hosanna, superstar.
Something I've learned in the past few days: my sense of priorities probably sort of sucks. Also, Harry Potter shit is making me emo.
Explanation for the first statement: so, my Internet access at home as been, shall we say, spotty for the past week, week and a half-ish, give or take. Randomly dropping out completely, occasionally going, "oh lulz, you want to web-surf AND use AIM? sry, Charlie, make a choice because you don't get both," generally moving at a snail's pace, DNS errors coming out the ass (though my dad appears to have fixed those, possibly by yelling at Bright House, possibly by reconfiguring the wireless router; he's talking about possibly buying a new router too, since he, my mom, and I all sort of pound the crap out of the one we have, using the Internet pretty much constantly for all things work-related, social-related, porn-related, whatever… and I think we've had this router since I was in high school, so it's probably reaching the end of its run).
And see, the nominal solution to this is to use my phone… except that I regularly neglect to charge the thing. And then when I do charge it, I usually burn the battery out on a combination of regular texting (often to a combination of Twitter & temporalranger and/or splendorbug on Twitter, aurieal, zen_fountain, slartibartfst42, checking my email and my tumblr, and… using it as a supplement to my alarm clock, because the ringtones I made out of "Girl All The Bad Guys Want," "Superstar" (as in, "Jeeeesus Chriiiiiist, Suuuuuperstaaaaaaar, dooooo you think you're what they saaaaaaay you aaaaaaare?"), Chord Overstreet's version of "Baby," and Judas Priest's cover of "Diamonds and Rust" are loud enough to wake me up. …and sometimes I use them to make sure that I don't spend half-hour in the shower just because I spaced out and started thinking about stuff I'm writing and forgot to progress past idly shampooing my hair.
Also, my phone is an iphone, but it's a first or second-gen one, and its ability to hold a charge is getting sort of pathetic.
(I actually have no idea which generation it belongs to, but it's old enough that it doesn't get 3G access or do picture texting. My sister and parents are all on 4G iphones, but… I'm of the opinion that this brick cost a lot of money, when they forced me to get one back in my freshman year of college because my sister whined and cried and threw a tantrum, and AT&T's options were "the iphone" and "things that are even worse than the iphone, in terms of functionality." So, why wouldn't I want to get as much mileage out of it as possible? …Granted, I'm using the one that used to be my mother's, since the one that was mine got run through the wringer and then finally met its untimely end when it had an accident with a can of Dr. Pepper… but still. It's a matter of principles here. We paid a lot for these stupid things, even with the rebates, and considering my sister lost her 3G last summer and made our parents buy her a 4G to replace it… yeah, suffice to say, I'll be using this phone until there is no life left in it at all, at which point I'll upgrade to one of the old 3G phones, transferring all my data and my number onto it, and then I will use that one until it dies.)
Then, on top of that, the release of the second half of the Deathly Hallows film has sort of taken over my thought processes for the past few days, predominantly with nostalgia and flailing and the occasional bout of tears. I haven't seen it yet. I probably won't for a while, just because: a. trying to find the time, energy/desire, and spare cash to go to the movies usually takes quite a bit of effort; and b. …I want to wait for the buzz to die down a little, so I won't need to take my anti-anxiety meds just to sit in the movie theatre with other people and not have a panic attack. Which would be avoided if, say, my godkids were old enough for DH and I could take them, but… they're just getting to the right age for Philosopher's Stone and Chamber of Secrets (read: Patrick's eleven and I think he's read said books and might be on Prisoner of Azkaban; Sam's just turned nine in June, so… maybe sometime soon, but she has some issues with reading [I think it's sort of similar to/indicative of dyslexia, and possibly tied into her ADHD, but I'm also not a doctor so I don't know; I just know that, based on doing her homework with her for the past couple years, she's really bright and creative and intelligent… she just learns differently from other kids and sometimes needs some extra time and sensitivity]; and Sara Grace will be seven in October, and is similarly bright, creative, and intelligent, and a bit more advanced in the reading department than her sister; HER big issue is that, befitting her name's meaning in Hebrew, she is a little diva princess and has moments of deciding that no, she feels like doing the assignment THIS way and the rules/instructions can go fall off a glacier and die).
The thing that's made me most want to hurry up and see the movie is that Neville and Luna are apparently sort of movie-canon now, and… as much as Hermione/Luna is one of my only Potter'verse OTPs (the others being Severus/Lily, Severus/Barty Junior, and Barty Junior/Benjy Fenwick), I really, really love Neville/Luna and kind of disliked JKR's epilogue canon ass-pull of, "LOL NEVILLE MARRIES HANNAH ABBOTT AND LUNA MARRIES NEWT SCAMANDER'S GRANDSON :D :D :D" Like, on the one hand: yeah, having Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione, and Neville/Luna would've been a really neat way of wrapping up the romantic loose ends of Team Six-Pack, so much so that people would probably whine about how JKR's visible fondness for the ~lol high school sweethearts 4EVA!!!~ trope … did something bad or other to the story's integrity. …but of those ships, Neville/Luna is the only one I actually like.
(Which isn't a statement of anything bad or negative about Harry/Ginny or Ron/Hermione. I'm ambivalent about the former, in a sort of, "yeah, I totally called that way back in PS when Ginny flipped her shit on Platform 9 3/4 about OMG HARRY POTTER, but meh, ain't even bovvered" way. It was a foregone conclusion and I can think of worse options for both of them… like Draco, since much as I secretly kind of love Cassie Claire's Draco/Ginny pseudo-crack!fic "A Lot To Be Upset About" and have learned to tolerate Harry/Draco, Ginny hates Draco, Harry hates Draco, and Draco hates them both, so… I don't begrudge people their shipping tastes, but *shrugs* I don't see it. Give me Draco/Blaise, Draco/Pansy, Draco/Astoria, or Draco/Theodore Nott any day.
