who did she kill? Severus wondered to himself. Whose life did she take that still haunts from the afterlife?
The castle was unusually quiet for a Saturday night. It wasn't late; curfew was still half an hour away. As he walked back to his quarters in the dungeons, near his classroom, he only saw three students walking around the school. Where is everyone? he wondered bitterly, knowing that the students should be more active tonight with the Headmistress being away.
The Bloody Baron stopped in front of him abruptly. "Hello Professor Snape."
"Hello," he said dismissively, moving to go past him.
"Where were you today?" the ghost pressed, his tone gruff and disinterested.
"Out." With his one word answer, Severus walked through the ghost rudely and into his quarters. He had every intention of going to bed, but then he decided to grade some essays that he had assigned the first week.
Settling himself behind his desk in his office, he graded the essays, cringing at the answers. "Idiots," he muttered when he gave the first four essays a failing grade.
After an hour, there was a soft knock on the door. He looked up in surprise, thinking he might have misheard. A moment later there was a second knock. "Come in," he called, looking back down to the essays before the person opened the door.
The person walked in cautiously, pushing the door shut behind themself. "Severus?" It was a female voice.
He stole a look upward without turning his head and saw that it was Nymphdora Tonks. He continued to read the poorly written essay of a third year. "What?"
"Did I offend you at the wedding?" Her voice was timid, not like the girl he had spent hours with talking to. She seemed unsure of herself, and perhaps of his answer.
Looking up he noticed her brown eyes were boring into him. "No."
Sighing with relief, she said, "Good. I was afraid I had... what with you leaving so suddenly."
"You were busy. No one else wanted me there." He shrugged, turning back to the essays, thinking the conversation was over. It dawned on him a moment later that she was in office. She had traveled to Hogwarts to see him. He looked up in surprise and annoyance. "What are you doing here?"
She smiled at him despite his angry question. "I wanted to make sure you weren't offended or mad."
"What do you care what I feel?" he retorted, annoyed with her mere presence.
"Oh," she seemed taken back at first, but quickly recovered. "I don't. I just wanted to make sure you weren't being a baby and sulking."
He smirked at her. "Oh, trust me, I'm not."
"Good." She glanced around herself slowly, uncomfortable. "Nice office."
He laughed humorlessly.
"What?" she asked defensively.
"It's not a nice office."
"You're right. I was just trying to be polite," she told him, sitting down in the only other chair in the room.
"Are you staying?" he questioned her, his voice dripping with irritation.
"Yes. Do you mind? Not that you have a choice…" Tonks said, a soft smile playing on her lips. She was baiting him again.
"I do mind."
"You have no choice." She shrugged. The mischievous glint was back in her eyes, telling him she had something in mind that might not be nice.
Severus sighed heavily. "What do you want really?"
She tilted her head as she talked now, her voice laced with curiosity. "What makes you think I didn't come just to make sure you weren't offended or mad?"
"That's no reason for anyone -- even you, who apparently has little else to do but to keep bothering me -- to come all the way to Hogwarts in the late evening hours," he told her as matter-of-factly.
She perked up defensively. "I have more to do than you."
He raised his eyebrows at her retort. "Oh is that so?"
"It is. However I just came to make sure you were okay."
"Well, I'm fine. Shouldn't that mean you should rid me of your presence now?" He turned back to the stack of essays in front of him.
"No."
"So you have some other agenda to be here?"
"Maybe..."
He sighed heavily, feeling annoyed with her vague answers. "Then out with it!"
An awkward silence fell over the pair as he continued to pretend to grade the essays and she seemed to be mulling over her true agenda and whether or not to share the information with him at all.
"Why did you come back to Hogwarts?" she suddenly asked, breaking the stillness.
He glanced up, surprised by her inquiry. "What does it matter?"
She was obviously uncomfortable, squirming slightly in her seat under his intense stare. "I was just wondering. Wouldn't it be easier to find another profession?"
"When have you known me to do what is easy? I like teaching, so I teach. It's the simple."
Sighing she insisted, "Well, I heard you get hate mail?"
"I do, but it doesn't bother me."
"How can it not?"
He looked up at her; her stare was unflinching as she returned the look. "It's their close-minded ways that lead them to send me the letters, the Howlers, the death threats. I don't let someone else, even hateful witches and wizards, run my life and make my decisions for me."
Leaning back in her chair, Tonks smiled at him. "You're smarter than they give you credit for."
"Oh?"
"Mostly, you're just too stubborn for your own good."
He chuckled softly.
"You're too stubborn to back down from your job when you know you should..."
"Are you done?" Part of him wanted her to leave; another part just wanted to know why she was here since he didn't believe she had just came for his company.
"I'm not leaving yet." She leaned back in her chair and grinned at him as if she saying that she was just getting more comfortable.
He sighed.
"You don't get many visitors, do you?"
"Not particularly. Nor do I want any visitors," he added.
He tried to concentrate on the essays, but found himself stealing glances at the woman watching him from across the desk. She seemed content to watch him in silence. A soft smile was on her lips and her brown eyes were clear with interest as she observed him.
"Anything else?" he asked after a long moment, unable to bear the silence or her eyes boring into him any longer.
"Yes." She didn't continue her answer. The impish smile and light in her eyes told Severus that she was merely trying to manipulate him, make him have to work for the conversation and show interest.
He finished his stack of essays and set them aside. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to my quarters."
Tonks jumped to her feet before he stood up and announced, "I'll come with you."
He laughed loudly. "I don't think so."
"Why not? You don't want me to see inside your quarters? Afraid you actually make want me in there one day?" Her words were mocking, with little meaning behind them, but to annoy him.
He shook his head in disbelieving impatience. "I think you should go now."
"What if I don't want to?"
"You can stay in here and I'll go to my quarters. Don't touch anything." He walked out of his office, leaving her behind and alone, but turned around before he reached his room, a question tugging at the back of his mind. He walked back to his office to find her sitting down in the chair again, looking slightly upset. "Who did you kill?"
Tonks jumped at the sound of his voice behind her. Swinging around to face him, she asked, "What did you say?"
"Who did you kill?" he repeated his question calmly.
An expression of stark fear, embarrassment, and horror crossed her face. "I have to go." She then jumped to her feet, and ran by him and out of the room.
What is she afraid of? he wondered, Her past?