ramblings.
I feel more like summer is beginning rather than ending. I can't really put my finger on why, exactly. I'm afraid that I'm subconciously trying to push of college starting because I'm afraid I didn't accomplish what I intended to. That's the flaw with setting goals... when they don't work out, you feel bad... even when a lot of wonderfulness did happen. I suppose it's up to me to interpret how this summer has gone... and I'm going to do everything in my power to remind myself what I've gained and what I have left to gain.
William and Mary feels like miles away again. It's strange to think that I'm leaving tomorrow for a couple of days... and then two days after I get back I'm moving in. I think it's because I know that everything is going to be different but I can't really put my finger on how I'm going to feel once I get there. This is the first time that I haven't convinced myself that I'm going to react one way or another. There are tons of thoughts floating through my head, but I can't seem to grasp any of them.
I started wondering tonight if the reason I often percieve things in strange ways is because I live so completely in my thoughts. I think and I think and I think... and I hardly leave time to really experience things for their sheer existance. I'm always evaluating them, myself, my reaction to them. Rarely is it as simple as just enjoying a moment for what it's comprised of. I'm wondering if it could be more if I wanted it to, if it means something, or if nothing really means anything. Time just seems to go by and yet stay the same... because I'm always hiding in the same place - my mind. I'm such an observer... and I'm tiring of it. I want to just let things happen the next few days without worrying and without trying to make a mountain out of an anthill. I'm going out tomorrow to have fun. I'm going to visit my godparents with my best friend because it will be fun.
I'm going to try to let go of expectations, because that's what's really holding me back. If you don't get what you expect to, you're let down. If you expect nothing from life except to gain knowledge and experience, then you always, always come out on top. I think that's really the key, here.
I'm not sure I've thought about what I truely want in such a long time... and I need to reevaluate the things I've been seeking.
The thing I've come to realize, though... is that college isn't really another starting point... it's just a continuation. Everything is a continuation and life rolls on just the same. Maybe I have a different perspective because a lot of things in my life will be remaining the same, but I feel like it's the truth. I'd be setting myself up for a big shock if I really thought that deep down inside I would change completely because of going somewhere new. I'm still me, and I'm still going to be.
In the end, you always have yourself.
William and Mary feels like miles away again. It's strange to think that I'm leaving tomorrow for a couple of days... and then two days after I get back I'm moving in. I think it's because I know that everything is going to be different but I can't really put my finger on how I'm going to feel once I get there. This is the first time that I haven't convinced myself that I'm going to react one way or another. There are tons of thoughts floating through my head, but I can't seem to grasp any of them.
I started wondering tonight if the reason I often percieve things in strange ways is because I live so completely in my thoughts. I think and I think and I think... and I hardly leave time to really experience things for their sheer existance. I'm always evaluating them, myself, my reaction to them. Rarely is it as simple as just enjoying a moment for what it's comprised of. I'm wondering if it could be more if I wanted it to, if it means something, or if nothing really means anything. Time just seems to go by and yet stay the same... because I'm always hiding in the same place - my mind. I'm such an observer... and I'm tiring of it. I want to just let things happen the next few days without worrying and without trying to make a mountain out of an anthill. I'm going out tomorrow to have fun. I'm going to visit my godparents with my best friend because it will be fun.
I'm going to try to let go of expectations, because that's what's really holding me back. If you don't get what you expect to, you're let down. If you expect nothing from life except to gain knowledge and experience, then you always, always come out on top. I think that's really the key, here.
I'm not sure I've thought about what I truely want in such a long time... and I need to reevaluate the things I've been seeking.
The thing I've come to realize, though... is that college isn't really another starting point... it's just a continuation. Everything is a continuation and life rolls on just the same. Maybe I have a different perspective because a lot of things in my life will be remaining the same, but I feel like it's the truth. I'd be setting myself up for a big shock if I really thought that deep down inside I would change completely because of going somewhere new. I'm still me, and I'm still going to be.
In the end, you always have yourself.