As for Ron/Hermione… well. I just have a lot of feelings. I actively dislike said ship, mostly because I think Hermione deserves way better than Ron - as well as better than any of her other canon love interests, and even better than Harry, despite how, when I was younger, I… totally shipped Harry/Hermione just because I could see JKR setting up the R/Hr romance but I hated Ron and wanted him to die by the end of the series - but I can admit that JKR actually wrote their romance in a way that made sense and was pretty believable. Like. I believe that, as far as canon is concerned, they both really love each other and, having explored other possibilities, they don't want anybody else, and that's fine.
…but for all I've gotten past wanting Ron to die painfully, my opinion of him is still pretty low. I don't buy into the whole ~Ron the Death Eater~ trope that you sometimes see in fandom, but… I don't like him. I think he's egocentric and immature (even after DH), disrespectful of both of his so-called best friends while bringing less to the table than they do (Hermione is brilliant and powerful and talented! Harry is talented and brave and occasionally has a moment of insight! Ron… can play chess and throw a hissy fit like nobody's business), prone to taking his ~feelings of inadequacy out on the wrong people instead of trying to deal with them in a constructive way, a jerk-ass about his feelings for Hermione and his emotions in general (see, "you went to the Yule Ball with Krum GRR ARGH RON SMASH," "you might've kissed Krum? RON SMASH," "well fine, I'm just going to date Lavender now which is, in effect, me using her but it's okay because my family's poor and all my older siblings upstage me FEEL SORRY FOR ME!!!!" and so on) … and like.
This is all pretty swaying for me because I WANT to like Ron. I've always wanted to like him. I have a lot of empathy for Butt Monkey characters and for the "mostly normal person in seriously abnormal circumstances" set of tropes. …but Ron never grew on me. Ever. I can count the number of times I legitimately felt something positive in his direction on one hand (1. sacrificing himself in the giant chess match in PS; 2. fighting the locket Horcrux in DH; 3. poisoned love potion candies in HBP and how he almost died, even though I would've preferred it if he'd dropped dead… and that's it). I think JKR had good intentions in creating him and probably a good plan FOR him, but the execution made him wind up coming off like a whiner and a parasite and… not to wish any more hardship on the Weasleys, even though, of their family, I only really like Percy and Ginny, but… I still wish that Ron had joined Fred in dying in the Battle of Hogwarts.
…also, I wasn't sad that Fred died. I was sad for George and Percy, since the former lost his other half and the latter probably went and blamed himself for Fred's death, since it was his, "oh hey, Minister? I RESIGN!!" joke that distracted Fred and inadvertently caused his death… but I hated Fred Weasley. I only really liked George after he lost Fred, though I disliked him less because, unlike his twin, he at least always seemed to have more of a heart and be less of a, "lol, I'm a jackass, but see I'm FUNNY and a GRYFFINDOR, so everything I do is totally okay forever" sort of character. …which, incidentally, is why I still hate James Potter and why I sort of fell out of love with Sirius as I grew up.)
…I guess full disclosure feels pretty good here, since this is a pretty disorganized entry to begin with. My favorite characters in the Potter series, in order.
1. Barty Crouch Jr.
2. Severus Snape.
3. Hermione Granger, Neville Longbottom, & Luna Lovegood.
4. Minerva McGonagall & Tom Riddle/Lord Voldemort.
5. Lily Evans & Horace Slughorn. (I think he was a big ol' pedowalrus, but still. I like him.)
6. Remus Lupin & Percy Weasley.
7. Narcissa Malfoy, Bellatrix Lestrange, & Nymphadora Tonks (she'd be higher, but I still take a lot of issue with how JKR went, "hmmm, I have this badass punk rock auror girl… and now she's going to fall to pieces over a dude, then get pregnant and die" which… is less Tonks's fault, more JKR's, but still. …also, I believe in genderqueer, pansexual Tonks, so fuck canon).
8. Cedric Diggory, Sibyl Trelawney, & Zacharias Smith.
9. Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody & Lavender Brown.
10. Cho Chang, Ginny Weasley, Xenophilius Lovegood, & Fleur Delacour. And Harry, too, I guess.
11. Caradoc Dearborn, Albus Severus Potter, Benjy Fenwick, who are only not in the top ten because I like them based on versions I've RP'd (Caradoc & AlSev) or RP'd with (zen_fountain's Benjy), and since it's fanon… anyway.
12. Dumbledore… I want to smack him, but still.
13. Sirius Black (because as much as I've fallen out of love with him, I still like him) & Regulus Black (because he was an unrecognized and underappreciated badass).
…yeah, I never claimed that I was reading these books the way JKR wanted me to. Especially since, well. If I had my way, Harry's love interest would've been Neville or Ron (I may dislike Ron, but I really like Ron/Harry), Fleur would've been enamored with Tonks and not Bill, Barty Jr. never would've gotten the Dementor's kiss but made a daring escape attempt and returned to Voldemort's side and been a badass, Hermione/Luna would be canon and Hermione would be bisexual, Sirius's trauma would've been played up more and less hidden under how cool Harry thought he was, and Albus Severus would be the biggest Slytherin ever.
