In these Arms
Title: In these arms
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 6500
Warnings: none
Spoilers: 4.14
Disclaimer: Not mine. Damn.
Summary: An alternate version for the events of 4.14
Author's note: I started writing this several weeks ago when the spoilers for last nights ep just started coming out. Then didn't finish it til like two days ago, then it needed beta-ing (thanks always to my best friend, aka momentsofweakness on tumblr, for the speedy work and reading a fandom that she doesn't even follow anymore. you're the best) So yeah. It's been jossed to hell but it's still worth reading i think. It's endgame!Klaine porn anyway, so enjoy!
also curse those beautiful bastards I thought my muse had left me forever and I was done writing them, but apparently they had other ideas.
Title is from a song of the same title by the swell season. I had it on repeat while writing this and might be worth a listen to.
In These Arms
It was a surreal feeling, being back in Ohio; surrounded by his old Glee Club friends, dressed in their wedding finest. It felt like being transported back in time, a different age - a different lifetime ago, and nothing felt stranger or more surreal to Kurt than being here with Blaine, standing on stage, once again singing a duet with his former boyfriend.
Life in New York, especially now that he was at NYADA, was completely different. The person he was with Adam felt completely disconnected to who he was here with these people; with Blaine. He had thought the change was good and what he needed, but here at Mr. Shue's wedding with Blaine he wasn't so sure.
Adam didn't like the fact that Kurt didn't want to mix the two worlds. Adam was convinced Kurt didn't want him there so he'd be free to mess around with Blaine, claiming that Kurt still loved his ex. Which of course was completely ridiculous and he had told Adam as much. He and Blaine were just friends, he just didn't want to rub Blaine's face in his new relationship since their friendship was tenuous at best.
Still Adam insisted that if he chose to go to Ohio and still have a friendship with Blaine that Kurt could forget about a relationship with him. And honestly, anyone that made him choose between his best friend and a relationship with them just wasn't worth the effort. So he had broken it off with Adam and gone to the wedding like he had promised. On the trip over Kurt had wondered if he had made the right choice or not, had wondered if he should beg Adam's forgiveness and ask him back when he returned.
He knew now that he had made the right choice. Singing on stage, seeing the sincerity in Blaine's eyes as he sang only to him (even if this was supposed to be for Mr. Shue and Miss Pils...well, Mrs. Shue now) made him miss the person he was before, the person he was with Blaine.
Bitterness filled his heart as he thought about what he lost because of Blaine's foolish and rash decision to sleep with someone else. And while he knew and believed that Blaine regretted that decision every day, it didn't change the fact that he had done what he did, nor did it help Kurt understand why he made that decision in the first place. Sometimes he wished that he did understand, so that maybe he'd be able to forgive Blaine and finally be able to fully move on. But every time he came close to asking him why, he was overcome with jealousy and realized that he didn't ever want to know. All he could see was Blaine kissing someone else, someone else's hands caressing Blaine's skin. All he could hear was someone else's name on Blaine’s lips as he came, and he didn't want that image. He couldn't handle that knowledge.
So he continued to be bitter, which had caused him to pursue the relationship with Adam in the first place, as if to prove that he didn't need the old him, didn't need Blaine. But here on stage, when he and Blaine felt like the only two people in the room, he found himself wishing for the old him and detesting who he was with Adam. Here, now in the moment, he wanted to understand. He wanted to forgive. He wanted to heal. He found himself becoming increasingly emotional as the song went on, to the point that he was fighting a losing battle in keeping those emotions from the surface.
Their song came to an end and with a final shuddering breath and pleading look towards Blaine he fled the stage and out the room, simultaneously hoping that Blaine would follow him and also leave him be, not wanting him to see how much he still affected him.
The former happened - Kurt was right outside his Navigator when Blaine caught up to him, calling his name. With tears that he didn't even realize he had streaming down his face, Kurt spun around to face Blaine, anger and betrayal written clearly in his features.
“Why?” he demanded, trying not to notice Blaine's own tears. “Just tell me why? Why would you give this up? Why would you throw us away? Like I didn’t matter. Wasn't I enough for you?”
Blaine's face crumbled and the tears fell freely as he advanced, pulling Kurt in his arms and caressing his cheek. Against his better judgment, Kurt let him. “No, sweetheart. No, don't ever think that. You were. You were always enough for me.”
“Then why?” Kurt shouted, pulling back from Blaine's arms. “Why would you sleep with someone else?”
Blaine held his arms in defeat. Broken and through his tears he finally admitted, “Because I was afraid that I wasn’t enough for you.”
Kurt drew in a ragged breath. “But why? Didn't I make it clear to you that you were always it for me? Didn’t you believe me when I told you over and over that we'd be the exception? We'd be the one's that made it?”
Blaine shook his head slowly. “That's the thing though, Kurt, I wasn't it for you. Not really.”
“What could you possibly mean? Of course you were!” Kurt sniffed, looking utterly confused and hurt.
“Person wise yes, I was the only one for you. But New York, and NYADA and fashion, your dreams. They were still there and they always came first.” Kurt opened his mouth to protest, but Blaine cut him off. “I’m not saying there's anything wrong with that. I want you to have dreams and pursue them. I was the one that told you to go because I've never wanted anything for you but your happiness.”
Slowly Blaine tried to approach again, reaching for Kurt's hand, a small smile playing on his lips when Kurt didn't pull away. “I'm only trying to explain the state of mind that I was in. Not that it excuses what I did, because I know it doesn't...I just felt like I was stuck, and that you had moved on and found this whole other life that I wasn't a part of, while I felt like I had no life without you.”
He pulled their hands up so that he was clutching Kurt's hand against his chest. “It made me doubt that we were soul mates like we always assumed. The worst part was that as soon as I had done what I did, I knew that we were.”
Blaine's words were choked so that Kurt could barely hear him. “You have to believe me, Kurt. If I could change what I did or take it back, you know that I would. I never wanted to hurt you or be the cause of your pain and...
That's what I hate the most. That I...lost your trust and hurt you when it was the last thing...”
Blaine was openly sobbing now, Kurt not far behind him. “I know,” Kurt whispered, his hand flexing against Blaine's chest, clutching at the fabric. “I know, Blaine. I believe you.”
“Please,” Blaine sobbed, leaning forward so his forehead was resting against Kurt's. “Please, Kurt. Please for...”
It was as far as Blaine got before Kurt was throwing his arms around Blaine and tugging him into a tight embrace.
Shh,” he soothed, holding the distraught Blaine in his arms, Kurt just as upset. It seemed odd, to be the one that was cheated on and comforting the one who had hurt him, but here with Blaine in his arms, as much as he had hated Blaine for what he did, he realized that no one hated Blaine as much as he hated himself. And in a flash it was clear that if either of there were ever going to be whole again, he had to forgive Blaine. Because Blaine was never going to forgive himself unless he earned Kurt's forgiveness first.
And while picking up their friendship again had gone a long way in helping them both, it hadn't healed them completely. And it never would. They would never be whole again unless they found a way to forgive and be together once more.
And just like that, “forgiveness”, that elusive concept that had evaded Kurt for so long came to him in one big rush. He truly one hundred percent forgave Blaine.
Gasping at the realization, Kurt suddenly pulled back from Blaine's arms and stared at him in wonder.
“Kurt?” Blaine question as he tried to regain his composer. Kurt didn't say anything, just opened the back door of his navigator, slid into the back seat and pulled Blaine in behind him.
Blaine still looked confused but followed willingly before pulling the door closed behind them. Once Blaine was inside and facing him, Kurt's lips were on his, slotting together as if they had never been apart.
Kurt felt Blaine’s initial surprise give way almost immediately as he melted into Kurt, grasping for him and pulling him closer. He didn't question the change or what brought the sudden kiss on, nor did he seek the motive.
