My Nick is DYING!

[among_my_swan]

nick was really sick today.
i had to scoop ice cream.

i miss him soooo much.
even being around a sick nick, is MUCH better then no nick at all!

everything in the present is great. i love school b/c it is a real release. my happy place! heh.
everything is so blurred out at home.
i try not to talk about it, or think about it.
but being optimistic, is starting to not work anymore.
i'm in a really hard place, my dad is getting married to a woman i have never met, and i faked i was alright w/ it just so i could get off the phone and ball.
i hate always being okay w/ everything, when i'm not! i hate lying to people just to save their own fucking feelings from getting smashed!
i have been through a lot.

a lot.

and i'm really beggining to question why i put up w/ it all.
what do i have other then old poloroids and fake plastic memories of him?
i just feel sick.
i hate feeling so conflicted.