Also, people would stop encouraging Slytherins to turn to the dark side by not treating them like shit just for being in Slytherin House, the way people do in canon. And in a lot of fandom, too, where, like… you can't suggest that, in a crossover, Kurt Hummel or Sam Winchester would totally be a Slytherin, or else you get mobbed on like WAH WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A CHARACTER-BASHING ASSHOLE.
On which note… so, a few days ago, I was being flail-y and insecure (…like this is somehow not my normal state of being), which led to slartibartfst42 telling me, in detail that makes my TL;DR, Dostoevsky-loving heart so very happy, why she'd actually see me in Slytherin instead.
Relevant parts of what I said (so, like, the parts where I wasn't writing some predominantly unprompted TL;DR about Why I Don't Like Canon!Weasleys Who Are Not Named Percy Or Ginny (excluding the next-gen kids, Bill, and Charlie, since… Bill and Charlie don't get to DO much.)
So, I'm being RESPONSIBLE!TM and, seeing as I'm awake and at a computer while my fellow mods aren't, this means I'm putting stuff together for Lockdown, and since one of the things that needed fussing with was the friend-all button, I decided it was high-time to get my characters' journal names figures out.
Some of them were easy (like Hestia's… since I already had a journal with icons of Kat Dennings uploaded and I wasn't using it, and hey, I'm lazy; and Caradoc's since I was hoping to avoid making new journals, I already had ~cloudcuckooland kicking around, and if ANY of my characters deserves to be called a Cloud Cuckoolander, it is definitely the Order's pet mad scientist who, despite being 32, frequently suggests that people "hug it out" and… just sort of skimmed the part of the book that said it MIGHT be a bad idea for him to put experimental antidepressants in Gideon Prewett's bottle of gin).
Others weren't, so I turned to TV Tropes to find: a. a UN for Vanessa Yaxley, a Death Eater's niece, former Gryffindor, bb!Prophet employee, and serious closet case; and b. Severus, since… I really liked his UN at Gyre (~unelected, relevant because my Tobias is a hardline Calvinist... who really doesn't understand Calvinism, but still drilled and more than occasionally beat the whole (admittedly perverted because Tobias had no idea what he was talking about) concept of election into Sev's head, and since Sev isn't James Potter, isn't Mister Gets Everything He Wants And Is An Overt Hero, etc., he is the opposite of elected), but I'm also rather fond of his entries there, so… I don't want to just reuse the name.
And then I found the Fridge Brilliance page for Literature on TV Tropes. Namely, the Harry Potter section thereof.
Now, to really understand the impact of this, I should explain: I never really cry or get flaily at fiction unless I'm writing/roleplaying it. Like, the last time I really cried at a movie was when Cedric died, and the last time I got teared up… was definitely seeing something with my godkids, but I don't remember if it was Up, Tangled, Bolt, or Rango. Let's just go with the obvious one and say it was Up.
I notably sat through Brokeback Mountain and went, "...that's really sad D:" but didn't cry, and I know I got misty-eyed and choked up for various things while reading DH (like PERCY, oh my Percy baby. And Remus and Tonks… though my first reaction was actually like I'd been kicked in the head, since… JKR was just like, "lol fyi, they died" and I had to read it a few times before I believed it).
And true facts, I got wibbly every time Professor Bill read the last few lines of Paradise Lost aloud for one of his classes, just because his reading of them was so heartfelt, and he associates the book with his late wife, Bonnie (who was truly a magnificent human being and too precious for this world), so he always got choked up and misty-eyed.
But all that said… I don't think I've legit cried over a book since one of these times: Simon's death in Lord of the Flies (eighth grade); the Pavlovian torture scenes or the "Alex can't listen to his favorite songs anymore" post-torture scenes in A Clockwork Orange (senior year of high school); or the first time I read Jeffrey Eugenides's Middlesex (tenth grade). I don't remember which it was, so just… pick one, I guess.
And despite all of that, despite my general Asperger's-related emotional wonkiness and my longstanding dream/hope/fear/completely ludicrous theory that I'm not actually human, but a displaced Vulcan with the kind of wrong ears… reading all the ideas floating around the Fridge Brilliance section on Harry Potter made me flail and almost start crying, because they made SO MUCH SENSE, and the thought put into them was SO BEAUTIFUL, and OH MY GOD SEVERUS COME LET ME LOVE YOU.
…and this, my ridiculous flailing emotional reaction to pseudo-intellectual discourse on Harry Potter, is why I will never be able to be in any House but Ravenclaw. Even though I just… really, really, REALLY want someone to Sort me to somewhere else, ANYWHERE else, just once, just for a while, not because there’s anything wrong with Ravenclaw, but… pretty much everyone ALWAYS puts me there.
Just like how pretty much everyone I’ve shared my Potter-nerding and fandom presence with has compared me to and/or outright nicknamed me Hermione, even when I’ve asked them not to, and this has been going on since I was nine, and even though I’m pretty sure I have more in common with Severus, Remus, or Luna… yeah, no. People don’t care, usually. Or at least: a. they don’t change their minds after considering my opinions; or b. finding someone who does both is so uncommon that the last person who did is my platonic soulmate, and the girl who did so before Meggy… well, I unintentionally fell for her and made an ass out of myself.
And it’s not that I deny my obvious Ravenclaw traits or my obvious similarities to Hermione. Because they’re THERE. I admit it. More often than not, I take a lot of pride in them. …but, on the other hand… sometimes, I just get feeling like I’m shackled to and defined by the traits that make me identify with Hermione and Ravenclaw House. Like who I am is just reduced to the intelligence, the cleverness, the analysis, the admitted love of all things scholarly and intellectual… and I just want to feel like I’m not just… the smart girl and little else.
