(no subject)
How many times am I going to make drastic decisions, drastically dive into them, and than later drastically abandon them? Who knows. Oh well. What's done is done.
It's okay, really. Honestly, I feel less stress and tension now that I'm 95 percent sure that I won't be going back. Feels a little bit like a rock has been removed from my chest.
The only thing is that now, once again, the ground has been swept from under me, and I'm free falling into either terrible sadness and lack of motivation, or, into something "better."
I need to get out of mount pleasant, I think. I have no social life here really at all. That was fine when I thought that I was going to be an academic. But not sustainable now. I'm plotting. I have some plans. Some back up plans that were always there.
...It's still a little hard to believe that this came and went. I spent more time thinking about it and planning for it than I actually spent DOING it. I applied to come to school about one calender year ago. And I lasted two months. Wow.
Most of my family is not one hundred percent aware of this abandonment. It's going to be a tough one to explain. I doubt it will be accepted well.
It's okay, really. Honestly, I feel less stress and tension now that I'm 95 percent sure that I won't be going back. Feels a little bit like a rock has been removed from my chest.
The only thing is that now, once again, the ground has been swept from under me, and I'm free falling into either terrible sadness and lack of motivation, or, into something "better."
I need to get out of mount pleasant, I think. I have no social life here really at all. That was fine when I thought that I was going to be an academic. But not sustainable now. I'm plotting. I have some plans. Some back up plans that were always there.
...It's still a little hard to believe that this came and went. I spent more time thinking about it and planning for it than I actually spent DOING it. I applied to come to school about one calender year ago. And I lasted two months. Wow.
Most of my family is not one hundred percent aware of this abandonment. It's going to be a tough one to explain. I doubt it will be accepted well.