Kurt didn't take the time to explain, knowing that all that mattered was that it was happening. He would tell Blaine later of course, the reasons why he was doing this, but right now Kurt had no interest in talking. He just wanted to feel; feel the lips he had been missing, feel the hands that he had been deprived of, to be held in the arms that he'd spent many sleepless nights aching for. He longed for every kiss and caress, every sigh and gasp and breath, the feel of their hard bodies pressing against each other while their hands wandered, touching every surface they could reach.
They re-familiarized themselves with each other’s bodies, with both their wandering hands and their mouths that kept wandering down necks and across collar bones. Ties were loosened and buttons undone so they could taste and feel and explore at least some of the sweet skin that they had longed for. But they never strayed away from each other’s mouths for long, always coming back in a frenzied heat.
They stayed back there in the car for a long while, though the time passed by as if it had been mere minutes, tasting, kissing and grinding until it just wasn't enough for Kurt anymore. He pulled back, breathing hard. Blaine let out a whine and tried to follow Kurt's lips, but Kurt held him back with a small laugh.
He took a couple of deep breaths, studying Blaine's face and gazed at him intently so that Blaine would have no doubt that he meant what he said next.
“We should go back to my house.”
He watched Blaine swallow, his face filling with awe and wonder. And in a manner which very much reminded Kurt of the first time he had told Blaine that he was ready to give all of himself to him Blaine nodded and said “Okay.”
~
It wasn't hurried or rushed: not like the make-out in the car had been. When they got to Kurt's house, checking to make sure they were alone and that his dad, Carol, and Finn hadn't made it home yet, ( they hadn't) both boys went rather shy, like they weren't quite sure what they should be doing.
Once in Kurt's old room, Blaine stood in the middle awkwardly looking around, re-familiarizing himself, his arms moving from crossed, to stuffing his hands in his pockets before pulling them out and repeating the pattern all over as if he wasn't sure what to do with them while Kurt took off his jacket and tie, hanging them up, putting his keys away, sliding off his shoes and going about his nightly routine.
He was halfway through unbuttoning his dress shirt when his eyes locked with Blaine. They widened slightly as if he just remembered that Blaine was there and why. He offered as small reassuring (he hoped) smile and watched as Blaine visibly relaxed, shoulders dropping and a grateful look lighting up his face.
Kurt stopped what he was doing and moved towards Blaine, sliding his hands up his torso before gripping the lapels of Blaine’s jacket and sliding it off his arms. Blaine let him, his breath stilling and his body frozen other than the movement of his arms to help Kurt take the jacket off. With a small kiss to Blaine's forehead, Kurt slowly backed away and hung the jacket neatly next to his, showing Blaine's clothes as much reverence as he showed his own.
When he returned to Blaine he reached out and grabbed his tie, tugging Blaine closer until they were a breath apart and gently kissed him. Blaine inhaled deeply, and shook slightly as Kurt's kips glided over his before his hands found Kurt's waist and rested there, gripping lightly and pulling him closer.
The kiss deepened slightly, their mouths opening to let each other in, but it stayed slow and soft, reverent and searching. Slowly, as Kurt felt Blaine melt and relax into him, he moved to loosen the tie, breaking the kiss to pull it over Blaine’s head and hang it with his jacket.
This time Kurt didn't have to return to Blaine. While he was putting the tie away, Blaine's arms snaked around his waist, his body pressed to Kurt’s back, and lips attached to the base of his neck, whisper soft as they ghosted over his skin, leaving a trail of kisses as they worked their way up the side and to his jaw.
Kurt leaned back into Blaine, allowing him to worship his skin, his hands trailing over Blaine's arms before turning around and meeting Blaine's mouth in a heated kiss.
Hands traveled over waists, shoulders, making their way into the others hair, tugging and loosening their already disturbed hair styles even more. Their breaths quickened, gasps and moans escaping them both as their hands returned to their shirts, shaking fingers slowly working buttons opened, all the while refusing to let their lips part for more than a second at a time, until they finally freed their arms from the confines of the fabric and had to pull apart.
When the shirts were off and hung up, Kurt hanging up Blaine's, and Blaine taking care of Kurt's, they found each other almost immediately, crashing into each other, gripping hard and tugging at their undershirts to get them off. No care was taken with those, discarding and letting them fall where they stood so they could slide back together, each groaning at the feel of their skin pressing together for the first time in so long.
Blaine kissed Kurt, softly and briefly before pulling away and resting his forehead against Kurt's, his breathing hard and ragged.
“Is this real?” he asked, voice and body shaking while his hands slide over Kurt's arms, just feeling.
Kurt let out a puff of laughter and gripped Blaine's waist in reassurance.
“Yeah, it is.” His eyes found Blaine's and he smiled reassuringly. “I missed you,” he whispered. Blaine inhaled sharply, his eyes misting over. His hand slipped around Kurt's neck and caressed the skin there.
“I missed you too. So much,” he answered when he finally found his voice, tugging Kurt's head closer and sealing their mouths together once more.
Smiling into the kiss, Kurt started to back Blaine up until his calves hit the back of the bed. Kissing Blaine softly once, twice, three times, he pulled away, gently guiding Blaine to sit on the end of the bed as he knelt down in front of him.
He ran a comforting hand over Blaine's thighs to calm him, squeezing gently in reassurance before tracing his hands down his legs, across his calves and to his feet where he tugged off Blaine's shoes and socks, neatly aligning them next to the nightstand.
He placed a gentle kiss to the inside of his knee as he slid his hands back up Blaine's legs. He smirked when Blaine sucked in a breath as Kurt's hands traveled over his groin, purposefully brushing against his erection before unbuttoning Blaine's pants. Blaine leaned back on his hands and lifted up his hips so Kurt could tug off his pants, leaving him bare except for his dark maroon boxer briefs.
Kurt stood up and folded Blaine's pants, setting them on the nightstand before slowly, tantalizingly reaching for his own and pulling the tight pants down.
Blaine whimpered when he realized that Kurt wasn't wearing anything on underneath them, and audibly swallowed when Kurt's erection was released.
“Couldn't have any underwear lines showing now could I?” Kurt replied cheekily to Blaine's unanswered question. He folded his pants quickly and set them on top of Blaine’s.
Blaine shook his head as if to say, no, he very well couldn't, as he scooted to sit back against the headboard. Kurt crawled across the bed to him and hovered over him, kissed him briefly before trailing his mouth down to his jaw, across his neck and to this chest. He kissed each nipple, passing briefly to suckle them, rolling the hard nubs with his tongue and teeth before continuing to kiss down Blaine's stomach.
He moved down further still until he was grazing the line of underwear, letting his hands linger on the band, teasing Blaine with the idea of removing them, but leaving it be for a while, while his mouth moved down to kiss Blaine’s hardening cock through the fabric.
Blaine moaned loudly, his hands flying to Kurt's hair and holding him gently while Kurt mouthed at him.
“Shit, Kurt, that feels so good,” Blaine let slip as he ran his fingers through Kurt's hair. Kurt looked up at Blaine through his eyelashes, looking positively sinful as he placed sucking kisses to the head of Blaine’s cock, making Blaine throw his head back in pleasure , a thump sounding through the room as his head collided with the headboard. His hands tightened in Kurt’s hair and gave a little tug.
“Please, baby,” Blaine babbled. “Oh god, please just....”
“What?” Kurt asked coyly, pulling off Blaine slightly. “Tell me what you want.“
“Anything. Everything, just...Please.”
Kurt grinned at him and tightened his hold on the band of Blaine’s underwear, forcing Blaine to let go of Kurt's hair and lift his hips as Kurt tugged them down and off. He tossed them to the floor, kissing the tip of Blaine's erection, tasting the bead of pre cum that had gathered there before suddenly he was up, kneeling over Blaine and kissing him for all he was worth.
Blaine's hands wrapped around Kurt's back, palms splayed and fingers gripping his skin as they kissed. Kurt lowered his hips till their erections brushed and suddenly Blaine was thrusting his hips up to meet Kurt’s.