And what Ann Louise told my ... flail-y, insecure ass:
8:19:02 PM Ann: Also, hey!
8:19:06 PM Kassie: mhm?
8:19:14 PM Ann: I promise to listen to your opinions D:
8:19:24 PM Ann: Especially the ones on yourself
8:21:33 PM Kassie: <333 I didn't mean to imply that you don't or haven't, hon. …I just don't actually remember if we've ever had a "which canon character are you most like" talk. at least not one that didn't probably involve me whining about how I'm always Hermione, since… that's seriously gone on since I was eight or nine. I've been whining about it for a while. >_>
8:21:44 PM Ann: XD
8:23:07 PM Ann: I think you're more of a Xeno, personally, or possibly a Rowena - and I'm not entirely sold on you being in Ravenclaw always and forever.
8:27:51 PM Kassie: Neither am I. Granted, I constantly waffle on where else I'd fit, usually between Hufflepuff and Slytherin, because of all four, Ravenclaw usually feels the most right… but hmm. I think I'd compare it to the particular brand of senior year itch I got from Roeper and Sarah Lawrence. "This has been a wonderful fit for me and one of The Right Places for me to be… but it's been so right for long enough that I need something new now."
8:28:38 PM Ann: Well, see, I could easily put you in Slytherin
8:30:01 PM Kassie: …I'm torn between waiting and seeing if you just expand on that, or outright asking for your reasons. XD
8:30:15 PM Ann: Oh, I got distracted by reading more of your rant
8:30:21 PM Kassie: okay. XD <3
8:31:04 PM Ann: Well, I can only speak from my perspective on you, which has been mainly through the internet, but considering we've known each other for something like 47 RP-years, I'm not going to discount my impressions.
8:31:30 PM Kassie: I'd say you know me better than several people I'm related to, so…
8:33:51 PM Ann: 1. You're a leader. There's a reason I call you Fearless Leader and Almighty Tallest. You unite and inspire people, whether you mean to or not, and people come to you for advice and support; however, you are not the leader who goes out and makes a big show of it - you let people come to you, which is, to my mind, a very Slytherin sort of way of leading. You're in it for what you want, not the glory or the attention or what is RIGHT.
8:35:26 PM Ann: 2. You're impossible to sway. If I want to play with you, I have to wait for you to want something. Every time I've tried to coax you into doing something that you didn't want all on your own, it didn't happen. That isn't to say that you're mean or selfish, but you are definitely focused on what you want, and that's the only way things happen with you.
8:37:39 PM Ann: 3. The corollary: When you want something, 95% of the time it happens. I remember you saying that your facility with language despite your Asperger's happened because you decided it would happen. You want to know about SPN? You know everything. You want to get something written fully and completely? Hello, 65-page research paper. You have an astounding force of will once you have fixated on something you want.
8:39:48 PM Ann: 4. You're incredibly loyal. I know that this is usually considered a Hufflepuff trait, but I definitely think that Slytherins also exhibit this, but in a different way. Slytherins are true to their own, instead of true to just anyone. You aren't a Hufflepuff who says "You have ten fingers? I have ten fingers! LET'S BE BEST FRIENDS!" You're a Snape, who says "This person is important to me, I WILL FUCKING DIE FOR THEM."
8:41:05 PM Kassie: (FYI, there's a good chance I'm going to put this, like. on my tumblr or my LJ or something because sdkfwrhg, your reasons are really accurate, and making me kind of squealing, flaily happy. <3)
8:45:00 PM Ann: 5. You're intelligent, and a bookworm, but usually to a purpose. You don't sit around and read a dictionary just because you like new words. You buy every book on Talmudic studies or how to write a novel, because you have a definite goal in your scholarship. It isn't research just for research's sake, it's often a means to an end. There is something specific you want to get out of it, at least as often as not.
8:49:46 PM Ann: 6. People are very important to you, and not just in the loyalty sense. A Ravenclaw to me is someone who prizes facts, theories, figures. You care about personalities and stories. You're fascinated by interactions and relationships, and that speaks of cunning to me more than intellect. Slytherins can be known as manipulative, and that can't happen without a keen interest in what makes people tick. And there are times when you want specific things from specific people. I remember how frustrated you were with your bible teacher this year because you weren't getting what you wanted out of him.
8:56:55 PM Ann: 7. You're a constructionist at least as much as a deconstructionist. Yes, you like to take things apart and examine every little piece of them, but you mostly use those pieces to then craft something new. An obvious example is the way you pick apart SPN and Glee and HP, then turn around and write really insightful fanfiction. For me, you work less as a scientist, dutifully recording data and more as a particularly crafty weaver. You're not Thoth, you're Ariadne.
8:58:13 PM Ann: And I think I'll stop there.
9:00:20 PM Kassie: *hugs you* …yeah, uhm. …I'm going to be saving these somewhere. …just so you know. <3
9:00:23 PM Ann: XD
9:00:52 PM Ann: I'd be shocked if people who knew me well put me somewhere besides Hufflepuff
9:04:15 PM Ann: But maybe I'm wrong
9:04:17 PM Ann: *shrug*
9:04:30 PM Ann: Also, you didn't finish a thought in your rant
9:04:40 PM Ann: " On the one hand, Percy was younger enough than Bill and Charlie that maybe they invited him along for stuff, but he also could’ve been regarded as Irritating Younger Brother Ew, but more importantly, he"
9:05:17 PM Kassie: …no, I don't think you're wrong. I think you have traits of the other houses, yes, but … you're very Puffy, to me. And you're one of my favorite Hufflepuffs, so there. <3
Explanation for the first statement: so, my Internet access at home as been, shall we say, spotty for the past week, week and a half-ish, give or take. Randomly dropping out completely, occasionally going, "oh lulz, you want to web-surf AND use AIM? sry, Charlie, make a choice because you don't get both," generally moving at a snail's pace, DNS errors coming out the ass (though my dad appears to have fixed those, possibly by yelling at Bright House, possibly by reconfiguring the wireless router; he's talking about possibly buying a new router too, since he, my mom, and I all sort of pound the crap out of the one we have, using the Internet pretty much constantly for all things work-related, social-related, porn-related, whatever… and I think we've had this router since I was in high school, so it's probably reaching the end of its run).
