aaaah!!!
I feel so defeated! I'm tired of everything going wrong! its not like we are those people who sit around hoping everything will just be okay. I work my ass off, don't buy anything frivolous (seriously some new clothes would be really nice.) In n out for father's day was a splurge. in February ray applied to pretty much every damned job in the greater Salinas area and even walked into the shops and dropped off his resume, and not even so much as a fucking call in for an interview. the stump removal business fucks him over because the co-owner is a horrible businessman and kept not having the funds to pay the guys. then he catches himself on fire - which admittedly could have gone way worse - because he was trying to start a fire in our shit hole of a house for which we pay too much. while recovering he misses the chance for an interview with aramark's service department. then he gets an interview but its with sales - not his strong point and I'm sure it showed in the interview- and now we haven't heard anything back.
I decide to be proactive and find a way to get us into a rent-to-own or even buy through a usda rural home loan....wake up today to attack that.... and my damned computer power is shot.
I'm hungry, I'm tired, I have no idea how I'm gonna have enough money for gas to get to my summer job in Santa Cruz next month, or feed my family. and now ray has to start the whole job applications process all over again. and until he secures one we can't secure child care, but he can't promise availability until we have child care. wtf????
I hated living in Sacramento - other than being near my family, my job sucked and I hated the environment of the city, but at least we could afford it. I love love love my job, and I'm still glad we moved because I need to love where I go every day and this job wouldn't have waited for me.
Im just tired of feeling so damned defeated! I refuse to run around feeling regretful, but finding the emotional capability to be proactive and optimistic... well, not so easy anymore. grrrrrr!!
Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.