And I'll see you in dreams, please, never let me sleep again...
This is why I hate sleeping.
Two bad fucking dreams, the latter being the worst.
The first starts off with me getting a phone call, from whom, I don't know, what I do know is that they invited me to some sort of dinner, a Thanksgiving type of deal, family friends the whole nine...so I go to said dinner, and it's at my Dad's old house in Jersey. the layout, you walk into what is considered the back door which leads directly into the kitchen, a few feet in is a door on the right which goes right into the dining room, on the left separating the dining room and living room is a flight of stairs which leads to the two bedrooms and bathroom upstairs. In the far corner of the dining room is the front door which leads into the front yard and adjoining houses. got it? Ok then. so, in the dining room there is a large table set up where the family is sitting, not my family, Her family. Her who? Amanda that's who. So as you can imagine, I'm feeling awkward being here, though, she's not here. Her mom, dad, grandmother are there as well as a bunch of people I don't really know. Anyhow, we're all sitting there eating, talking drinking all that, and then a car pulls up and my stomach drops thinking that it's her, luckily, it wasn't it was her sister. Or someone who was supposed to be her sister, or something, I really don't know cuz my dreams are all fucking weird. so whatever, I continue eating and talking and laughing and then her mom starts staring out the window and has that face of "Oh fuck" and looks at me...Sure enough there she is sitting in the car, on the phone locking the doors and getting ready to come inside. I feel like a trapped animal, or like a bad dog who's about to be scolded for chewing the furniture. I know doom is coming, but I don't bother to move cuz I know it wont help. I hear her come in through the back door, lingering in the kitchen for a few moments talking to whomever, then her dad gets up and decides to go for a walk...she comes through the kitchen door and looks at the family and then notices me...I couldn't bring myself to make eye contact, I don't know why, I just couldn't. I saw her in the car and she was all done up, and looked damned good if I do say so myself...but I didn't want to look at her, I didn't want he to be there...neither in the house or my dream. so she bypasses everyone stands opposite me with the table between us and says; "You, leeching off my mom eh? Come one, we need to have a convo...now." And starts walking towards the front door and out to the porch. Feeling defeated or scared, I stood and headed towards her, stepped outside and it started. No pleasantries, no "hey how ya beens" simply "Why are you here? I didn't invite you, get the fuck out" I lit a cigarette and said "I was invited by someone else" When she asked me who I couldn't answer, partly because I didn't know whom, but mostly because she cut me off and started going off on me about how I wasn't supposed to be there" then she cursed at me and stormed back inside...I turned to face the door and said the only thing I could..."Y' know, fuck you, I was invited by your family, as for you...you're just a worthless fucking whore I'm surprised you got off your back long enough to even come to dinner...hurry up and die already. Whore." don't worry, there was a parade in my head, and many pats on me back for this lil outburst. The dream ended with me being filled with rage and finishing my cigarette and watching her dad walk passed me a few times with something in his hand. a club, or a gun or something...I then went back inside, sat at the table where someone from Lehman sat opposite me and struck up a conversation. she had retreated to what was formerly the bedroom of me and my step brother. Yelling things down the whole time, no one paid her any mind.
