it's kind of late...i still have enough to say
So, hmmm…let’s try this again. I’m not sure what all I’ll put in here. I want to start off by telling myself ‘Mel, I’m hella proud of you!’ I’m doing good for myself. I’m doing good. I went out to eat with Kerie after work yesterday. It was a pretty good time. She always tries to talk around her love interest though. I think I put a stop to that though. I have no idea why she would avoid saying her name. LoL. I told her that too. She said it was because she didn’t want to hurt me or make things awkward or something. I told her that it’s not. It’s more awkward that she denies her…or avoids her or whatever. I finally told Kerie that it’s okay, I’m her friend…not her lover…not interested. I meant that. Kerie and I make better friends. It’s nice to have that pressure removed. She’s a good friend, she should be happy. LoL, jeeze. I think it’s shocking to her at how easy this is. I dunno why it’s so easy for me really. I’m the one that fucked up…it should be hard. I have my theories…Maybe I know that I did all that I could…Maybe I just reached that point. All I know is that I’ve never felt more balanced in my entire life than I have ever felt. I did this. I did it by myself. I survived!!! And the most crazy, insane, wonderful thing is that I really, honestly, truly believe with all of my being that I won’t have another low like I did. It’s over. That part of me has been taken care of. This is a victory that I will remember forever…the struggles that I’ve trudged through, that wasn’t for nothing…it was for an end. It was for a new beginning. I want to talk for hours and hours and hours about this. I want to shout from the rooftop of the tallest building that I DID IT!!! And I really don’t care how lame that may sound because I effing earned that right! I’m able to do so much now. I’m not in a rush for love. I’m not in a hurry for anything. Though now, I’d bet just about anything that the next relationship that I’m in will be like no other that I’ve had. I’m not unstable. I’m not on and off. There is no hot and cold…there is only me. And I know I’m good. I know how to treat a woman. I know how to treat myself. LoL, I am by no means in a rush for a relationship but sometimes I let my mind go there…Sometimes. My mind is overactive anyway…I need to appease it. ;) I wonder what she’s like. I wonder if I know her. If I’ve touched her before. What does her skin feel like?…Her lips? The thoughts entertain me to say the least…Life is such a mystery. Hell, maybe I’ll still be single at 40, 50...60. Who knows? Not me. I wonder where I’ll be then…? I have no idea. LOL. Women look really good right after they have sex. Hair a mess. Makeup kind of smeared. Goofy, tired smile. I don’t know where that came from…I haven’t had sex in a while. Random. No, I don’t need to get laid. Hmmm…/I want to go camping. I’m really ready to camp. Damn. I wonder how many young girls go camping alone…and don’t get raped. Hmmm…I guess I’ll find out if I’ll be a new statistic. Well, it’s getting a little late…a little random. I suppose it’s One Tree Hill time.