And see, the nominal solution to this is to use my phone… except that I regularly neglect to charge the thing. And then when I do charge it, I usually burn the battery out on a combination of regular texting (often to a combination of Twitter & temporalranger and/or splendorbug on Twitter, aurieal, zen_fountain, slartibartfst42, checking my email and my tumblr, and… using it as a supplement to my alarm clock, because the ringtones I made out of "Girl All The Bad Guys Want," "Superstar" (as in, "Jeeeesus Chriiiiiist, Suuuuuperstaaaaaaar, dooooo you think you're what they saaaaaaay you aaaaaaare?"), Chord Overstreet's version of "Baby," and Judas Priest's cover of "Diamonds and Rust" are loud enough to wake me up. …and sometimes I use them to make sure that I don't spend half-hour in the shower just because I spaced out and started thinking about stuff I'm writing and forgot to progress past idly shampooing my hair.
Also, my phone is an iphone, but it's a first or second-gen one, and its ability to hold a charge is getting sort of pathetic.
(I actually have no idea which generation it belongs to, but it's old enough that it doesn't get 3G access or do picture texting. My sister and parents are all on 4G iphones, but… I'm of the opinion that this brick cost a lot of money, when they forced me to get one back in my freshman year of college because my sister whined and cried and threw a tantrum, and AT&T's options were "the iphone" and "things that are even worse than the iphone, in terms of functionality." So, why wouldn't I want to get as much mileage out of it as possible? …Granted, I'm using the one that used to be my mother's, since the one that was mine got run through the wringer and then finally met its untimely end when it had an accident with a can of Dr. Pepper… but still. It's a matter of principles here. We paid a lot for these stupid things, even with the rebates, and considering my sister lost her 3G last summer and made our parents buy her a 4G to replace it… yeah, suffice to say, I'll be using this phone until there is no life left in it at all, at which point I'll upgrade to one of the old 3G phones, transferring all my data and my number onto it, and then I will use that one until it dies.)
Then, on top of that, the release of the second half of the Deathly Hallows film has sort of taken over my thought processes for the past few days, predominantly with nostalgia and flailing and the occasional bout of tears. I haven't seen it yet. I probably won't for a while, just because: a. trying to find the time, energy/desire, and spare cash to go to the movies usually takes quite a bit of effort; and b. …I want to wait for the buzz to die down a little, so I won't need to take my anti-anxiety meds just to sit in the movie theatre with other people and not have a panic attack. Which would be avoided if, say, my godkids were old enough for DH and I could take them, but… they're just getting to the right age for Philosopher's Stone and Chamber of Secrets (read: Patrick's eleven and I think he's read said books and might be on Prisoner of Azkaban; Sam's just turned nine in June, so… maybe sometime soon, but she has some issues with reading [I think it's sort of similar to/indicative of dyslexia, and possibly tied into her ADHD, but I'm also not a doctor so I don't know; I just know that, based on doing her homework with her for the past couple years, she's really bright and creative and intelligent… she just learns differently from other kids and sometimes needs some extra time and sensitivity]; and Sara Grace will be seven in October, and is similarly bright, creative, and intelligent, and a bit more advanced in the reading department than her sister; HER big issue is that, befitting her name's meaning in Hebrew, she is a little diva princess and has moments of deciding that no, she feels like doing the assignment THIS way and the rules/instructions can go fall off a glacier and die).
The thing that's made me most want to hurry up and see the movie is that Neville and Luna are apparently sort of movie-canon now, and… as much as Hermione/Luna is one of my only Potter'verse OTPs (the others being Severus/Lily, Severus/Barty Junior, and Barty Junior/Benjy Fenwick), I really, really love Neville/Luna and kind of disliked JKR's epilogue canon ass-pull of, "LOL NEVILLE MARRIES HANNAH ABBOTT AND LUNA MARRIES NEWT SCAMANDER'S GRANDSON :D :D :D" Like, on the one hand: yeah, having Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione, and Neville/Luna would've been a really neat way of wrapping up the romantic loose ends of Team Six-Pack, so much so that people would probably whine about how JKR's visible fondness for the ~lol high school sweethearts 4EVA!!!~ trope … did something bad or other to the story's integrity. …but of those ships, Neville/Luna is the only one I actually like.
(Which isn't a statement of anything bad or negative about Harry/Ginny or Ron/Hermione. I'm ambivalent about the former, in a sort of, "yeah, I totally called that way back in PS when Ginny flipped her shit on Platform 9 3/4 about OMG HARRY POTTER, but meh, ain't even bovvered" way. It was a foregone conclusion and I can think of worse options for both of them… like Draco, since much as I secretly kind of love Cassie Claire's Draco/Ginny pseudo-crack!fic "A Lot To Be Upset About" and have learned to tolerate Harry/Draco, Ginny hates Draco, Harry hates Draco, and Draco hates them both, so… I don't begrudge people their shipping tastes, but *shrugs* I don't see it. Give me Draco/Blaise, Draco/Pansy, Draco/Astoria, or Draco/Theodore Nott any day.