Dream the second starts with me in some giant mall that I seem to frequent in my dreams. Its a cross between 3 or 4 malls that I know of, nevertheless, I'm in said mall with a group of people that in my dream I've known for a long time, but I don't know who they were, or who they were supposed to be. Anyhow, apparently one of them and myself knew someone who worked in one of the stores on the first floor which happened to be a sword shop. So we were talking about how we had to go see her and say hi. Well somehow, the mall gets turned into an apartment building, like ya do in dreams...and now its a party. A Tribal party. All the usual suspects are there, as well as Avatars representing friends of mine. Tahir is there, as well as Roach, Matt, The Robb, Crow, Lucy, and a few other people who I couldn't really make out. Well, they are all having fun and what not, and I'm kind of sitting in the background trying hard not to be noticed. The stairs for some reason, lead right into the apartment, almost like its a loft, or attic. no doors to speak of, just a flight of stairs leading to two big steelish doors, like you find in schools. The doors lead outside, ad coming in from out there were these three or four ruffians, kids that apparently we all knew and did not like one bit. So of course words were exchanged, more like asking them what they were doing there, get the fuck out before we break your head in...shit like that. This all came from Matt and Tahir, Roach and The Robb stood behind them to show that we had more people than the kids had expected. Well the kids had some things to say themselves, what they said and to whom I don't know, I was busy trying to not be seen.then it starts getting physical, nothing huge just some pushing and what not. Matt starts pushing the kid without a shirt out the door, Tahir starts yelling at some dude in a hat backing him out the doors as well, Roach and The Robb were following getting ready for whatever ensued. I watched. next thing I know they are all outside and yelling and pushing and starting to fight, I didn't see anyone throw any punches, but I did see the four or so intruders start to open the doors and come in one by one, and then go right back out to the fight. Then, one of them, the one in the blue hoodie came in, and was holding something. Something long and somewhat silverish...Nah...he wouldn't be that much of a bitch...I was now by the bathroom which was kind of like the ones you see at clubs, always a line, huge metal or wooden door, everyone gathering around drinking and talking about the night. I lingered, but paid more attention to the guy in the hoodie, who was now standing close enough that I could see he indeed had a sword still sheathed. He looked around and went back outside, I followed with a rather large sense of urgency. What was I gonna do? I don't know. When I got to the door, the guy in the hat was coming in and I looked behind him and saw people on the floor and blood and sweat. the kid with the sword and hoodie walked passed me, in slow motion, movie style. and had the sword out now. It was a Kitana, but serrated from hilt to tip on both sides. Almost like the nose of a Sawfish. It was covered in blood, and he had blood on his hands. I push passed the hat dude, and there on the floor are all four of my friends, Matt had been sliced across the back, Tahir was stabbed in the leg and side, Roach was just bloody and The Robb was just lying there...I didn't know what to do, but just then, the hoodie guy came bolting out of the doors and headed the opposite way down the street. I gave chase and started calling 911, though it came out all weird on my cell, and when it connected they told me I couldn't call 911 without a cop. I was rather pissed at this, but just then I saw an ambulance, I didn't want to break off pursuit, but I had to if I was gonna help at all. I start banging on the window and this broad looks at me as if to say "Christ, now what?" sounding rather dejected and exhausted I say "Please, someone just cut up my friends with a sword...please..." She flips a bitch and gets out I lead her in the side entrance, up the stairs, through the loft and back down the stairs that lead out to the fray. Don't worry guys, I got help...you'll be ok. Christ I hope its not too late...I burst through the door and point to where they...wait, they were right here, I know it! They...they couldn't have gone anywhere..."Lucy where did they go?!" "Who?" "Oh you mother fuckin...they were right here!" A car pulls up and this Spanish guy opens the window and says "Whatchu lookin for man?" "People...four of 'em you see 'em? They're all fucked up and bleeding" "dunno man...saw these four gay guys headed down the block a second ago though...heh fucking assholes..." "To the hospital?!" "Dunno man" He pulled off and I ran for the corner and turned, full of people, everywhere. I forgot that this is a major intersection in Harlem...I ran away from the EMT who was trying, but not hard to keep up, I surveyed the crowd and then, I spotted a man limping, being held up by three other guys...still too far, could just be a bum. I ran closer and closer, That's Tahir! And Matt, and Roach...and The Robb...They're ok...they didn't die...I almost started to cry. relief...such great relief...My phone started ringing and as I answered it all I heard is "911 what's your emer..."
I woke up...and just stayed in my bed, unable, and not wanting to move if I could...They may not seem like bad dreams to you...but I felt every emotion. Fear, anger, hatred, relief...all of it, I didn't dream it, I went through it. Now I'm in my living room shivering, Mom left all the windows open, and its fucking cold in here...Fuck today.