Kurt tugged Blaine down the bed until he was lying flat on his back, and lowered himself on top of Blaine, so that every inch of their naked bodies were connected and letting Blaine feel the weight of him.
They kissed again as they lay there, hips moving together and rolling every so often on the bed before Kurt reached over to the nightstand to pull out some lube and a condom. He held them up for Blaine, raising an eyebrow in question.
“Oh god, yes,” Blaine replied, causing Kurt to laugh shortly before losing himself in another kiss. He pulled back, lubing up his fingers and making quick work of prepping Blaine. He was still careful, still making sure to stretch and open him properly, but not spending any more time than necessary. He was too impatient, too ready to feel the heat of Blaine wrapped around him, to tease or draw out the process. By the way Blaine was babbling underneath him, Kurt figured that he felt the same way.
Once Blaine was fully prepped Kurt hurriedly slipped the condom on and slicked himself with more lube, pumping his cock a few times before lining up with Blaine.
He held there for a few moments, the head of his cock brushing against Blaine’s hole as he hovered over them, their faces inches apart, breath mingling together before Kurt moved the scant inches forward to kiss Blaine.
When Blaine's hands came up to rest gently on Kurt's hips, Kurt deepened the kiss and pushed in. He felt fingers dig into his skin at the intrusion and held still until he felt the pressure lessen, taking it as Blaine's signal that he was okay and could move forward again.
He started to thrust slowly, setting up a gentle rhythm as he rocked with Blaine. He held back because to him, rushing said that he just wanted to get off, and that wasn't what this was about for Kurt.
It had never been about just getting off with Blaine, and this time was no different, though the motivations were different than before. This time was about rebuilding and reestablishing what they had before, about finding love in one another and rediscovering trust. It was about uncovering what they had lost. So Kurt moved slowly, wanting this to last as long as possible, though Kurt found that holding back was not an easy task. Blaine felt so good, so tight around him that he had to stop several times to gain control and keep from coming before starting to move again.
He made sure to kiss Blaine as often as possible, slow, lingering kisses that he hoped reassured Blaine that this was it, this was Kurt forgiving him and no matter what, they'd make this work. They would see this relationship through to the end.
Finally, though Kurt wasn't sure how much time had passed, their breathing became ragged and Kurt's movements became uneven.
“So close, baby,” Blaine whispered as Kurt struggled to keep his movements even. “Please, Kurt, come for me, baby. Make me come with you.”
It was all Kurt needed before snapping his hips hard and coming inside of Blaine. He felt him tighten around him, felt the splash of cum on his stomach as Blaine came as well. He moved with Blaine a little bit more as they rode their orgasms out before Kurt collapsed on top of Blaine, eyes heavy with sleep and bliss.
He stayed like that for a few minutes as he waited for their breaths to even out, enjoying the feeling of Blaine’s hand drawing mindless patterns on his back. He would’ve stayed like that forever, content if he could have, but it didn't take long for the air to grow cold around them, and the cum on his stomach to grow sticky and cool, his softening cock feeling uncomfortable still buried in Blaine’s ass.
Reluctantly Kurt sat up and pulled out of Blaine gently, though Blaine still hissed at the loss. He quickly discarded the condom and grabbed a few tissues to clean them up before snuggling next to Blaine once more, pulling a blanket on top of them.
He laid his head on the crook of Blaine's shoulder and threaded their legs together, sighing contentedly when Blaine wrapped his arms around him to keep him close. And with the final thought that this is where he wanted to be forever, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.
~
Kurt woke up several hours later lying on his stomach, his arms empty and outstretched towards the vacant spot next to him. The room was silent except for the sound of someone crying. He blinked wearily as he sat up searching the room until his eyes found Blaine sitting on the edge of the bed, his back towards him, shoulders hunched, and his head in his hands. His body was shaking with the force of his tears.
“Blaine?” Kurt asked as he scooted behind Blaine, threading his arms around his torso and up around his shoulders, pressing his bare chest to Blaine's back. He pressed a light kiss to Blaine’s skin before resting his chin on Blaine's shoulder. “Honey, what's wrong?”
Blaine let out a sob at the endearment and took a few shaky breaths before answering. “Kurt, I'm so sorry. So, so sorry. I don't...I can’t believe I ever did that to you and I can't... I can't lose you. Not again. Not after...And I'm so afraid that...”
Kurt's eyes filled with tears at Blaine's admission. Perhaps he should have informed Blaine before they slept together that this wasn't a one night stand, or the accumulation of months of pent up feelings. It was clear that Blaine though this was a one-time deal and it broke his heart to see how afraid Blaine was of this being over.
“I just...I'm so sorry,” Blaine continued to babble before Kurt finally cut him off.
“Hey, hey,” he soothed as he pulled away, taking Blaine by the shoulders and forcing him to turn and look at him. He took in a sharp breath when he noticed Blaine's red rimmed eyes and splotchy skin. He had clearly been crying for a while. “Hey,” he said again as he scooted across the bed and settled against the head board, pulling Blaine with him. “Come here.” He tugged Blaine until he settled in his lap, trying to ignore the feeling of their cocks brushing against each other. He felt his stir in interest, but he willed it to stay down. This was not the time to get distracted by Blaine's gorgeous naked body. He had a distraught mind to put at ease first. He wrapped his arms around Blaine's waist and stroked his back comfortingly as his kissed him sweetly.
“You need to stop apologizing, Blaine,” he said seriously when he pulled away. “If this is ever going to work between us, we've got to put this whole thing behind us. I'm not going to pretend that it didn't happen or that it didn't hurt me deeply, but I'm not holding it against you either. It happened, I've learned from it, and now I'm moving forward. Which means you have to too. “
Blaine nodded though he still looked like he was internally berating himself. “You mean that...Does that mean that...Are we?” Blaine trailed off, seemingly scared to voice his thoughts in case he had come to the wrong conclusion.
“I mean that I'm willing to give this another shot, Blaine. I want us to work out, but that's only gonna happen if you forgive yourself. If you're constantly beating yourself up and not moving past this then it's just gonna put stress on the relationship.”
He pulled Blaine closer to him, resting their foreheads together as he looked Blaine in the eyes and finally let himself say out loud the words that had eluded him for so long. “I forgive you, Blaine. It's time that you did too.”
Blaine's face lit into an amazed smile before he pulled Kurt into a hard, sloppy and wet kiss. Kurt let himself be kissed, let Blaine work out his emotions, and reveled in the freeness that he felt, the weight of his anger and hurt finally lifted off of him. He never realized how much heaviness he'd been carrying around with him until it was finally gone. It felt good to kiss and be kissed by Blaine again, which was a feeling he didn't want to lose ever again.
Blaine pulled back with a choked off laugh and wiped away his tears quickly before gently wiping away the ones that had fallen onto Kurt.
“You mean it?” he asked quietly, full of hope and wonder as he caressed Kurt's cheek before trailing a finger over his lips. “You forgive me? We can start over?”
“Yeah,” Kurt nodded. “And I promise, we'll do better this time. Both of us. I'll...I'll work on not shutting you out of my life in New York and work on involving you as much as possible. And I...” Kurt trailed off, looking for words to express his feelings. He absentmindedly played with the curls at the base of Blaine’s neck. “I never want you to feel like you aren't the most important part of my life. My dreams are important, but honestly? They don't mean as much if you aren't there to share them with me.”