As for Ron/Hermione… well. I just have a lot of feelings. I actively dislike said ship, mostly because I think Hermione deserves way better than Ron - as well as better than any of her other canon love interests, and even better than Harry, despite how, when I was younger, I… totally shipped Harry/Hermione just because I could see JKR setting up the R/Hr romance but I hated Ron and wanted him to die by the end of the series - but I can admit that JKR actually wrote their romance in a way that made sense and was pretty believable. Like. I believe that, as far as canon is concerned, they both really love each other and, having explored other possibilities, they don't want anybody else, and that's fine.
…but for all I've gotten past wanting Ron to die painfully, my opinion of him is still pretty low. I don't buy into the whole ~Ron the Death Eater~ trope that you sometimes see in fandom, but… I don't like him. I think he's egocentric and immature (even after DH), disrespectful of both of his so-called best friends while bringing less to the table than they do (Hermione is brilliant and powerful and talented! Harry is talented and brave and occasionally has a moment of insight! Ron… can play chess and throw a hissy fit like nobody's business), prone to taking his ~feelings of inadequacy out on the wrong people instead of trying to deal with them in a constructive way, a jerk-ass about his feelings for Hermione and his emotions in general (see, "you went to the Yule Ball with Krum GRR ARGH RON SMASH," "you might've kissed Krum? RON SMASH," "well fine, I'm just going to date Lavender now which is, in effect, me using her but it's okay because my family's poor and all my older siblings upstage me FEEL SORRY FOR ME!!!!" and so on) … and like.
This is all pretty swaying for me because I WANT to like Ron. I've always wanted to like him. I have a lot of empathy for Butt Monkey characters and for the "mostly normal person in seriously abnormal circumstances" set of tropes. …but Ron never grew on me. Ever. I can count the number of times I legitimately felt something positive in his direction on one hand (1. sacrificing himself in the giant chess match in PS; 2. fighting the locket Horcrux in DH; 3. poisoned love potion candies in HBP and how he almost died, even though I would've preferred it if he'd dropped dead… and that's it). I think JKR had good intentions in creating him and probably a good plan FOR him, but the execution made him wind up coming off like a whiner and a parasite and… not to wish any more hardship on the Weasleys, even though, of their family, I only really like Percy and Ginny, but… I still wish that Ron had joined Fred in dying in the Battle of Hogwarts.
…also, I wasn't sad that Fred died. I was sad for George and Percy, since the former lost his other half and the latter probably went and blamed himself for Fred's death, since it was his, "oh hey, Minister? I RESIGN!!" joke that distracted Fred and inadvertently caused his death… but I hated Fred Weasley. I only really liked George after he lost Fred, though I disliked him less because, unlike his twin, he at least always seemed to have more of a heart and be less of a, "lol, I'm a jackass, but see I'm FUNNY and a GRYFFINDOR, so everything I do is totally okay forever" sort of character. …which, incidentally, is why I still hate James Potter and why I sort of fell out of love with Sirius as I grew up.)
…I guess full disclosure feels pretty good here, since this is a pretty disorganized entry to begin with. My favorite characters in the Potter series, in order.
1. Barty Crouch Jr.
2. Severus Snape.
3. Hermione Granger, Neville Longbottom, & Luna Lovegood.
4. Minerva McGonagall & Tom Riddle/Lord Voldemort.
5. Lily Evans & Horace Slughorn. (I think he was a big ol' pedowalrus, but still. I like him.)
6. Remus Lupin & Percy Weasley.
7. Narcissa Malfoy, Bellatrix Lestrange, & Nymphadora Tonks (she'd be higher, but I still take a lot of issue with how JKR went, "hmmm, I have this badass punk rock auror girl… and now she's going to fall to pieces over a dude, then get pregnant and die" which… is less Tonks's fault, more JKR's, but still. …also, I believe in genderqueer, pansexual Tonks, so fuck canon).
8. Cedric Diggory, Sibyl Trelawney, & Zacharias Smith.
9. Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody & Lavender Brown.
10. Cho Chang, Ginny Weasley, Xenophilius Lovegood, & Fleur Delacour. And Harry, too, I guess.
11. Caradoc Dearborn, Albus Severus Potter, Benjy Fenwick, who are only not in the top ten because I like them based on versions I've RP'd (Caradoc & AlSev) or RP'd with (zen_fountain's Benjy), and since it's fanon… anyway.
12. Dumbledore… I want to smack him, but still.
13. Sirius Black (because as much as I've fallen out of love with him, I still like him) & Regulus Black (because he was an unrecognized and underappreciated badass).
…yeah, I never claimed that I was reading these books the way JKR wanted me to. Especially since, well. If I had my way, Harry's love interest would've been Neville or Ron (I may dislike Ron, but I really like Ron/Harry), Fleur would've been enamored with Tonks and not Bill, Barty Jr. never would've gotten the Dementor's kiss but made a daring escape attempt and returned to Voldemort's side and been a badass, Hermione/Luna would be canon and Hermione would be bisexual, Sirius's trauma would've been played up more and less hidden under how cool Harry thought he was, and Albus Severus would be the biggest Slytherin ever.
Also, people would stop encouraging Slytherins to turn to the dark side by not treating them like shit just for being in Slytherin House, the way people do in canon. And in a lot of fandom, too, where, like… you can't suggest that, in a crossover, Kurt Hummel or Sam Winchester would totally be a Slytherin, or else you get mobbed on like WAH WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A CHARACTER-BASHING ASSHOLE.