Two bad fucking dreams, the latter being the worst.
The first starts off with me getting a phone call, from whom, I don't know, what I do know is that they invited me to some sort of dinner, a Thanksgiving type of deal, family friends the whole nine...so I go to said dinner, and it's at my Dad's old house in Jersey. the layout, you walk into what is considered the back door which leads directly into the kitchen, a few feet in is a door on the right which goes right into the dining room, on the left separating the dining room and living room is a flight of stairs which leads to the two bedrooms and bathroom upstairs. In the far corner of the dining room is the front door which leads into the front yard and adjoining houses. got it? Ok then. so, in the dining room there is a large table set up where the family is sitting, not my family, Her family. Her who? Amanda that's who. So as you can imagine, I'm feeling awkward being here, though, she's not here. Her mom, dad, grandmother are there as well as a bunch of people I don't really know. Anyhow, we're all sitting there eating, talking drinking all that, and then a car pulls up and my stomach drops thinking that it's her, luckily, it wasn't it was her sister. Or someone who was supposed to be her sister, or something, I really don't know cuz my dreams are all fucking weird. so whatever, I continue eating and talking and laughing and then her mom starts staring out the window and has that face of "Oh fuck" and looks at me...Sure enough there she is sitting in the car, on the phone locking the doors and getting ready to come inside. I feel like a trapped animal, or like a bad dog who's about to be scolded for chewing the furniture. I know doom is coming, but I don't bother to move cuz I know it wont help. I hear her come in through the back door, lingering in the kitchen for a few moments talking to whomever, then her dad gets up and decides to go for a walk...she comes through the kitchen door and looks at the family and then notices me...I couldn't bring myself to make eye contact, I don't know why, I just couldn't. I saw her in the car and she was all done up, and looked damned good if I do say so myself...but I didn't want to look at her, I didn't want he to be there...neither in the house or my dream. so she bypasses everyone stands opposite me with the table between us and says; "You, leeching off my mom eh? Come one, we need to have a convo...now." And starts walking towards the front door and out to the porch. Feeling defeated or scared, I stood and headed towards her, stepped outside and it started. No pleasantries, no "hey how ya beens" simply "Why are you here? I didn't invite you, get the fuck out" I lit a cigarette and said "I was invited by someone else" When she asked me who I couldn't answer, partly because I didn't know whom, but mostly because she cut me off and started going off on me about how I wasn't supposed to be there" then she cursed at me and stormed back inside...I turned to face the door and said the only thing I could..."Y' know, fuck you, I was invited by your family, as for you...you're just a worthless fucking whore I'm surprised you got off your back long enough to even come to dinner...hurry up and die already. Whore." don't worry, there was a parade in my head, and many pats on me back for this lil outburst. The dream ended with me being filled with rage and finishing my cigarette and watching her dad walk passed me a few times with something in his hand. a club, or a gun or something...I then went back inside, sat at the table where someone from Lehman sat opposite me and struck up a conversation. she had retreated to what was formerly the bedroom of me and my step brother. Yelling things down the whole time, no one paid her any mind.