Blaine leaned down and brushed a kiss over Kurt's lips. “And I promise that I'll talk to you and let you know what I'm thinking or feeling. I...I can't promise that I won’t have doubts or ever feel alone again, because even with friends of my own at McKinney...Sometimes...” Blaine sat back a little, biting his lip, his eyes downcast. “I’m not gonna lie, sometimes it gets really lonely here, and that felling is overwhelming at times. And I can't promise that I won’t feel that again. But I can promise that even if I do, I will talk to you about it this time. I'll let you know when it gets too much and... this time instead of me running off and doing something stupid and destructive we can find a solution together. “
Kurt smiled softly. “That sounds good. I want to know when it gets too much for you. I can come visit or arrange for you to come to New York when that happens and we'll make it work. We have less than six months till you graduate and then hopefully you'll be in New York with me and...and then we'll spend the rest of our lives together.” Kurt ended his speech with a reassuring squeeze to Blaine’s shoulders.
Blaine squeezed his eyes shut for a moment as he took a deep breath. “I never want to be without you, Kurt,” he whispered, leaning down into Kurt's space. “Ever again.” Kurt surged up just as Blaine moved to close the space in between and they met in the middle, lips sealing together to cement the promised they made. They clung together, kissing and touching, and finally, finally gave into the urges Kurt had ever since he pulled Blaine into his lap, their talk now over, and let his hips move together with Blaine’s in rhythm.
The sweet friction of their groins moving together was all at once wonderful and terrible, both tantalizing and too dry, too much and not enough.
After a few moments, Blaine found the abandoned bottle of lube and used it to ease the dry friction between them. He took both their cocks in hand and pumped them slowly as they rocked together.
“Blaine.” The name was ripped from Kurt's lips as they slid together slickly in Blaine’s hands. “That feels so good, honey, don't stop.”
“Never,” Blaine assured, kissing a trail across Kurt's jaw. He licked the shell of his ear, causing Kurt to inhale sharply before moving down to kiss the sweet spot beside his jaw, eliciting little moans and whimpers from Kurt.
Blaine continued to work them over, pumping a little faster, egged on by Kurt's moans. “That's it, baby, just like that,” he encouraged when Kurt bucked his hips wildly, throwing his head back and revealing more perfect skin for Blaine to kiss. 'God, you’re so beautiful,” he whispered as he licked at the side of Kurt's neck, tasting and sucking little marks into the skin. “So gorgeous for me.”
“Oh god, Blaine,” Kurt groaned, growing louder with each moan. He reached down and joined his hand with Blaine’s and together they continued to pump their slick cocks. Blaine pulled back to watch their hands work together. Kurt's breath grew short and ragged and he found it difficult to concentrate. He forced his eyes open and looked up at Blaine, eyes lidded and heavy.
Blaine growled at the look and bit his lip in response, earning another moan of appreciation from Kurt.
“Love you,” Kurt whispered and Blaine's eyes fluttered shut for a second before opening again and locking with Kurt's.
“Love you,” he returned and leaned down to kiss Kurt once again. It didn't take long from there, their admissions being enough to put them both on the edge. With a few final pumps of their hands and thrusts from their hips the boys came, shouting each other’s names and falling into the others arms.
They sat there for quite some time, just holding each other, letting their breath even out and soaking the other in. Finally Kurt gave a weak push to Blaine's chest.
“Get off,” he mumbled into Blaine's neck. “You're heavy.” Blaine laughed weakly but did as he was told, sliding off Kurt's lap and flopping onto the space beside him. He groped around until he found the tissue box, taking a few for himself before handing them over to Kurt.
“What? I have to clean myself?” Kurt teased.
Blaine nodded as he lazily wiped at his stomach. “Too tired,” he mumbled before tossing the dirty tissues in the trash. “I'm exhausted. “
Kurt laughed again before following suit, curling up next to Blaine. He chuckled when he realized that Blaine had already fallen asleep in the few seconds it took for Kurt to clean up. He was seconds from drifting off himself when he felt Blaine stir next to him. Blaine turned onto his side, rolling Kurt with him so that they were spooning, Blaine pressed against Kurt's back. Blaine's arms wrapped around him as he settled behind him so that his face was nuzzling into the crook of Kurt's neck.
He welcomed the new position and snuggled into the hold deeper so that every inch of their skin was in contact and their bodies molded to each other in perfect form and wrapped his arms around Blaine’s, holding him close. He heard Blaine's contented sigh and was slightly startled when Blaine began to speak. He was sure that Blaine's movement had been in his sleep, but apparently he had been mistaken.
“This feels so right,” Blaine murmured as his arms tightened briefly around Kurt.
Kurt hummed in question and waited for Blaine to clarify.
“You here, like this, in my arms,” he said softly. He paused and Kurt could tell by the way Blaine paused to bury his face in his shoulder that he was struggling with the emotion that was building up in him. He waited patiently for Blaine to compose himself. He knew what Blaine meant. He felt it to, but didn't speak, letting Blaine guide the moment.
“It's just...” Blaine started again, a slight waver to his voice though Kurt only noticed it because he was looking for it, knowing that Blaine was struggling. “I missed you so much, Kurt. I didn't realize just how empty I felt without you.”
Kurt sniffed as his own tears started to well up and leaned his head back to rest against Blaine. “No, that's wrong,” Blaine corrected. “I did know. My arms ached for you every second you weren't with me. I just, forgot how it felt being wrapped around you.”
“Yeah?” Kurt queried his voice wavering noticeably. “How's that?”
“Like I was born to hold you.” Blaine said quietly.
Kurt let out a small, wavering laugh as he tugged at Blaine's arms to hold him close. “I know the feeling,” he replied as he closed his eyes. Blaine didn't say anything after that, and soon they were both drifting off sleep.
~
The next time Kurt woke, feeling peaceful and content, it was to a soft knock and the creak of his bedroom door slowly opening. There was a heavy weight on his chest and when his eyes fluttered opened he was greeted with a head full of unruly brown curls right under his chin. He smiled slowly before letting his eyes wander over in the direction of the intruding sound that had woken him up.
His eyes widened suddenly when they landed on his father leaning in the doorway and tightened his hold on Blaine instinctively. His father's eyebrows were raised slightly and his arms crossed loosely over his chest, but otherwise he gave no indication to his feelings on finding the boys in bed together.
Blaine stirred in his arms and lifted his head up to smile at Kurt. He looked absolutely adorable with his bed head curls sticking out everywhere and his squinty, sleep riddled eyes. Kurt decided right then that he wanted to wake up with Blaine like this every morning. Well...not exactly like this. He could do without his father hovering in the door way.
“Morning, boys,” his father said loudly, alerting Blaine to his presence. Blaine's eyes grew wide with alarm.
“Mr. Hummel!” Blaine exclaimed, trying to jerk away from Kurt, but Kurt wasn't having it. He tightened his hold and kept Blaine close, his face going stoney, lifting an eyebrow, challenging his Dad to do anything about it. He loved his dad, but while he respected that this was his house, his rules, he was an adult now. He lived on his own and if he decided to have his boyfriend spend the night, he felt it was his prerogative to do so.
His dad chuckled lightly, his face relaxing into a warm smile. “Carole's making breakfast. It'll be ready in fifteen. I guess I'll tell her to set an extra plate.”
“Thanks, dad,” Kurt replied, his own face relaxing when he realized that he wasn't going to get a lecture about “being inappropriate” in his dad's house.
Burt turned to go, but stopped half way and looked over at Blaine, who was still stiff as a board in Kurt's arms he was so tense, and smiled at him kindly. “It's good to see you again, kid. We missed you around here.”
Blaine completely relaxed at that and his eyes grew misty as he took a deep breath before replying shakily. “Missed you too.”
Burt nodded before speaking again. “See you guys down stairs. It'll be nice having breakfast with all my boys again.” He was looking straight at Blaine when he said it, and his message couldn't have been more clear to either of them. He wasn't just talking about having both Kurt and Finn home for the weekend. Blaine was most definitely included in that.
After his father left to go downstairs, closing the door to give them some privacy, Kurt spent more than a few minutes just holding Blaine as he worked out his emotions over the whole situation. And even if it made them slightly late for breakfast, causing the family to tease them both, Kurt wasn't going to let go of Blaine any time soon.
end
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 6500
Warnings: none
Spoilers: 4.14
Disclaimer: Not mine. Damn.