On which note… so, a few days ago, I was being flail-y and insecure (…like this is somehow not my normal state of being), which led to slartibartfst42 telling me, in detail that makes my TL;DR, Dostoevsky-loving heart so very happy, why she'd actually see me in Slytherin instead.
Relevant parts of what I said (so, like, the parts where I wasn't writing some predominantly unprompted TL;DR about Why I Don't Like Canon!Weasleys Who Are Not Named Percy Or Ginny (excluding the next-gen kids, Bill, and Charlie, since… Bill and Charlie don't get to DO much.)
So, I'm being RESPONSIBLE!TM and, seeing as I'm awake and at a computer while my fellow mods aren't, this means I'm putting stuff together for Lockdown, and since one of the things that needed fussing with was the friend-all button, I decided it was high-time to get my characters' journal names figures out.
Some of them were easy (like Hestia's… since I already had a journal with icons of Kat Dennings uploaded and I wasn't using it, and hey, I'm lazy; and Caradoc's since I was hoping to avoid making new journals, I already had ~cloudcuckooland kicking around, and if ANY of my characters deserves to be called a Cloud Cuckoolander, it is definitely the Order's pet mad scientist who, despite being 32, frequently suggests that people "hug it out" and… just sort of skimmed the part of the book that said it MIGHT be a bad idea for him to put experimental antidepressants in Gideon Prewett's bottle of gin).
Others weren't, so I turned to TV Tropes to find: a. a UN for Vanessa Yaxley, a Death Eater's niece, former Gryffindor, bb!Prophet employee, and serious closet case; and b. Severus, since… I really liked his UN at Gyre (~unelected, relevant because my Tobias is a hardline Calvinist... who really doesn't understand Calvinism, but still drilled and more than occasionally beat the whole (admittedly perverted because Tobias had no idea what he was talking about) concept of election into Sev's head, and since Sev isn't James Potter, isn't Mister Gets Everything He Wants And Is An Overt Hero, etc., he is the opposite of elected), but I'm also rather fond of his entries there, so… I don't want to just reuse the name.
And then I found the Fridge Brilliance page for Literature on TV Tropes. Namely, the Harry Potter section thereof.
Now, to really understand the impact of this, I should explain: I never really cry or get flaily at fiction unless I'm writing/roleplaying it. Like, the last time I really cried at a movie was when Cedric died, and the last time I got teared up… was definitely seeing something with my godkids, but I don't remember if it was Up, Tangled, Bolt, or Rango. Let's just go with the obvious one and say it was Up.
I notably sat through Brokeback Mountain and went, "...that's really sad D:" but didn't cry, and I know I got misty-eyed and choked up for various things while reading DH (like PERCY, oh my Percy baby. And Remus and Tonks… though my first reaction was actually like I'd been kicked in the head, since… JKR was just like, "lol fyi, they died" and I had to read it a few times before I believed it).
And true facts, I got wibbly every time Professor Bill read the last few lines of Paradise Lost aloud for one of his classes, just because his reading of them was so heartfelt, and he associates the book with his late wife, Bonnie (who was truly a magnificent human being and too precious for this world), so he always got choked up and misty-eyed.
But all that said… I don't think I've legit cried over a book since one of these times: Simon's death in Lord of the Flies (eighth grade); the Pavlovian torture scenes or the "Alex can't listen to his favorite songs anymore" post-torture scenes in A Clockwork Orange (senior year of high school); or the first time I read Jeffrey Eugenides's Middlesex (tenth grade). I don't remember which it was, so just… pick one, I guess.
And despite all of that, despite my general Asperger's-related emotional wonkiness and my longstanding dream/hope/fear/completely ludicrous theory that I'm not actually human, but a displaced Vulcan with the kind of wrong ears… reading all the ideas floating around the Fridge Brilliance section on Harry Potter made me flail and almost start crying, because they made SO MUCH SENSE, and the thought put into them was SO BEAUTIFUL, and OH MY GOD SEVERUS COME LET ME LOVE YOU.
…and this, my ridiculous flailing emotional reaction to pseudo-intellectual discourse on Harry Potter, is why I will never be able to be in any House but Ravenclaw. Even though I just… really, really, REALLY want someone to Sort me to somewhere else, ANYWHERE else, just once, just for a while, not because there’s anything wrong with Ravenclaw, but… pretty much everyone ALWAYS puts me there.
Just like how pretty much everyone I’ve shared my Potter-nerding and fandom presence with has compared me to and/or outright nicknamed me Hermione, even when I’ve asked them not to, and this has been going on since I was nine, and even though I’m pretty sure I have more in common with Severus, Remus, or Luna… yeah, no. People don’t care, usually. Or at least: a. they don’t change their minds after considering my opinions; or b. finding someone who does both is so uncommon that the last person who did is my platonic soulmate, and the girl who did so before Meggy… well, I unintentionally fell for her and made an ass out of myself.
And it’s not that I deny my obvious Ravenclaw traits or my obvious similarities to Hermione. Because they’re THERE. I admit it. More often than not, I take a lot of pride in them. …but, on the other hand… sometimes, I just get feeling like I’m shackled to and defined by the traits that make me identify with Hermione and Ravenclaw House. Like who I am is just reduced to the intelligence, the cleverness, the analysis, the admitted love of all things scholarly and intellectual… and I just want to feel like I’m not just… the smart girl and little else.
