thought about who you are?
i have a computer again! *dances* dad killed the poor thing recently...completely wiped it out.
hmmm....
ok, as much as i like rain, when it does it for two consecutive days consistently EVERYTHING gets wet. seriously, when i get into bed the sheets are all damp and gross. it sucks. all my cds get condensated on.
all emo-y today. i spent alot of the time pathetically attempting to hide from people but not really because then they suspect something, and then you get harrassed. gah! mostly it was from watching chris. since it was raining he came and sat near my happy wet little group with all the other traveling musicians and played. i kept imagining he would play little snippets of the song he wrote for me(he wasnt, of course.) i tried to talk to him before i left but he just kind of blew me off. i know i deserve it though and that makes it all the much more hurtful. i guess what depresses me the most other than not having him around to love and love me back is just how fucking guilty i feel for treating him the way i did. i love(ed?) him but, he deserves alot better than me and really... i dont think i can handle an actual mature loving relationship at the moment. i cant even handle spending time with justin or getting asked out on dates by random guys at school. i get so sick and pissed off. so much so that i actually swore off sex indefinently...now is the appropriate time for you to express shock and amazement. go ahead. ill give you a moment.
look at me, bitching about my love life.pathetic. *smacks self* well i really havent got anything else to write about.... just sitting around, and listening to music(*is obsessed with OI POLLOI and SHAM 69*)and occasionally studying for french examens and such. going for walks alot. like the fun one with kiti yesterday when we got caught out in the rain ^.^ and even though the crappy, whiney start to this entry would suggest differently, im uncharacteristicly content. its nice to not have much going on.
hmmm....
ok, as much as i like rain, when it does it for two consecutive days consistently EVERYTHING gets wet. seriously, when i get into bed the sheets are all damp and gross. it sucks. all my cds get condensated on.
all emo-y today. i spent alot of the time pathetically attempting to hide from people but not really because then they suspect something, and then you get harrassed. gah! mostly it was from watching chris. since it was raining he came and sat near my happy wet little group with all the other traveling musicians and played. i kept imagining he would play little snippets of the song he wrote for me(he wasnt, of course.) i tried to talk to him before i left but he just kind of blew me off. i know i deserve it though and that makes it all the much more hurtful. i guess what depresses me the most other than not having him around to love and love me back is just how fucking guilty i feel for treating him the way i did. i love(ed?) him but, he deserves alot better than me and really... i dont think i can handle an actual mature loving relationship at the moment. i cant even handle spending time with justin or getting asked out on dates by random guys at school. i get so sick and pissed off. so much so that i actually swore off sex indefinently...now is the appropriate time for you to express shock and amazement. go ahead. ill give you a moment.
look at me, bitching about my love life.pathetic. *smacks self* well i really havent got anything else to write about.... just sitting around, and listening to music(*is obsessed with OI POLLOI and SHAM 69*)and occasionally studying for french examens and such. going for walks alot. like the fun one with kiti yesterday when we got caught out in the rain ^.^ and even though the crappy, whiney start to this entry would suggest differently, im uncharacteristicly content. its nice to not have much going on.