Summary: An alternate version for the events of 4.14
Author's note: I started writing this several weeks ago when the spoilers for last nights ep just started coming out. Then didn't finish it til like two days ago, then it needed beta-ing (thanks always to my best friend, aka momentsofweakness on tumblr, for the speedy work and reading a fandom that she doesn't even follow anymore. you're the best) So yeah. It's been jossed to hell but it's still worth reading i think. It's endgame!Klaine porn anyway, so enjoy!
also curse those beautiful bastards I thought my muse had left me forever and I was done writing them, but apparently they had other ideas.
Title is from a song of the same title by the swell season. I had it on repeat while writing this and might be worth a listen to.
In These Arms
It was a surreal feeling, being back in Ohio; surrounded by his old Glee Club friends, dressed in their wedding finest. It felt like being transported back in time, a different age - a different lifetime ago, and nothing felt stranger or more surreal to Kurt than being here with Blaine, standing on stage, once again singing a duet with his former boyfriend.
Life in New York, especially now that he was at NYADA, was completely different. The person he was with Adam felt completely disconnected to who he was here with these people; with Blaine. He had thought the change was good and what he needed, but here at Mr. Shue's wedding with Blaine he wasn't so sure.
Adam didn't like the fact that Kurt didn't want to mix the two worlds. Adam was convinced Kurt didn't want him there so he'd be free to mess around with Blaine, claiming that Kurt still loved his ex. Which of course was completely ridiculous and he had told Adam as much. He and Blaine were just friends, he just didn't want to rub Blaine's face in his new relationship since their friendship was tenuous at best.
Still Adam insisted that if he chose to go to Ohio and still have a friendship with Blaine that Kurt could forget about a relationship with him. And honestly, anyone that made him choose between his best friend and a relationship with them just wasn't worth the effort. So he had broken it off with Adam and gone to the wedding like he had promised. On the trip over Kurt had wondered if he had made the right choice or not, had wondered if he should beg Adam's forgiveness and ask him back when he returned.
He knew now that he had made the right choice. Singing on stage, seeing the sincerity in Blaine's eyes as he sang only to him (even if this was supposed to be for Mr. Shue and Miss Pils...well, Mrs. Shue now) made him miss the person he was before, the person he was with Blaine.
Bitterness filled his heart as he thought about what he lost because of Blaine's foolish and rash decision to sleep with someone else. And while he knew and believed that Blaine regretted that decision every day, it didn't change the fact that he had done what he did, nor did it help Kurt understand why he made that decision in the first place. Sometimes he wished that he did understand, so that maybe he'd be able to forgive Blaine and finally be able to fully move on. But every time he came close to asking him why, he was overcome with jealousy and realized that he didn't ever want to know. All he could see was Blaine kissing someone else, someone else's hands caressing Blaine's skin. All he could hear was someone else's name on Blaine’s lips as he came, and he didn't want that image. He couldn't handle that knowledge.
So he continued to be bitter, which had caused him to pursue the relationship with Adam in the first place, as if to prove that he didn't need the old him, didn't need Blaine. But here on stage, when he and Blaine felt like the only two people in the room, he found himself wishing for the old him and detesting who he was with Adam. Here, now in the moment, he wanted to understand. He wanted to forgive. He wanted to heal. He found himself becoming increasingly emotional as the song went on, to the point that he was fighting a losing battle in keeping those emotions from the surface.
Their song came to an end and with a final shuddering breath and pleading look towards Blaine he fled the stage and out the room, simultaneously hoping that Blaine would follow him and also leave him be, not wanting him to see how much he still affected him.
The former happened - Kurt was right outside his Navigator when Blaine caught up to him, calling his name. With tears that he didn't even realize he had streaming down his face, Kurt spun around to face Blaine, anger and betrayal written clearly in his features.
“Why?” he demanded, trying not to notice Blaine's own tears. “Just tell me why? Why would you give this up? Why would you throw us away? Like I didn’t matter. Wasn't I enough for you?”
Blaine's face crumbled and the tears fell freely as he advanced, pulling Kurt in his arms and caressing his cheek. Against his better judgment, Kurt let him. “No, sweetheart. No, don't ever think that. You were. You were always enough for me.”
“Then why?” Kurt shouted, pulling back from Blaine's arms. “Why would you sleep with someone else?”
Blaine held his arms in defeat. Broken and through his tears he finally admitted, “Because I was afraid that I wasn’t enough for you.”
Kurt drew in a ragged breath. “But why? Didn't I make it clear to you that you were always it for me? Didn’t you believe me when I told you over and over that we'd be the exception? We'd be the one's that made it?”
Blaine shook his head slowly. “That's the thing though, Kurt, I wasn't it for you. Not really.”
“What could you possibly mean? Of course you were!” Kurt sniffed, looking utterly confused and hurt.
“Person wise yes, I was the only one for you. But New York, and NYADA and fashion, your dreams. They were still there and they always came first.” Kurt opened his mouth to protest, but Blaine cut him off. “I’m not saying there's anything wrong with that. I want you to have dreams and pursue them. I was the one that told you to go because I've never wanted anything for you but your happiness.”
Slowly Blaine tried to approach again, reaching for Kurt's hand, a small smile playing on his lips when Kurt didn't pull away. “I'm only trying to explain the state of mind that I was in. Not that it excuses what I did, because I know it doesn't...I just felt like I was stuck, and that you had moved on and found this whole other life that I wasn't a part of, while I felt like I had no life without you.”
He pulled their hands up so that he was clutching Kurt's hand against his chest. “It made me doubt that we were soul mates like we always assumed. The worst part was that as soon as I had done what I did, I knew that we were.”
Blaine's words were choked so that Kurt could barely hear him. “You have to believe me, Kurt. If I could change what I did or take it back, you know that I would. I never wanted to hurt you or be the cause of your pain and...
That's what I hate the most. That I...lost your trust and hurt you when it was the last thing...”
Blaine was openly sobbing now, Kurt not far behind him. “I know,” Kurt whispered, his hand flexing against Blaine's chest, clutching at the fabric. “I know, Blaine. I believe you.”
“Please,” Blaine sobbed, leaning forward so his forehead was resting against Kurt's. “Please, Kurt. Please for...”
It was as far as Blaine got before Kurt was throwing his arms around Blaine and tugging him into a tight embrace.
Shh,” he soothed, holding the distraught Blaine in his arms, Kurt just as upset. It seemed odd, to be the one that was cheated on and comforting the one who had hurt him, but here with Blaine in his arms, as much as he had hated Blaine for what he did, he realized that no one hated Blaine as much as he hated himself. And in a flash it was clear that if either of there were ever going to be whole again, he had to forgive Blaine. Because Blaine was never going to forgive himself unless he earned Kurt's forgiveness first.
And while picking up their friendship again had gone a long way in helping them both, it hadn't healed them completely. And it never would. They would never be whole again unless they found a way to forgive and be together once more.
And just like that, “forgiveness”, that elusive concept that had evaded Kurt for so long came to him in one big rush. He truly one hundred percent forgave Blaine.
Gasping at the realization, Kurt suddenly pulled back from Blaine's arms and stared at him in wonder.
“Kurt?” Blaine question as he tried to regain his composer. Kurt didn't say anything, just opened the back door of his navigator, slid into the back seat and pulled Blaine in behind him.
Blaine still looked confused but followed willingly before pulling the door closed behind them. Once Blaine was inside and facing him, Kurt's lips were on his, slotting together as if they had never been apart.
Kurt felt Blaine’s initial surprise give way almost immediately as he melted into Kurt, grasping for him and pulling him closer. He didn't question the change or what brought the sudden kiss on, nor did he seek the motive.