Dream the second starts with me in some giant mall that I seem to frequent in my dreams. Its a cross between 3 or 4 malls that I know of, nevertheless, I'm in said mall with a group of people that in my dream I've known for a long time, but I don't know who they were, or who they were supposed to be. Anyhow, apparently one of them and myself knew someone who worked in one of the stores on the first floor which happened to be a sword shop. So we were talking about how we had to go see her and say hi. Well somehow, the mall gets turned into an apartment building, like ya do in dreams...and now its a party. A Tribal party. All the usual suspects are there, as well as Avatars representing friends of mine. Tahir is there, as well as Roach, Matt, The Robb, Crow, Lucy, and a few other people who I couldn't really make out. Well, they are all having fun and what not, and I'm kind of sitting in the background trying hard not to be noticed. The stairs for some reason, lead right into the apartment, almost like its a loft, or attic. no doors to speak of, just a flight of stairs leading to two big steelish doors, like you find in schools. The doors lead outside, ad coming in from out there were these three or four ruffians, kids that apparently we all knew and did not like one bit. So of course words were exchanged, more like asking them what they were doing there, get the fuck out before we break your head in...shit like that. This all came from Matt and Tahir, Roach and The Robb stood behind them to show that we had more people than the kids had expected. Well the kids had some things to say themselves, what they said and to whom I don't know, I was busy trying to not be seen.then it starts getting physical, nothing huge just some pushing and what not. Matt starts pushing the kid without a shirt out the door, Tahir starts yelling at some dude in a hat backing him out the doors as well, Roach and The Robb were following getting ready for whatever ensued. I watched. next thing I know they are all outside and yelling and pushing and starting to fight, I didn't see anyone throw any punches, but I did see the four or so intruders start to open the doors and come in one by one, and then go right back out to the fight. Then, one of them, the one in the blue hoodie came in, and was holding something. Something long and somewhat silverish...Nah...he wouldn't be that much of a bitch...I was now by the bathroom which was kind of like the ones you see at clubs, always a line, huge metal or wooden door, everyone gathering around drinking and talking about the night. I lingered, but paid more attention to the guy in the hoodie, who was now standing close enough that I could see he indeed had a sword still sheathed. He looked around and went back outside, I followed with a rather large sense of urgency. What was I gonna do? I don't know. When I got to the door, the guy in the hat was coming in and I looked behind him and saw people on the floor and blood and sweat. the kid with the sword and hoodie walked passed me, in slow motion, movie style. and had the sword out now. It was a Kitana, but serrated from hilt to tip on both sides. Almost like the nose of a Sawfish. It was covered in blood, and he had blood on his hands. I push passed the hat dude, and there on the floor are all four of my friends, Matt had been sliced across the back, Tahir was stabbed in the leg and side, Roach was just bloody and The Robb was just lying there...I didn't know what to do, but just then, the hoodie guy came bolting out of the doors and headed the opposite way down the street. I gave chase and started calling 911, though it came out all weird on my cell, and when it connected they told me I couldn't call 911 without a cop. I was rather pissed at this, but just then I saw an ambulance, I didn't want to break off pursuit, but I had to if I was gonna help at all. I start banging on the window and this broad looks at me as if to say "Christ, now what?" sounding rather dejected and exhausted I say "Please, someone just cut up my friends with a sword...please..." She flips a bitch and gets out I lead her in the side entrance, up the stairs, through the loft and back down the stairs that lead out to the fray. Don't worry guys, I got help...you'll be ok. Christ I hope its not too late...I burst through the door and point to where they...wait, they were right here, I know it! They...they couldn't have gone anywhere..."Lucy where did they go?!" "Who?" "Oh you mother fuckin...they were right here!" A car pulls up and this Spanish guy opens the window and says "Whatchu lookin for man?" "People...four of 'em you see 'em? They're all fucked up and bleeding" "dunno man...saw these four gay guys headed down the block a second ago though...heh fucking assholes..." "To the hospital?!" "Dunno man" He pulled off and I ran for the corner and turned, full of people, everywhere. I forgot that this is a major intersection in Harlem...I ran away from the EMT who was trying, but not hard to keep up, I surveyed the crowd and then, I spotted a man limping, being held up by three other guys...still too far, could just be a bum. I ran closer and closer, That's Tahir! And Matt, and Roach...and The Robb...They're ok...they didn't die...I almost started to cry. relief...such great relief...My phone started ringing and as I answered it all I heard is "911 what's your emer..."
I woke up...and just stayed in my bed, unable, and not wanting to move if I could...They may not seem like bad dreams to you...but I felt every emotion. Fear, anger, hatred, relief...all of it, I didn't dream it, I went through it. Now I'm in my living room shivering, Mom left all the windows open, and its fucking cold in here...Fuck today.