And what Ann Louise told my ... flail-y, insecure ass:
8:19:02 PM Ann: Also, hey!
8:19:06 PM Kassie: mhm?
8:19:14 PM Ann: I promise to listen to your opinions D:
8:19:24 PM Ann: Especially the ones on yourself
8:21:33 PM Kassie: <333 I didn't mean to imply that you don't or haven't, hon. …I just don't actually remember if we've ever had a "which canon character are you most like" talk. at least not one that didn't probably involve me whining about how I'm always Hermione, since… that's seriously gone on since I was eight or nine. I've been whining about it for a while. >_>
8:21:44 PM Ann: XD
8:23:07 PM Ann: I think you're more of a Xeno, personally, or possibly a Rowena - and I'm not entirely sold on you being in Ravenclaw always and forever.
8:27:51 PM Kassie: Neither am I. Granted, I constantly waffle on where else I'd fit, usually between Hufflepuff and Slytherin, because of all four, Ravenclaw usually feels the most right… but hmm. I think I'd compare it to the particular brand of senior year itch I got from Roeper and Sarah Lawrence. "This has been a wonderful fit for me and one of The Right Places for me to be… but it's been so right for long enough that I need something new now."
8:28:38 PM Ann: Well, see, I could easily put you in Slytherin
8:30:01 PM Kassie: …I'm torn between waiting and seeing if you just expand on that, or outright asking for your reasons. XD
8:30:15 PM Ann: Oh, I got distracted by reading more of your rant
8:30:21 PM Kassie: okay. XD <3
8:31:04 PM Ann: Well, I can only speak from my perspective on you, which has been mainly through the internet, but considering we've known each other for something like 47 RP-years, I'm not going to discount my impressions.
8:31:30 PM Kassie: I'd say you know me better than several people I'm related to, so…
8:33:51 PM Ann: 1. You're a leader. There's a reason I call you Fearless Leader and Almighty Tallest. You unite and inspire people, whether you mean to or not, and people come to you for advice and support; however, you are not the leader who goes out and makes a big show of it - you let people come to you, which is, to my mind, a very Slytherin sort of way of leading. You're in it for what you want, not the glory or the attention or what is RIGHT.
8:35:26 PM Ann: 2. You're impossible to sway. If I want to play with you, I have to wait for you to want something. Every time I've tried to coax you into doing something that you didn't want all on your own, it didn't happen. That isn't to say that you're mean or selfish, but you are definitely focused on what you want, and that's the only way things happen with you.
8:37:39 PM Ann: 3. The corollary: When you want something, 95% of the time it happens. I remember you saying that your facility with language despite your Asperger's happened because you decided it would happen. You want to know about SPN? You know everything. You want to get something written fully and completely? Hello, 65-page research paper. You have an astounding force of will once you have fixated on something you want.
8:39:48 PM Ann: 4. You're incredibly loyal. I know that this is usually considered a Hufflepuff trait, but I definitely think that Slytherins also exhibit this, but in a different way. Slytherins are true to their own, instead of true to just anyone. You aren't a Hufflepuff who says "You have ten fingers? I have ten fingers! LET'S BE BEST FRIENDS!" You're a Snape, who says "This person is important to me, I WILL FUCKING DIE FOR THEM."
8:41:05 PM Kassie: (FYI, there's a good chance I'm going to put this, like. on my tumblr or my LJ or something because sdkfwrhg, your reasons are really accurate, and making me kind of squealing, flaily happy. <3)
8:45:00 PM Ann: 5. You're intelligent, and a bookworm, but usually to a purpose. You don't sit around and read a dictionary just because you like new words. You buy every book on Talmudic studies or how to write a novel, because you have a definite goal in your scholarship. It isn't research just for research's sake, it's often a means to an end. There is something specific you want to get out of it, at least as often as not.
8:49:46 PM Ann: 6. People are very important to you, and not just in the loyalty sense. A Ravenclaw to me is someone who prizes facts, theories, figures. You care about personalities and stories. You're fascinated by interactions and relationships, and that speaks of cunning to me more than intellect. Slytherins can be known as manipulative, and that can't happen without a keen interest in what makes people tick. And there are times when you want specific things from specific people. I remember how frustrated you were with your bible teacher this year because you weren't getting what you wanted out of him.
8:56:55 PM Ann: 7. You're a constructionist at least as much as a deconstructionist. Yes, you like to take things apart and examine every little piece of them, but you mostly use those pieces to then craft something new. An obvious example is the way you pick apart SPN and Glee and HP, then turn around and write really insightful fanfiction. For me, you work less as a scientist, dutifully recording data and more as a particularly crafty weaver. You're not Thoth, you're Ariadne.
8:58:13 PM Ann: And I think I'll stop there.
9:00:20 PM Kassie: *hugs you* …yeah, uhm. …I'm going to be saving these somewhere. …just so you know. <3
9:00:23 PM Ann: XD
9:00:52 PM Ann: I'd be shocked if people who knew me well put me somewhere besides Hufflepuff
9:04:15 PM Ann: But maybe I'm wrong
9:04:17 PM Ann: *shrug*
9:04:30 PM Ann: Also, you didn't finish a thought in your rant
9:04:40 PM Ann: " On the one hand, Percy was younger enough than Bill and Charlie that maybe they invited him along for stuff, but he also could’ve been regarded as Irritating Younger Brother Ew, but more importantly, he"
9:05:17 PM Kassie: …no, I don't think you're wrong. I think you have traits of the other houses, yes, but … you're very Puffy, to me. And you're one of my favorite Hufflepuffs, so there. <3