Kurt didn't take the time to explain, knowing that all that mattered was that it was happening. He would tell Blaine later of course, the reasons why he was doing this, but right now Kurt had no interest in talking. He just wanted to feel; feel the lips he had been missing, feel the hands that he had been deprived of, to be held in the arms that he'd spent many sleepless nights aching for. He longed for every kiss and caress, every sigh and gasp and breath, the feel of their hard bodies pressing against each other while their hands wandered, touching every surface they could reach.
They re-familiarized themselves with each other’s bodies, with both their wandering hands and their mouths that kept wandering down necks and across collar bones. Ties were loosened and buttons undone so they could taste and feel and explore at least some of the sweet skin that they had longed for. But they never strayed away from each other’s mouths for long, always coming back in a frenzied heat.
They stayed back there in the car for a long while, though the time passed by as if it had been mere minutes, tasting, kissing and grinding until it just wasn't enough for Kurt anymore. He pulled back, breathing hard. Blaine let out a whine and tried to follow Kurt's lips, but Kurt held him back with a small laugh.
He took a couple of deep breaths, studying Blaine's face and gazed at him intently so that Blaine would have no doubt that he meant what he said next.
“We should go back to my house.”
He watched Blaine swallow, his face filling with awe and wonder. And in a manner which very much reminded Kurt of the first time he had told Blaine that he was ready to give all of himself to him Blaine nodded and said “Okay.”
~
It wasn't hurried or rushed: not like the make-out in the car had been. When they got to Kurt's house, checking to make sure they were alone and that his dad, Carol, and Finn hadn't made it home yet, ( they hadn't) both boys went rather shy, like they weren't quite sure what they should be doing.
Once in Kurt's old room, Blaine stood in the middle awkwardly looking around, re-familiarizing himself, his arms moving from crossed, to stuffing his hands in his pockets before pulling them out and repeating the pattern all over as if he wasn't sure what to do with them while Kurt took off his jacket and tie, hanging them up, putting his keys away, sliding off his shoes and going about his nightly routine.
He was halfway through unbuttoning his dress shirt when his eyes locked with Blaine. They widened slightly as if he just remembered that Blaine was there and why. He offered as small reassuring (he hoped) smile and watched as Blaine visibly relaxed, shoulders dropping and a grateful look lighting up his face.
Kurt stopped what he was doing and moved towards Blaine, sliding his hands up his torso before gripping the lapels of Blaine’s jacket and sliding it off his arms. Blaine let him, his breath stilling and his body frozen other than the movement of his arms to help Kurt take the jacket off. With a small kiss to Blaine's forehead, Kurt slowly backed away and hung the jacket neatly next to his, showing Blaine's clothes as much reverence as he showed his own.
When he returned to Blaine he reached out and grabbed his tie, tugging Blaine closer until they were a breath apart and gently kissed him. Blaine inhaled deeply, and shook slightly as Kurt's kips glided over his before his hands found Kurt's waist and rested there, gripping lightly and pulling him closer.
The kiss deepened slightly, their mouths opening to let each other in, but it stayed slow and soft, reverent and searching. Slowly, as Kurt felt Blaine melt and relax into him, he moved to loosen the tie, breaking the kiss to pull it over Blaine’s head and hang it with his jacket.
This time Kurt didn't have to return to Blaine. While he was putting the tie away, Blaine's arms snaked around his waist, his body pressed to Kurt’s back, and lips attached to the base of his neck, whisper soft as they ghosted over his skin, leaving a trail of kisses as they worked their way up the side and to his jaw.
Kurt leaned back into Blaine, allowing him to worship his skin, his hands trailing over Blaine's arms before turning around and meeting Blaine's mouth in a heated kiss.
Hands traveled over waists, shoulders, making their way into the others hair, tugging and loosening their already disturbed hair styles even more. Their breaths quickened, gasps and moans escaping them both as their hands returned to their shirts, shaking fingers slowly working buttons opened, all the while refusing to let their lips part for more than a second at a time, until they finally freed their arms from the confines of the fabric and had to pull apart.
When the shirts were off and hung up, Kurt hanging up Blaine's, and Blaine taking care of Kurt's, they found each other almost immediately, crashing into each other, gripping hard and tugging at their undershirts to get them off. No care was taken with those, discarding and letting them fall where they stood so they could slide back together, each groaning at the feel of their skin pressing together for the first time in so long.
Blaine kissed Kurt, softly and briefly before pulling away and resting his forehead against Kurt's, his breathing hard and ragged.
“Is this real?” he asked, voice and body shaking while his hands slide over Kurt's arms, just feeling.
Kurt let out a puff of laughter and gripped Blaine's waist in reassurance.
“Yeah, it is.” His eyes found Blaine's and he smiled reassuringly. “I missed you,” he whispered. Blaine inhaled sharply, his eyes misting over. His hand slipped around Kurt's neck and caressed the skin there.
“I missed you too. So much,” he answered when he finally found his voice, tugging Kurt's head closer and sealing their mouths together once more.
Smiling into the kiss, Kurt started to back Blaine up until his calves hit the back of the bed. Kissing Blaine softly once, twice, three times, he pulled away, gently guiding Blaine to sit on the end of the bed as he knelt down in front of him.
He ran a comforting hand over Blaine's thighs to calm him, squeezing gently in reassurance before tracing his hands down his legs, across his calves and to his feet where he tugged off Blaine's shoes and socks, neatly aligning them next to the nightstand.
He placed a gentle kiss to the inside of his knee as he slid his hands back up Blaine's legs. He smirked when Blaine sucked in a breath as Kurt's hands traveled over his groin, purposefully brushing against his erection before unbuttoning Blaine's pants. Blaine leaned back on his hands and lifted up his hips so Kurt could tug off his pants, leaving him bare except for his dark maroon boxer briefs.
Kurt stood up and folded Blaine's pants, setting them on the nightstand before slowly, tantalizingly reaching for his own and pulling the tight pants down.
Blaine whimpered when he realized that Kurt wasn't wearing anything on underneath them, and audibly swallowed when Kurt's erection was released.
“Couldn't have any underwear lines showing now could I?” Kurt replied cheekily to Blaine's unanswered question. He folded his pants quickly and set them on top of Blaine’s.
Blaine shook his head as if to say, no, he very well couldn't, as he scooted to sit back against the headboard. Kurt crawled across the bed to him and hovered over him, kissed him briefly before trailing his mouth down to his jaw, across his neck and to this chest. He kissed each nipple, passing briefly to suckle them, rolling the hard nubs with his tongue and teeth before continuing to kiss down Blaine's stomach.
He moved down further still until he was grazing the line of underwear, letting his hands linger on the band, teasing Blaine with the idea of removing them, but leaving it be for a while, while his mouth moved down to kiss Blaine’s hardening cock through the fabric.
Blaine moaned loudly, his hands flying to Kurt's hair and holding him gently while Kurt mouthed at him.
“Shit, Kurt, that feels so good,” Blaine let slip as he ran his fingers through Kurt's hair. Kurt looked up at Blaine through his eyelashes, looking positively sinful as he placed sucking kisses to the head of Blaine’s cock, making Blaine throw his head back in pleasure , a thump sounding through the room as his head collided with the headboard. His hands tightened in Kurt’s hair and gave a little tug.
“Please, baby,” Blaine babbled. “Oh god, please just....”
“What?” Kurt asked coyly, pulling off Blaine slightly. “Tell me what you want.“
“Anything. Everything, just...Please.”
Kurt grinned at him and tightened his hold on the band of Blaine’s underwear, forcing Blaine to let go of Kurt's hair and lift his hips as Kurt tugged them down and off. He tossed them to the floor, kissing the tip of Blaine's erection, tasting the bead of pre cum that had gathered there before suddenly he was up, kneeling over Blaine and kissing him for all he was worth.
Blaine's hands wrapped around Kurt's back, palms splayed and fingers gripping his skin as they kissed. Kurt lowered his hips till their erections brushed and suddenly Blaine was thrusting his hips up to meet Kurt’s.
Kurt tugged Blaine down the bed until he was lying flat on his back, and lowered himself on top of Blaine, so that every inch of their naked bodies were connected and letting Blaine feel the weight of him.
They kissed again as they lay there, hips moving together and rolling every so often on the bed before Kurt reached over to the nightstand to pull out some lube and a condom. He held them up for Blaine, raising an eyebrow in question.
“Oh god, yes,” Blaine replied, causing Kurt to laugh shortly before losing himself in another kiss. He pulled back, lubing up his fingers and making quick work of prepping Blaine. He was still careful, still making sure to stretch and open him properly, but not spending any more time than necessary. He was too impatient, too ready to feel the heat of Blaine wrapped around him, to tease or draw out the process. By the way Blaine was babbling underneath him, Kurt figured that he felt the same way.
Once Blaine was fully prepped Kurt hurriedly slipped the condom on and slicked himself with more lube, pumping his cock a few times before lining up with Blaine.
He held there for a few moments, the head of his cock brushing against Blaine’s hole as he hovered over them, their faces inches apart, breath mingling together before Kurt moved the scant inches forward to kiss Blaine.
When Blaine's hands came up to rest gently on Kurt's hips, Kurt deepened the kiss and pushed in. He felt fingers dig into his skin at the intrusion and held still until he felt the pressure lessen, taking it as Blaine's signal that he was okay and could move forward again.
He started to thrust slowly, setting up a gentle rhythm as he rocked with Blaine. He held back because to him, rushing said that he just wanted to get off, and that wasn't what this was about for Kurt.
It had never been about just getting off with Blaine, and this time was no different, though the motivations were different than before. This time was about rebuilding and reestablishing what they had before, about finding love in one another and rediscovering trust. It was about uncovering what they had lost. So Kurt moved slowly, wanting this to last as long as possible, though Kurt found that holding back was not an easy task. Blaine felt so good, so tight around him that he had to stop several times to gain control and keep from coming before starting to move again.
He made sure to kiss Blaine as often as possible, slow, lingering kisses that he hoped reassured Blaine that this was it, this was Kurt forgiving him and no matter what, they'd make this work. They would see this relationship through to the end.
Finally, though Kurt wasn't sure how much time had passed, their breathing became ragged and Kurt's movements became uneven.
“So close, baby,” Blaine whispered as Kurt struggled to keep his movements even. “Please, Kurt, come for me, baby. Make me come with you.”
It was all Kurt needed before snapping his hips hard and coming inside of Blaine. He felt him tighten around him, felt the splash of cum on his stomach as Blaine came as well. He moved with Blaine a little bit more as they rode their orgasms out before Kurt collapsed on top of Blaine, eyes heavy with sleep and bliss.
He stayed like that for a few minutes as he waited for their breaths to even out, enjoying the feeling of Blaine’s hand drawing mindless patterns on his back. He would’ve stayed like that forever, content if he could have, but it didn't take long for the air to grow cold around them, and the cum on his stomach to grow sticky and cool, his softening cock feeling uncomfortable still buried in Blaine’s ass.
Reluctantly Kurt sat up and pulled out of Blaine gently, though Blaine still hissed at the loss. He quickly discarded the condom and grabbed a few tissues to clean them up before snuggling next to Blaine once more, pulling a blanket on top of them.
He laid his head on the crook of Blaine's shoulder and threaded their legs together, sighing contentedly when Blaine wrapped his arms around him to keep him close. And with the final thought that this is where he wanted to be forever, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.
~
Kurt woke up several hours later lying on his stomach, his arms empty and outstretched towards the vacant spot next to him. The room was silent except for the sound of someone crying. He blinked wearily as he sat up searching the room until his eyes found Blaine sitting on the edge of the bed, his back towards him, shoulders hunched, and his head in his hands. His body was shaking with the force of his tears.
“Blaine?” Kurt asked as he scooted behind Blaine, threading his arms around his torso and up around his shoulders, pressing his bare chest to Blaine's back. He pressed a light kiss to Blaine’s skin before resting his chin on Blaine's shoulder. “Honey, what's wrong?”
Blaine let out a sob at the endearment and took a few shaky breaths before answering. “Kurt, I'm so sorry. So, so sorry. I don't...I can’t believe I ever did that to you and I can't... I can't lose you. Not again. Not after...And I'm so afraid that...”
Kurt's eyes filled with tears at Blaine's admission. Perhaps he should have informed Blaine before they slept together that this wasn't a one night stand, or the accumulation of months of pent up feelings. It was clear that Blaine though this was a one-time deal and it broke his heart to see how afraid Blaine was of this being over.
“I just...I'm so sorry,” Blaine continued to babble before Kurt finally cut him off.
“Hey, hey,” he soothed as he pulled away, taking Blaine by the shoulders and forcing him to turn and look at him. He took in a sharp breath when he noticed Blaine's red rimmed eyes and splotchy skin. He had clearly been crying for a while. “Hey,” he said again as he scooted across the bed and settled against the head board, pulling Blaine with him. “Come here.” He tugged Blaine until he settled in his lap, trying to ignore the feeling of their cocks brushing against each other. He felt his stir in interest, but he willed it to stay down. This was not the time to get distracted by Blaine's gorgeous naked body. He had a distraught mind to put at ease first. He wrapped his arms around Blaine's waist and stroked his back comfortingly as his kissed him sweetly.
“You need to stop apologizing, Blaine,” he said seriously when he pulled away. “If this is ever going to work between us, we've got to put this whole thing behind us. I'm not going to pretend that it didn't happen or that it didn't hurt me deeply, but I'm not holding it against you either. It happened, I've learned from it, and now I'm moving forward. Which means you have to too. “
Blaine nodded though he still looked like he was internally berating himself. “You mean that...Does that mean that...Are we?” Blaine trailed off, seemingly scared to voice his thoughts in case he had come to the wrong conclusion.
“I mean that I'm willing to give this another shot, Blaine. I want us to work out, but that's only gonna happen if you forgive yourself. If you're constantly beating yourself up and not moving past this then it's just gonna put stress on the relationship.”
He pulled Blaine closer to him, resting their foreheads together as he looked Blaine in the eyes and finally let himself say out loud the words that had eluded him for so long. “I forgive you, Blaine. It's time that you did too.”
Blaine's face lit into an amazed smile before he pulled Kurt into a hard, sloppy and wet kiss. Kurt let himself be kissed, let Blaine work out his emotions, and reveled in the freeness that he felt, the weight of his anger and hurt finally lifted off of him. He never realized how much heaviness he'd been carrying around with him until it was finally gone. It felt good to kiss and be kissed by Blaine again, which was a feeling he didn't want to lose ever again.
Blaine pulled back with a choked off laugh and wiped away his tears quickly before gently wiping away the ones that had fallen onto Kurt.
“You mean it?” he asked quietly, full of hope and wonder as he caressed Kurt's cheek before trailing a finger over his lips. “You forgive me? We can start over?”
“Yeah,” Kurt nodded. “And I promise, we'll do better this time. Both of us. I'll...I'll work on not shutting you out of my life in New York and work on involving you as much as possible. And I...” Kurt trailed off, looking for words to express his feelings. He absentmindedly played with the curls at the base of Blaine’s neck. “I never want you to feel like you aren't the most important part of my life. My dreams are important, but honestly? They don't mean as much if you aren't there to share them with me.”
Blaine leaned down and brushed a kiss over Kurt's lips. “And I promise that I'll talk to you and let you know what I'm thinking or feeling. I...I can't promise that I won’t have doubts or ever feel alone again, because even with friends of my own at McKinney...Sometimes...” Blaine sat back a little, biting his lip, his eyes downcast. “I’m not gonna lie, sometimes it gets really lonely here, and that felling is overwhelming at times. And I can't promise that I won’t feel that again. But I can promise that even if I do, I will talk to you about it this time. I'll let you know when it gets too much and... this time instead of me running off and doing something stupid and destructive we can find a solution together. “
Kurt smiled softly. “That sounds good. I want to know when it gets too much for you. I can come visit or arrange for you to come to New York when that happens and we'll make it work. We have less than six months till you graduate and then hopefully you'll be in New York with me and...and then we'll spend the rest of our lives together.” Kurt ended his speech with a reassuring squeeze to Blaine’s shoulders.
Blaine squeezed his eyes shut for a moment as he took a deep breath. “I never want to be without you, Kurt,” he whispered, leaning down into Kurt's space. “Ever again.” Kurt surged up just as Blaine moved to close the space in between and they met in the middle, lips sealing together to cement the promised they made. They clung together, kissing and touching, and finally, finally gave into the urges Kurt had ever since he pulled Blaine into his lap, their talk now over, and let his hips move together with Blaine’s in rhythm.
The sweet friction of their groins moving together was all at once wonderful and terrible, both tantalizing and too dry, too much and not enough.
After a few moments, Blaine found the abandoned bottle of lube and used it to ease the dry friction between them. He took both their cocks in hand and pumped them slowly as they rocked together.
“Blaine.” The name was ripped from Kurt's lips as they slid together slickly in Blaine’s hands. “That feels so good, honey, don't stop.”
“Never,” Blaine assured, kissing a trail across Kurt's jaw. He licked the shell of his ear, causing Kurt to inhale sharply before moving down to kiss the sweet spot beside his jaw, eliciting little moans and whimpers from Kurt.
Blaine continued to work them over, pumping a little faster, egged on by Kurt's moans. “That's it, baby, just like that,” he encouraged when Kurt bucked his hips wildly, throwing his head back and revealing more perfect skin for Blaine to kiss. 'God, you’re so beautiful,” he whispered as he licked at the side of Kurt's neck, tasting and sucking little marks into the skin. “So gorgeous for me.”
“Oh god, Blaine,” Kurt groaned, growing louder with each moan. He reached down and joined his hand with Blaine’s and together they continued to pump their slick cocks. Blaine pulled back to watch their hands work together. Kurt's breath grew short and ragged and he found it difficult to concentrate. He forced his eyes open and looked up at Blaine, eyes lidded and heavy.
Blaine growled at the look and bit his lip in response, earning another moan of appreciation from Kurt.
“Love you,” Kurt whispered and Blaine's eyes fluttered shut for a second before opening again and locking with Kurt's.
“Love you,” he returned and leaned down to kiss Kurt once again. It didn't take long from there, their admissions being enough to put them both on the edge. With a few final pumps of their hands and thrusts from their hips the boys came, shouting each other’s names and falling into the others arms.
They sat there for quite some time, just holding each other, letting their breath even out and soaking the other in. Finally Kurt gave a weak push to Blaine's chest.
“Get off,” he mumbled into Blaine's neck. “You're heavy.” Blaine laughed weakly but did as he was told, sliding off Kurt's lap and flopping onto the space beside him. He groped around until he found the tissue box, taking a few for himself before handing them over to Kurt.
“What? I have to clean myself?” Kurt teased.
Blaine nodded as he lazily wiped at his stomach. “Too tired,” he mumbled before tossing the dirty tissues in the trash. “I'm exhausted. “
Kurt laughed again before following suit, curling up next to Blaine. He chuckled when he realized that Blaine had already fallen asleep in the few seconds it took for Kurt to clean up. He was seconds from drifting off himself when he felt Blaine stir next to him. Blaine turned onto his side, rolling Kurt with him so that they were spooning, Blaine pressed against Kurt's back. Blaine's arms wrapped around him as he settled behind him so that his face was nuzzling into the crook of Kurt's neck.
He welcomed the new position and snuggled into the hold deeper so that every inch of their skin was in contact and their bodies molded to each other in perfect form and wrapped his arms around Blaine’s, holding him close. He heard Blaine's contented sigh and was slightly startled when Blaine began to speak. He was sure that Blaine's movement had been in his sleep, but apparently he had been mistaken.
“This feels so right,” Blaine murmured as his arms tightened briefly around Kurt.
Kurt hummed in question and waited for Blaine to clarify.
“You here, like this, in my arms,” he said softly. He paused and Kurt could tell by the way Blaine paused to bury his face in his shoulder that he was struggling with the emotion that was building up in him. He waited patiently for Blaine to compose himself. He knew what Blaine meant. He felt it to, but didn't speak, letting Blaine guide the moment.
“It's just...” Blaine started again, a slight waver to his voice though Kurt only noticed it because he was looking for it, knowing that Blaine was struggling. “I missed you so much, Kurt. I didn't realize just how empty I felt without you.”
Kurt sniffed as his own tears started to well up and leaned his head back to rest against Blaine. “No, that's wrong,” Blaine corrected. “I did know. My arms ached for you every second you weren't with me. I just, forgot how it felt being wrapped around you.”
“Yeah?” Kurt queried his voice wavering noticeably. “How's that?”
“Like I was born to hold you.” Blaine said quietly.
Kurt let out a small, wavering laugh as he tugged at Blaine's arms to hold him close. “I know the feeling,” he replied as he closed his eyes. Blaine didn't say anything after that, and soon they were both drifting off sleep.
~
The next time Kurt woke, feeling peaceful and content, it was to a soft knock and the creak of his bedroom door slowly opening. There was a heavy weight on his chest and when his eyes fluttered opened he was greeted with a head full of unruly brown curls right under his chin. He smiled slowly before letting his eyes wander over in the direction of the intruding sound that had woken him up.
His eyes widened suddenly when they landed on his father leaning in the doorway and tightened his hold on Blaine instinctively. His father's eyebrows were raised slightly and his arms crossed loosely over his chest, but otherwise he gave no indication to his feelings on finding the boys in bed together.
Blaine stirred in his arms and lifted his head up to smile at Kurt. He looked absolutely adorable with his bed head curls sticking out everywhere and his squinty, sleep riddled eyes. Kurt decided right then that he wanted to wake up with Blaine like this every morning. Well...not exactly like this. He could do without his father hovering in the door way.
“Morning, boys,” his father said loudly, alerting Blaine to his presence. Blaine's eyes grew wide with alarm.
“Mr. Hummel!” Blaine exclaimed, trying to jerk away from Kurt, but Kurt wasn't having it. He tightened his hold and kept Blaine close, his face going stoney, lifting an eyebrow, challenging his Dad to do anything about it. He loved his dad, but while he respected that this was his house, his rules, he was an adult now. He lived on his own and if he decided to have his boyfriend spend the night, he felt it was his prerogative to do so.
His dad chuckled lightly, his face relaxing into a warm smile. “Carole's making breakfast. It'll be ready in fifteen. I guess I'll tell her to set an extra plate.”
“Thanks, dad,” Kurt replied, his own face relaxing when he realized that he wasn't going to get a lecture about “being inappropriate” in his dad's house.
Burt turned to go, but stopped half way and looked over at Blaine, who was still stiff as a board in Kurt's arms he was so tense, and smiled at him kindly. “It's good to see you again, kid. We missed you around here.”
Blaine completely relaxed at that and his eyes grew misty as he took a deep breath before replying shakily. “Missed you too.”
Burt nodded before speaking again. “See you guys down stairs. It'll be nice having breakfast with all my boys again.” He was looking straight at Blaine when he said it, and his message couldn't have been more clear to either of them. He wasn't just talking about having both Kurt and Finn home for the weekend. Blaine was most definitely included in that.
After his father left to go downstairs, closing the door to give them some privacy, Kurt spent more than a few minutes just holding Blaine as he worked out his emotions over the whole situation. And even if it made them slightly late for breakfast, causing the family to tease them both, Kurt wasn't going to let go of Blaine any time soon.
end